Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

I was calm when the Dark Elf Beck pleaded for my help. We were probably the only ones capable of helping him. To be honest, I was feeling a tad excited about it.

“I’ve finally, finally met with a proper plot! I, Roland Mist, finally have my chance to play a hero rescuing the damsel in distress and defeating the evil slavers! Could it be that the style of this story is changing? I can now walk the path of the harem protagonist?”

If everything was just as I presumed, Beck’s oldest daughter was captured by some elf slaver. In a way, this was a cliché fantasy setting—it would typically be followed by defeating the slavers and then defeating the person behind the scenes. Perhaps I would even be able to obtain some new former slave servants who would have their loyalties to me set at the max. Although this was a boring and overused plot type, it was a just, proper one.

“No, this is obviously the wrong style for this story. I should think more into this.”

What if she was deeply in love with some man? What if she decided to attempt to surpass all family and racial boundaries to reach for her love? That would be just like a Korean or Japanese television drama! Or what if she caught the eye of some forceful prince or prideful CEO? That would be a typical female-oriented romance novel. And if there was also infighting for royal authority after that, then it would become the recently popular medieval politics story… but I felt like the style taking a wrong turn.

“My oldest daughter is named Yolanda. She’s sixty-seven years old…”

Alright then, a sixty-seven-year-old eldest daughter? It would be a little old for her to be the main character of a medieval politics drama. Could it be that she was having too much fun dancing outside, so she was captured by Bardi’s security forces? Actually, I heard that public dancing teams also have love-hate relationships and plenty of politicking and grudges, along with love rivalries and triangle relationships even for the elderly… Cough — cough —I should be a little more serious and listen to Beck’s story. [1] 1

Reality would forever be stranger than fiction. That was because reality didn’t need to follow logic and reason. There were so many weirdos in the world, and using a normal person’s way of thinking to guess at a weirdo’s behavior would be nothing more than making yourself suffer. Even without ever meeting her, I was already certain that this Half Elf named Yolanda was a weirdo.

“You’re saying that Yolanda, a Half Elf who’s worth more than ten thousand gold coins on the market, actually went to join some prince’s faction in hopes of getting rich? She doesn’t know that her Dark Elf blood will make everyone suspect her? Perhaps they’ll even sell her directly to the slave traders. Slave trading is legal in the Bardi Empire, and Dark Elf slaves are forever one of the highest priced, bestselling products. On average, they’re sold for more than sixty thousand gold coins, and there’s plenty of demand but little merchandise!”

After saying this out loud, all the Dark Elves present looked at me quite strangely. That Half Elf little girl took a huge step backwards and looked at me as if I were highly dangerous.

Alright then, I apparently accidentally exposed something… Fine—fine—I admit it: I was indeed moved by the thought in the past and considered buying a Dark Elf slave to “treat” myself. It wasn’t because I had desires of a certain type; it was just that since I didn’t have any maids by my side, something felt quite empty, and I was displeased at having to do everything myself.

Forget about not having any subordinates to help me outdoors. Whenever I finished eating, I would have to wash my own dishes. If my clothes got tattered, I would have to mend them myself. I even had to heat my own shower water. This was the daily life of a powerful individual like me who was trying to change the world.

What was so special about a hero or a legendary individual? Were heroes exempt from having to eat or wash dishes? Legendary individuals wouldn’t have to sharpen their weapons or fix their clothing? …I suddenly felt like I missed my previous life in jail. At the very least, back then I didn’t have to worry every day about whether I would eat some black bread dipped in milk or drink some milk with black bread crumbs in it.

There was no helping it. It was impossible to always have extravagant feasts when outside. Milk and bread forever remained as the main staple foods in this world. But it just happened to be that I liked neither, which only made things worse for me.

Yep, I admit it—I was no resolute revolutionary who believed in no class systems, and I had been decayed by the sugarcoating of this feudal society… who says I’m a maid lover? I do love maids; what of it! Call me a major domain lord, and I’m proud of being a maid lover! At the very least, I pay them a salary!

As for why I was considering an elf maid, wasn’t that simply because humans were too weak and had such short lifespans? I could use an elf for several hundred years— cough —”use” here only meant for maid work, so don’t get any perverted thoughts.

What, you’re saying I could use the silly cat? I had to prepare milk and eggs for her every day, and if I forgot even once, she would declare to everyone that I was a cat abuser. I was even beginning to suspect who was the master.

But I had to consider my personal image, especially with the Town Security elves who were treating me more and more like a saint every day. I never managed to realize this dream of mine, and this was true even if I happened to be in a country where slave trade was legal. Originally, I had thought that this was a proper plot, where I could defeat a slave trader and openly obtain a loyal elf maid. I was naturally disappointed when hearing that this story was so strange.

Of course, Beck didn’t know any of this. He was simply feeling conflicted about his strange daughter.

“Yolanda felt like she could conceal her identity.”

“In summary, she’s addicted to knight stories, which is why she disguised herself and joined a certain prince’s assassin team for which he was recruiting. If it weren’t for the fact that she failed the servant girl examination, she would have become a servant girl, instead?”

The Dark Elf Beck felt quite helpless about his ridiculous oldest daughter. There were some things he found too awkward to tell Roland, such as how Yolanda used to be quite normal when she was in the mountains. But once she came to the Bardi capital, she became a useless person addicted to knight stories, and would refuse to work or even go outside. She would daydream at home about catching the eye of some forceful prince… and finally, when she finally went outside, it was to chase after her “true love.”

In fact, when Beck had tried to stop her from leaving, she had actually said something along these lines, probably from having read too many stories about the girl’s disguise being revealed:

“You’re worried my disguise will be seen through? Nothing will happen! I’m the main character favored by the heavens. Just like in the stories, all danger will be transformed into opportunities. And if my identity is revealed, that’s the time when I’ll meet the prince who’s destined to be my true love.”

” Sigh —can’t my daughter be a little more normal?”

” Sigh —I really want a maid.”

Beck’s sigh coincided with mine. Although the contents of the sighs were quite different, we synchronized in our frustrations, which helped improve my opinion of him.

As for me, although I didn’t understand why Beck had such a complex expression, I pretty much felt like I understood Beck’s worries and helplessness. Naughty children were common to just about any family. And the current situation was indeed dangerous. No wonder Beck requested for me to save her.

Probably everyone in the Bardi capital had learned by now that Prince Mills had been assassinated by a Dark Elf. It would only be natural that they would search the entire city. If Yolanda was discovered to be a Dark Elf, she would instantly be in danger. And if Yolanda discovered that her father and younger sister were involved in the incident, she might do something as well. If her identity was exposed, that would be the end of her.

“This is the address she left me. It’s probably impossible for me to enter the city now. Please give her a message—no—please take her out of the city, no matter if she’s willing to leave or not. This city will only become more dangerous in the future, especially to Dark Elves like us.”

This was simply a small matter I could do on the way, so why would I refuse?

“As expected of the romantic elves. Perhaps you’ll soon have a quarter elf blood granddaughter.”

Seeing how the atmosphere was so awkward, I cracked a joke as I accepted the paper with the address written down. Beck had a bitter smile and didn’t say anything. However, the younger daughter Ria, who had just bit down on my hand and refused to let go, suddenly opened her mouth.

“Impossible! We sisters will never take a human as our husbands!”

I chuckled upon hearing this.

“Little one, don’t hate all humans because of this incident. There are good humans and bad humans. There are evil bastards who want to kill you, but aren’t there also people who will save you? At least, I’m a human. Well— cough —mostly.”

If this little girl nodded in half understanding or simply countered with “all humans are evil,” that would have been normal. However, she…

“Are you an idiot? What does this have to do with whether humans are good or evil?”

Ria rolled her eyes at me and looked as me as if I were an idiot. This greatly resembled the way Harloys would often look at me…

Only now did I recall that Half Elves were famous for being fake lolis. Their rate of growth was slow as they were elves, but their souls would mature only slightly slower than humans. A Half Elf who looked only like a young girl probably possessed an adult’s knowledge and personality. Perhaps that sixty-seven-year-old elder daughter who was addicted to knight stories also had a physical appearance which wasn’t yet an adult.

“Ordinary humans have such short lives, while our lives are so long. Such a romance is destined to be a tragedy from the very start. Why would I be foolish enough to start one?”

As she said this, Ria had an expression filled with anger as she glared at her father.

“Ever since Mother had a face filled with wrinkles as she stayed together with Father while he looked so young, I started feeling like this would be an incorrect choice. The day Mother passed away ten years ago, I swore I would never find a human to be my future partner. Only my ridiculous sister would be so foolish and naïve! When she comes back, I’ll make sure to properly teach her a lesson!”

Her father Beck had an expression filled with helplessness and regret when faced with his younger daughter’s anger. In his opinion, it was enough for him to have spent an entire human lifetime with the person he loved. But for his daughters, watching their human mother grow old and die of old age was difficult.

I suddenly thought of another question. However…

“Then you already have an adult mind. So why did you bite me like that?”

“I hate more than anyone else those who treat me like a little child, especially someone like you who’s obviously an idiot.”

“Idiot? Me?”

“I’m already sixty years old, and I’m about to achieve Gold as a master alchemist and master enchanter. I also know how to speak twelve languages. If it weren’t for my unique circumstances, I would have been well known as a scholar long ago. You’re obviously no more than twenty years old, so what could you possibly know, apart from receiving your high status due to your birthright? What else could you possibly be apart from a useless idiot who doesn’t know anything at all?”

From a certain standpoint, Half Elves were indeed a species blessed by the heavens. Their growth rate was almost as fast as humans, yet they possessed the long lifespans of elves. As long as a Half Elf wasn’t too lazy, they would reach the peak in a certain area. Yet perhaps it was also because Half Elves had talents surpassing both original species that they weren’t particularly welcomed by either.

Since Half Elves typically had underdeveloped bodies, it was only natural that they wouldn’t be able to succeed in physical combat job classes. As for learning academic topics, Half Elves had few channels available to them despite the fact that they would be outstanding at learning. Yet since she had achieved a master status at both alchemist and enchanter, this was the best evidence that Ria was both talented and hard working.

This was the first time I had ever been accused of being a rich, spoiled and useless brat. I was so angry that I just about laughed. However, immediately following after, I suddenly thought about some more details.

If this Ria truly possessed an adult mind and intelligence, why was she so foolish as to antagonize me in my home turf where I was obviously the one in charge? Starting a small conflict with me right now was obviously calculated in order to show off her own worth and make us value her. A master in two different fields who was about to reach Gold would be quite valuable. And a master like her who was unable to protect herself would only become a precious treasure to be fought over.

Perhaps Ria had analyzed the current situation and thought that it was possible she’d be sent out as the scapegoat assassin. Having someone take advantage of her talents would still be far better than being executed. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have taken such a great risk in exposing her worth. When considering all this, her intelligence and decisiveness far surpassed her physical appearance of a young child.

“Harloys, she seems to be the same type as you, a seemingly pure fake loli who’s actually black-bellied. Why can’t I meet a silly, cute, and normal one?”

” Tsk !she’s far from being anything like me. But she’s indeed a nice seed. I intend to do a few little tests. If she passes, perhaps you’ll have a new junior sister.”

“Hah! I have plenty of senior and junior brothers and sisters. But how many of them are still alive? If you feel like playing at being a teacher again, then go ahead and play with the little girl.”

I tossed the silly cat over to the little brat, causing Harloys to cartwheel in midair and shriek at unexpectedly being thrown. “Little brat, don’t think too much into things as Bardi doesn’t have the power to make me do anything. By the way, I’m already more than three hundred years old, and the silly cat in your hands is more than ten thousand years old.” I didn’t take another glance at the astonished Ria as I intended to go focus on my own matters.

Since I had already reached a preliminary agreement with the “Bardi royalty,” I no longer needed to hide out in this narrow ambush airship. I told everyone to make their own arrangements, and it was now time for me to return and check on the situation of those left behind at the embassy hotel.

Those left behind were all real “diplomats” that came with us from the Mage Country. It was a typical custom not to execute envoys from other countries even when at war, so them staying behind was also a way of testing Bardi’s attitude.

Right when I left, someone came chasing after me.

“Clint—uh—Glina?”

“I want to go out for a while too. Such an incident occurred right when I arrived, but I haven’t even had a chance to explore Bardi yet.”

Compared to the past, although she was still wearing an eyepatch like an anime character, her complexion looked much better. She still appeared quite young, though, but her attire now seemed more feminine, soft, and cute. This wasn’t only because I injected my blood into her and overcame her demon bloodline. This was also a tacit agreement between Karwenz and myself.

“We have two descendants, one for each of us. Whoever’s descendant becomes more accomplished means which of us is the stronger one.” Karwenz probably had such a way of thinking.

Let’s forget about whether that chuunibyou way of thinking was right or not. At least, now that Glina no longer had to fear the summons of her demon bloodline, she could get a good night’s sleep. And her personality matured quite a lot… but as I watched her jump into her Clint Armor with such practiced movements, swiftly opening up all the mechanisms to activate her armor, I immediately decided to retract my previous statement.

“Boss, Clint’s current functions have been improved by more than five times. I’ve also installed a large ammunition storage pod, so Clint’s combat strength is more than three times greater. Give your orders so that we can have a blast.”

A booming low male voice spoke through the armor as various lights lit up on Clint. Numerous explosives and cannons were brought out for maintenance while the machine gun under the arm automatically armed itself. Hearing this supposed young man’s voice getting so excited over the prospect of battle, I once again confirmed the veracity of the rumors about the Sleuweir Queen, that Queen Glina had a split personality. The moment she put on her armor, her personality would automatically switch over.

I shook my head and decided not to think too much into this. I wasn’t a chuunibyou like Karwenz, nor was I addicted to teaching others like Harloys was. Let’s just let Glina become whatever she’ll naturally become.

Still, I could pretty much understand why she would follow me. She probably didn’t realize that there was still room for us to negotiate with Bardi. Seeing that I was going out, she probably thought there was the opportunity for her to join a fight.

I had no intentions of refusing her. It was a perfect opportunity for us to chat about the changes happening in our home. Although I had plenty of information on this topic, how could information compare to a firsthand account?

And, as I expected, Glina was depressed when she learned that I wasn’t going out to fight a battle.

“My new weapon needs an opportunity to experiment in actual combat…”

But she became quite serious when discussing the Northlands’ situation. After all, she had been queen for almost a year now. Unlike Reyne, who had numerous people supporting her, Glina could only mostly rely on herself.

“This year’s situation won’t be too terrible no matter how bad things are as long as our new agricultural product has an excellent harvest. Also, the barbarians seem to have discovered a new mithril mine in their holy mountain. It’s just that their elders are adamant in maintaining tradition and forbidding any mining. But I feel that under your merchant association’s persuasion of money, it’s only a matter of time before they nod their heads and agree. Of course, I predict that what you want to know most is what people in the Northlands are saying and how the citizens are doing. I can only tell you that it’s far better than expected. Right now, morale is high, and the citizens are pleased…”

The young girl kept talking about national affairs with her armor opened up, but she was simultaneously playing with all sorts of guns and explosives, taking them apart, putting them back together again, and making custom adjustments. She was the perfect example of a multitasker. As I sighed about how her personality was becoming stranger and stranger, I was also somewhat delighted. The Northlands was now our foundational base, so hearing that everything was going smoothly there was the best type of news.

From a certain standpoint, Glina was far more normal than her cousin Reyne. At least, when compared to Princess Reyne, who was becoming more and more infamous as a “living rubber-stamper,” Queen Glina was becoming renowned as a wise ruler skilled at policymaking.

As a genius engineer, Glina also possessed a deep understanding of magical engineering. In fact, she personally invented magical engineering products that improved the Sleuweir citizens’ lives. Plus, she was outstanding in both military and political affairs. Perhaps Karwenz’s way of thinking wasn’t wrong after all. Compared to Reyne who was becoming more and more someone who only relied on “brute force,” Glina, who was talented in many fields, was the most appropriate successor for me.

Of course, this wasn’t because I intended to retire despite being so “young.” As I previously mentioned, choosing a successor for myself was necessary. There were no guarantees that I wouldn’t suddenly be killed off by some True God passing by or meet with some assassin…

“Um, I suddenly feel like I jinxed myself.”

“Haha! I feel like you are quite lucky… it’s time to let them take a look at my new equipment.”

There was only one street left until the embassy hotel, but people suddenly became a scarce sight on the streets. The people intentionally hiding in the shadows and trying to conceal their breathing were no doubt assassins.

“Hey, Glina, remember to leave at least two of them alive so we can question them.”

Note:

[1] TL/N: In China, one of the most popular activities for the elderly is public dancing.