Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

What was the difference between riding a dragon and riding a horse-drawn carriage?

Some people might say that riding a dragon seemed awesome and that riding a carriage was ordinary. Or that dragons were swift and carriages were slow. Or that riding a dragon required a high power level while a carriage only needed a modest amount of money. But for me…

“Riding a dragon is awesome? Ridiculous! A carriage is far more comfortable than a dragon. Has nobody ever considered what happens when you’re flying under zero cover and meet a rainstorm?!”

Dark clouds stretched in every direction, while Little Red and I were drenched in rain—or, more accurately, we were both drenched in rain and pelted with hail.

In a new spring, high altitudes weren’t the least bit warm. In fact, the cold temperatures would transform the rainwater into tiny ice cubes, which, right now, made loud noises against my head… since I was already in my full-body armor.

Not far away, a Blue Dragon soared through the clouds above me. Blue Dragons were of the thunder element and loved this type of weather more than anything. Plenty of electricity would exist in the air, which would replenish their energy—to them, each energy replenishment would be a full-body massage. In fact, this Blue Dragon right here was moaning in a way that was easy to misconstrue… But its rider, Halent, seemed to have all his hairs standing up on end and was half burnt to a crisp from the lightning—he was suffering more than I was. It appeared that there was still a large gap between a half dragon blood descendant like him and a true dragon.

Dragons were creatures that strangely focused on their pride, which could very well be viewed as a synonym for their arrogance. Only the young dragons would be willing to become a dragon knight’s contracted dragon. The slightly older and more experienced dragons would be unwilling to become someone else’s steed… Let’s ignore a certain professional steed known as Gricasio, who was currently hiding back in Xiluo. He was obviously an exception among exceptions—truly the only dragon I’d ever met who was so utterly shameless… Although perhaps Molly could give his shamelessness a run for its money.

Cough, ordinary dragons would reject having a dragon knight as their rider. This didn’t have anything to do with whether you had a good relationship with that dragon or not. I mean, even for humans, no matter how good of a relationship you had with your best friend, if you asked your best friend to let you ride him for several dozen years, he would likely viciously beat you up and end the friendship then and there.

What about those stories about how knights simply gave a dragon some barbequed meat or glass baubles to obtain a dragon steed, you say? That dragon would either have to be retarded, or it was all just an excuse that hid the truth from prying eyes. For instance, kidnapping a dragon’s daughter, or luring the dragon with the promise of a princess, or making—cough—cough—I seem to have gone off topic.

Real dragon knights were different from the legends about them. The most common scenario went like this: some powerful individual who was addicted to knight stories caught a young dragon, beat it up to the point of death, and then forced the dragon to sign a subordinate contract.

Dragons were incredibly prideful. The only way to force them to submit would be to have a much higher power level than them. Those powerful individuals who finally became dragon knights would always find—to their astonishment—that any dragon weak enough to be defeated by them would, of course, be far weaker than them. Thus, the dragon would be useless for anything other than a transportation tool. Working so hard to obtain a transportation tool might also cause the dragon’s parents to chase that person down—was it really worth it?

If that dragon knight waited for several hundred years, the young dragon would indeed become an adult dragon. But a powerful individual capable of living several hundred years would already have a very high power level. How would an ordinary adult dragon, the weakest typically at the Legend rank, be of any use?

The conclusion was that while dragon knights seemed really cool, it was actually useless to be one unless you were someone like the main character of a knight story.

Looking at how things were with the largest dragon knight squad in Eich, the Bardi Empire’s dragon knights were mixed-blood dragon descendants. They were most likely siblings with their dragons, and it was doubtful that any of them made their dragons sign soul contracts or subordinate contracts. They had more of a playmate relationship.

“You’re thinking all this just to prove that this type of treatment is supposed to be normal? It’s obvious Little Red’s doing this to torture you. Are you actually a masochist? Or has your head gone wonky, and you’ve finally become unsalvageable?”

I couldn’t counter the silly cat’s taunting. And, when I tried to recall how things were in the past, I realized that it was indeed rare for Little Red to treat me like this.

Although Little Red, as an Immemorial Red Dragon, was a very prideful individual, I had always felt that we had an excellent friendship. She would even occasionally take me with her from time to time at critical moments. For instance, last time, when we were rushing back to Sulfur Mountain City to fight the demons, she was nice enough to let me ride on her, and we had indeed got back in time.

This time, I was following Dragon Knight Archduke Halent to the Bardi capital. His steed was a Blue Dragon, the fastest of all the Color Dragons. It would be impossible for Erebella to keep up. And since this issue was related to all dragons, Little Red, the Underworld Dragon Queen, intended to make contact with the surface Dragon City. So I felt it was quite normal for me to ask to come along. Of course, I had a good understanding of dragons, which was why I only asked for her to carry me in her claws rather than ride on her back.

As for Molly, who also came with us? She was Little Red’s mother, so wouldn’t this be the equivalent of asking “Can I ride your mother?”…This felt rather wrong…. But then again, wouldn’t it be no different from how I previously asked “Can I ride you?” to Little Red?

Cough—cough—let us abandon these perverted thoughts and go back to the main topic. This time, Little Red had been surprisingly nice and had said “We’re such good sisters, so why be so formal? You can just ride on my back.” Although I felt that something was wrong with what she said, I happily accepted as being shaken all the way in a dragon’s claws was rather uncomfortable. But the result was…

“…Forget about the young dragons, who are incapable of flying any higher. It’s quite easy for Immemorial Red Dragons to fly above the clouds. Why is it that we must suffer in this hailstorm? You’re supposed to be of the fire element—wouldn’t that mean you’re suffering more than I am?”

“…Shut up. I’m happy to do this. You don’t want to be rained on? Fine, I have a nice warm and dry place just for you.”

Little Red viciously opened up her maw filled with sharp dragon teeth and spat out a small amount of dragonbreath. When I considered the highly likely possibility that I would “accidentally” be swallowed and gulped, I adamantly refused her recommendation.

“No need. I think it’ll be good for me to wash my face and clear my mind.”

“…You indeed need to wake up.”

I didn’t know why she was so angry, but everyone around me said it was my fault. And judging on how things usually were, it was indeed very likely to be my fault. So I figured I should just bear with it. Yep, it definitely wasn’t because I was worried that she would toss me down that I was acting so nice for the time being.

Cough—besides, I had thick armor and high ice resistance. I could ignore any damage caused by the hailstorm. But my feet did feel rather cold, and I was getting somewhat hungry. I recalled how I stuffed my backpack with food, and so I took action and brought out a picnic cloth…

“…Roland, if you dare to start a fire and barbeque meat on my back, I shall make you enter the special VIP seating in my mouth.”

And so, I fell silent for a moment before changing my method.

“You’re also banned from heating up sausages and alcohol! I’m working so hard at flying in the rain, and you actually dare to drink alcohol on my back!? Do you know how unpleasant all this rain and snow is for a Red Dragon like me!?”

“Then fly higher!”…except there was no way I would say such a complaint out loud. Based on my many years of experience, if a woman was currently angry with you, the more you talked, the more you would be in the wrong. It would be safer to stay silent with my complaints.

“I’ll give you half when it’s warmed up…”

“That’s not it! Wait, is this your personally fermented fruit wine? Where’d you get such top-quality peaches…?! I want two-thirds!!!”

Alright then. The allure of alcohol finally made Little Red stop her sudden backflips and somersaults in midair, and I no longer needed to tie myself to her back. And so, I brought out three barrels of alcohol and lit a fire under them… There was no helping it, as one barrel was just a sip to Little Red.

After she had her share of alcohol, Little Red surprisingly let out a sigh before she suddenly flew up much higher, straight above the clouds.

The shapes of the clouds beneath us made this place seem like a mystic realm. The warm sunlight was quite comfortable as well. Of course, the happiest part was that we had finally escaped the hailstorm below us.

“Forget it. Being angry at you will only make me get even angrier. I should have known that being angry at someone like you is meaningless.”

“…Hey—hey—hey—I’m still the one helping you out here. Can’t you be a little politer? Am I really as bad as you say? Am I really someone who enrages others so much?”

“Yes.”

Little Red’s answer was in a steely, adamant tone.

“Yes.”

The silly cat suddenly interrupted as well.

[Yes!]

Even the System popped up and made her presence known.

Anyhow, Little Red and Molly accompanying me was both troublesome as well as an opportunity.

Little Red was the Underground Dragon Queen. Just her status alone made it certain that her appearance before the leaders of the other Dragons would become a major historical event. Whether the exiled Red Dragons and Black Dragons could obtain the other dragons’ recognition or there would be some sort of conflict was unknown.

Obviously, Little Red and Molly had very different political styles. Molly had wanted to forcefully return aboveground, while Little Red would at least try to mediate with the other dragons first.

It was uncertain just how long ago these two powerful Color Dragon species were exiled to the Underground. It was also unknown just how many dragons from that age were still around. In fact, the specific reason for exiling them along with how long they were supposed to be exiled for had long been forgotten. The only thing known was that these two Color Dragon species were the oldest inhabitants of the Underground. They had arrived far earlier than even Lorci and the Dark Elves.

Dragons had the ability to obtain part of their parents’ knowledge right from the stage of Dragon Egg, which was why Red Dragons and Black Dragons would never amount to anything good. I secretly peeked at Little Red. Since they were all exiled as an entire species, they must have caused a major incident back in the day. But, in my opinion, not a single law or punishment should punish the descendants for an ancestor’s crimes. Since so few of the perpetrators from that day were around anymore, the current Red Dragons and Black Dragons should logically be allowed to return aboveground.

“…If dragons acted based on logic and reason, then we wouldn’t be dragons.”

When I mentioned the logic of allowing them to return, Little Red responded in such a fashion. Regardless of the fact that she even included herself, her comment was so correct that she was even rather proud about it, making me speechless.

The older a species was, the more they would love to emphasize past glories. They would always worship their ancestors’ ways and mutter every day about “not changing traditions.” Such stubborn old artifacts weren’t limited only to humans and elves.

“Since there are past customs and cultures already, and everybody in the past lived like this, why change how things are?”

It was highly likely that we wouldn’t be successful with our trip. But neither me nor Little Red were willing to give up before we even tried. After all, this was a once-in-a-thousand years opportunity.

The timing was excellent? Of course it was excellent as the Dragon World, one of the three largest locations where Dragons gathered, was under serious threat. Their mortal enemies, the Titan Giants, were about to revive, and the Holy War was night. And this particular Holy War was certain to drag the dragons back into it despite how long they’d managed to keep out of the fighting. Their entire species was in danger, so if I didn’t take this opportunity to rob them—cough, I meant offer them assistance in their time of need—wouldn’t that be such a waste?

In times of danger, people would have less moral constraints, and it was the same for the dragons. Plus, it was indeed true that the Red and Black Dragons were capable of majorly assisting the other dragons, which was a useful chip we could play.

Visiting at this time meant we would dangle an offer of the Red and Black Dragons’ assistance in exchange for allowing them to return aboveground. Although this might seem rather underhanded, that was how it always worked in politics—to use anything you could to an advantage. Since this was the plan most likely to succeed, why wouldn’t we try to use it?

As long as we obtained the Dragons’ permission, or even just tacit approval, the Underground Red and Black Dragons would finally be able to openly return to the mortal plane’s skies in a large-scale fashion—this would also give us a large amount of combat strength.

After completing this goal that no Underworld Dragon Queen or King had ever accomplished, Little Red’s position would become even more secured. In fact, it was quite possible some other Immemorial Dragons would automatically come to her and swear their fealty to be allowed back aboveground.

Of course, considering the typical behavior of these two dragon species, I was also hesitant to allow a bunch of thieves and criminals back aboveground. But,then I thought about how if we couldn’t get over the obstacle of the Titan Giants, there would be no future. I figured it was worth a try. With Dragon Queen Little Red watching over them, it was unlikely that a major incident would arise soon—at least for the time being.

When thinking of major incidents, I looked over in dissatisfaction at Molly who was gliding next to us. Recently, she no longer had any more goals or desires, which actually made her life quite easy and carefree.

“So troublesome.”

The moment Molly returned to the surface, she became an excellent example of just how evil a typical Immemorial Red Dragon would be. She attacked villages, kidnapped princesses for ransom, acted as a mercenary for hire, and even robbed younger dragons. She was literally the perfect example of an evil antagonist. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have had the honor of entering the Calamity Rankings so quickly at #99. And her identity as the former Dragon Queen made the surface residents speedily worsen their opinions of the Underground Dragons.

“They really are just like what’s written in records.”

“…Luckily, most Red and Black Dragons are still stuck Underground.”

Every time we heard such comments, Little Red would grit her teeth in anger. These opinions naturally made it more difficult for us to obtain our goal.

“Let’s just leave everything to fate.”

I assessed the success rate of our trip and believed that we had only a twenty-five percent chance of success. What was surprising was that Little Red took this news quite well.

“That’s all we can do. Why do I feel like the biggest trouble of our trip isn’t even the issue of having the Red and Black Dragons return? I feel like there’s some huge trouble waiting for me. Have I forgotten something recently? Or have I missed something?”

“You always miss so many things!”

Alright then. I seemed to have accidentally touched on a nerve somewhere, as Little Red started complaining yet again.

And once she stopped complaining, she sped up again. But it would be quite a while before we would be able to catch up to Halent and his Blue Dragon steed. In fact, if it wasn’t for the fact that they had slowed down so we could somewhat keep up, they probably could have doubled their speed.

“…That little brat can fly so quick.”

“Hrm, that Blue Dragon you’re calling a little brat is at least two hundred years old. If he’s a little brat, what does that make me? Also a little brat? Can’t you fly any faster?”

“This is pretty much my highest speed. If you think I’m slow, then why don’t you try flying yourself?”

Blue Dragons were that fast? Actually, it was that Little Red and Molly were too slow. At most, Blue Dragons were only thirty percent faster than other Dragon species. This was mainly because of their ability to control the winds to assist them. And Halent’s dragon had just become an adult, which was the peak of a dragon’s speed. It was only natural that his Blue Dragon would be much faster.

Immemorial Dragons were supposed to be able to fly faster than ordinary Adult Dragons? That’s what most people believed, but they never thought about it more deeply. The bigger one was, the more difficult it would be to improve one’s speed. Top-level Dragons were typically seven or eight times the size of an Adult Dragon, so flying would also require seven to eight times the energy consumption.

For the Dragons termed as Immemorial Dragons and above, most would have lived over one thousand years. Such dragons typically spent their time either sleeping or researching magic. Hunting would almost always be done by their subordinates, so their physical abilities were far weaker than when they were young. Plus, their gigantic bodies were a great burden on their heart, so they preferred to only flap their wings slowly.

Of course, Dragons were a species naturally skilled at both the physical and magical. When in combat, most dragons would use magic and natural talent abilities to speed themselves up. That was why powerful dragons wouldn’t seem any slower than Adult Dragons when fighting for short periods of time. But for the sake of traveling long distances, using magic and natural talent abilities would be far too wasteful. As a result, Adult and Mature Dragons were actually the swiftest.

Dragons’ body sizes would typically stop growing after reaching the Immemorial rank. At that point, magic and natural talent abilities would be far more important than physical combat. Even for the stupidest of all the dragons, the White Dragons, they would still be the equivalent of master archmages in a specific type of magic after reaching Immemorial. Their unique dragon magic and special curses were also tremendously powerful.

As far as I knew, Little Red was one of the few Immemorial Dragons who continued to train and improve herself on a daily basis rather than only sleeping. Not only was she incredibly skilled in melee combat, she was also proficient in Truth Magic, Fire Magic, and Space Magic. And after she obtained the position of Dragon Queen, she gained access to the Underworld Dragon City’s secret dragon techniques. Since she trained far harder than most others, her growth rate was apparent. In fact, she was about to reach the next power level.

This was obviously a good thing for our upcoming plans. After all, we were supposed to be the helpers. But there were still many extra tasks waiting for us, and dragons were extremely arrogant. A fight was almost certain to happen.

“I hope we’ll be successful with our trip. Still, I keep feeling like there’s a major trouble waiting for us. My ominous premonitions are always on the mark. For instance, before we left, I said that we should bring an umbrella, but you told me it wouldn’t be necessary. See, isn’t it raining today? Judging from the weather, I feel that there might even be a typhoon later…”

“Shut up! Stop jinxing us!”

Alright then. I obediently shut up as I watched a tornado form not far away from us.