Dungeon Item Shop

“’The fish is BIG!’” exclaims Fresh, gesturing out with both of her hands. She finds that she has misjudged the situation, watching as Shamrock scribbles down the words she had just said. It isn’t that he doesn’t understand how to write, he’s clearly far smarter than she herself is. He simply lacks delicate control over his fingers and wrists to do so. She supposes that he never had much use for finery such as this before. But the point is that she has adjusted her training. She isn’t so much teaching him how to write now, as he already knows that in theory. She’s teaching him how to write by giving him things to practice his hand-movements with.

“How big is it?” asks Basil, sipping her tea.

“Oh,” says Fresh, thinking for a second. “It’s super big!” she says, holding her hands out wide at her sides. “Like, huge. It’s a huge fish.”

“That’s frightening,” says the priestess.

Obviously, there isn’t actually a real fish, let alone a giant one. This is all just playful, imaginary babble to give Shamrock odd sentences to write for the sake of practice. She looks up, seeing that he’s done. It looks a little wobbly, but it’s legible.

“Good job! Uh…” Fresh thinks for a moment.

“’Everyone died and Jubilee finally got some quiet’,” says Jubilee, not lifting their gaze from their book.

Fresh gasps. “Don’t write that, Shamrock!” she says. The man stops, having already started. He lifts his gaze to look up at her. “If you write that, you might reverse-jinx it and it will come true!”

Jubilee sighs. “Do you just make this shit up on the spot, or is that what you really believe?” they ask.

“It’s always very colorful,” says Basil. “I always try to predict what she’s going to say next. But I get it wrong every time,” she says, setting her tea down. Fresh frowns. “Ah!” Basil lifts a finger, clearing her throat. “’Jubilee hugged a very colorful fish!’”

Shamrock starts writing.

“Don’t write that, Shamrock,” says Jubilee and Shamrock stops.

“Jubilee! Stop messing up Shamrock’s practice!” says Fresh.

Jubilee rolls their eyes. “Oh, sure. Me getting some peace is off the table, but making word-me hug a fish is okay?”

Fresh blinks, turning her gaze to Basil for a second before looking back towards Jubilee. “Yes.”

“Fuck off. Why don’t you go hug a fish?” they suggest.

“It’s not just any fish, Jubilee!” argues Fresh. “It’s a huge fish!” She holds her arms out as wide as she can. “Gigantic!”

Basil chimes in from the side. “Don’t forget that it is colorful too.”

Jubilee lifts their book back up, hiding their face behind it. “I’m surrounded by children.”

Fresh frowns. “Okay, uh… ah! ‘Jubilee, Basil, Shamrock and Fresh all hugged the giant, colorful fish!’” She nods, listening to the sound of the pen scratching against paper. “Is that better, Jubilee?”

“As long as I don’t have to suffer alone, like I am now,” they say.

“Awww.” Fresh frowns. “I’d never make you hug a fish by yourself, Jubilee.”

They shake their head. “What the fuck is even happening here? Did you all go upstairs and drink without me?”

“It’s called education,” says Basil, taking another sip of her tea. “Maybe you should try it some time.”

“Sure thing,” says Jubilee. “Why don’t you educate the class on what you do in the shower for an hour every single day?”

Basil lifts her nose in offense. “Taking a shower, obviously. You should try it sometime too,” she says, pinching her nose.

“Mhm,” says Jubilee.

“What’s that ‘mhm’ supposed to mean?” asks Basil.

“It means, ‘mhm’,” replies Jubilee.

Fresh turns her head back to Shamrock, letting Jubilee and Basil have their spat. She looks over the page. “Mm! Great job, Shamrock!” she says. “Oh, look.” She points at one of the letters. “This one needs a bigger swoopy,” explains Fresh, motioning with her fingers.

Shamrock nods, correcting the letter to give it a bigger ‘swoopy’ and then lifts his eyes up towards her expectantly.

Fresh thinks for a second, looking at the other two. “’Basil and Jubilee love each other, very much!’”

Both of them turn her way at the same time.

“Don’t you dare write that, Shamrock,” says Jubilee.

Shamrock lifts his head, staring at them, before turning to Fresh. She gives him a nod of approval and he continues his work.

The evening goes on like this, it’s a very calm and serene time. Fresh had been terrified that after all of the drama of the previous weeks and with the army here from the north, they would never find a quiet minute again. But the drama of the central city doesn’t seem to find them here and neither do any of the soldiers or crusaders, who are off in the harbor part of the city that Fresh realizes she has never actually been to.

Though, now might not be a great time to go to check it out.

The business is running smoothly and they’re making a real attraction of themselves as the line and the patio both seem to get fuller and fuller every day. Their umbrellas as well are strong sellers and several of them can be found all along the beach during the daytime, offering plenty of shade, if not refuge from the many pinchy crabs who are indeed, particularly aggressive lately.

“I ran into Tarja today,” says Basil. “While I was getting the bread.”

“How’s she doing?” asks Fresh.

Basil shrugs, sipping her tea. “All is well, from the sounds of it,” she says. “She mentioned the crabs too. Her tailoring uh… ‘business’ is booming,” explains Basil. “Lots of snipped swim-wear.”

“I’m surprised that any of them are still alive,” says Jubilee. “I guess they managed to grow some teeth after all.”

“Do you three ever wonder where Veli is?” asks Basil.

“All the time,” replies Fresh. “Ah!” she turns to Shamrock. “’Veli is doing very welli’!” Shamrock nods and writes.

“Ugh,” sighs Jubilee. “If that cry-baby fuck-head had sat on his ass for a few hours instead of being a princess, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.”

Fresh shakes her head. “It was our fault, Jubilee.”

“Like fuck it was!” barks Jubilee, setting their book down and closing it. They tap against its cover with an agitated finger. “After all the hours I wasted trying to instill some toughness into that squeaky, little fuck and he just runs away? Because his feelings got hurt?” they ask. “What happened to ‘I kill monsters junior’?” asks Jubilee, lifting their arms. “What happened to all the fucking training?” Jubilee snaps their fingers. “Gone. Just like that. That ungrateful, little chicken-shit.”

Fresh gasps. “Oh no, Jubilee!” she says, covering her mouth. “I never knew you were so sad about Veli!”

Basil nods. “It’s not your fault.”

“The fuck?” asks Jubilee. “Do I sound like I’m sad?”

Basil reaches across the table, placing a hand on Jubilee’s forearm. “It’s okay. We understand.”

“I don’t think you do,” says Jubilee, raising an eyebrow.

“’Jubilee has problems talking about their feelings’,” dictates Basil to Shamrock.

Jubilee grabs Basil’s hand, pulling it off of their forearm. “If I have to fucking talk about my feelings one more fucking time, I’m going to bite your hand off, shove it down my throat and choke myself to death so that I can finally be done with it all!”

“If you say so,” says Basil, sipping her tea with her free hand. Fresh blinks, noticing that despite the fact that Jubilee had pried Basil’s hand off of their forearm, Basil was now just holding their hand just like that. She blinks, feeling a little jealous as she stares at Jubilee trying to shake Basil’s hand off of theirs, but the priestess just calmly holds on, continuing to sip her tea as if nothing was happening. “Would you like to say a prayer with me tonight for Veli?” she asks, rubbing her thumb over the top of Jubilee’s hand.

“Fuck Veli!” barks Jubilee, finally managing to wrangle themselves free. “We have enough cry-babies in this house already,” they say, jumping up off of their chair. “Imagine if we had one more sobbing slacker here?” Jubilee shakes their head, picking up their book and going to their room. “We’d fucking drown, financially and literally. Good night.” With that, Jubilee shuts their door and a loud, long, perhaps even theatrical sighing can be heard from the other side.

“Wow, I had no idea that Jubilee liked Veli so much,” says Fresh.

“Well, it makes sense,” replies Basil.

“Huh?”

The priestess shakes her head and lifts a finger. “’Jubilee is the fairy queen’.”

“YOU FUCK!” yells Jubilee, tearing their door back open. Basil yelps and jumps up to her feet to run away.

“GET BACK HERE!” yells Jubilee, running after Basil in what Fresh considers to be a very surreal moment. Is it weird that she feels jealous about not being chased?

She shrugs, turning back to Shamrock’s writing. This time, he got the swoopy right.

Razmatazz

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