Falling In Love

Ford. 

The last date we had ended up with a break-up. 

This time, it has to be perfect. 

The drive back to my house is fast, all my nerves kick in as I think of spending the whole night with him alone. I have missed being intimate with him. after we had sex, things between us happened fast. I have never been surer about anything in my life than being with him. 

My phone blares brightly against the console in my car and I know it can't be Lance, he sent me a text a couple of minutes ago. He said he was going for lunch with Patrick. 

Patrick, my sworn enemy. The man that has eyes for my boyfriend. I completely trust lance. There is no doubt in my mind that what he feels for me is real because we have come a long way, but when someone as good looking as Patrick is lurking in the corners, I can't help but be worried. I have to keep a tight leash or else I might end up losing him. 

Just the slightest thing I do might push him away from me. 

He is the only one I would want to talk to. He is the only one that gives me joy in my life. I haven't thought about my dad and the threat he made that night. Sending me away, that would be the easiest thing he could do. the fact that he doesn't even give a shirt about me would make it easy for him. I haven't had a drink since we started dating. He is the glue that is keeping me together. I know I have a problem if I have to depend on someone to get my shit together. 

I haven't had any reason to think about alcohol and I hope I don't get ay reasons in the future. For today, I just want to focus on my date with Lance and nothing else. 

I park the car in the driveway and grab my phone. There is a missed call from Lisa. The one person I don't want to talk to today. I close the tab and lock my phone as I get down from the car. I am not ready for all the shit that comes with her. The last time I had an issue with Lance, it was all her fault—okay, I know I can't blame anyone but myself for my cowardice behaviour but you will understand when you get the bigger picture. Lisa knows something about me, that no one else knows. No even Lance. it is something I wish I could take to the grave and the fact that she knows basically that and everything else makes me do everything she says. 

I wouldn't say she blackmails me but there is this tone in her voice. Almost like she knows that she has me at her mercy. It is something I have not been able to break out of. 

I see her face the moment I walk into the house and a loud sigh escapes from my lips. 

Fucking hell, what is she doing here?

''Lisa, why are you here?'' 

She smiles and walks over to me, her eyes roam around as she wraps her arms around my waist for a hug. My hands stay limb on my sides but she doesn't take a hint. ''I missed you.''

That is her answer. 

She came over unannounced because she missed me. she is fond of this and frankly, it is pissing me the fuck off. 

''What if I wasn't home?''

She rolls her eyes ''That's why I called you. Why weren't you answering.'' She is clutching unto my arm with a tight grip and I just wish she would let go of me. 

''I was driving.'' 

She nods and pulls me into the house. This is my house, but she thinks she has the right to walk in like she owns the fucking place. I blame my father; he is the one that gave her all the power she thinks she has. 

''Look, I have somewhere to be.''

She nods ''Can I come with?'' her lashes bat. 

I gag internally. 

Lisa is very beautiful with her slender figure, blond hair and green eyes. Every guy in school loves her. They all think I am stupid for dragging whatever is between us slowly. We should've been an item. The power couple of our set. 

No one knows the side of me I love the most. The person I wish I could be proudly. 

They all think I am this perfect alpha male. 

I can't wait to get out of high school and out of this town. Away from everyone and all the judgement. Lisa is far from my type and the more she pushes herself to me, the farthest I want to be from her. At first, when we were growing up, I opened up to her about a lot of things that I never want to say out loud again. She was genuinely a friend, I trusted her more than anyone but the day we got drunk and I had sex with her was the biggest mistake of my life. 

She became obsessed with me. 

All of a sudden, we were soulmates. 

All the pushes from our parents suddenly made sense. She wanted me more than she ever did before and there was no convincing her. 

I tried to let her know that we couldn't work. 

She knew so much about me but she couldn't see it. See that it wasn't about her, it was about me and the fact that she was the wrong gender. I have always known I was gay. From when I was like ten. I didn't like what the other kids in school liked. I was different and at first, I thought there was something wrong with me. 

I questioned everything. 

Wondered why I was built differently. 

Even until now, I still wish I wasn't different. I still ask myself why I couldn't be normal. It is a sad thing to think about, being different doesn't mean I am not normal but I still don't accept myself fully for who I am. Lance is making me see things differently. He just found out about his sexuality and he took is so well. He embraced all parts of himself wholeheartedly. I look at him and I want to be like him, I want to be brave enough to say it out loud. To wear it on my sleeve. 

Shout to the world—and by the world I mean my father that I am gay. 

I like boys. 

I don't know if that will ever happen. 

I am too weak. 

''Not today Lisa.'' 

She groans in a very cute way. I mean, if I was straight, I would have the hots for her. She has this puppy dog expression on her face. Almost like she is pleading with me to take her with me. 

''I am all alone this weekend. Can't you make some time for me?'' she nudges my arm back and forth. 

''I am helping Lance pack his things. There's a lot to do with the wedding and he needs my help.'' 

She rolls her eyes at the mention of Lance. guess this means she doesn't like him. I mean, she has no reason to not like Lance. he is the sweetest person I have ever met. He could be sarcastic and kinda snarky at times but there is this aura about him, you can't help but fall for him instantly. 

''Just one-night babe,''

I cringe when she calls me that. I hate that those words can leave her lips so casually. I am not her babe. I will never be her babe. I already know that I am not choosing her over him today. this date is going to happen. It is all I can think about and no one is going to ruin it. Not even Lisa and all the secrets she knows. 

''I can't. I promised Lance.'' I repeat in hopes that she will listen for the first time in her life. 

Lisa can't always have what Lisa wants. 

''Why are you so close to him. it seems like you always want to hang out with him,'' her hand slides off my arm slowly and I watch her give me a suspicious look. 

I know what she is doing. 

This is her way of blackmailing me. it is not outright, but there are deeper meanings to her words. She knows what she is doing. 

''He is a friend. His mother is getting married to my father. We have to hang out and I do like hanging out with him.''

I don't need to explain shit to her. She has no right to ask me why I am hanging out with anyone. I don't fucking answer to her. 

''I heard he is gay.''

I freeze at her words. 

Lance doesn't hide who he is. Even my father knows that he is gay. What is confusing is why she is bringing it up. 

What does that have to do with anything? 

''And?'' 

She smiles ''Is there something between the two of you. I mean, why would you choose to hang out with a faggot?'' 

Faggot. 

She just used that one word I never want to hear in my life and she is not even talking about me. there is anger boiling within me. I have never been this angry. The intensity is scary because I don't know what I will do. at this moment, her words hurt me and I want to hurt her as bad. 

I can't because I am a fucking coward. 

''Get out of my house Lisa.'' 

She opens her eyes wide. She didn't expect that from me. I have never kicked her out before. I have tolerated her for so long because of the relationship between our parents. She was a friend, I thought we could continue our friendship because at one point in my life I relied on her. 

From the words, she blurted out today. 

I can't.