Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

“Hey, long time no see! Or should I say ‘pleased to meet you’ for the first time? Do you still remember me? I heard you lost your memory yet again. Ohhh, that makes me soo angry! We had such a good relationship back in the day!”

With a golden skin tone and eyes that seemed to be smiling, the person before me was chuckling before she even spoke. Her cheeks were slightly flushed with a light crimson hue, and her neatly combed golden braids reached her waist. Although I had no memory of this person, her physical appearance alone didn’t make her seem like someone dangerous who would attempt to kill me at any moment.

“Yeah! If you don’t remember, I can reintroduce myself. I’m Evelyn the Seventh. You can call me Little Seven.”

A strange name with a strange number. However, I remained vigilant as I observed this seemingly friendly existence before me. This wasn’t only because of that threat she had sent to me—it was also because she was obviously a dragon in human form.

I could sense a faint draconic might emanating from her. And her eyes were golden—dragon golden. An ordinary person might mistake her for an authoritative Gold Dragon, but that supposedly kind smile of hers indicated that she was a species far more dangerous—a Copper Dragon.

Copper Dragons were Metal Dragons and were typically treated as one of the “good” dragon species. Mainly residing in desert environments, Copper Dragons were skilled at digging and enjoyed constructing underground nests. They also rarely attacked humans. Yet if one ranked the dragon species by how much of a headache they posed for travelers and merchants, the Copper Dragons would be ranked higher than most evil Color Dragons—in fact, they might even be placed in the top three.

It was true that they didn’t like to battle or attack humans. However, Copper Dragons loved to gossip, joke, and tell stories, and these hobbies of theirs required an audience. Alright then, let me say it directly. Simply put, Copper Dragons were chatterboxes. The issue was that they lived in deserts, a type of environment few others inhabited. If they got too lonely, misfortune would naturally befall someone.

Of course, as Metal Dragons, they didn’t randomly assault humans—they summoned sandstorms, instead. Unsuspicious travelers would be led to the Copper Dragon’s nest, the only place in the vicinity that’d allow them to evade the sandstorm. Then, they would “coincidentally” see many priceless treasures strewn about on the ground. And if they really tried to secretly steal some of the treasure, the Copper Dragon owner would “coincidentally” return at this time and catch them red-handed.

The Copper Dragon would proceed to threaten to eat the thief as a punishment for stealing from it unless, of course, the thief was willing to tell seventy-two hours of stories or listen to seventy-two hours of unfunny jokes without any rests or repeats! Those poor at spinning yarns would have the Copper Dragon bare its fangs, and the pitiful traveler would be scared into telling more stories. A Copper Dragon wouldn’t release you until you had told all the stories you knew. Moreover, humans were typically unable to defeat them or escape, and were stuck on the wrong side of reason after being caught in the act of thievery. This “seventy-two” hour time limit would often go over the allotted time, and the Copper Dragon would release you only when they felt you were about to go crazy.

This led to the suffering of many novice adventurers. After an encounter with a Copper Dragon numerous would change their job and go back home and farm… Yep, you guessed it. I indeed met a Copper Dragon before. Wasn’t it just a contest between who could be more of a chatterbox? I chatted with that fellow for two months about Buddhism, “I think therefore I exist,” the way of the Dao, and so on. In the end that guy ran off to become an ascetic monk and left all his worldly treasures to me—haha!

Cough —their natures made them incredibly annoying to the other dragons as well. Copper Dragons and Blue Dragons were typically mortal enemies with each other as they both claimed the desert environment as their home. Some people believed that this conflict over territory was natural because of the fierce rivalry between the Color and Metal Dragons. I, however, believed that it was more because all Blue Dragons were the overly serious type who loved combat, which made their relationship with the Copper Dragons, who loved to joke, chat, and play pranks, be like that of oil and water.

“Right, I’m interested in the prank you pulled recently. Could you give me some of those Slimes? The Dragon World has been way too boring recently. It’s time to liven things up.”

“Liven things up? You’re intending on pulling your own prank, aren’t you? Still, my Stink Slimes aren’t that effective against dragons. However, I do have Slimes capable of automatically stealing precious metals. If you promise to give me half, I’ll loan them to you.”

“That won’t be needed. In the Dragon World, stealing another dragon’s treasure is one of the biggest taboos. Any dragon caught doing so will be directly exiled. I have no intentions of being hunted by all dragons. Right, do you have any explosive Slimes that will dye everything around it in certain colors? I’m intending on throwing a certain party…”

Evelyn and I strode down an underground passage, chatting as we walked. This appeared to be quite the joyous conversation, yet I remained fully on guard all the way along. This invitation had been unnatural from the very start.

“Umm… I hope you’ll be able to survive.”

When we had arrived at the entrance to the passage Halent had bid me farewell in such a fashion. I had almost turned around and fled, but then I remembered Evelyn, who had been waiting there to greet me. I was rather curious about this “Evelyn” character, anyways—I had heard of her ever since I had entered the Bardi Empire.

“Why did you want to talk to me?”

“Ah, it wasn’t me who was looking for you. That would be Evelyn the Second! Yep—she’s our Second Sister! Oh, right, if Third Sister wakes up, you should escape at top speed. She really wants to kill you.”

“It’s really dark and difficult to walk around in here, don’t you agree? I honestly don’t understand why they chose to construct their nest here, despite the fact that the Dragon World has such a pleasant environment.”

“It rained again last night, making the path quite slippery! I accidentally tripped and fell over!”

“Ahh, I’m so, so bored. Second Sister doesn’t allow us to go out either! I’m stuck in here every day without a single person to talk to.”

“Hey—hey—hey, are you curious about how many of us sisters there are? And why we’re all called Evelyn? I’ll tell you—there are ten of us sisters. Although I think Little Eleven will be born in the next two years.”

“Why aren’t you saying anything? Oh, do you know any good jokes?”

While I did want to speak, she didn’t even give me a chance to do so!

This Copper Dragon hadn’t stopped talking for a single moment ever since the start. While chatting with a beautiful lady was indeed quite relaxing, I was no longer able to follow her quick speaking speed. Nor was she even waiting for me to respond.

Now I understood why a Copper Dragon had been sent to greet me—their lips would never be sealed! I no longer had any energy left to investigate what she wanted as right now I only wanted her to shut up!

“…Sure. Let me tell you a story: a person was born from his mother, and a demon was born from his mother…”

In order to deal with a chatterbox, you would either have to ignore that person or be even more of a chatterbox. You would have to suddenly strike and not give them an opportunity to speak. This would make them bored. However…

“But we dragons are born from eggs. Is that the same? Should I say that we were born from egg mothers? Speaking of mothers, let me tell you, our mother is so irresponsible…”

Alright then, she once again stole the topic of conversation. Next, she told me how the sixth leaf in the vegetable for her lunch yesterday had two worm holes in it, and how careless her sisters were about etiquette.

Then, she started talking about how she took care of her dragon scales. Next was how the next door neighbor dragon’s baby dragon actually stayed in its dragon egg for an extra three-and-a-half hours, making the worried Copper Dragons hold a major research meeting about it, but that meeting quickly went off topic. And then…

At this point, I truly wanted to find something to gag her mouth.

“If all Copper Dragons are like you, of course they’ll go off topic! Forget about being chatterboxes, at least talk about something meaningful! It’s fine if you speak quickly, but at least use some pauses! Right now I feel as if several dozen flies are buzzing around my head!”

But unfortunately…

“I—”

“Right, we all learned that you arrived the instant you came to Bardi. It’s your own fault for opening up that letter.”

“You—”

“Heehee, I know I’m quite beautiful. There’s no need for you to praise me.”

“She—”

“Ohhh, this is my Fifth Sister. You’re quite lucky. She always likes to take lazy naps. You actually met her when she’s awake. She’s so cute, isn’t she? Haha, I’m just using a roundabout method to praise myself as cute, aren’t I? I really am sooo cute.”

She spoke faster and faster, making it impossible for me to get a word in. It would appear that the previous Copper Dragon I met wasn’t experienced enough. No wonder Copper Dragons were treated as one of the most dangerous dragon species. An Adult Copper Dragon wouldn’t listen to others talk at all!

The blue-haired girl I passed by viciously glared at me as sparks of lightning flashed in her eyes. It was evident that she was a Blue Dragon. But how was it possible for these two dragon species to become sisters?

However, I had no time to consider this question as the passageway had reached its end. After turning around a corner, everything around me suddenly became spacious.

A massive Silver Dragon’s head was currently observing me. This head belonged to a truly giant creature—just the eye alone was larger than an adult human. More ridiculous was the fact that this was a three-headed dragon, an existence nobody else had even heard of before. The other two similarly massive heads appeared to currently be in a deep sleep.

Several human figures appeared to be standing on the dragon’s head. When I took a closer look, I discovered that they all had the same face but different hair colors. They were obviously the sisters that Evelyn the Seventh had mentioned.

“Well, I suppose I’ve heard of three-headed dragons. You’re the three-headed dragon, Cher’s mother?”

However, the colossal dragon shook its head.

“Nope. Actually, if you really look at how things are, it is Cher who is our mother.”