Ferocious Dog of Old

Girls in junior high tended to like two types of idols in their classes: the top students who their teachers favoured and who had particularly good grades, and the boys who stayed silent and taciturn, their entire bodies emanating coldness as they ignored everyone around them.

Chi Ku fulfilled both those criteria.

And that was also why no one had bothered them so far, ever since the start of the school year—Chi Ku hadn’t needed to fight, or else he would’ve caught even more people’s attention.

Tao Huainan had no idea about any of these things. He couldn’t see how other boys looked, and he also didn’t know that as the boy next to him continued to grow up, his facial features matured and settled into his face. The features that had looked ugly on a child followed along the path of adolescence and gradually stopped looking so unpleasant.

Tao Huainan’s heart knew nothing of these things at all. He understood too little.

Other children, through television shows and stories, might slowly learn to recognise these things. By the time they reached puberty and adolescence, they would’ve understood. The television shows Tao Huainan listened to were mostly donghua1 or Journey to the West2; he never listened to anything romantic. There was also no need to even mention stories—to him, books with printed characters were the same as blank pieces of paper.

Every day, Chi Ku and the academic rep went to the lecture hall together and came back together. Other than thinking the last two periods in the day were difficult to endure and lonely, Tao Huainan’s brain was so empty people could go in and stroll around.

–

His naive, foolish and sweet air lasted until almost the end of term before it burst.

Chi Ku and the academic rep had once again gone to their advanced class, and after changing their seats this week, Tao Huainan was surrounded by girls. Only those two boys first from the bottom were behind him. 

Once Chi Ku had left, the girl in front of Tao Huainan turned around and softly asked him, “Do they still contact each other after going home? Stuff like sending texts to each other?”

With a face full of incomprehension, Tao Huainan said, “Why would they contact each other? Why talk to each other after school?” 

“Do you really not get it or are you just pretending!” One of the girls next to him scolded, “Still pretending even though it’s just us!” 

“What…” Tao Huainan completely couldn’t understand, and he started to laugh. “What are you guys talking about?”

“Chi Ku and Shu Jing,” the girl in front whispered to him. “Someone saw them holding hands! Chi Ku hasn’t told you either?”

Tao Huainan blinked, confused. “What were they holding hands for?”

“What do you think!” The young girls were exasperated, unable to gather gossip from him.

Tao Huainan shook his head and said, “I don’t know.”

“To…” It was actually slightly embarrassing to say it so bluntly, so the girl hesitated for a moment before she lowered her voice and said, “You know, to find a partner!”

The four words of ‘to find a partner’ immediately exploded in Tao Huainan’s head. No matter how innocent he was, there was no way he couldn’t even understand that. His eyes widened, and he was frozen for long moments before he finally uttered, “Oh my god…”

“You really didn’t know?” The girls laughed at him. “You guys are together every day, but you still didn’t know!”

Tao Huainan couldn’t quite digest this sudden piece of news, and his thoughts started to drift. Finding a partner? How would they do that? Was Chi Ku going to… date the academic rep?

Oh lord.

–

Tao Huainan’s thoughts returned after a bit, and he lightly tapped the back of the girl sitting in front of him. When she turned around, he asked, “Who said they were?”

“A lot of people know already! They go to class together everyday, and didn’t your xiao-ge give her his homework last time? And then suffered through the scolding himself.”

Tao Huainan’s astonishment was greater than any other feeling, and he was actually so astonished he started to laugh. He said, “That’s not possible.”

“Why not? They’re already holding hands!” The girl spoke in a very understanding voice. After watching so many love stories, half-grown girls were all experts in love. “Trust me, they’re definitely together.”

Tao Huainan was a bit unsure after hearing the certainty in her voice. At that time, other than astonishment, the only thing he thought of was: he definitely needed to help Chi Ku keep this secret. Ge couldn’t find out.

Chi Ku didn’t have any shame at all, dating at such a young age. If ge found out, he’ll definitely scold him. What the heck!

–

Tao Huainan used the last two periods to digest the news, and he even very sensibly didn’t ask about it when Chi Ku came to pick him up. The academic rep waited to go downstairs with them together; Tao Huainan silently perked up his ears to listen to them interact, but he couldn’t hear anything.

When they descended the stairs, Tao Huainan purposefully took a step back. He said to Chi Ku, “You don’t have to hold onto me, I can go down while holding the railing.”

And it wasn’t like Chi Ku must hold onto him—he indifferently walked to the side once Tao Huainan let go of his hand. There wasn’t any problem with Tao Huainan going down the stairs; he himself knew to count the steps.

In front, the academic rep asked softly, “Huainan, would you fall if you walk downstairs by yourself?”

Tao Huainan said, smiling, “No.”

“Chi Ku, maybe you should still hold onto him.” The academic rep said with some worry, “What if he trips?”

By the side, Chi Ku said, “He doesn’t need me to.”

He didn’t think so before, but now that Tao Huainan knew their little secret, the way they spoke to each other was truly a bit different. As Tao Huainan held onto the railing and slowly went down the stairs, he silently thought, so be it, if I don’t need you then I don’t need you.

–

This was the first time Tao Huainan obtained an understanding about these things. He started to be the tiniest bit curious.

When his brother was home that night, Tao Huainan even asked him, “Ge, why aren’t you dating?”

Tao Xiaodong was stunned at his abrupt question, and he broke into laughter. “Why are you asking about this? Are you starting to think about these things?”

Tao Huainan said, “I’m just asking.”

“Do you finally have young boy matters of the heart?” Tao Xiaodong suddenly realised that the small pup truly had grown up slightly. He reached over and squeezed Tao Huainan’s narrow neck with an arm. “Talk to ge about it? Have you noticed some young lady?”

“What…” Tao Huainan turned his head around and quietly refuted, “I haven’t.”

Tao Xiaodong amused himself for a while, but teasing and joking remained teasing and joking—he still later said to Tao Huainan, “Don’t think about these useless things too early. It’s fine just to think about them, everyone does, but don’t focus on them too seriously.”

Tao Huainan was guilt-free to begin with; he hadn’t thought of anything anyway.

Since the two of them were close, Tao Xiaodong had nothing to be embarrassed about when teaching his younger brother. He leaned in and chuckled wickedly, asking, “Have you had a dream yet?”

Tao Huainan was just about to ask what dream, when he suddenly remembered the health class from earlier. Grabbing a cushion, he threw it up in the direction of his brother’s face and hid himself behind it, extremely self-conscious. “No! Don’t talk about it don’t talk about it!”

“Why so embarrassed with your ge, other kids your age are already pestering their brothers for films.” Tao Xiaodong was smiling completely improperly, the look on his face unbecoming of someone in his thirties as he teased his younger brother.

Tao Huainan pressed the cushion onto his brother’s face as hard as he could, wanting to plug up his mouth. “Shh! Shh!”

Pulling away the cushion, Tao Xiaodong cackled for a long time before he raised his voice towards the bedroom. “What about Xiao Ku? Had a dream yet?”

Tao Huainan honestly couldn’t keep listening anymore, and he let out an ‘ah’, standing up and covering his ears. He went to the fridge, found a carton of ice cream and ate it while crouching on the balcony.

–

That was just how Tao Xiaodong raised the boys. Unlike the generation gap between parent and child, there wasn’t a generation gap between an older brother and two younger ones,  and neither did the older brother have a parental attitude. When it came to many things that parents would consider very important, Tao Xiaodong didn’t consider them even worth mentioning. 

Tao Xiaodong truly didn’t think much of a young boy having adolescent worries, and so he joked and teased and roughhoused with his two younger brothers, only to have Tao Huainan end up on the balcony and eating ice cream in the midst of winter—Tao Xiaodong was too annoying.

Later, Tao Huainan was carried back into the house by his brother, and he groused in a muffled voice, a wooden spoon in his mouth, “You’re really annoying…”

Tao Xiaodong was still amused. He threw Tao Huainan onto the sofa and said, “Look at how bashful you are. Are you a girl? You’re not like me at all, I was already holding girls’ hands when I was your age.”

“Maybe because you’re not shy.” Tao Huainan asked, “Dad didn’t smack you?”

“He did,” Tao Xiaodong laughed. “He was always hitting me, but it didn’t matter. He couldn’t control me.”

–

To say such shameful things in front of a child—how could there be such an older brother.

Ge didn’t care about how brazen he was being, and neither did Chi Ku.

Chi Ku hadn’t come out at all, studying in his room. Thinking he was definitely texting the academic rep, Tao Huainan pondered over what he would text; after all, Chi Ku was someone who didn’t like to talk.

On one hand, Tao Huainan found him shameless, and on the other hand, he couldn’t help but wonder—how did one date? Can someone like Chi Ku really date? Did he really hold hands with the academic rep? Did he keep holding onto her hand like he would with his?

Chi Ku went to shower with a change of clothes and underwear. When he passed by, he swept the clothes over Tao Huainan’s head and said, “Shower time. Why are you staring into the distance.”

“Coming.” Tao Huainan stood up with his hand supported on the edge of the couch, and followed behind him.

–

Tao Huainan hid this matter in his heart. He himself didn’t have any interest in girls; he used this new understanding of his to ponder over Chi Ku and the academic rep. After thinking about it for a few days, he felt like Chi Ku wasn’t much different compared to before, and so he gradually let go of it.

The end of term was approaching. Chi Ku had been very strict with him lately regarding his studies, so Tao Huainan didn’t really have the time to think about other things.

Even though Tao Huainan couldn’t follow along with the class and take the tests, Chi Ku would still produce exam papers for him. Tao Huainan still needed to take the tests at home, and the scores would still be recorded after Chi Ku marked them. If he was compared to their class’s usual ranks, Tao Huainan would fall within the upper middle.

Chi Ku made sure he continued along the average marks. Tao Huainan’s grades could rise, but they weren’t allowed to fall. If Tao Huainan slid down to the lower middle ranks, Chi Ku would get mad, saying he wasn’t putting in effort.

Tao Huainan didn’t dare anger him, and he was also unwilling to disappoint Chi Ku and his older brother.

So over this period of time when Chi Ku went to the advanced class in the afternoon, Tao Huainan seriously and properly worked on his braille exercise books over the final two periods. His brother had specially bought the books from a blind school—they couldn’t be purchased outside.

Usually, blind children had no way to attend a normal school like him. Tao Huainan was able to do so only because he had a very attentive and caring older brother, as well as a xiao-ge the same age as him who could keep tutoring him.

These things had been so hard to obtain; Tao Huainan really wanted to study better and make everyone happy.

–

That day, Chi Ku had once again left for his class. Tao Huainan was reading his books. The food in the cafeteria during lunch had been too salty, so Tao Huainan had drank a lot of water throughout the afternoon. Now, he couldn’t help but want to go to the bathroom.

He’d actually already wanted to go when Chi Ku was preparing to leave, but the academic rep had already been waiting by the side before he could speak. Tao Huainan had been too embarrassed to have Chi Ku take him.

The blind boy hadn’t been able to go to the bathroom outside by himself ever since he was a child. Now that he was in junior high, he still needed someone to take him. 

He suffered through one class period, painfully holding it in. Tao Huainan had originally wanted to wait until the end of school, but he couldn’t quite do it anymore—his bladder was starting to hurt.

So during the third afternoon class period, Tao Huainan groped his way out of the classroom.

Girls asked him where he was going, and Tao Huainan said, bathroom. There was no way they could take him to the bathroom, and they were also at a very shy age; the girls could only let him go by himself.

Tao Huainan walked to the bathroom with his hands along the wall the entire way. The male junior high bathroom was the gathering place for boys to sneakily smoke cigarettes.

There were two doors. There were two rows of sinks after the first door, and the toilets were after the second. He was hit in the face by the smell of cigarettes once he entered the first door, and Tao Huainan frowned, both his hands falling to his sides. He slowly headed in the direction he remembered.

His sense of direction was very different from reality. Tao Huainan accidently knocked into someone with their back towards him.

The other person spat out a ‘fuck’ and then turned around to ask, “You blind?”

Tao Huainan pressed his lips together and said, “Sorry.”

A guy giggled and said, “That guy’s blind to begin with.” 

“He’s blind?” The guy Tao Huainan had bumped into waved a hand in front of his eyes and then sneered. He blew a mouthful of smoke into Tao Huainan’s face. “The blind guy from class two?”

Frowning, Tao Huainan took a step back, wanting to dodge away from the smoke in front of his face.

He didn’t know who tripped him—he staggered, and then, unable to balance himself, fell right onto his butt.

–

1 Donghua (动画) is the Chinese term for animated shows. Can mean either shows made and produced in China (such as MDZS or TGCF) or shows made in other countries (such as anime).
2 One of the four great classical Chinese literature novels, and is the quintessential hero’s journey. Its endless adaptations have their own Wikipedia page: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_media_adaptations_of_Journey_to_the_West