Defeated By Love

WARNING ⚠: This chapter may contain sensitive content that will be triggering to some audiences, please bear this in mind when reading.

Translated by Fairy_Dust

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Later, Shu Nian secretly asked Xie Ruhe.

Did she look like an “Er Bi” to that boy so that was why he called her that? Didn’t they give her that nickname purely because of her birthday? 

Xie Ruhe went silent for a while when he was asked that, then he ignored her question altogether. 

Since Shu Nian became an adult, she hadn’t had many expectations for birthdays. It was a day that only made her one year older and have one year less to live in her already short life. 

Originally, it was a day she didn’t feel lonely but suddenly, it had become quite desolate.  

Shu Nian almost forgot her own birthday.

When Shu Nian was sleeping, she heard movement from the front door. She came out and found that it was Deng Qingyu who was busy working in the kitchen. It only was then that she remembered when she saw the cake box on the table.

It occurred once every year. 

Shu Nian opened the cake box and secretly ate a strawberry on the top of the cake. 

Deng Qingyu happened to be taking out a bowl of noodles.1 She put it in front of her, then touched Shu Nian’s head: “Eat the bowl of noodles first, you’re one year older now.”

“En.” Shu Nian smiled at her. 

Deng Qingyu sat down opposite her. 

Shu Nian bowed her head to drink a mouthful of soup. Suddenly, she remembered something: “Mum, I checked that ICBC2 card yesterday and found that you were still transferring money to me.”

“…” Deng Qingyu’s expression stilled. “Yes, you’re seeing a psychologist and you still have expenses to pay at the end of every month. Besides, didn’t you say that your work doesn’t pay much money?” 

“I have money to spend.” Shu Nian lowered her eyes. “Don’t give me any more money. I’ll transfer the money back to you later.”

Deng Qingyu shook her head and said: “Wait for your situation to stabilise first, okay?” 

Shu Nian insisted: “I’m fine now. Wang Linxi is about to go to high school and you’ll have to spend money then.” 

Wang Linxi was Wang Hao’s son, Deng Qingyu’s step-son and Shu Nian’s step-brother. 

Deng Qingyu’s expression didn’t change much: “It’s okay, you don’t have to worry about this.”

“Don’t give me money.” Shu Nian bit a noodle and vaguely said. “I have money.” 

Deng Qingyu wanted to say something more but Shu Nian opened her mouth again. She spoke slowly as if she didn’t know how to phrase the words: “I… looked for you once before and I heard you quarrelling with Uncle Wang.” 

“…” 

“He’s a good man.” Shu Nian’s expression was very serious. “I hope you guys can be good together.” 

“…” Deng Qingyu was stunned. “What did you hear?” 

——”What illness doesn’t heal in a year! Wasn’t your daughter quite normal the last time I saw her? Isn’t this any different from burning money! How many times have I told you, have you spoken to Shu Nian yet?!” 

——”I really don’t want to argue with you but I just want to tell you that you can’t just focus on your daughter. If I had the money; would I even bother you about this?” 

She didn’t say anything anymore and ate the noodles silently.

Deng Qingyu looked at her and her eyes gradually turned red. 

Before moving to Ruchuan, Deng Qingyu sold the house in Shiyan Town. She used that money and most of the savings left by Shu Gaolin to buy a house in Ruchuan City. 

At that time, she and Wang Hao had been married for less than a year. 

Shu Nian was completely unfamiliar with the father and son pair. She became extremely wary and unwilling to live with them.  

The house itself wasn’t big. It only had one bedroom and one living room.3 

Deng Qingyu moved in with Shu Nian to take care of her every day. Wang Hao downplayed Shu Nian’s condition but she was with Shu Nian day and night, she knew just how serious Shu Nian’s condition really was.  

She didn’t dare to go out. She couldn’t eat or sleep. She cried easily and would say three words on repeat——”Help me”. In a short time, she lost a lot of weight and became a pile of skin and bones. 

When she heard any little movement, her whole body would tremble because she became extremely sensitive to sounds. She would say that she could hear the sound of water dripping down and that her head hurt. In serious cases, she would also have difficulty breathing with cold sweat all over her body. She would just collapse in bed and be unable to move.

It seemed like she was dying. 

Shu Nian could only stay in her little room and lived life like she was stuck in a dream. She had to always be coaxed out of the room by Deng Qingyu to eat and take a shower. 

Her mental state was in danger and it was like she had no will to live. 

Deng Qingyu checked on the internet. 

She knew that Shu Nian had PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder which also caused other mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety. During that period of time, Deng Qingyu was physically and mentally exhausted and was constantly on alert, in case something happened in the next second.

Deng Qingyu knew that there was something wrong with her way of thinking. Even when she knew that the current situation was serious, she didn’t want to take Shu Nian to a psychologist at all. She felt that if someone she knew found out about it then it wouldn’t be too good. 

She was waiting for Shu Nian to get better. 

But that thought finally disintegrated one day.

Deng Qingyu would always remember the scene she saw when she went out to buy vegetables and came back to the house that day. When she entered the bedroom——Shu Nian was holding a knife and trying to cut her wrist. 

Deng Qingyu immediately took the knife from her hands. She collapsed afterwards and cried while hugging her.

Shu Nian didn’t have any emotions. She looked at Deng Qingyu in tears and without knowing why, her eyes slowly turned red as well. 

The next day. 

Shu Nian took the initiative to come out of the small room for the first time. She stood there barefooted and looked at Deng Qingyu’s dazed expression as she silently cried. It seemed like she had awakened from a dream but her expression still carried timidness. 

She wanted to save herself. 

She didn’t want to live like that anymore. Every day, she felt like she wanted to die but in reality, she really wanted to live. 

The heavens gave her the chance to survive the incident but not to let her live like that.

Shu Nian sobbed and cried for a long time like a child who was begging for something they really wanted.

“Mum… I want to see a psychologist.” 

This chapter went through quite a lot of emotions. *Wipes sweat* The author has definitely made us more curious about what Shu Nian has gone through…

If there are any errors in the text then please kindly ping me on discord in the ‘report typos’ channel or leave a comment down below!

Thanks for reading!

Footnotes

It’s a tradition in China to eat longevity noodles on your birthday.This is the largest bank in China.In case this has confused some of you guys, Deng Qingyu is talking about Shu Nian’s house.