Ferocious Dog of Old

The way the chair landed was no joke. A boy standing next to them went “whoa” and reached out to stop it; the boy being hit also unconsciously bent over to avoid it. This chair from Chi Ku smashed into the boy’s back, and immediately a heart-wrenching howl rang out in the corridor.

“Didn’t I say not to touch my brother?” The chair in Chi Ku’s hand was wrested away by some boys, but they couldn’t stop him. Chi Ku pressed the boy’s head down, pressed it against the hard gypsum window sill, not allowing him to move. Gripping the back of his neck tightly, he roared, “You hit my brother?”

The other boys leapt over and pulled at him, but when Chi Ku’s savage strength was in full force, nobody could move him. The boy in his hand screamed and cried non-stop. Chi Ku pressed his head with one hand and slapped his face solidly with the other, gritting his teeth as he asked in a fit of rage, “You hit his face?”

The people in the corridor all surrounded them. Chi Ku was only one person, after all; when he was taken by the arms and pulled away, he kicked the boy’s back. “You kicked him?”

Chi Ku’s eyes were bloodshot, the wounds on his face and neck visible and sinister. When the other boys tore at him and a group fight broke out, Chi Ku didn’t soften his blows in the least. One boy surrounded by many, he still didn’t try to dodge at all.

Compared to Chi Zhide’s force when he was drunk, half-grown children had such light punches.

Chi Ku pulled aside the person before him forcefully and threw him at the wall, roaring out, “Can you fucking not leave him—”
–

Fighting like this in the corridor of the classroom block between lessons really caused too much of a stir. Everyone leaned against the railing to watch them. Chi Ku’s eyes were red, veins bulging malevolently all over his body; at some point, his face had been scratched or hit, and now carried a bloody wound.

By the time the teachers ran over, both sides had been pulled apart. At the very start, it was Chi Ku alone, but at some unknown point in time a few boys from their class came over too, some trying to break up the fight, others joining it.

Public brawls were a challenge to the school’s authority. The group of them were brought to the school’s security office.

Tao Xiaodong was still talking to the teaching director when a phone call came from security, saying that the students had started brawling. Tao Xiaodong looked around. Sure enough, Chi Ku had disappeared unnoticed; he was no longer behind him.
–

The boy who had been smashed by Chi Ku’s chair kept crying. His back was bleeding, and it seeped through the T-shirt. Chi Ku’s behaviour had been brutish enough; he was brought over without a word. The viciousness he had worn on his face during the fight was gone now—he’d changed back to his expressionless state again.

Tao Xiaodong held in check the furious flames in his chest upon seeing him. He took a piece of tissue from the table and pressed it against the wound on his face, a little forcefully, making Chi Ku raise his shoulders and lean back. Chi Ku took the tissue and held it up himself. Tao Xiaodong patted his back; Chi Ku let out a cough from it, and Tao Xiaodong bent down to look at him. Seeing that he was fine, he pulled out another piece of tissue paper and wiped the blood on Chi Ku’s face, his movements and expression evidently angry.

The boy kept crying, howling like a pig being slaughtered—the sound made one queasy.

The school had informed his family. Now Tao Xiaodong had to meet them even if he didn’t want to.
–

As with all things, the person who started fighting first was the one in the wrong. Though Chi Ku had received several not-so-light blows from those around him, he did start it, so he’d been asking for it.

The teaching director was infuriated, but Chi Ku’s family was standing before him; they had just been discussing how to handle the other student, so he couldn’t be too critical in front of Tao Xiaodong.

After all, everyone was crystal clear on how this all began. If his boy hadn’t been beaten in the first place, the matter today wouldn’t have occurred.
–

Chi Ku was truly mulish. No matter who asked, or what they asked, he wouldn’t say a thing; if they asked too much, all he replied was “he hit my brother”.

That student was sent to the hospital. He didn’t look to be in a serious condition at the moment. Though the chair smash looked heavy, Chi Ku was held back by bystanders at the time, and the boy himself had dodged somewhat, so a lot of the force was reduced. It hurt a lot, of course, and there was blood, but the injury wasn’t serious.

The boy’s family1 didn’t know what had happened before this. The moment they reached the school, they were prepared to cause a scene, loudly and brashly demanding an explanation.

The school played the security footage, and their spirits suddenly halved. When they continued shouting, saying “there isn’t enough evidence”, they even sounded guilty. Tao Xiaodong stared coldly without a word. 
–

How this would be settled would be discussed by the school internally. The boy’s family was rushing to the hospital as well, so there certainly wouldn’t be an outcome today; everyone went home.

When Ms Lei walked Tao Xiaodong out the school gate, she told him, “I’ll keep an eye on the school. Don’t worry.”

“Chi Ku has a bad temper. He didn’t control it.” Tao Xiaodong frowned and glanced at Chi Ku, saying to the teacher, “It may be troublesome.”

“They’re close, they normally are. If Huainan was bullied, of course he wouldn’t be able to bear it.” Chi Ku was the top student of the class; his grades were good and he was an easy child to care for. Even aside from their personal relationship, the teacher liked this pair of brothers. Teachers saw students as their own children. She lowered her voice and said, “We’re in the right here. It’s fine.”

Tao Xiaodong didn’t care for right or wrong, nor for trouble. He could have pressed the school to expel that student, but now that Chi Ku had fought him, they needed to let go. But that was fine too.

What made Tao Xiaodong angry was that Chi Ku didn’t know his limits.
–

“Haven’t I told you before that you need to know your limits when you fight?” It seemed that Tao Xiaodong had never spoken to Chi Ku with such a cold expression before. He spoiled the children and didn’t like to get angry at them, especially since Chi Ku had always been biddable and easy to care for. As he drove, he creased his brow and said, “Fighting is fine, boys fight. But throwing a chair? Not controlling your strength?”

At first Chi Ku didn’t speak. After a moment, he said, “When he hit Tao Huainan, he didn’t know his limits either.”

“You’re comparing yourself to him?” Tao Xiaodong really was angry; his words grew harsher too. “How many of them did you take on? What if someone picked up the chair you threw and threw it at your head, what then? Your brain would explode.”

“I didn’t throw it at his head.” Chi Ku stared out the window and replied sullenly.

“You didn’t. But would they?” Tao Xiaodong opened the window to let the air in. He was so furious at Chi Ku that his stomach ached. “Once their eyes saw red and they went for the kill, what would we do if something happened to you?”

Chi Ku tightened his neck and didn’t speak.

“Instigating a brawl. You really weren’t afraid the school would expel you.”

Chi Ku still stayed silent. When Tao Xiaodong thought of the tempers and stubbornness of these two younger brothers, his head hurt.

“I haven’t even had time to scold you for coming back with all these injuries. You really think I don’t have a temper, huh.” Tao Xiaodong looked at him; when he saw Chi Ku’s pitiful appearance, his anger rose for more than one reason.

Chi Ku didn’t really know how to speak. Ever since he was little, everything he knew how to say was probably said to Tao Huainan. Now that ge was angry at him, Chi Ku didn’t know what to say.
–

When they returned home, Tao Huainan was sitting upright on the sofa. Hearing the door, he walked over and felt about. Tao Xiaodong was still upset. He chucked the key onto the shoe cabinet and changed out of his shoes, then went to wash his hands.

Even if Tao Huainan couldn’t see, he could sense sharply that the atmosphere wasn’t right. He asked Chi Ku in a whisper, “What happened?”

Chi Ku said, nothing.

Tao Huainan went to look for Tao Xiaodong instead, drawing on his brother’s back. Tao Xiaodong turned around and looked at him.

Tao Huainan2 touched his back and asked, “What’s wrong?”

Adults couldn’t explain their anger to children. Tao Xiaodong shook his head about, messing up his hair. Tao Huainan seized his hand and put it against his face; Tao Xiaodong casually pinched his cheek.
–

With ge and Chi Ku not talking, the atmosphere in the house was a little tense. Tao Huainan wanted to say something to ease the tension, but he didn’t know what had happened, and he didn’t know whether his affair had brought them a lot of trouble.

At night, Tao Huainan wrapped himself in a blanket, then pulled the covers over Chi Ku and himself. He blinked and hesitated for a long time, not sleeping. Chi Ku still hadn’t said how he came back. Even when Tao Huainan asked, he wouldn’t say. Since coming back today, Chi Ku hadn’t spoken at all. When they were showering that night, Tao Huainan heard him cough several times.

Tao Huainan reached out and gently hugged Chi Ku.

His arm was light. As it looped over, his movements were like those of a small animal.

“Xiao-ge,” Tao Huainan called out to him softly in the dark.

Chi Ku mm-ed.

“Did you fight?” Tao Huainan was sensitive and thought a lot. He had guessed, more or less.

Chi Ku didn’t reply.
–

He didn’t want to talk about it; Tao Huainan could sense that. Since he didn’t want to talk about it, they wouldn’t talk about it.

He didn’t know why, but from the time the two of them parted up till Chi Ku’s return, Tao Huainan felt like he had changed a lot, emotionally. In the past, he would often act like a spoilt child, wanting Chi Ku to speak to him nicely, not liking his fierceness. Now that he had returned, Tao Huainan’s strongest feeling was one of security, like he had landed on the ground. In this sense of security, he didn’t care how Chi Ku was, and stopped having a lot of his wishy-washy little piques and fits.

Tao Huainan moved a bit closer to Chi Ku. Hearing the subtle rustling noises of the pyjamas and the covers, he felt a slight, inexplicable embarrassment.

His soft, warm breath landed on Chi Ku’s arm. Hugging Chi Ku like this, he could clearly feel that he had grown thinner.

“It’s so good to have you here.” Ever since he was little, Tao Huainan frequently said such cheesy things before bed, things that left one at a loss as to how to respond. His mouth was sweet, and he would say whatever he felt in his heart.

Chi Ku lay down and didn’t react, not paying him any attention.

Tao Huainan didn’t need his attention. He pasted his face against Chi Ku’s shoulder, rubbing against it, clingy.

“If I didn’t have ge or you, I think I wouldn’t be able to grow up.” When Tao Huainan said these quiet things, his voice would always be small, mostly whispery. “If I didn’t live under your watch, I wouldn’t be able to survive, I think.”

“Wouldn’t be able to survive” were unpleasant words to hear. Chi Ku frowned and hissed warningly.

“Do you remember Sun Yizhe from when we were in blind school?” Tao Huainan didn’t mind. He continued to hug Chi Ku as he spoke.

Chi Ku said he did.

It was a blind child in the year above them. He had excellent grades and played the saxophone well. Whenever the school held events, they would hear him play the sax.

[CW: Suicide]

Tao Huainan closed his eyes and pressed his face against Chi Ku, saying in a low voice, “He jumped off a building over Chinese New Year.”

[/CW: Suicide]

Chi Ku turned to look at Tao Huainan, astonished.

Tao Huainan’s eyelashes fluttered and fluttered. Children speaking of such things always carried a mild instinctive terror. The arm hugging Chi Ku tightened somewhat. “He lost his sense of hearing. He couldn’t see, and couldn’t hear.”

“What floor?” asked Chi Ku.

“Twelfth,” said Tao Huainan.

Chi Ku didn’t know what to say, so he stayed silent.

Tao Huainan raised his head slightly, facing Chi Ku in the dark and saying to him, “Sometimes I wonder, too. Why us? Why can everyone see but us?”

Light shone in from the window into the room. Once one adjusted to the darkness, Tao Huainan’s face could be clearly seen. This face hadn’t changed much since childhood, only growing more delicate, not as plump as it was back then. When he was little, he would cry a lot, and when he cried his eyelids and the tip of his nose would turn red, very pitiful. Now he didn’t cry much, but occasionally, when he was being difficult, he would shed tears too.

“But when I think about it, if I weren’t blind, my brother might not have brought you back.” Tao Huainan pinched part of Chi Ku’s pyjamas, massaging lightly with his fingertips. “Then I wouldn’t have you, and you’d be at home the whole time being beaten by Chi Zhide. I wouldn’t have a xiao-ge, and you wouldn’t have Tao Huainan.”

Chi Ku kept looking at him.

Tao Huainan lowered his face again, rubbing it against Chi Ku’s shoulder. The blind boy couldn’t see other people, so he never felt that being so intimate at this age was inappropriate, since they grew up like this anyway.

“So was my blindness for the sake of having you? Whenever I think of that, I feel like being blind has its benefits too. I might be useless, but I get a lot out of it.”

That hot milky odour dove into his nostrils once more; this child had grown up in a tank of milk.

“Don’t fight because of me anymore. I’m afraid that you’ll beat him, then he’ll beat you, then this thing will never end.”

After beating around the bush for so long, Tao Huainan finally said the main thing. He pinched that patch of Chi Ku’s pyjamas, softly soothing, “I only want to grow up well with you. I don’t want Chi Zhide to hit you, and I don’t want you to get into fights.”

Tao Huainan loved his brother, and he loved Chi Ku. His heart and world were both very small: in them was just this little family of theirs.
–

He said so many corny things, like when gege and Chi Ku are around at night, I feel so secure.

Chi Ku didn’t reply to him at all, only using his other hand to pinch Tao Huainan’s face, pinching till he pouted and his features were all pressed into one mess. Then he said, “Sleep.”

As he was pinched, Tao Huainan’s mouth pointed high up, pouting. Even when Chi Ku let go, he didn’t relax, even taking advantage of this to get closer. That was how his pouting lips touched Chi Ku’s neck lightly.

It was like a child expressing its liking and satisfaction: I’m so happy I could kiss you. It was the cleanest and the purest form.

–

1 家长 means head(s) of the family. Could be a parent(s) or guardian(s) or other family member(s).
2 The raws said Tao Xiaodong but this was presumably a typo.