Estela by Miu

"Little Stela . . . are you alright?"

I breathed for air when I saw his face just inches from mine, in his tight embrace, the moment I woke up.

"Go away!"

I panicked and pushed him away. He was surprised by my sudden outburst and released me. I got to my feet and sprinted away from him, but he grabbed my wrist before I could even put distance between us.

"Estela, Stop! I won't do anything!"

He tightened his grip, but I couldn't feel nor hear anything. The only thing which mattered was to get away from him as soon as possible. Or my existence will be in danger!

I shouted and pulled my hand away.

"Estela, stop! It's dangerous to run at night!"

I paused and wandered my gaze.

It's true.

It was already night time, and only the fire of the burnt wood served as our light and warmth.

"Are you hungry? I prepared our dinner."

I faced him and noticed those impaled fishes grilled above the fire.

Grumble!

My cheeks burned as he softly laughed.

I couldn't help but pout when he continued to laugh at me.

I can't help it!

It had been a whole day that I didn't eat anything.

"I'll let you go, but promise me you won't run away," he said while his eyes were not leaving my face, assisting my reaction.

I met his gaze, discerning if he would do something to me, and when I found it wasn't the case, it was when I nodded.

He smiled and let me go.

"I'm sorry about hugging you. Your body was shivering so I . . ."

He didn't finish his sentence as he averted his gaze, looking all flush, and a smile escaped my lips.

I quickly shook it away.

He breathed before he went to grabbed a fish and gave it to me. His eyes were kind while his lips were smiling.

"Here."

I took the fish, still maintaining my guard against him. One wrong move, and I would dash away.

But first, I had to feed myself to replenish my energy.

"I'll leave you alone, and I promise to put distance between us . . . so please . . . don't run away from me again."

My heart shook when he pleaded that I nodded without thought. He smiled once more and sat on the root of a large tree.

When I was sure he wouldn't do anything, I sat on the opposite tree root before chomping the fish.

Not long after, I finished eating the fishes. When only one fish remained, I glanced at him, and it was when I noticed he was just staring at me with a smile on his lips.

I avoided his passionate gaze, couldn't bear to see it.

"Don't worry. I've already eaten."

How could he know what I was thinking?

I frowned and grabbed the last fish, and chomped it all down.

"You can rest after if you want. I'll stand guard."

I retraced his gaze, and that was when I noticed our little shelter was doubled.

He probably built it a while ago.

I sighed in relief when I realized he was not entirely useless.

Somehow, I was comforted at the thought that the person stuck with me on this island knew how to stay alive.

Even I didn't expect I could survive in this wilderness. I thought I had trained for this somehow. Thus, my brain and body naturally responded and adapted to these kinds of situations.

I remained quiet while he leaned against the tree as he supported his chin with one hand while he stared at me with a smile on his lips.

He was like a love-struck fool watching his crush.

I blushed at the thought.

He is my boyfriend?

I couldn't remember him. Like everything else, only remembered familiar sensation.

What now? What should I do?

I don't want to be with him.

Should I tell him to break up?

But what will happen when I regain my memory?

But what if I don't?

I sighed.

My head hurts at the different thoughts battling in my head.

I glanced once more at him. Well, at least he didn't keep pushing, and he said he would back away.

Does that mean he won't bother me anymore?

I felt relive and sad at the same time. Which was a weird feeling.

I'm not falling for him . . . am I?

I shook my head.

Impossible.

I didn't want to be near him. I was too scared of what he might do to me.

Could he bring back my memories? Was that why my brother stranded us here together?

Do I even want my memories back?

No. I don't.

I inhaled for air when I realized my feelings.

I don't want my memories to return?

Is that normal?

Why?

I felt living like this, free and un-constricted like a newborn, rediscovering the world once more . . . was nice.

So that was why I don't like this man.

Associating with him might bring my memories back.

I took mental note to put distance between us.

And . . .

I have to tell him to break up and stop associating himself with me any longer.

But what if I regain my memories? My love for him?

. . .

. . .

I shook my head.

I'll have to deal with it when it comes. The important thing is to live in the present.

There must be a reason why I lost my memories in the first place and a reason why I didn't want them back.