Ex-boyfriend

Xu Yue’s heart shuddered.

　　He said, “That will be a long time later.”

　“Can’t I even think about it now?”

　“The more you think now, the greater will be the disappointment in the future.” Xu Yue, after speaking, hooded Chu Yi with the towel in his hand, got up and walked away.

　　By the time Chu Yi pulled off the towel and looked, Xu Yue had already entered the bathroom. He did not follow up to make trouble. But he did roll around on the bed with Xu Yue’s quilt.

　　After Xu Yue took a shower, he went to the room next door and returned with a new quilt. However, he did not make Chu Yi sleep on the floor, and in the end the two of them squeezed into one bed. Chu Yi was fairly decorous. Knowing that he could not mess around in Xu Yue’s house, he just went to bed, wrapped in a quilt.

　　The bed board was old and when one laid on it, it would creak.

　　Chu Yi laid there with his eyes open for a long time, unable to fall asleep.

　　Xu Yue could not sleep either. He asked in the dark, “Can’t sleep? Is the bed too crowded?”

　“No. I just never expected that I would spend the night in your house.”

　“What’s so special about that for you to be sleepless over it?”

　“(Its) very special.” Chu Yi said softly, “A’Yue, this is where you grew up.”

　　Such simple words without embellishments… As Xu Yue listened, he felt, as though his heart was held in a severe grip, both sore and astringent.[1] He lifted his hand, stretched over, and clenched around nothing, near Chu Yi’s waist, and said in a soft voice, “Go to sleep.”

　　They slept soundly that night.

　　The two originally slept with separate quilts, but Chu Yi wasn’t too honest in his sleep. In fact, he slept quiet horribly, limbs at sixes and sevens. Somehow, he rolled into Xu Yue’s arms. Early next morning, when Xu Yue’s mom opened the door to check up on them, she found them nestled in each other’s embrace, forehead to forehead, breathing into each other. Xu Yue’s mom didn’t say anything, just closed the door and left.

  Perhaps because he felt more relaxed in his own home, Xu Yue who usually got up early, actually slept until almost noon. Chu Yi woke up in a daze and yawned even while brushing.

　　Meanwhile, Xu Yue’s mom was wrapping dumplings in the living room.

　　After he washed up, Chu Yi went over to help. However, he had no culinary skills. The dumplings he wrapped not only came out crooked but also fell apart the moment it hit the water[2]. When Xu Yue saw him, he hurried over and dragged him away.

　　Xu Yue’s mom felt oddly embarrassed. She told Xu Yue, “Xiao Chu[3] made such a rare visit. Why don’t you take him down the street?”

　　Xu Yue agreed right away. He put his coat on and went out.

　　Chu Yi sauntered behind.

The town was not big. There are just a few streets that came and went. With most of the shops closed for the New Year celebrations, the thoroughfares were empty and desolate.

　　Chu Yi, however, was in high spirits. After walking around for a while, he asked Xu Yue, “I remember that you only attended senior high school[4] in the city. Where did you attend junior high[5]?”

　　Xu Yue pointed to the street in front of him, “Just ahead.”

　　Chu Yi followed him as he took a detour around a street, lo and behold, he saw a school —a very outmoded one. The exterior wall was covered with then withered Boston ivy[6] vines. The big characters at the school gate, which where once golden, had faded. The school was closed for the winter vacation. There was a gentleman[7] in the security room. He didn’t ask Xu Yue what they were doing, only let them in with a wave of his hand.

　　Chu Yi looked around and saw nothing new save for the spacious playground. The junior high school uniforms were all ugly[8]. He imagined Xu Yue wearing his school uniform and diligently doing morning exercises[9], and couldn’t help secretly be all smiles. Behind the playground was an open space, equipped with basketball hoops and some fitness equipment, but the wonderful thing there was the two swings.

　　Chu Yi’s eyes lit up and he immediately ran over.

　“Why do you have swings in junior high?”

　　Xu Yue also found it strange that junior high school students would play on swings. But in his impression, those two swings were quite popular.

　　The swing was also an antique and the iron chain on which it hung was rusty. Seeing that Chu Yi was about to sit on it, Xu Yue warned, “Be careful! The swing might break.”

　　Chu Yi groaned and planted his butt on the said swing. He had only swayed twice when the out of nowhere howls of stray dogs startled him. Chu Yi suddenly felt that the swing was really broken, so he jumped off swiftly. Xu Yue reached out to catch him just in time for Chu Yi to fall right into his arms.

　　Four eyes met. The two of them were perturbed.

　　After a while, Xu Yue lightly patted the dust on Chu Yi’s body and said, “It’s time to eat. Let’s go back.”

　　Chu Yi said, “Ok.”

　　Thus, such a chatty person was rendered silent.

　　Xu Yue let go of his hand, turned around and left. But as soon as he walked a few steps, he heard something swish behind him and soon enough felt something hit his back. Xu Yue looked back and found Chu Yi still standing on the spot, picking up a tiny stone from the ground and aiming to throw it at him.

　　Xu Yue asked, “What are you doing?”

　　Standing in the warmth of winter sun, Chu Yi smiled at him and said, “A’Yue, let’s hold hands.”

　　Xu Yue was stunned.

　　Chu Yi extended his pale hand. “Hurry up! No one will see.”

　　Something ‘plopped’ into Xu Yue’s heart, as if a small pebble was thrown in, setting off layers and layers of ripples. He finally walked towards him and took the proffered hand.

　　Chu Yi immediately turned over their hands and held it tight, not letting go.

　　Xu Yue led Chu Yi by his hand and walked forward.

　　They passed through the old school mottled with shadows, and then through the cold and lonely streets and lanes, as if they were navigating lost time. The street was quiet, only occasionally a naughty child would throw firecracker, crackling and exploding.

　　When they returned to Xu Yue’s home, they let go of each other’s hand in tacit understanding, and as usual went upstairs, one after the other.

　　In the afternoon, they started preparing for the New Year’s Eve dinner. Xu Yue hurried in and out of the kitchen, helping out. Meanwhile Chu Yi, being the guest, was much more relaxed, basically was relishing on the sofa, drinking tea and munching on melon seeds. Around four or five o’clock, when firecrackers started going off in the neighbourhood, the table was set for the New Year’s Eve dinner.

　　Xu Yue’s family being small, they did not prepare too many dishes, but every plate was filled to the brim, very festive indeed. Chu Yi usually did not eat a lot, but under Xu Yue’s mom’s persuasion, he ate two bowls of rice[10].

　　No one cleaned the table after the meal. The family watched TV as they awaited the new year[11] and retired to their rooms only after eating dumplings.

　　After New Year’s Eve came the New Year. In the second half of the night, thunder rumbled, overwhelming the noise of firecrackers outside.

　　The thunder roused Chu Yi. He stared up at the canopy for a while, then lifted the quilt and got out of the bed, went to the window and watched the rain outside.

　　Seldom did it rain so heavily. Thunderbolt struck one after another, illuminating half the room.

　　Chu Yi’s face was also cast in the lighting. He was lost in thought staring at it, when a piece of clothing was draped on his shoulders.

　　Xu Yue asked from behind him, “What are you looking at?”

　“It’s raining.”

　“It’s normal in this season.”

　“I had a nightmare just now.”

　“What was it about?”

　　Chu Yi didn’t answer, but just looked at the rain outside the window and said, “I think… I don’t deserve all that I have now.”

　　Xu Yue dumbly said, “You are quite self-aware.”

　“But, I’ve taken hold of your hand.”

With the rush and roar of downpour outside the window, when Chu Yi turned around, his eyes seemed to be raining, “A’Yue, this time, I won’t let go.”

[1] Kun Yi Wei Lou wrote ‘徐越听在耳朵里，却觉心脏像是被谁的手狠狠攥了一下，既酸且涩。’ ‘xú yuè tīng zài ěr duǒ lǐ, què jué xīn zàng xiàng shì bèi shéi de shǒu hěn hěn zuàn le yī xià, jì suān qiě sè.’

‘狠狠’ ‘hěn hěn’ means ‘ruthless; relentless; firm; resolute’ I chose to translate that to ‘severe’ because of the various meanings of ‘severe’ sort of leaves room for similarly varied interpretations. While at this point, specifically from Xu Yue’s point of view, ruthless would be a better translation. But when re-reading, resolute would be more apt.

[2] For boiling dumpling

[3] Term of endearment or an affectionate address. Literally ‘little Chu’. Used for those younger than oneself.

[4] 高中 gāozhōng

[5] 初中 chūzhōng

[6] Parthenocissus tricuspidata

[7] 大爷 dà yé ‘uncle’ not necessarily related to oneself, can be used to refer to an older gentleman.

[8] Chinese school uniforms are actually tracksuits.

[9] 早操 zǎo cāo physical exercises commonly performed en masse at schools and workplaces in East Asian countries

[10] 冒尖的饭 mào jiān de fàn – refers to rice piled high, like a mount in the bowl

[11] 守岁 shǒu suì – “to stay up late or all night on New Year’s Eve; to see the Old Year out and the New Year in”

Super sidenote on Chinese New Year some customs:

There are bunch of Chinese New Year customs in this chapter and the last. Actually, New Year is not a one-day celebration. Celebrations are for more than a fortnight and the things to be done, foods to be had, people to visit, etc. vary a lot during those days. 

1. Visiting parents & family reunion dinner – customary. [Also, married women are not supposed to visit her parents on the New Year’s Day, they should do so on the day after. I wonder what people who are in same-sex relationships & are out to their parents do IRL.]

Actually, Chu Yi should have gone to his own house – he doesn’t because of estrangement from his father – sorta like not giving his father (& mother – not sure if she is in the picture with how their relationship is) face – kinda devil-may-care attitude about filial piety.

2. Colours & words – Colour red is auspicious meanwhile black and white aren’t. Discussion of death, including mention of 4 which is homophonous to ‘death’, is avoided.

3. Cleaning – thoroughly done couple of days before Chinese New Year. On the day of New Year, no cleaning is done since cleaning is believed to sweep away all the good luck. That is why they are not cleaning dishes after meal.

4. Dumplings – [northern tradition] customary, associated with wealth due to its shape that resembles a gold ingot.

5. Firecrackers, red colour and drumbeat scare off nian (年獸 nián shòu) – mythical beast associated with New Year.

6. Staying up until midnight – with all lights on and often watching TV – CCTV New Year’s Gala (央视春晚 yāng shì chūn wǎn) for example.