Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

“Karo: Name and age is unclear. Blonde with blue eyes, has a full beard which obscures his face, but he looks older than he sounds. It’s not known when he showed up at Rhino Tavern, but he’s been here for almost half a year now. He’s good at cheating during gambling. People call him “The God of Tavern Gambling”. He’s never had a proper job, as his main source of income comes from winning bets against adventurers. He’s especially good at Gwent and Hearthstone type card games. As for why he specializes in cheating, it’s because he’s won and lost in card games, but when tallying it up in the end, you would definitely be the one in red. However, as the game’s so thrilling and interesting, you wouldn’t lose that much on every round. There would always be some bored person who’s willing to give him money.”

“But recently, he’s been taking out outsiders and he’s been doing so too harshly, to the point when even the old drunkards could see through his tricks. For a while now, he hasn’t been making any money. Usually, he would do a few odd jobs for old Barton to pay off his tab and lodging. He seems to have got a thing for the boss’ daughter, Katerina, but she’s never paid him any mind.”

With the news bought off by the head of the local Thieves Guild, the goblin judge, Thor, shook his head in disapproval.

In the past half a year, it had become a habit for him to go out of the way to ask around about unknown adventurers who suddenly showed up. However, at the thought of the details on that person who had enough combat achievements to just about become a person from an epic, in comparison to this drunkard who had been lingering in the tavern for half a year now, there was too much of a difference. He shook his head. It looked like he wasn’t lucky this time, as he missed his aim.

“With that, you’d better get ready for the upcoming investigation mission. The city’s so far away, there aren’t any special resources, and yet there are blood sacrifices from Dark cult disciples? It just seems like something’s off…”

Having graduated in the crash course at Nanxiang, Thor was relatively young and inexperienced for a judge on the frontlines. If it were those underground sly foxes from the four judicial government era who read Karo’s details, their interest would have immediately been piqued.

Because they knew that the seemingly impressive old boss was definitely not some kind of great heroic person. Being in debt to the tavern for as long as half a year and using gambling debts to pay off the tab? That person was definitely capable of doing something like that.

But if they were those sly foxes, they wouldn’t consider looking for someone, as they knew that this mission was impossible to complete. If they really were fortunate enough to complete it, then it might not be a great thing.

First of all, if that person really wanted to hide, then one would have truly try their luck to be able to find him. Even if they really happened to bump into him, then it was likely that not only would he run, they wouldn’t even be able to hold him. Even if they were incredibly lucky to actually catch him, I’m afraid that no matter how great the reward, it would never compare to the guy’s cruel revenge.

Win or lose—a mission like this’d be no good. No matter how ya saw it, this was a pitfall.

So, to the sly foxes of the Church of Law, the mission “Finding Roland” was just casual chit-chat. Only new, young people on the scene would take the upper-ranked “First Mission” seriously. Of course, they would naturally be the butt of jokes for those sly foxes. It was a legend that had been passed around till this day amongst new troops from the Church of Law, Gentlemen Alliance, and Mist Alliance knights.

“Go find the legendary hero, Roland. Our Church is longing for his return. This is a test targeted at young people. As long as you bring him back, you’ll have his recognition (grudge) and award (revenge inflicted on), as well as the one and only Ten Circle Incantation: The only successor of the Ultimate Annoy You To Death Technique ( literally 1 ).”

Having only just taken his post two months ago, Thor went on his own mission, and yet he was clearly deceived by his target. He completely believed it to be true, otherwise he wouldn’t have carried the new warrant with him.

But Thor didn’t know that they, who had only lodged at the Rhino Tavern for a day, were already completely felt out by their target. In one of the tavern rooms, their target was discussing them.

“Between the silver-ranked judge, the gold-ranked antiholy knight, and the four elemental sword casters, the antiholy knight must be the one who’s leading the group. They were one short from being the trendiest “Four Armored Crew”. As a group, they could just about take down a high-level demon. Judging from what they’re seeking, they must have come to investigate the recent increasingly savage “Death Council”.

Every time the world was in danger, the very first people to act savagely were never the enemies, but those disorderly dark cult disciples. They would take advantage of the chaos in the world and the fear in people’s hearts to exploit their own beliefs to create even more panic and confusion for their own benefits.

However, there were demonic gods in the world, so the dark cults weren’t limited to just mortals. If they were to fish out the dark hand behind the scenes, then most of them could link it to a certain boss from the lower planes and other dimensions.

“Death Council” was short for “All Creatures will Die Death Council”. It was a type of teaching that derived from the low planes and worshipped the death of the body. However, when it was spread to the mortal plane, the message had been warped. Now, the teaching is “All life will be exterminated in the apocalypse. Only those who have turned into the undead will survive the apocalypse.” Didn’t it leave people speechless? In reality, I’d heard more outrageous teachings from dark cults.

Just by the teaching, I could guarantee that behind the scenes, this dark cult definitely had something to do with the Undead Emperors. Following the Undead Emperors’ successful arrival a year ago, the Undead Calamity upon the mortal plane did in fact intensify and guys of the Death Council ran wild.

If they were left to do what they wanted, in time, a village might turn into a ghost village. The Undead Calamity would have new forces, there was also the possibility of an epidemic and going through the dimensional door to the dead plane. Because of this, as long as the Death Council appeared, churches of various Gods and the country would send out investigators to tidy up.

The “game’s history”, at the same time, had several dark cults that emerged. No matter why they started, their eventual goal was to create all kinds of blood sacrifices and evil rituals which made abyssal veterans come to this plane to start a holy war. After the will of the abyss had dissipated like smoke, the Demon Lords and the Evil Gods gained freedom and, in turn, became more and more active. The dark cults also greatly increased, but the final goal became even harder to say. At least, in “history”, I didn’t see so many ridiculously strange dark cults.

“Die, fisherman!” What a really strange name for a dark cult. It was said that someone who believed in this dark cult would think that “fish are the purest creatures, so fishermen should go die. A**holes who cook fish soup should go to hell”. Most of their disciples were fish people and water-type creatures who flourished in swamps and lakes.

At first, I thought it was really unbelievable. Later on, after I found out that the dark cult’s real founder was the son of the Demon Lord who was turned into fish soup, I suddenly understood.

“For world peace, we’d better cook less fish soup.”

For some reason, I resonated with that teaching; especially since I heard Karwenz thought that failed attempt was quite embarrassing. Later on, he went to the old spot to fish a few more times and cooked fish soup a few times. After that floor of the abyss changed bosses a few times, I started to pity this faction which unwittingly changed supporters behind the scenes several times over.

Oh, right! Amongst the many dark practices, there was a cult called the Heavenly Blissful Council which especially caught people’s attention.

Their teaching was “World peace is before our eyes. We’ll leave behind unnecessary moral principles and put our limited energy into endless sex.” They said that priests of this dark cult were all young and beautiful girls and their ceremonies were particularly envious… I meant, wicked and degrading. Participants are not only cute elven girls, they said the big boss behind the scenes came from some floor in the abyss of purgatory and formed this dark cult purely for fun. They personally used their incarnations to take part in events like these. They said she was a very attractive girl. What a shame that I’d never been able to find their church…

“Cough, cough… I said that I just want to eradicate such an evil church. Do you guys believe me?”

“The day you went looking for the Heavenly Blissful Council was the same day Elisa came to find you. I definitely won’t let the news out. Will you trust me?”

“The hell I will.”

“Same here.”

The loner that I was now was still cursed out by the soulbound silly cat 2 .

“Won’t you reconsider?”

“Hmph! Even if they were rewarded ten-fold, I also…”

“Aren’t you moved?”

“No, find a person to help me tie up and collect the reward. Then, we’ll get back on the road…”

“Don’t you have an epic hero’s sense of pride? Did you know? The undefeatable Roland was already considered a thousand year old epic hero.”

“Pride? Can you eat that? Can it be exchanged for wine?”

Of course, cursing was one thing, but to me, I actually had my own thoughts on it too.

“Leave mortal matters to the mortals. I’ve already done so much. If they still can’t sort it out, then they’re just useless.”

Before entering Hell, I’d already thought it through. My group of underlings could handle things alone since a long time ago. For an old man like me to keep instructing them left and right, it would just stunt their growth.

“I’ve pulled through for over five years now, so if anything was going to happen, it would have already happened. Since everything is fine, it shows that young people can work, so why should an old guy who retired ages ago jump out and annoy people at a time like this. Who’s to say there won’t be people who’ll say that I want to steal their power.”

This world was really big. What could one person’s strength in battle change? Whatever change it could make was a change. Planted seeds already germinated and all that was left was anticipation. Mhm, not to get away with no work, but anticipation.

“Good luck, mortal! I’m watching over ya.”

So, I completely had enough confidence to disregard that a warrant existed for my arrest. The problem was that the new updated threat gave a headache evenme .

Considering the fact that they could access my underground library, Elisa most likely had had a hand in it. I’d decided to take some time to write a threatening letter to the church of law. If she dared publicize this, then I’d tell the public that she wet her bed at six and the embarrassing truth that she didn’t dare sleep alone when she was nine.

“…All of a sudden, I pity Elisa. Could you gain a little EQ and a little sense of responsibility?!”

“…Actually, you don’t understand the depth of my love, kid. One of these days, I’ll reach the end of my life and you guys will be crowned as kiiiiii— who threw their smelly boots at me?!”

Before I could finish elongating the word “kings”, I was struck by the white cat’s flying boot.

Mhm, white cat. The one from that random warrant; the silly cat had now turned into the white cat.

“Didn’t you just plan to all-out slack off? Why bother giving so many reasons?”

“Hmph! The wisdom of mortals. How could one just randomly give this kind of reason to slack off? You should say that you trust your friends and successors. Also, please call me Roland, the free knight who pursues equality and justice! I ride with the wind, alone. I am not loyal to any sovereign; I fight for justice from the bottom of my heart!”

“For some reason, I just feel like you’re shady…”

“Hmph! I’m a man who wants to become a free roaming knight. One of these days, I’ll find my own elven girl!”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Did I take the wrong medicine…?”

[This joke’s really telling of one’s age. Careful other people won’t understand…]

However, time seemed to affirm my decision. “Hope” became reality seven years ago. Although it was quite irresponsible to do nothing except order others around, this opportune chance certainly gave those talented people a chance to show their skills.

Constructing Hell took five whole years, and within these five years, the holy war commenced and times changed the quickest. These five years were also a test for these young leaders as I heard how well they performed when I just returned to the mortal realm.

The northern Mist Alliance had their two queens to stay guard, and the glorious fighting prowess of the ice sisters had already spread across the world. When the whole world sank into the decimation of the war, the northern Mist Alliance which prospered with aid from other nations stood out to look particularly flourishing, powerful, and fair. The ruler of the frozen earth from the north recovered their position ever more.

And the other side to the power and reputation of this era represented stable living environment and endless business opportunities. In comparison to other countries that were engulfed in fiery battles all along, the frozen earth seemed to have become rather cute. The development of magical engineering and combined forbidden spells of northern elves especially made the cruel natural environment become not so scary.

There was a piece of peaceful land with countless businessmen and migrants amidst the war which posed as an enticing advantage. The enormous benefits from military trading, as well as the strong alliance with Auland, Bardi, and other empires relieved the Mist Alliance from any future worries as their environment changed everyday. They were being seen even more as a new up-and-coming super-nation.

Of course, they were able to keep the peace in the chaos of war. Despite the frontier carrying not much of any value, this place, furthermore, was the headquarters of the churches of law and hell. Here, messing around was the same as directly provoking the entire Hell, so even if it was the boss of the abyss, one had to think twice before they acted.

The internal sector of the church of law found stability; they didn’t even especially need outstanding leaders. Instead, following the founding of Hell, the God of law completely created divine laws that would be enforced in Hell. ‘To sin in life will result in punishment’ was no longer empty words. As Gods of the churches of law and Hell in the mortal realm, they naturally became increasingly influential.

Their influence simply grew even greater due to the emergence of the Hell Faction and Wumianzhe entering Main God level. After Hell completely matured, Wumianzhe’s eternal justice derived from the countless power from belief and the law. They had become the second existence to Main God-level in this holy war, and the side of Hell had become the third neutral party with at minimum five Main Gods.

Even if most Main Gods had no way of leaving Hell, they were still a real threat.

Perhaps the Order Gods didn’t directly attack them due to this astonishing strength as the Order Faction already had plenty of trouble to deal with. Instead, they continued to uphold an indistinct relationship with Hell, and the Chaos bosses took the initiative to avoid the north. At the very least, all three parties currently reached a balance. Even though this balance was destined to be torn by one of the parties, it gave Eich even more time to adapt.

The God of law, who successfully entered the ranks to become a Main God, also allowed for the law professionals to get stronger. Due to the activeness of law believers and law professionals, their teachings were increasingly welcomed in areas of war.

Professional attributes like “neutrality”, “non-invasiveness”, and “easy to level up” considerably swayed countries that were short of military power, law, and order. They even selectively accepted laws from the Codex of Law as their own national laws. Law schools had thresholds in various places and were established in various countries. Also, law professionals that always stood by the side of kindness started to become welcomed by adventurers who leaned towards justice and righteousness.

Of course, if the team always walked on the outskirts of the law, then justice knights would be even more dangerous than holy knights. If one didn’t want to become a former knight, then law job class members had to strictly follow the law.

What was more, law job class members didn’t have high demands for their proficiency in culture and talent in fighting, nor did they need large amounts of resources and gold like other professions. They still looked most highly on whether students could personally persevere in the laws and regulations and their determination. The extremely low threshold for law job class members helped to grow their numbers even further, and quite a few guards from little towns could also be seen reading handbooks of law in hopes of self-studying to become talented men.

News of the Absolute Gentleman Alliance came in one after the other. There were good and bad news, but the best news came about two years ago, when Hell and the mortal plane were reconnected and large armies of strong soldiers and knights returned. The worst news was most probably of how a certain Dracon miraculously entered the semi-god level, and earned the strange name of “Mother of a million beasts”.

“As if successfully entering the Semi-God rank wasn’t enough? The a**hole can’t do anything to surprise me. I can understand the name “King of a million beasts”, but what do they mean by the “Mother of a million beasts”? Forget it, don’t answer that. Besides, they’re definitely a bunch of blind creatures!”

“…This is also why it’s considered bad news. He created some dark cults and spread new ideologies, then actually ended up gaining quite a few disciples. Uh-huh, I won’t get into it. Just as long as you know that he successfully entered the top ten of the Calamity Rankings, and he’s become the target whom every country wants dead.”

“…Looks like it was definitely a mistake back then to leave him in the mortal plane to help bring it all to an end.”

There was no way one could finish listing all the changes in one night. Although there was quite a lot of good news, it was nothing compared to the huge changes of the entire world. Countless “historic” heroes walked towards their own stages, and the war became the cruelest cradle, which greatly influenced the fate of the entire world to become uncertain. This was also why old Barton blamed himself for not keeping up with the times.

Of course, I didn’t have much to do with all this. My current goal was to enjoy life, slack off comfortably, and have fun till my heart’s content! Just like a student taking the college entrance exam with much difficulty and how difficult it was to survive hell. I’d already accomplished my mission, so even if the sky fell, let me have fun!

“Karo, looks like you’re really bored to be talking to a cat. You stole wine again, didn’t you? Let me give you a little mission to earn some wine money. These gentlemen want to go to town to investigate a case. You know these roads, so help them out and be their guide!”

“What?”