Falling In Love With A Broken Hearted Man

Noah's POV

I was watching her from a far. She's smiling with a guy she's happy with. I could be more happier if I was him. But he's holding her hand where I am just wondering how it feels to hold her like that again..

It hurts to see how she managed to moved on from me. I know it's selfish to wish that I don't want her to let of her feelings for me, but who am I to stop her? I'm just a stupid asshole who fucking hurt her for how many times.

I always keep on my mind that I don't have the right to bother her again, but here I am. Desperately looking for her, hoping that she'll turn her head and run to embrace me.

I was wrong for everything. I even made her feel like she's not enough.. I'm stupid for treating her like she's not even worth it.

If I could just turn back the time, then maybe I was the one who's holding her right now..

Fuck!

I know that she's been reaching me out but I'm afraid that she'll asked me to stay away from her again, that's why I decided to just hide for awhile.

I can't fucking stay away from her. Never.

When she's waiting for me outside of my unit earlier, I don't have the courage to open the door for her. I can't accept that she'll end it like that.

That I still haven't told her about my feelings..

But I'm more afraid that she's not interested anymore. I think, I would go nuts If she really have no longer feelings for me.

I would fucking go nuts, Raine..

A tear escaped from my eyes as I watched her and some other guy going inside the restaurant where we used to eat before.

I was with her all through those times.. I was with her where she used to blushed when I say something that can flatter her.

Fuck! I can't do this anymore.

My heart aches for seeing them looking intensely with each other while he's holding her hand.

Is this my karma now? Am I being punished? If this is really, you're successful on torturing me.

Because it hurts. It fucking hurts.

I immediately turned my back at them and leave. I can't watch it anymore. I'll really explode if I watch them kissed. I don't know what will I do if that happens. I might cry and never stop.

Why is this so hard, Raine?

"Oh my god! What happened to you son?"

Her mom welcomed me with an open arms as soon as I arrived to their house.

I know I was fucking wasted and I still had the guts to drive all the way here.

"You're drunk and you drive?! Are you crazy?! You could've died!" Mrs. Elle hit my chest, she sound frustrated.

"Mrs. Elle.."

I opened my eyes and looked at her. Her face was full of worries now, she's holding my both arms while her sons are guiding me.

"Why? What happened? Did someone hurt you? Does it hurt? Tell me--"

She didn't get to say what she's about to when I suddenly hugged her. For all those years that I kept my distance from Raine, this is the first time that I ever broke down in her mother's arms.

I felt weak and hopeless..

I started to cry when she brushed her palm around my back. She patted it like she's letting me cry.

I know it's so cowardly of me to do this, but can I be weak only for this night?

Can I let out at least some of pain that I'm experiencing right now?

I only know was to cry and I don't know how to forget this pain.

"Let's get him inside the room, he must be tired. I'll prepare for his clothes, don't leave him okay?" I heard Mrs. Elle said.

I just closed my eyes. Sebastian and Drake's arms were my guide through the room. They are careful of carrying me until I fell off the bed.

It's still a torture that I'm staying in her house and I'm sleeping inside her room.

But I don't have any choice, I'm already here and I think Raine won't find me here. She barely goes here because she's too busy with her school.

I'm such an asshole for bugging her family after hurting her. I don't deserved this kind of care.

"Is he asleep? Go inside your rooms now, I'll be the one to take care of him," Mrs. Elle said.

"Can't we just tell Raine that he's here?" I heard Seb's worried voice.

I hope they wouldn't.

"No. Just let him decide for it, son. I know he's been stressed out these days. We can't pressure him.."

"But what if Raine finds out? She'll be more mad at him!"

"Then, let them handle it. I'm sure, she's understand once Noah tells her everything."

"Okay. Whatever mom."

I heard the door closes and I black out after that. When I woke up, I immediately held my head. It fucking hurts, fuck!

"Oh. You're awake now," Mrs. Elle enters the room, holding a food tray.

I sat on my bed and endured the pain. This fucking alcohol. My head was hurting too much!

"Eat this, so you can drink your medicine. It must be hurt right now," She held my forehead. "Your fever went down, thank God."

My brows furrowed. I had a fever last night?

"Sorry for bothering you.." I looked away.

"You lunatic, why would you say that!" She immediately hit my arm.

"That hurts.." I pouted and caressed where she hit me. "That hurts mom,"

"You're so stubborn! Eat your food!" She glared at me.

That's my cue to eat my food. I immediately run towards the bathroom to brush my teeth. I even heard her laughs which made me pouted again.

Mrs. Elle always laughed at me and I don't know why. Maybe I'm so adorable.

"Done." I opened my mouth and showed it to her.

I used a fork to get the bacon from the plate and eat it. It taste so good, especially that mom made it.

"You need to eat the vegetable, Noah. I'll kick you if--"

She halted when I started to eat the vegetable. I'll eat it even though I don't eat vegetable that much. I smiled sweetly at her when she chuckled.

"You're eating a lot, son. You have to slow down," She wiped the side of my lips. "Look at you eating so fast. Your mouth looks dirty now,"

"I'm not dirty. I'm just a bit messy," I pouted.

"That's just the same!"

I immediately drink my medicine as soon as I'm done with my food. It tastes horrible but since Mrs. Elle took care of me, I'll really have to drink it.

Fuck! The bitterness stuck on my tongue!

"Why didn't you tell her?"

I immediately looked up to face her. Her eyes was pleading. She seemed so serious while saying it.

"It's not the right time to say that m-mom.." I looked away. She wants me to call her mom that's why I'm doing it.

"You need to tell her what really happened that day, Noah. My daughter isn't that cold-hearted. I know she'll understand you.."

"I'll tell her when she's ready. I don't think, I don't have a right to interfere with her life now. I don't even know if I should still tell her about it."

"What? You shouldn't do that! I thought you love her?" Her brows furrowed.

I'm a jerk for hurting her and I don't want to make her feel like I'm just using this as an excuse for all of my sins.

"I do love her. But I'm not in a position to hurt her again. She's too happy to be wrecked again. I can't do that to her.." I felt so much guilt. I want her to be free from any pain but here I am, preparing to hurt her again.

Fuck everything!

I immediately stood up and tell Mrs. Elle that I had some important to do today. I need to look for an answer first before doing the right thing.

It's my fucking purpose for this..

I drove faster to reached his house, It's kind of far away here but I don't care. I need an answer to this. I fucking need it.

My mind was settled. I'm ready to hear everything now. Those years are enough for me to accept what really happened. It's my time to know everything now.

The big and expensive gate was waiting for my arrival and I can see it right here now. It hasn't changed since the last time I visited here.

And now, I'm going to enter it again.

I stopped in front of it and when it opens, I immediately drove my car inside. I know where to parked my car that's why I leave it on the parking lot beside their front yard.

When I reached the door of their house, I immediately knocked on the door.

"N-noah?" Shawn flushed a shocked face as soon as he opened the door.

"I need to talk to you," I said, without hesitating.

His face looked confused at first, but when he gestured me to come in I gladly went inside.

I want to clear things out now. I want to know his side with this.

"I came to ask why you betrayed me and why you decided to just have a relationship with Dana before, without thinking that our friendship might ruined?" I asked harshly.

I don't see any reason to be good to him. It's so tiring to be a good friend here.

He looked startled with what I asked. He might not expecting me to asked him at that question. Now that I'm already curious, I want him to answer it.

"Tell me."

I don't mean to pressure him but I really made him feel like I was in need to received an answer from him and I'll never stop until I find the answer.

I just want to know--

"I never had a relationship with her.." He looked at me and swallowed hard. "I'm sorry, Noah.."

Tears streamed down his face which made my mouth parted with that.

H-he--what?

"What the fuck, Shawn?!" I shouted.

All this time! All this time, I thought he choose her than our friendship..

To be continued..