Double-Blind: A Modern LITRPG

My panic faded somewhat as I reached Kinsley’s door. There was music playing within, barely audible with the soundproofing, and the scent of cooking reached my nose. That was strange. As far as I knew, neither Ellison nor Kinsley were any good in the kitchen. Ellison was terrified to even toast his sandwiches after an incident where he almost set the apartment on fire.

I banged on the door. When there was no answer, I banged again.

The electric deadbolt unlatched, and a smiling, dark-skinned woman opened the door.

I blinked. “Abuelita?”

Estrada lightly swatted at me. “For the last time, Matthias. I’m not that old.”

“What’s the historical justification for hitting a guy in a wheelchair again?” I straightened my hair, watching her with amusement. My once professor looked different. Closer to how I remembered her from our office hours, when she was still teaching.

“Chitón” Estrada shook her head.

Whatever I’d been expecting to find, it certainly wasn’t this. “What are you doing here?”

Before she could answer, Kinsley yelled from deep in the apartment. “Is that Matt?”

Estrada twisted in place to answer. “Yes.”

“Good, maybe he can help solve this clusterfuck.”

“Doubt it.” Another voice. My brother.

“Swearing, Niña.” Estrada challenged loudly. In all the time I’d known her, I’d never heard her raise her voice.

“Uh. Sorry.” Kinsley sounded genuinely chagrined. Which was even stranger.

Well, from the sound of it, Ellison hadn’t done anything drastic. I’d been so prepared for the worst that dealing with anything less felt like a relief.

“What’s happening?” I asked in a low voice, as Estrada let me in.

“I’m cooking. And your brother and Kinsley are negotiating.”

Before I could ask what the obvious question, I saw them. Ellison and Kinsley were sitting across from each other. Ellison looked irritated. What really took me back was Kinsley. Her typical grumpy disposition was gone, replaced with a dead-eyed stare and neutral expression.

“Bringing him into this isn’t going to help.” Ellison sighed.

“I can’t know what’s going to help, if you don’t tell me what you want.” Kinsley steepled her fingers under her chin.

“You can’t give me what I want.”

I scanned the room, considering how to approach this. They’d clearly reached an impasse. Jumping directly in just after arriving would make Ellison feel cornered, like we were ganging up on him.

“Miss my message?” I asked Kinsley.

She glanced at me and sighed. “Kind of in the middle of something.”

I noticed Estrada’s family photo on the table. When I glanced towards the kitchen, she was still milling about, steam rising above the stove. “Estrada’s living with you? How did that happen?”

“Oh.” Kinsley lost the dead-eyed expression for a moment, suddenly nervous. “Guess you haven’t looked at the roster lately. Before shit hit the fan, I may have told her a little bit about my situation, and she basically gave me a crash course in economics. Pretty much became a consultant in everything but name, so it was only fair to make it official. Estrada’s in the Merchant’s Guild now.”

Irritating as it was that she hadn’t consulted me on that decision, it was probably the right call. Since it seemed more and more likely we were consolidating here, I’d want Estrada in our region anyway. Granted, I would have tried to do it less directly, and kept her insulated and uninvolved with the guild, but I appreciated that Kinsley had recognized her value and put her on the payroll.

“See?” Ellison leaned back on his hands, smirking. “The Merchant’s Guild is growing by the day. You can handle losing one person. It’s not like I’m helping anyway.”

Kinsley’s dead-eyed expression snapped back into place. She focused on Ellison, unblinking. “Yes. I don’t need you. And the Merchant’s Guild would survive your absence. That doesn’t mean I don’t want you in it. You’re a founding member. More than that, you think fast on your feet, and the information you gathered at the open-forum formed the foundation for the alliances we’re building today. Which is why I’m willing to revisit your contract and adjust it within reason. If you want more to do, I’m willing to work with you on that as well. Things are entirely different than they were a week ago. Not being able to contribute now means nothing when the world could flip itself on its head tomorrow.”

I couldn’t help but be impressed with how much Kinsley had improved. There was no trace of the desperation that plagued her during our negotiation for the dungeon key. On an average person—hell, even a shrewd person—it would have worked. But I knew from years of experience that you couldn’t take a hardline approach with Ellison. He’d just egg you on and stop taking the conversation seriously.

Right on cue, Ellison scratched his chin. “But if the state of things is so volatile, what if the world flips itself back? I’ll just be useless again.”

Kinsley cheeks reddened. “You—“

“Look, I’m going to save you a lot of air. Nothing you say will convince me. There’s no magic words that will suddenly make me want to stay. There’s nothing you can offer me. We’re done, kid.” Ellison leered.

The taunt worked. Kinsley puffed herself up, about to bite down on the kid comment, which was undoubtedly what Ellison wanted.

“Enough.” I looked between them. Neither met my gaze. “Ellison. Let’s take a walk.”

“Roll, you mean?” Ellison tried.

I ignored it. “Come on. I want breakfast.”

/////

Sam’s, the restaurant that branched off from the lobby downstairs, was apparently a spinoff of Nick and Sam’s, an upscale steakhouse in downtown. I’d never been, but it had enough of a reputation that I’d been hearing about it for as long as I could remember. Sam’s seemed to have largely copied the original’s aesthetic.

The expansive dining area was bordered with a barrage of modern art with price tags in the thousands. Above us, the ceiling curved upwards, opening in a large circle where a crystal chandelier hung as the only source of light.

Most people came here for lunch or dinner. It wasn’t really a breakfast place, though the menu could have convinced anyone to the contrary.

Ellison stared at me, daring me to say something, probably looking for an excuse to bow out early.

With moderate effort, I held my silence.

“This is riveting, really.” Ellison tried.

I said nothing.

The sounds of the kitchen and the couple whispering in the corner booth were the only noises present. Ellison ordered Bananas Foster Belgian Waffles. I wanted eggs—but after my daily dose of recovery potion, I wasn’t sure I trusted my stomach to handle an omelette, let alone an omelette with duck confit, whatever the hell that was.

Our waitress—a blonde woman with kind eyes—recommended their breakfast soufflé. Again, I had no idea what to expect, but she seemed to think it would satisfy my egg request.

When our orders came, Ellison’s was precisely what it said on the tin. Belgian waffles with fancy quartered bananas. Then the waitress slid my plate in front of me. And all I could think was how it looked like a giant yellow cupcake, sans frosting.

Ellison clapped a hand over his mouth. I thanked the waitress. He waited until she walked away to burst into laughter.

“What?”

“Your… reaction. You looked genuinely stumped.”

I tilted the plate up towards him wryly, noting how it wobbled. “This look like eggs to you?”

“No.” Ellison wiped his eyes. “What even is that?”

Unable to help myself, I poked it with my fork. “It’s, uh, bouncy.”

My brother doubled over with laughter. For a moment, the jaded person I’d grown accustomed to faded away. I remembered teaching him how to ride a bike. How determined he’d been to make it happen on his own, despite falling, over and over again. I remembered our nights of talking about pointless shit, like Marvel movies and anime power-rankings.

At some point along the line, we’d lost that. And I couldn’t for the life of me remember when.

Silence returned as we dug into our breakfast. It turned out, the waitress had picked perfectly. The soufflé was definitely made of eggs, but it felt fluffier and lighter somehow. The only other ingredients were bits of sun-dried tomato and herbs. With the lack of strain on my stomach, I devoured it, completely unaware of how hungry I was.

I leaned back slowly, fully sated, and studied my brother. He’d torn through his waffles just as quickly.

“Did you ever think we’d be here?”

Ellison set his fork down. “Trapped in a dome indefinitely, surrounded by people with powers—“

“—Not… that. I mean, eating at a place like this.”

“Oh. God. For as long as I can remember, Burger King was luxury. Kind of hard to imagine a life beyond white-bread sandwiches and pizza pockets, to be honest,” Ellison said, studying the remains of his plate. Then, he looked up. “Did you?”

“Not really.” I hesitated. “Not for a long time, anyway. With your ages, the timeline didn’t really track. As it was, I’d have to land one hell of a job to supplement you and Iris’s college funds.” I looked around again. “Maybe after. Once we all made it through, we could come to places like this.”

Ellison scooted the lone banana around his plate. “You are being… tactically vulnerable. Hoping a healthy dose of nostalgia will change my mind.”

“I know I can’t change your mind.”

He stuck the fork at me. “Then what’s the point of this.”

“I wanted to eat breakfast with my brother. And… I guess I want to know why.”

“Why what?”

“Why you’re doing this now.” I shook my head. “Sure. We clash. And there have been times when I’ve been too heavy-handed, or shot down your ideas. But I’ve always had your best interests at heart. Always encouraged you to explore and discover what drives you, despite our circumstances.”

“You have.” Ellison nodded slowly. The agreement threw me. I’d expected him to immediately push back.

“What I can’t understand is the timing. We built something. All of us. You, me, Iris. Even mom. And now that it’s all coming together, you want out. Why?”

For a moment, I thought Ellison might leave. Push back his chair and walk out the door, never to be seen again. Instead, he relaxed, shifting in his seat. “Do you remember when I got suspended?”

“Vaguely.”

“Really?” He raised an eyebrow. “Because it’s one of my most vivid memories. Right up there with the trial and the funeral. I got busted for letting a friend mooch off me during a midterm. He got a failing grade, and I got suspended for a week. Do you remember what you said to me?”

I did. But I wanted to hear what he remembered. “That was a long time ago.”

Ellison smiled to himself. “I thought you’d be furious. You weren’t even angry that I’d let a friend cheat. Just disappointed that I’d taken the risk. After that, you told me that I should always put myself first. Always. That’s a weird thing for a kid to hear, you know? Totally counter to everything we’re taught. Sharing, compassion, rainbows, and fucking butterflies.”

The first shred of guilt I’d felt in years lanced through me. “Surviving was day-to-day, back then.”

Ellison held up a hand. “I’m not contesting that. Anyway. Because it was so uncommon, the advice fascinated me. I cautiously took it to heart, and after a while, realized you were right. Nothing in the real world reflected the lessons Dad taught us. People who share get taken advantage of. Compassion is just a tool others use to feel better about themselves.”

“Dad couldn’t possibly know what was in store—“

“He lied to us.” Ellison’s distant gaze slid to me. “And so did you. The longer I watched you, the harder I clung to your philosophy, the more I realized it. You’re a hypocrite, Matt. And after I realized that, it was all I could see. The tear in the projector screen. And the more I saw it, the more I started to hate you.”

I fell deep into and banished emotion, letting the words wash over me. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

Ellison shook his head. “First, you put your life on the line to save a region that has nothing to do with us. Then you woke up, beat to hell and in a wheelchair. And the first thing you do? Bring some broken girl home. She can’t even leave her room, and when she does, it’s like she’s scared the walls will swallow her. There’s no endgame in it. You just did it because she was your friend or something. And those are just the most recent examples. You’ve never practiced what you preach.”

I bowed my head low. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Ellison threw his hands in the air. “Maybe I don’t. Could be this is all part of Matt’s master plan. But if that’s true, it’s yet another example of you keeping me in the dark. I’m done.”

“What about your sister. Mom. Are you done with them too?”

For the first time, Ellison hesitated. It lasted a fraction of a second, but it was there. “Yeah. I am. Until recently, Mom’s been nothing more than a burden. Iris is too naive.”

It was obvious what he was doing now. He was angling for a clean break. One so severe it could never be mended.

I held my head up and looked at him. Really looked. He squirmed under my gaze. “I know you’re trying to twist the knife. Make this conversation irreversible. It’s not. We can go back, Ellison. To before we sat down at this table. Before you asked Kinsley to void your contract. It’ll be like nothing ever happened. I’ll bury it.”

Ellison put a hand to his mouth, then slowly lowered it down to the table. “That’s not an option, Matt.”

My eyes stung. I didn’t want to do this. But I had to know. “You know what bothers me, about your whole philosophy? The philosophy you say I gave you? And maybe I did. I don’t know.”

“What now?”

I seethed. “If I was out there, during the transposition? If I was a User? I would have run myself ragged trying to protect all of you. There’s nothing that could have stopped me from fighting, no cost too high. Maybe that makes me a hypocrite, but who gives a fuck. It’s a hill I’d be happy to die on. But you?” I glared at him. “Someone following the path you’re on? I get the feeling they wouldn’t raise a fucking finger to help anyone. Family included. They’d still go out there, of course. To get theirs. Because that’s all that fucking matters, right?”

If he had no idea what I was talking about, it would have sounded like hypothetical raving. But the truth was written all over his face. A wave of rage that surged from nowhere, shattering his apathy. There it was. Final confirmation Ellison was a User. For a moment, I thought he might leap over the table and strangle me.

“Ready for the—“ I jolted at the sound of our waitresses voice. She looked between the two of us, her eyes wide. “I’ll come back.”

“It’s fine.” I took the bill and flipped it open. It looked remarkably similar to Kinsley’s original invoices, before we’d ironed out the store. I signed my name and left a tip. There was a squiggle of text on the upper-right-hand side of the receipt. I focused on it. “Tara… Strickland. Why’d she write down her name?”

“Probably for you to add her as a friend.”

“But… why?”

Ellison gave me a dry look. Then pointed to where the waitress had dotted the “I“ in Strickland with a heart. “She likes you, idiot. You probably saved her cat, or grandma, or something.”

“Oh.” Now I could never come back here.

“I’m guessing you want me gone.” Ellison said. He’d turned sideways in his seat to stare at the nearby wall, his veneer of apathy completely reformed.

I shook my head. “You’re my brother, Ellison. That hasn’t changed. Go talk to Kinsley. She’s cooled down by now. She’ll find you a place somewhere in the building.”

“Some distance would probably be better. It’d be awkward if I keep running into you all after… this.” He made a vague gesture between us.

“I’ll let her know.”

“Great.”

“Good.”

I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. “For once, I need you to take what I’m saying at face value. This isn’t a gambit, or bait, or a guilt trip. Whatever angle you’re working, I genuinely hope it goes well for you. But if you get in too deep, you can always call me. I will always be here for you. The door never closes.”

“Just... stop.” Ellison pushed his chair out and stood. “Hell, you should be celebrating. I’m finally out of your hair.”

With that, he shoved his hands in his pockets and walked away.

I waited there for a long time after he left.