Dear Love

Gu Xiao An is a very good boy, although at the beginning he kept asking for his mother. But since that day when Fu Jun Yan carried him into the room to have a private talk, just for once the little guy cried out so loudly but afterwards he’s no longer asking for his mother. I asked Fu Jun Yan what exactly did he said to the little guy but then he only shook his head. My guess, probably he told An An: “Your mother went to a far away place to work, when An An grow up, then she’ll be back.” Probably like that ….

For the first few days, when sleeping time An An like to stick closer to me, saw him obviously sleeping but his little hand kept on clutching on my waist and that made me feel heart-pain.

I tried to recall carefully for a long time, on that same day in my past life, I didn’t encounter any accident but I did drive through that road. Later on when I went back to Italy again, I tried to look for An An and his mother but they had left the place empty. But in my impression,not too long after that there’s indeed a series of car accident on that road in the past life. At that time I was already joined the crew, only heard the staff members grieved that no one survived. Perhaps in the past life, because of that accident, Gu An had actually left the world? With this thought, somehow I felt more and more pitiful towards this little kid…..

I don’t know what will happen to other people if they’re to be reborn again. But in the days to come, whether it’s Gu Corporation, Xiao family or Mo family and even the banks that belong to Grand Auntie are all developing very well, although there’s some small problem occured but it’s still in a stable condition and I don’t seem to be able to help in doing anything. As for my acting career, other than taking some crappy film and got scolded badly, it wasn’t so miserable.My only misery was Jay, my romance with him was like a long rainy season in my life, when it started to get cloudy, there’s no more sunshine. I fell into depression, my mind was jittery and I felt miserable and unexpectedly I’d never get to break away and free myself from it.

Fortunately, I have An An now. Because of An An, I’m busy taking care of him so I had less chances of getting along with Jay than I had in the past life. On several occasions he came to look for me for a rehearsal but got disturbed by this little fellow, Gu Xiao An.

An An is very obedient and also very likeable. He can hold a small spoon and feed himself, before eating he will hold a bib and wait for you to tie it for him while winking his big eyes.

When he wanted to go toilet, he will jump on the ground and then stand straight, shouting with both hands spread out: “Jie jie, An An urine!” Only there’s once when An An was on the filming location, we’re shooting halfway when An An suddenly shouted: “Jie jie, An An urine!” Xiao Qi also follow to barked. John Oldman’s face suddenly turned black and his beard was pulsating due to anger. I rushed out to hug and bring him out. Unexpectedly, Ting Yue ge who’s always been emotionless was the first one to laugh, after that everyone start to laugh as well.

Although now An An is two years and a few months old, he still likes to drink milk with a milk bottle. Regarding this, I’m speechless and it made me wonder if drink milk using milk bottle, it will make the milk taste better. There was once at 11pm, I went downstairs to take some water and at that time, as if I was being possessed, I also took An An’s bottle and sucked it a few times. When I turned my head, I saw Fu Jun Yan wearing a simple white sport suits, standing at the door and laughing at me. I felt so embarrassed that I got choked and coughed so badly. The next day, after he dissolved the milk powder and when he handed it to me with a glass, I always felt that his nice looking smile was actually laughing at me.

I’d asked around so many people and finally found a tailor shop on China Street and ordered a small quilt for An An. At the end when they delivered it to me, Fu Jun Yan was entering the door while holding on a small quilt as well. Both of us – one on the left, one on the right, we’re standing at door facing each other and we couldn’t help looking at each other and laughed. At that time I was thinking, we’ve actually had the same mind? Like this also good! Like this, when we need to wash it, An An had another one to replace it ….

But from that day onwards An An didn’t want to sleep with me anymore. He and Xiao Qi, one boy and one dog, each of them hugging a small quilt and slept on a big bed. An An’s fine and soft hair leaned on the Xiao Qi’s stomach and followed by the up and down soft breathing sound.

After that Fu Jun Yan put his index finger on his lip as a keep quiet sign to me, then he softly and quietly walked into the room to tucked well the quilt for them. I was standing at the door and bewildered for a long time, and don’t know why my eyes were wet.

“They’re getting along very well.” After closing the door, I helplessly sighed.

“Dog is a very clever animal. You treat it well, it will treat you well too. Children are pure and simple so they can easily feel the affection.” While saying that, Fu Jun Yan had naturally hold my hand and lead me to the kitchen counter side and made a cup of milk for me. Then he continued to say: “Dog is very loyal. You treat it well for a while, it will treat you well for its whole life. So it’s very worthwhile. Xiao Ai, you don’t need to be afraid of it.”

I was very surprised that Fu Jun Yan able to see I’m scared of animals. I thought I had concealed it well enough. And only towards him, my mind became calm. I took a sip of milk before I said: “I’m not afraid of Xiao Qi.”

“Mmm.. Xiao Ai so clever.” He said to me using the tone that he used to talk to An An, and then he laughed.

“Looking like this, where got looked like Xiao Mo Xiao.” Again i thought of Daddy, Daddy will never be like him, deal anything with gentleness.

“What do you think Xiao Mo Xiao should be like?” Fu Jun Yan asked me with a serious tone.

I thought for a moment, then I raised my eyes and asked him: “What do you think Xiao Mo Xiao will say after he watch this drama?”

After hearing that, he looked at me profoundly and then he pulled my hand and walked into a room.

Frankly speaking, I lived in this villa for so long, I had never really observed this house carefully. And now it’s late at night, my heart is a little frantic. It frightened me, so I held his hand back and asked nervously: “Where are you taking me?”

He smiled and understandingly grasped my hand back, comforted me and said: “Don’t be afraid. Let’s go to the video room. I’ll show you something.”

After hearing that, I nodded my head and let him to lead me the way. After getting along with him these few days, I noticed that Fu Jun Yan had a natural power to warm people’s heart. It’s not because he took good care of An An, nor because he had an affectionate Xiao Qi, nor because the food that he made very delicious, nor because he would give me a glass of warm milk. In short, I also don’t understand … why …..

Fu Jun Yan led me to the video room and then turned on a small light in the room. I followed the light and found myself sitting cross-legged on the blanket. He was smiling when he turned around to pass me a cushion, I put my finished drinking glass of milk aside then hugged the cushion and watched him bent his body to adjust the projector.

The side of Fu Jun Yan’s face very nice to looked at, fine and exquisite like a woman, eyes lashes long and thick. Looking at him will make people think of the five words in a well-known poem – Deep Impression at First Sight. Indeed he’s a man that like an ink painting– simple and neat, able to withstand throughout the time yet still nice looking.

He sat by my side and the video started to play. It was a more than 20 years ago video. At a glance, I saw my daddy sitting in the corner. A proud and handsome man with an expressionless face standing in front talking in a declaration manner: “I don’t wish to see anyone hurt Xiao Yao anymore. I understand that we are your idols. You likes us. But among all of you, don’t you guys also has a boyfriend or girlfriend? I hope that no more harm will happen to her anymore. Otherwise, the five of us will quit the entertainment industry!”

Fu Jun Yan at the side explained: “That’s Mu Cun Jin.” I nodded my head, I used to see their photos in the past life, but never thought of watching video materials. Watching this kind of vivid and magnanimous Mu Cun Jin, his love expression was so exposed, he can be regarded as an infatuated man. But the thought of at the end he died for Mummy, there’s an unspoken sadness in my heart.

While I was thinking, my eyes finally fell on Daddy in the screen. His face had that forever dull expression with slight interest. However, his lip was slight pursed up and other than frivolous, his eyes didn’t show any other emotions. But I know Daddy was angry. Sure enough, suddenly he spoke out, he mocked arrogantly: “People who are sick should go to hospital. This is the common routine.”

As a public figure, if you say such thing, really can’t blame everyone for saying that Daddy is the Big Hornet in the entertainment industry at that time, you can’t provoke him. I couldn’t help holding on my laughter and I giggled.

“And that’s Xiao Mo Xiao.”

I nodded my head and turned around to looked at Fu Jun Yan using the screen projector’s dimmed light and said with a smile: “Fu Jun Yan, you’re just like pearl and jade, incredibly good looking. But Xiao Mo Xiao, he’s totally a nutcase. You’re such a gentle person, how can you be as mad as him?” I thought over and over again Daddy and Fu Jun Yan, in the bottom of my heart drew out a big big X.

Fu Jun Yan didn’t answer my question, but let me continue to watched the film. He said: “Xiao Ai, watched carefully, that’s your role.”

The stage that had turned dark, began to slowly brighten up and a man appeared on the screen. A man named Mu Cun Jin. The pictures of him and Gu Xin Yao appeared repeatedly on the screen, as well as their happy faces at a birthday party. Then there’s a voice recording being played, he said that he’ll guard her, yearn for her, wait for her and love her. And he asked her – that excellent and proud man that being loved by thousands of people had humbled himself and ask her, “Can you turn around and look at me? Can you take a glance at me? I will always followed your wish, all I want is for you to look at me, and I wish that I can be with you in my whole life, please marry me.”

My eyes helplessly turned sore and crying sound also can be heard in the film. And I heard Fu Jun Yan continue to explained: “This is the last concert of Rainbow group. At that time, the leader Mu Cun Jin has passed away for saving Gu Xin Yao in a car accident. And at the end, the remaining four people decided to released this video which has been prepared long time ago.

After that the light beam on the stage gradually turned bright, Gu Xin Yao wearing a white dress standing in the middle of the stage. She sang so well that everyone were so quiet. I saw her ink blue eyes filled with water vapour but she didn’t shed any teardrops. With a low voice like she was sighing in regret, she slowly sang:

I’d always stand behind you, how come you never see me? As long as you’re by my side, even if I just look at you, I will love you forever. Every night I’ll dream of you, be together with you in my dream. But you’ll never know the after pain that I had. I’d always stand behind you, how come you never see me? But that’s all right! As long as I’m by your side, that’s enough. Please let me love you forever.

At the end of the song, she slowly closed her eyes. At the last part when the lights almost disappeared, I saw her fingertips were trembled and also there’s a trace of tear line on her cheek.

“This song written by Mu Cun Jin to Gu Xin Yao as his courtship song, unfortunately he had passed away. At that concert, nobody thought that Gu Xin Yao will personally sing this song ….”

And then the camera has turned around and unexpectedly in the screen shown Daddy was standing at the side of the stage. I never saw him with that kind of weak and frail expression. He seems to be at a loss, so young and tender like an infant, so fragile that with just one pinch able to break into pieces.

“I think at that time he realised that he had fall in love with Gu Xin Yao ….” He said up to here, then Fu Jun Yan paused the video, got up and turned the light on.

I don’t know from when I started to cry so when the lights turned on, I subconsciously wanted to hide. But in the next second, I was dragged into his embrace, Fu Jun Yan wiped my tears with his finger and sighed: “Silly kid, what’s there to cry?” While saying that, he stared at my face intently and I foolishly let him see. I heard him sighed again and said: “John is very lucky, how’s he able to find you? Xiao Ai, you and her really look alike …” That tone crisped my heart and somehow it trembled a bit.

And then, he let me sat properly, turned around to get tissue for me and said: “At the beginning, Xiao Mo Xiao saw Gu Xin Yao not pleasing to the eye. He looked at her from a high above stand.All of them are from a wealthy family. He had always been a proud person and excelled in all kind of things since young. His violin skill has been extremely excellent. In the end, this woman evaluated that he was overrated and his music’s not good. He was petty so he hold a grudge on her, later he joined the group and somehow found out about this girl’s story. At first, his attitude towards her was probing and watching her from the sidelines. But even from watching, you can get immersed and even crying from watching it. Perhaps it was at that time conference, or maybe this concert that he had gradually fallen in love with this stubbornly infatuated with love yet forlorn girl. He was just an awkward and stubborn child who didn’t understand love. He protected himself in a shell and secretly tried to explore the outside world, thinking this way he wouldn’t get hurt. But unknowingly, because of hurt, he never dare to walk out from the shell anymore.”

He was smiling while saying that, his eyes were slightly twitching and nice looking, and he slowly said to me: “If Xiao Mo Xiao watch this movie, he will surely say this movie is good and tell those bastard who had affairs outside to quickly straighten up the family. But secretly, he would only say – Xin Yao, I miss you.”

I was shocked and speechless. The love tragedy between Gu Xin Yao and Mo Qian, merely because previous generation committed sins and retribution fell on the offspring’s body. The chaotic parents relationship has caused parents and children all mistakenly believed that they were siblings and had an incest relationship. So at that time when Daddy finished watching this movie, only said: “Best if this movie become popular. So as to avoid those couples on street are actually the long lost siblings, and let those who did immoral action quickly straighten up the family.” Only when he turned around, he really was secretly said: “Xin Yao, I miss you, miss you so much ….”

“You ……..”

“I guess correctly, right?”

I nodded my head, in my heart thinking why did this person Fu Jun Yan as if there’s nothing that’s too difficult for him. I’m more and more looking forward to play as his opponent.