Dead Man's Harem. Since I can't kill myself, I'll find other ways to be happy.

With a hunk of venison in his silver fork, the portly man sitting at the very end of the table gave of kingly vibes. However, he was not the king by any means. In this world, a high ranked earl lived a grand, well off life.

"I've been told that your name is Devon!" his voice boomed. "And Patrick, you old swine, I knew you'd be worth the money when I picked you up from the dredges of that fighting pit. You kept my daughter Ann alive and well with your heroics with Devon! You felled a demon, gods damn it. What a feat!"

Patrick was already seated at the end of the table, right next to the earl. "Come, sit!" the earl said boisterously, gesturing for Devon to come over.

Nodding, Devon walked over and shook hands with the portly man, well into his fifties.

"Eat, eat up! Come, it looks like you haven't feasted in years. Eat your fill, boy." The earl laughed and slapped his rotund belly, the beer belly fat jiggling as it came into contact with the earl's large hands. "Here, have some suckling pork. This is some of the best stuff you've ever tried, I guarantee it."

Grabbing the entire tray, the gregarious earl shoved it in front of Devon's face. Feeling somewhat festive himself, Devon grabbed a shank of the suckling pork with a long metal prong that was sitting near his plate and designed specifically for this occasion, and bit down on the juicy meat that he just skewered. The pork was so tender and juicy that it felt like it was falling off the bone, and words could not describe the mixture of salty spiciness and fatty texture that just melted in Devon's mouth.

Needless to say, Devon was won over by the earl already two bites into the shank of pork. With the exceptional sexual hospitality shown by his servant neko, which Devon still hadn't ascertained was instructed to have sex with him or not, and now this mouthwatering feast, Devon enjoyed the time of his life in the earl's hospitality.

It was a far cry from just a few hours ago, where he was getting pelted by tomatoes and then ripped into pieces quite literally by the gorilla demon.

"Beer? Wine? What wouldja like, boy?" the earl laughed, seeing Devon's entire face sticky with fat and spices from the pork shank as he ate messily.

"A beer please," Devon replied. "Maybe a slave girl too to keep company while I wash down the beer."

He wasn't sure if that joke went too far or not, but he was in a festive mood and things were coming out of his mouth that normally wouldn't come out.

In response to this, the earl only laughed harder, his boisterous laugh and rising belly making the entire table shake with his energy. To the side, Patrick dug into a lamb chop with some vegetable sprouts.

"You heard the boy, fetch us a lass with the fattest ass you can find!" the earl barked at a butler nearby. The butler nodded in assent and bowed, then scurried out of the dining hall to find a lass with the fattest ass he could get a hold of in the next ten minutes.

"So, tell me," the earl said. "How'd you do it? The royal army can't even take down one of those demon buggers, and you and that big oaf Patrick took one down, just the two of you."

"And I see you're no ordinary adventurer," the earl's eye twinkled, motioning with his head towards the sword strapped on Devon's back. "Moonlight steel. I can recognize it from a mile away. Been meaning to get my hands on a prime piece of metal like that for years, but it's hard to come by, even if you have the money to spare."

Devon swallowed a mouthful of pork with an even bigger mouthful beer, then spoke. "It's a family heirloom, Sir earl."

"What a family you must have," the earl replied. "Must be noble born, no?"

Devon shook his head. "Nothing like that, sir. I grew up pretty poor, had a tough life. My parents passed away when I was young."

"Mmm, I see," the earl replied. "No wonder an enterprising young lad like you has to do dirty guild backrooms work. Although, getting those jobs in the first place is not easy. They don't just hire any old guy that walks through the door."

Devon nodded, but secretly his head was putting things together. After all, he was exactly that– any old person that just walked through the door of the guild and got scouted immediately by the receptionist.

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And the story goes on~ Thank you sooooooooooo much Kevin McClellan, Drunk Drag for pledging <33333

If you want to read ahead, check out patr.eon.com/melonball~ (remove first period in url!)