Ettrama: The Secret In Love

It's already noon and I'm confused about what to do, for today I am not burdened with work by Ramelson. I just checked some social media and shut it down, so it was awry so me. when a lot of work I complain, not given a job I also complain.

It's already lunch time but Ramel hasn't approached me yet, well it has become our habit this week to have lunch together. although we were really just having lunch without a long chat.

For a while I was busy with my cellphone just to see the activities of my friends who were very happy, it seemed like the holidays were very fun, especially Ramel and I haven't done a Honeymoon yet.

Going to a private, lonely beach must have felt so good, just Ramel and me. ah.., no.. no. me, Ramel and Renadra, must be very happy.

But how could Ramel want to go on vacation with us, he has a lot of work. the schedule is outside of work I sometimes don't know. he likes to go at will.

I wonder where he will go the day after tomorrow, did he meet some of his girlfriend? but maybe he's out with friends and doesn't want me to know.

who am i after all? a wife who is not considered good enough.

I complained of resignation when I thought about bad things. Ramel is very handsome and has a lot of money. surely a beautiful girl more than me would very much approach him.

I'm just a lucky little girl, maybe. get a handsome and rich husband. enjoying every product of the toil of a Ramelson. I was like the big lady in her house, doing nothing and always being served.

even I was given an unlimited credit card, but what will I buy, when all I need is always met.

"Reista". Ramel's summons broke my daydreams.

"yeahh". I said briefly, he was at the door of the room. I approached him to go to lunch together.

"How was your day?". we got into the elevator to get down to the ground floor.

"Just normal, as usually .you purposely don't give me too much work?".

"well, I was told by Mommy not to burden you". The lift clinked and we got out of the lift, walked towards the lobby and got into Ramel's car which was ready.

"I'm not too burdened, but maybe not as much as the work you gave yesterday".

"Well, I'll reduce your work. Besides, I've got people who occupy the seats of the higher ups. And to monitor their work, let Susi do it". I just nodded in understanding, as far as Ramel wanted to do.

"Thank you, you just need to reduce it okay. But don't let you not give a job at all, I'll be bored to death". Ramel's car has driven through the streets of the capital, who knows where we will have lunch today.

"yes, I will do as you wish". I cleared my throat in agreement, Ramel's words were always short like that. He closed his eyes for a moment, it seemed he was very tired today.

But he doesn't work alone, there is his personal secretary who is always there beside Ramel. and maybe right now the secretary is overloaded with work inside Ramel's room.

"do you want to just stay at home?". now Ramel's question made me frown in surprise.

"I don't like it when I don't do anything, I just ask for less work that isn't my job. And besides, I just want to be able to have plenty of time for Renand every time I get home from work."

"Mommy said, what if you manage the boutique together".

"I've thought about it, but maybe later when I'm pregnant or giving birth". I said a little annoyed, does Ramel not like me around him, too subtle his way to get rid of me.

"you want to get pregnant?". Ramel's words jerked my thoughts, my lips tightened together. Stupid Reista, how can your mouth so smoothly say you want to get pregnant.

"ahh all women really want to get pregnant". I said quietly and tried to be as calm as possible. Even though my heart hasn't been calm since earlier, I hope Ramel doesn't hear my heartbeat.

"Well, you must be pregnant Reista". Ramel's hoarse voice made me quite surprised, I didn't dare look at him this time. this is too dangerous, I'm like a woman who accidentally seduces my husband and forces him to knock me down.

"Ah I don't mean you have to beat me Ramel". I replied nervously.

"So you don't want me to impregnate you? Then who do you want to be pregnant with". devastating already, Ramel's question left me unable to move.

"ahh. is ummm,. that was hmmm,..I don't mean so ".

"So it's okay Reista". Ramel's voice was getting hoarse I think, he was holding my hand with a motion that I don't know made shudder by him.

"Ramel, I don't mean to say nonsense, but I can't possibly want to get pregnant by someone else, you are my husband and I have to maintain my pride for my husband". I say it with one breath. I hope Ramel doesn't think I want to cheat on him, how do I cheat? if I could not turn away from my husband's handsome face.

"so tell me, do you want me to conceive?".

"Ahh, ummm.. well I definitely want to. But don't all wives want to have children from their husbands? I don't mean to make you think badly. But well, all thoughts of married women must be like that". I'm nervous, I'm confused about what to say to Ramel. awry.

"Don't be too serious Reista, you just need to say yes or no. And the problem is over." Ramelson said casually, he laughed a little seeing me embarrassed beside him.

"Yes, of course". I spoke softly, he just stroked the top of my head gently. I bowed shyly, how could I ask that directly in front of Ramel, where do I want to put my face ?. Stupid me...

"Of course I will, but maybe not for now". I just nodded weakly, is this like rejection? That means it's not like Ramel doesn't like my body, or maybe I'm inexperienced and makes him not want to touch me at all.

Maybe I was too hasty, but isn't this something that is normal for husband and wife to do?

Ramelson's ex-wife was too pretty and would have succeeded in satisfying Ramel in bed, unlike me who knew nothing.

Damn it when I never paid attention to the chatter of my friends in college, they used to talk about perverted things and I always refused to listen.

even though it was a rare lesson, I just realized satisfying a husband is an obligation, from my actions Ramel must have known I was not good at such a relationship.

"I don't think about anything".

"Really? from your face you seem to think about this very seriously". Ramel's laughter didn't stop when I saw me, I just snorted under his breath.

"Don't tease me, I know I'm not good at it". I was a little annoyed by his laugh, he seemed to belittle me.

"Don't be annoyed, it's not time yet. I'll definitely flatter you later".

"Ah well, it's okay, too".

"Are you mad at me?". asked Ramel seriously.

"No, why am I angry?".

"You're like angry".

"nope". I answered simply.

"Well, okey then.". we were quiet again along the way, who knows where I was taken this afternoon. my mood is really bad. Ramel doesn't understand women's feelings at all.