Destiny or Coincidence?

Athira Patel

I just stood there shocked to the core remembering what just happened by placing both of my hands on my mouth. My mind went blank for a few seconds thinking about the kiss between me and Dev. Never in my wildest dreams have i thought that this day will come and i have to face this kind of situation. Hell i never even thought that Dev will have feelings for me. What the hell is happening with me these days and me being the centre of all these kind of situations?

This is so wrong.. We shouldn't be doing this. Why did I even encourage him kissing me in the first place? Why did I even respond to him? What is wrong with me?

Oh my god. I have kissed my best friend…. This is so wrong..

My mind started repeating the same words again and again about how wrong it is. I felt like to shout from the top of my lungs and to run away to the far end corner for some peace.

Tears started flowing down my eyes thinking of it and i felt like a slut responding to the kisses to everyone. I looked up when Dev called me from where he is standing looking all concerned and sad at the same time. By the look on his face, even he too regretted after doing it and was feeling hurt by seeing my reaction to this. He started coming closer when I shook my head saying not to come any further.

"Please dont cry Athira" He said coming forward looking all broken and hurt and at the same time feeling sad for me. But i am not in a position to be near him and register anything in my mind. I want him to leave me alone presently. I need sometime to grasp all of this mess and to get a grip on my feelings. It felt as if someone was covering my nose with their hands by blocking me not to take any air but found myself doing this and then removed my hands by folding them in front of me as a shield while clutching my shirt tightly to keep me from breaking down.

"Leave me alone Dev. Please don't come near to me" I said after founding my voice while crying.

"Athira please…" he again started to explain to make me control but it did quite the opposite to me. Why cant he see that i want to be left alone and get my brain to peace.

"I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE DEV" I shouted looking at him seriously with a tear stained face. I can see that he is shocked listening to me. In fact even I was shocked because never in my life have I shouted at him like this. But presently i'm not in a mood to make it correct. I want some peace. "Please, I need some space to grasp all this." I again said trying to explain even though i am not in a mood to explain anything.

He looked at me for a few more moments before nodding his head and turned around walking and closing the door behind him leaving me alone.

Once he left the room i fell on the bed placing my face in the pillow and started crying thinking of all the events these past weeks. I feel so dirty that I hate myself for it. What if Dev thought that i have feelings for him? Oh god… I don't even know why in the first place i have reacted to his kiss. I never felt anything to him after Akash chapter. It was just a crush in my teenage years but now i see Dev as just my good friend.

Then why in the hell did I kiss him back? Dammit. It's all so confusing.

I shouted in the pillow to cover my sounds and to release all my frustration. But still it's the same. I want to slap myself repeatedly for doing this.

I cried giving in to my emotions for some more moments without holding back.

I really need to talk with someone to get clarity on my emotions and my first thought is of Riya. But I felt as if she betrayed me by keeping a secret of Dev's. So I just ignored talking with her presently.

Mom, why you are not with me when I needed you the most now. You have always suggested the right thing to do whenever I felt confused about something. You always used to come to my room and pet me when I cried my eyes out and you just used to  listen to all my silly complaints patiently without laughing at me. I miss you so much mom. I really need your suggestion now.

I even thought of calling my dad but decided against it since he will take tension seeing me like this. I don't want him to worry because of me.

Then my mind reminded me of  the only other person who can listen to me and give me a suggestion. Even if not a suggestion, at least i can share all my messed up feelings.

So getting up from my bed I tiptoed out of my bedroom without making any sound because I don't want to face Dev.

Dev is sleeping peacefully on the couch in the living room, so without making any sound I got out of the house by closing it behind me and locking it with the spare key.

I stood in front of the door hesitating for sometime before ringing the doorbell of the house. After few minutes the door opened revealing Hema aunty in her night dress with a sleeping form.

Suddenly I thought what if I disturbed her ? What if she is sleeping? I cursed myself for not thinking before coming here.

"Hey beta. What happened? Is everything alright?" she asked looking concerned and opening the door widely for me to enter inside.

"Sorry aunty if have disturbed you" I said feeling guilty  to disturb her at this hour of time.

"No. It's fine dear. No need to say sorry. You are always welcome. Come inside" she said pulling me inside and closing the door behind us.

Her house is well furnished with black, white and grey colour giving it all modern look. I wondered that they might be very rich if the house looks this modern.  Living room is beautiful giving it a modern yet classy look with white, cream and grey colour combination and same colour furniture. If I was in any other situation then I might have appreciated the interior of the room but presently there are many more questions running in my mind that i cannot concentrate on this.

I took a seat on the cream colour couch which is very comfy and comfortable while aunty went into the kitchen saying that she will bring some water for me.

After few minutes she returned to the living room with a glass of water in her hands and handed it to me while taking sat beside me without saying anything. She was just observing me while I drank the whole glass of water and kept it on the table beside the couch. All the while I was thinking how to explain it to her without crying again.

"Would you like to tell me what is bothering you beta?" she asked looking at me and breaking the silence between us "I know that something is running in your mind which is not letting you to sleep. You know you can share anything with me." She said taking my hands in her and rubbing them soothingly with her thumb.  "You are like a daughter to me Athira. I won't judge you because of that if you are thinking about it" she explained looking into my eyes and giving me encourage with her kind smile. I felt as if I can share anything with her. I don't know why I felt like that around her but there is this peacefulness around her that I find myself getting calm and relaxed all the time.

I just hugged her remembering my mom all of a sudden. Today i am missing my mom so much and being in aunty's embrace is feeling good that i cannot explain it in words.

After a few moments I composed myself and started explaining her everything from the start from how we met Dev and Rishi to what happened between me and Dev an hour back. I explained to her about everything including Abhilash matter too. All the while she listened to me without uttering a word in return for which I am thankful.

"So you're saying that you don't have any feelings for Dev" She asked rubbing her chin with her right hand thinking about everything I have said to her. I nodded my head in acceptance to which she nodded saying ok.

"And you don't know why you have responded to his kiss today" she asked again looking at me to which again i nodded in yes. "Then there is another one called Abhilash whom you have met in hyderabad and got attracted to him immediately and even kissed him too" She said to which I nodded in acceptance.

Taking a deep breath she rubbed her palms together thinking deeply and turned towards my side giving her complete attention to me.

"So do you like this Abhilash?" She asked me looking into my eyes straight. The question caught me off guard. Because I really didn't know the answer to this question.

"What? Noo…" I said declining it immediately shaking my head vigorously.

"I need one more clarification here" she asked looking seriously at me.

"Yes" I said biting my lips in nervousness of what she is going to ask now.

"Are you sure that you don't have any feelings for Dev?" she asked looking at me as if she can find her answers by looking into my eyes.

I thought about all the events between us that had happened all these days and the way I feel about him. But nothing can change the way how i feel about him.

So I said what I truly felt for Dev from the bottom of my heart "Yes aunty. I don't have any feelings for Dev. I have always thought of him as a good friend of mine and as a brotherly figure in my life. Yes i agree that i used to have a crush on him when I was in my teenage years but that had gone long ago when he brought Nidhi as his girlfriend. I realised that it was just an infatuation with him and nothing else. Even now I have clear clarity about my feelings towards Dev. But i didn't get why I kissed him back there" I explained looking at her and even thinking to myself that what was i thinking that i made a step like that.  

"Hmm, quite confusing. But i have one strategy to why it happened." she said to which i looked at her, hoping he will solve my mess up situation.

"Did you gave a thought that while Dev was explaining everything to you about his love and feelings, you might have thought that all of those words are from another person for whom unknowingly your heart is waiting to listen to those words?" She suggested looking at me as if she is asking me if I understood or not.

"I am not getting what you are saying" I said what I am thinking because I was really unable to catch up with her.

"What I am trying to say is unknowingly your heart is waiting for those words to listen it from Abhilash. And if I am not wrong you are comparing Dev and Abhilash and even compared both of their kisses how it was same or different" she asked, to which I kept silent because what can i say? She was right that indeed I have compared both of their kisses and she was even right that I was thinking about Abhilash when Dev was saying about all his feelings. I don't know why all of a sudden I thought about Abhilash at that moment but I thought of him.

"You being silent answers my question that indeed you have thought about him." She said looking deep into my eyes making me uncomfortable in my seat because I don't think I will like the next words which she is going to say now.

"You know what often it happens that when you are thinking about someone, you want to feel them and want them to be near you. And when Dev came closer to you, unknowingly you thought about Abhilash and you might be responded to his kiss thinking it was abhilash. But when you have realised what is happening then immediately you pushed him away. But already the damage had been done" she explained to me everything looking at me. But my heartbeat is increasing thinking that she might be correct and I am not ready to accept it.

"No that's not right. I don't have any feelings for abhilash. He is just egotistical, arrogant, dumbhead jerk who likes to annoy me a lot. And he is my stupid project manager. Yes i agree that I got attracted to him, but that's it. Nothing more." I said everything in a hurry that I am afraid  if I might stop then whatever aunty said will become true.

Aunty laughed out loud hearing my name's to abhilash. I think this is the first time I said to a person what I always say to myself about him. I smiled not knowing what to do.

After a few moments she composed herself saying "oh god Athira, you are very open when you want to scold your manager right. I hope he listens to what you have to say about him. I want to see his expression when he gets to know his other pet names from you" she said laughing making me laugh too.

"But according to what I am seeing now, you are not ready to accept anything related love or any feelings because you are scared. But think about it beta. Until or unless you accept your feelings, every time you will face the same confusion in your mind which messes with your head and heart. Think wisely. I know you are an intelligent girl. You can take your decision alone. But think before you decide anything. Don't let your past experiences affect your beautiful future. Everything won't be the same and not everyone is the same either." She said patting my shoulder and hugging me sidewards while rubbing my back with her hand soothingly.

I nodded my head without saying anything because I don't have any words to say. If what aunty said is right then I think I have started looking Abhilash without even knowing myself. And the problem is I am scared to death thinking about those feelings again and I am truly afraid that I might face the same heartache because of these feelings.

"Come, let's get you to the bed. It's past midnight and you have office tomorrow" she said making me get up and taking me to the guest room of her house.

I was already feeling sleepy so when I saw the bed, I immediately went to it and got inside the bed making myself comfortable when aunty spoke.

"You are so tired. Rest. Will talk tomorrow. Good night beta" she said placing a kiss on my forehead and covering a duvet on me while switching off the lights and closing the door behind her.

After she went, I thought about how she made me feel as if I am her own daughter to which I smiled inwardly. Unknowingly I have met a mother figure and I am glad to meet her in my life.

Thank you mom for sending aunty into my life. I love you so much. I said snuggling closer to myself and drifting off to sleep thinking about those same chocolate brown eyes again.

============================

Hello everyone, sorry for the delay. I was not feeling well so it took me some time to write it down. 

Here is your awaiting chapter for which you are waiting eagerly.

And i am sorry if i have disappointed some of you because of my previous chapter. But please be patient with me and read further to know why i have choosen to write like that. I hope you will like it further to the turn of events because from now on the story is on full on serious and main track. So i will make sure to update as soon as possible whenever i get the time.

But since i have to maintain my office and this simultaneously, it will take some time for me to update. So please bear with me.

Your next chapter will be updated within few hours. I am working on it.

And please don't forget to vote, comment and share. Love you all.