Defying Natural Order With DeoxyriboNucleic Acid

I am sitting on a table in the tavern of the Sleeping Rose.

Author: I wonder why it reminds me so much of the Sleeping Knights [1]

John: Wow since when can the author be a character of the shameless resume.

Author: Shut up, John!

John: And anyway, there are two authors, how can it be a single entity?

Gag: Shut up, John!

John: Hmm! Mmmh! Hmm! Mhh!

Author: I am the author of this shameless resume, you can't do anything against me, capisce?

John: Hmm!

Author: Nice.

-----------------------------

And I see you reader ready to comment angrily about the mc's stupidity! I panicked, ok? I wasn't prepared for that! My resistance to women is close to the absolute zero! -273,15°C! FUCKING -273! You understand?

John: It's not possible to reach the absolute zero.

MC: Shut up, John!

-----------------------------

-Pinky! Pinky! It's a misunderstanding! Pinky!

John: You got no wife.

Author: I know John… I know....

John: Like, you really got no wife.

Author: I had to make the joke ok? Why do you always ruin every occasion to make a good joke???

-----------------------------

-OneStroke! It's not the time to look for death!

A black aura is gathering around his sword.

Andy: Well, Patrick, the brazillian player looks determined to answer to the provocation.

Patrick: Indeed, Andy, but can we call such a move a provocation, it was still an accidental gesture from the japanese player.

Andy: Let's see how the german coach manages this.

-Pinky! OneStroke! Come on stop that!

Patrick: Well, that does not seem to be very effective.

Andy: Let's ask an expert about the spanish coach's move.

Pokemon Trainer: I confirm it's not very effective.

Patrick: What an enlightening viewpoint!

Andy: Indeed, Patrick, an enlightening viewpoint.

John: The nationalities don't make any sense.

Henry: Shut up, John!

-----------------------------

He'll destroy my chance to hug a girl! Is it asking too much as a vɨrġɨn to just hug a girl???

John: Let that man his chance, come on!

Henry: John said something that isn't about coherence!

Andy: THAT John?

Henry: Yes! THAT John!

Patrick: Really?

Henry: Really!

Random character n°1: Wow!

Random character n°2: Incredible!

Colonel Sanders: Wow! That's incredible!

John: What image do you have of me?

Author: Seems like I'll need to add a description of each character at the end of this shameless resume… Oh and also, SUJ!

-----------------------------

It's not like I love him, baaakaaa!

John: At that point it's just obvious that she loves him.

Henry: That's the point of a tsundere, John….

-----------------------------

I just joined everyone, it seems like I'm the last one to arrive. Are they all NEETs? Am I the only one working here?

Author: You won't work for long, believe me...

-----------------------------

Shameless resume characters:

John: I am always too serious & questioning the reality & feasibility of stuff, I'm also hella annoying, everyone says shut up to me at some point

LGBT+ John: I'm john except I'm always complaining about people mistreating me because I'm lgbt+, I also keep saying stuff like "so you're saying that because it's a woman", etc, everyone says shut up to me too

Henry: Apart from saying shut up to John, I'm basically a normal reader, I can change of personality too depending on the needs

Andy & Patrick: football commentators, they comment everything as if it was sport

Random character n°1 & n°2: blank characters, they got no personality, and almost never show up.

Other characters that can appear: public personalities, someone related to the subject (for example, Trump or John McCain)

[1] I wonder how I was able to write chapter 6 without crying back then. I must have been in a pretty depressed mood to be able to write a comedy while still doing a reference to the saddest part of SAO. Even though that part makes me cry every time I watch it.