Fantasy Farm

translator: baumkuchen

On his end, after Lu Qingjiu was captured, he was carried up more than ten thousand li into the sky. As he watched the ground get further and further away from him, he couldn’t help but be grateful that he wasn’t afraid of heights. If not, he might had long since passed out from fear. 

Wrapped around his body, were pure white feathers. He was completely confined within those feathers, unable to move. Since he couldn’t move, Lu Qingjiu then began to examine his surroundings.

He found that he seemed to not be in Shuifu village anymore. Even though he couldn’t see the ground clearly, he could see it was a patch of vast ocean. In the ocean seemed to be a few scattered islands— it was a completely different place from the water-lacking Shuifu village.

Above the clouds, there should’ve been a very strong wind, but the feathers helped block some of it. He was currently wrapped tightly in them, sitting on a giant bird talon.

That talon was extremely big, big to the point that Lu Qingjiu suspected that he could run around on it for several minutes and not reach the edge. 

What did this bird want to do? Where was it going to take him? Could it be that it wanted to eat him? Lu Qingjiu’s mind was filled with question marks, but he then felt that even though this bird had kidnapped him, it didn’t seem to have any malicious intentions. Or else, him, to it, was nothing but an ant that could be crushed at any time.

The giant bird flapped its wings, bringing Lu Qingjiu towards the centre of the ocean. With its descent, Lu Qingjiu noticed that on the ground was a giant island, which was utterly empty, with only a yellow sand beach and craggy rocks.

The giant bird began to descend. Lu Qingjiu felt wind rush by his face, so strong that he could only close his eyes.

When the wind weakened, only then did Lu Qingjiu manage to force open his eyes. He saw that he had been placed on a soft beach. Upon opening his eyes, he was given a shock by the several giant faces in front of him. 

“Are you awake?”

“Are you awake??”

“Are you awake???”

……  

When the nine voices rang out, Lu Qingjiu was struck dumb. Before him, nine different faces had appeared. Some were male, some were female, some were old, some were young, there was even one that seemed to be a seven to eight year old child. Lu Qingjiu’s instinctive reaction was to flee, but felt his body was still wrapped tightly in the feathers, rendering unable to move an inch.

“Shut up, all of you!” Amongst them, the beautiful female face in the very centre let out an enraged roar. Upon hearing this, the other faces closed their mouths, and looked towards the female face, waiting for further instructions.

“You’re called Lu Qingjiu, right?” The woman’s features were charming, her lips painted in an attention-grabbing red, and eyelashes as thin as silk. She was actually somewhat alluring— if not for the fact that this face was growing out of the body of a giant bird.

“Yes,” Lu Qingjiu replied, his mouth dry. “What can I do for you?” 

“It’s like this,” the woman explained, “I have something I’d like you to help me with…”

Lu Qingjiu replied, “What, what is it?”

Ktf kbwjc rjlv lc j ufcaif nblmf, “P’nf ibcu rlcmf tfjgv bo sbeg ugfja gfqeajalbc, P pera kjcafv ab jrx sbe obg j ilaaif ojnbeg.”

Oe Hlcuple atbeuta, ktja ugfja gfqeajalbc, yea tf vlvc’a vjgf ab vfcs la, jogjlv bo jcufglcu atf kbwjc jcv mjerlcu tfg ab pera fja tlw vlgfmais. Qlat j nfgs qifjrjca jaalaevf, tf mbcalcefv ab mbcnfgrf klat tfg, “Aera afii wf, afii wf.” 

The woman said, “I caught something, and wanted to change how I prepare it. Could you help me cook it?”

Lu Qingjiu, “…” He was a little slow to react for a while, before realising what the woman meant by her words. Faced with this giant bird the size of a mountain, he suppressed the trembling of his voice, “Can I see what it is first?”

“Let him see it, quickly let me see it!”

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“This is great, this is great, I’ve gotten sick of our food already!” 

“Wuwuwuwu I’m so touched he really is a good person.”

The other eight heads which had just gone silent began to start up a ruckus again. The woman ignored them. Flapping her wings, she said to Lu Qingjiu, “Wait a moment.” Then, she flew into the sky. From the looks of it, it seemed like she had gone off to get it.

The feathers keeping Lu Qingjiu confined had been released. He finally recovered his ability to move. This woman had nine human heads and the body of a bird. In the Classic of Mountains and Seas, there was indeed such a creature recorded. That was the god that lived in the North Sky Cabinet Mountains, the nine-headed phoenix. It was said that she was the object of worship of the Chu people, the most respected god of the Chu people.

Lu Qingjiu got up off of the ground. He looked around, and found that he was indeed on a deserted island. This place was even warmer than the outside. Clad in a down jacket, he soon felt a little warm, and hence took off his thickest outer layer. 

But what made Lu Qingjiu feel a little helpless was, even after taking off his coat, the sweater he was still wearing on the inside still made him damp with sweat. After sitting on the sand for a while, he even felt like if he kept sitting here like this, he would really run the risk of getting heatstroke. In the end, between his face and his life, Lu Qingjiu chose his face, and took off the last piece of clothing covering his torso, and just like that, was now half-naked.

The fortunate thing was that after returning to Shuifu village, he’d kept up with his exercise. Even though his abs weren’t very defined, there was thankfully no flab. Even though he’d taken off his shirt, a thin layer of sweat soon appeared on Lu Qingjiu’s wheat coloured skin. In order to save his strength, he lay down on the sand.

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The nine-headed phoenix was gone for a long time. Just as Lu Qingjiu felt like he was going to be dried into a crisp by the sun, she finally returned. But what she was holding in her talons made Lu Qingjiu wonder if his vision was going blurry again.

In the nine-headed phoenix’s giant talons was seized a long snake. The diameter of the snake was even longer than Lu Qingjiu’s height. The head of the snake was so big that he had to look up to see it. 

With a “bang”, the heavy weight landed on the sand. The nine-headed phoenix happily threw the snake to the ground in front of Lu Qingjiu. She started giggling, and her voice was filled with joy, “Mm, I brought it, take a look and see how you can make it taste delicious?”

Upon seeing this snake, Lu Qingjiu stiffly raised the corners of his lips. “How do you want to eat it?”

“As long as it isn’t raw, it’s fine.” The nine-headed phoenix bent down, drawing closer to Lu Qingjiu. The strange smell once more filled the air around Lu Qingjiu. She let out an ingratiating smile. “Just see what you can do with it…”

If it were just an ordinary snake, Lu Qingjiu would probably really have made do, but this snake was so big. Lu Qingjiu pushed up his sleeves, but found that he couldn’t even wrap his arms around the snake’s body, so he could only say, helpless, “I want to, but this snake is too big…” 

Hearing this, the nine-headed phoenix frowned. “Then what am I supposed to do, did I snatch you for nothing?”

Lu Qingjiu, “…” For this kind of thing, shouldn’t you have asked me about it first?

The nine-headed phoenix said, “No way no way, you have to cook it for me. But… you do seem to be a little smaller than it.” She reached out a talon and compared it to Lu Qingjiu. In the end, after confirming that Lu Qingjiu wasn’t even as big as her nail, she let out an extremely regretful sigh, “How are you so small?”

Lu Qingjiu’s face was filled with helplessness. 

“And why did you take off your clothes, aiya how are you so impolite.” Finally noticing the changes to Lu Qingjiu’s body, she said, shy, “I’m an unmarried lady! How can you be like this! How can you be like this!” As she spoke, she stamped her feet in a very cutesy manner, making the ground shake. Lu Qingjiu, caught off guard, fell flat on his ass.

Lu Qingjiu’s current mood was incredibly complicated. He actually felt a little as if he really was some licentious Dengtu Zi. “Sorry, I was too hot, so I had no choice but to take off my clothes.”

“Even then it’s not okay!”

“Yeah, yeah, now that we’ve seen you like this, how can we get married?” 

“That is, that is, maybe…”

“No way no way, I know what you’re thinking, he’s so small, how could he marry us.”

“But he’s good at cooking, otherwise, how could he have stayed alive until now…”

The eight heads which had originally could be considered quiet started arguing once more because of this topic, coming out with one line after another. Lu Qingjiu was stunned stiff from hearing this. In the end, it was once again the woman’s head who let out another roar for them to shut up before they quieted again. 

“Then you have to find something to cover yourself with,” the woman said.

“But there’s nothing here.” Lu Qingjiu felt like he was on the brink of collapse. “How about you bring me back first so I can find some clothes?”

Upon hearing this, the nine-headed phoenix thought for a moment. “I don’t think that’ll work. Once you go back, I won’t be able to bring you back out. How about this, I’ll just have to suffer this indignity for a while. First, tell me how to make this snake taste delicious, then after I’ve had my fill, I’ll send you back.”

Lu Qingjiu let out a long sigh. “Fine.” 

It was such a big snake, it would be impossible to stew it in chicken soup. Also, there was nothing here. After thinking for a while, Lu Qingjiu decided that in the end, just roasting it would be the easiest. So, he told he what he wanted to do. He would probably first skin the snake, then roast it over the fire, and sprinkle salt and some seasoning on its body. Like that, its taste would change a lot.

Hearing this, the nine-headed phoenix asked, blank, “What’s salt and seasoning?”

Lu Qingjiu, “…” He had a bad feeling.

Sure enough, after some talking, Lu Qingjiu confirmed that the nine-headed phoenix had basically never eaten salt, much less knowing what seasoning was. Everything she ate was in its most natural state, she would start eating straight after catching it, how would seasoning come in. 

After hearing what the nine-headed phoenix said, Lu Qingjiu felt like her life was even worse than Bai Yuehu’s…

Bai Yuehu only had one mouth to feed, she had to feed eight more, and it looked like none of those eight mouths were easy to serve.

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“Then what should we do?” The nine-headed phoenix asked, “Tell me, how do I make salt?”

Lu Qingjiu said, “Oh… Sorry, I also don’t know how to make salt.” Even though he knew that sea salt could be used, he’d only ever eaten things with processed sea salt. 

As soon as the nine headed phoenix heard that she wouldn’t get to eat anything, she stamped her feet in anger and cried, “How can you be like this, you tricked me into looking at your body but you’re still not willing to cook for me, didn’t I only trick you over here for a short while! Hmph! You’re so petty!”

Lu Qingjiu, “…” He actually had nothing to say in response to this.

The nine-headed phoenix still wanted to say something, but suddenly, a black cloud floated down from the sky. Upon seeing this cloud, her expression twisted. She said, “How did you get here so quickly? Your nose is so sensitive? Are you a dog?!”

Looking at this familiar black fog, Lu Qingjiu knew that this had to be Bai Yuehu, who’d caught up with them. He could finally let out a sigh of relief. But before this sigh could leave his mouth, he heard Bai Yuehu’s enraged voice, “Jiufeng, you’re too shameless! You actually took off his clothes!!” 

Jiufeng, “I’m not, I didn’t! He took them off himself!”

Bai Yuehu, “Lu Qingjiu?!”

Lu Qingjiu almost cried, is that what you should be focusing on? And you non-humans are all far too civilised! He just took off his shirt, his pants were still on!! Why did the both of them sound like he was skipping through the streets stark naked??