Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

As I hid my identity and wandered amongst the crowds of people, I could see everyone around us celebrating joyously and consuming alcohol. I felt myself being affected by this festive atmosphere, and this imperceptibly raised my spirits.

I had already sent Aivla off. It was rare for me to be in such a great mood, and I definitely did not intend to waste my time with someone like her, someone who I barely knew. Angels were all of the ridiculously stubborn-type, anyways, and it was impossible for me to teach her anything at the moment. So I sent her away to learn Nanxiang Law for a few months.

I soon arrived at the Wood District, the most flourishing business district in Diffindor. Right now, various stalls decorated the roadside, selling snacks, accessories and even war memorabilia.

Yet just as I entered this business district, a cute, blonde-haired little girl appeared beside me. She maniacally charged towards the stalls, in search of new snacks to taste.

Her long, blonde hair almost brushed the ground. Harloys, who had gotten hungrier and hungrier, had some barbequed meat in one hand and smoked fish in the other, along with a chicken leg hanging from her mouth. The cute and respectable princess had now become a greasy little rag, her red little face soiled with stains.

Ever since Harloys had reobtained her ability to eat and her sensation of taste, she seemed to have evolved into a mega-foodie. Luckily, most of the time she was only tasting the flavor of the snacks. Although she didn’t stop her mouth at all, she didn’t eat much of anything; it was fortunate that the silly cat that always claimed my head as her perch wasn’t getting fatter.

“Humph! No matter how much I eat, I won’t get fat. After all, I can just give the fat to my Greed bodies; they’ll just become fat in my place. I’m always going to be a magical beauty whose age is in the single digits… Ah! Roland! Look over there! What is that?!”

As Harloys said something that would make just about any woman feel jealous, she hopped up and down and pointed down the street. The slowly progressing float parade [1] 1 seemed to be finishing its first cycle around the city.

Float parades were a tradition in all human countries. The rich countries of the central plains would decorate their floats with fresh flowers, gold, beautiful women and artwork. But the floats of the Northlands didn’t have flowers or anything like that.

We were, however, the lands with the highest level of ice sculpting techniques. Legends, epics, heroes, and even real-life people could transform into miraculous works of ice and snow. With the addition of some colored lights, the colorless sculptures of ice would metamorphose into vivid works of art thanks to the refraction of light. The characters would appear to come alive.

Of course, this alone would seem too simple. Each float would have their own unique specialties and functions.

For example, the largest bakery chain in the city, The Asa Bakery, sculpted various desserts, which seemed exceedingly tantalizing to the viewers. They were even people throwing around discount vouchers as a way of advertising their bakery to the masses.

“Sweets! Confectioneries! Banana boats! Strawberry sundaes! Orange custard! Sugar bread rolls…”

Alright, I could only smile wryly as I watched the Banshee Queen steal as many vouchers as she could. It seemed that my home would soon be littered with innumerable dessert crumbs.

The Phillip Carriage Company’s float was a pumpkin carriage that appeared to come straight out of a fairy tale, and it was pulled by a majestic stallion, decorated as a rat. Yet the outer shell of the carved pumpkin along with its decorations were far more exquisite than a real carriage. As it crawled forward steadily, the gigantic pumpkin carriage didn’t shake even a bit, a testament to the astonishing craftsmanship it was made with.

The Golden Peak Tailor Shop’s float had become a platform for models to show off the newest line of clothing. However, I felt only pity for those poor girls; they had to freeze in this manner, their faces pale in this cold, wintry weather. They were working hard at showing how little they were wearing.

Even if it was the new year, this place would remain cold and silent in the past. But with the revival of the East Mist, more and more people chose to return to the city, and many major merchants had invested in this place. The three examples I had just given were all merchants that weren’t originally from the East Mist; they were using this celebration as an opportunity to advertise their businesses.

Even the recently formed Town Security didn’t let go of the excellent opportunity. On their float, Momo showed off their new uniform as she cracked her whip loudly in the air. The snow sculpture that represented a criminal was whipped; snow and ice shards flew everywhere. It did appear rater painful… but what was with those strange people following that float around?

With such a large number of floats, there would, of course, be some that were incredibly strange. For example, the ones from a certain Gentlemen Alliance with too much energy, or from the gnome engineers who similarly had too much energy to spare…

“One, two, three! If you want to learn bulldozing, come to West Town Mechanical Engineering School!”

On top of a large gnome mechanical reaper, they were showing off their newest product—the “Safety-brand” bulldozer.

*Boom!*

Alright, it was probably more of a “Safety-brand” explosive. Both the audience and the gnomes themselves were used to their contraptions exploding. The gnomes simply got back up and sent the unlucky gnome who had gotten burnt to find a priest. Meanwhile, the other gnomes began rummaging for parts that could still be salvaged, showing off their excellent technical skills right on the spot.

It was then that from amongst the rubble of oil and scrap parts, a cool-looking motorcycle appeared on the gnome’s float. That bulldozer mechanic from earlier was now seated atop the motorcycle, showing off different tricks, his driving skills, and the excellent horsepower of the motorcycle… was it really true that one could drive anything after learning how to drive a bulldozer?

“One, two, three! If you want to learn motorcycling techniques, come to West Town Mechanical Engineering School!”

Alright, that was even met with some scattered applause from the audience. To them, this was much more enjoyable to watch than the other performances.

From a certain standpoint, if the gnomes didn’t have personalities that viewed explosions as daily occurrences and, more importantly, the survivability of a cockroach, they wouldn’t have been able to reach such heights in the realm of gnome engineering. In that case, for their persistence and shamelessness, I should give them thirty-two likes… I might as well notify Town Security later than I normally did for their usage of the “Safety brand.” At the very least, their spirit of “never giving up” was something worthy of appreciation.

“You’re so reckless; watching them from so close! Didn’t you hear? At first, they had been giving a performance regarding a mecha made from the combination of five smaller mechas, taller than even the city walls. By now, so many explosions have occurred that they only have a bulldozer remaining, which was actually the previous mecha’s right hand. You still dare to watch them from such a close range?”

*Boom!*

The explosion and the following fire behind me constituted the best evidence of that kind-hearted person’s words. Everyone instantly backed up, leaving a wide swath of space around the gnomes’ float.

Yet the same miraculous performance occurred again. Despite the fact that the majority of the parts had been rendered into useless pieces of scrap metal, the gnome engineers didn’t give up. They worked with their tools and grease, and a gnome mechanical saw was soon put together in front of us.

The gnome mechanic got back on his feet and immediately used the loud saw to chop off a piece of wood. And, once again, I heard that familiar gnome advertisement.

“Three, two, one! Learn wood-cutting! Come to West Town Mechanical Engineering School!”

“…From a huge combination mecha to a bulldozer, then to a motorcycle and finally a saw. It’s like a dissection; from a person, to becoming a right hand, and then the index finger, and finally a fingernail… Let that poor saw be! It’s the only remaining survivor in its entire family; so pitiful!”

Alright, for the sake of that pitiful survivor, I immediately requested assistance.

“Hey—hey—hey! Elisa, help me contact Town Security! Tell them that the ‘Safety brand’ is doing a float…”

There was no need for me to say anything else. Two dark elf knights appeared in no time, leading a Town Security team. The gnomes, upon noticing this, didn’t say another word and picked up their spare parts before fleeing the scene.

That was how the first empty float appeared. The strange part, however, was that many people began tossing snow-white stones onto the gnome’s float.

“What’s this?”

“The voting for the best float. Every citizen received three white stones, and if they like a certain float, they can toss them onto the float. After the float parade is over, the float with the most votes will be the winner. The prize for first place is quite abundant.”

Elisa’s familiar voice spoke from behind me. I hadn’t realized that she had arrived, and when I looked around, I saw many small white stones on many other floats as well.

“Ah, so they’re sympathy votes. In that case, who’s currently in first?”

“…From what I know, one of the Gentlemen Alliance’s floats is currently in the top three. It’s that one; take a look.”

Alright, I could discern what was happening with a single look. That float was a simple one; it only had a huge sign that stated, “If you want revenge, take revenge. If you don’t have a grudge against them and simply don’t like them, feel free to vent on them as well.”

Under that sign, several unlucky gentlemen were tied up.

“Clothes-Slicing Demon!”

“Naked Eagle King!”

“Seller of Fake Medicine!”

“Explosives Maniac!”

“Professional Dine and Dasher…”

These unlucky gentlemen had been sold out by their own companions. They had ridiculously high “popularity,” and were currently “enjoying” the warm welcome that the citizens were giving them. Yet, taking into consideration the fact that they were all at the minimum of the Gold rank, if not the Legend rank, their cries of agony were likely fake as to lure more people into attacking them with stones—the stones that were actually votes.

One party was willing to take the blows, while the other party happily attacked them. The gentlemen were willing to take the blows, and were even happy about it… Well, let’s just pretend that they were happy about it, since the speed at which they accumulated stones was astonishing.

*Crack!*

“Hahaha! Look, Elisa! See that unlucky fellow? Who would be so bad as to smash a bottle of ink on Yingou’s [2] 2 head?”

The original plan was for the Gentlemen Alliance to join the military parade as well, but I had reconsidered; I needed them to maintain their neutral image as mercenaries for my future plans, which were currently in development. It wouldn’t be appropriate for them to appear to be closely tied to the government, and that was why I had them not join the military parade. But I had indeed never expected them to pull off something like this.

“Whose idea was it? It’s so evil.”

After I finally finished laughing, I decided to casually ask that question.

“It wasn’t anyone in particular. I heard that when they were discussing what to do for the float parade, Kasio said, ‘If only Big Bro Beifeng was here. All he has to do is walk around, and with his popularity, we’d easily win.’ They actually calculated things, and, with his current reputation, they really did have a chance of winning in popularity as long as he wasn’t beaten to death. Then they figured that since Beifeng wasn’t here, they could make things up with quantity. And, so, those unlucky gentlemen were sent out on the parade, and the effect is surprisingly good.”

However, my attention was no longer on the gentlemen’s float. Not far away, there was a float by unknown makers that actually had sculptures of me and Karwenz. Many people even silently placed their voting stones on that float, and judging by the mountainous pile on top of it, it seemed like it was even more popular than the Gentlemen Alliance’s float for venting on their own members.

“The royalty made this float. I heard that Princess Reyne personally made those sculptures.”

Seeing those twin sculptures approach closer and closer, I couldn’t help but sink into nostalgia. For once, Harloys even worried about me.

“…Oh, today’s your birthday, so it’s Karwenz’s birthday as well, right? But, a tightly wound string will always snap in the end, so just forget everything and have plenty of fun today.”

Hearing this, I couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’re thinking too much into it. I was just thinking that between us two brothers, I’m the more handsome one… but why is it that there’s such a huge difference between our popularity with women?”

Yep, of course I didn’t say something as embarrassing as the second half of that sentence out loud, but it seemed that just the first half alone caused me to receive much condescension from Elisa and Harloys. And, so, I looked around for a different topic to talk about.

“Right, since that Gentlemen Alliance float is in the top three, and the royalty’s float is most likely in the top three as well, what’s the other one?”

Upon hearing this, Elisa’s expression became rather strange.

“Take a look for yourself. It’s that one in the southwest direction—yep—the Xiluo Empire undead float. In a way, it’s the same type as the Gentlemen Alliance’s float.”

“Love, courage, and hope!”

“Love and peace!”

Even though I glanced over it for a split second, I was almost blinded by those oily and shiny muscles. Omar’s body was getting buffer and buffer, but… at the very least, shouldn’t you wear some more clothes? You’re not one of Eaglestorm’s believers, are you?

And, when I discovered that the rhythm accompanying Omar’s dance was Gria’s abnormally scary, piercing singing, I didn’t say another word. I turned and ran away.

“For the sake of everyone’s lives, they can have the number one prize!”

Note:

1. If you don’t know what floats are, do check this link out: https://google.com/search?q=float+parade&tbm=isch

2. To those who don’t remember, Yingou is the younger of the Beyar Brothers. (Source: Chapter 4)