Ferocious Dog of Old

The two younger brothers were now close and loving. The little blind boy was happy every day; he was glued to Chi Ku every day, unable to be torn from his side.

But at home, there was one elder who was still angry, ignoring people.

Tao Huainan secretly offered an idea to Chi Ku, saying, “You should coax ge. He has a soft heart, a bit of coaxing will make it all better.”

Chi Ku listened quite seriously and asked, “How do I coax him?”

“Just… act spoilt?” Tao Huainan pulled out his own bag of tricks, giggling, “You hug his neck and say, ge, I was wrong.”

Chi Ku turned away, annoyed. “I’m not you.”

“Of course not.” Tao Huainan was annoyed at him too. “If you were me, we’d have made up ages ago. How could I let you guys stay mad at me for so long?”

It was rare that Tao Xiaodong was angry, and rarer still was he angry at Chi Ku. He normally wouldn’t be mad at anyone. Actually, come to think of it, this really was the first time.

Ge was normally smiling and chuckling, but when his face turned cold, it was very imposing. Even though he wasn’t angry at Tao Huainan, the atmosphere at home was so cold, Tao Huainan became a lot quieter too.

“It’s your own fault for fighting. Ge’s mad at you for not listening to him.” Tao Huainan didn’t know the inner workings of what had happened, nor how Chi Ku had fought. According to his understanding, ge was angry because Chi Ku had been fighting.

Chi Ku didn’t explain either. He didn’t say it, but he was quite worried. He didn’t have Tao Huainan’s tricks—he didn’t know how to coax someone. He couldn’t open his mouth.

This mess dragged on for another two days. Tao Xiaodong would leave early and come home late every day, so Chi Ku didn’t see him; only on the weekend did he finally catch sight of the man.

Last night, Tao Xiaodong came back late. Now it was past nine in the morning, and he still wasn’t up. The two younger ones finished their breakfast and began to study. Tao Huainan had a lollipop in his mouth—he’d bought it with spare change after shopping yesterday. He slurped noisily as he ran his hand over the book—there were many poems left for him to memorise.

Tao Xiaodong walked out of the room when he woke up. His eyes swept over the two of them. Chi Ku raised his head to look; Tao Xiaodong didn’t meet his eyes, walking to the bathroom instead.

Chi Ku stood and went to the kitchen to make noodles. When Tao Xiaodong cleaned himself up and came out of the bathroom, Tao Huainan asked, “Are you busy today?”

“No, I don’t have anything to do.” Tao Xiaodong stroked his head as he walked past, then sat on the sofa and leaned back, looking at his phone.

Wearing shorts at the end of March, he was a little cold. The heater wasn’t at full strength, and the room was rather chilly.

Chi Ku came out while the water was boiling. Seeing Tao Xiaodong sitting there without a shirt, he entered his room to grab a blanket, then came out to cover Tao Xiaodong.

Tao Xiaodong didn’t avoid him. He even pulled it up slightly, not raising his head to look at Chi Ku.

The next time Chi Ku came out, it was when the noodles were done. He’d even cooked the noodles in a special way, adding prawns and beef, with a fried egg on top.

Tao Huainan loved noodles best. At some unknown point, Chi Ku learnt to make them.

Chi Ku brought them over to the coffee table. Tao Xiaodong lay against the sofa arm, looking at his phone and replying to messages.

“Ge, please eat,” said Chi Ku.

Tao Xiaodong mm-ed, saying indifferently, “Leave them there, let them sit.”

Tao Huainan turned and listened. The slurping sound of the sweet in his mouth was even louder.

Chi Ku stood at the side for a while, his mouth shut tight.

Tao Xiaodong acted as if he wasn’t there, not speaking to him or looking at him.

Later, Chi Ku lowered his eyes, walked over, and crouched down. He crouched between Tao Xiaodong and the coffee table. Only now did Tao Xiaodong shift his gaze towards him.

Chi Ku said “ge”.

Tao Xiaodong said “mm”.

Chi Ku crouched there and said, “Sorry, ge.”

To one side, Tao Huainan called out his support. “Aw, don’t be mad at him anymore, Xiaodong.”

Tao Xiaodong looked at him for a few seconds before opening his lips to ask, “Who have you let down? Me?”

The common questions one would be asked when admitting their wrongdoing were familiar to Chi Ku; even if he’d never admitted his wrongs before, Chi Ku was still able to answer smoothly. “No, I let myself down.”

Unexpectedly, Tao Xiaodong raised a hand and flicked his head. The noise was loud. He said, “Don’t be shameless, you let me down.”

In his corner, Tao Huainan snorted with a “pfft”.

“You think it’s easy for me to raise a child?” Tao Xiaodong sat up. “I brought you and Tao Huainan up together. You ate the same food growing up. Does the food I feed you count for nothing?”

Tao Xiaodong looked at Chi Ku squatting before him. His height had shot up very quickly over the past two years; now he was very tall even when he was squatting. Tao Xiaodong’s face remained cold, his expression severe. “You think you don’t belong to this family? That someday, if something happened to you, we could just act like you were never part of this family, since you’re not blood-related? Is that right?”

Chi Ku said “no” in a low voice.

“Come on, tell Tao Huainan. Let him know how you came home.” Tao Xiaodong pulled his clothes, yanking his collar and peering in. All his wounds had yet to heal; the scabs covering his neck and face hadn’t fallen off either. “I’ve never seen a kid with such grand plans.”

Tao Huainan sharply grasped the main point here. He asked, “How did he come home?”

Chi Ku turned to Tao Xiaodong and shook his head, not wanting him to say it.

“Don’t shake your head at me.” Tao Xiaodong didn’t care. “Looks like he’s worth more than I am in this household.”

Tao Huainan’s eyebrows were knit, the sweet in his mouth crushed between his teeth with a clack. “How’d you come home?”

Before he’d made up with the elder, the younger had already begun giving him trouble. Chi Ku left the younger for now. He looked at Tao Xiaodong and said, “I was wrong, ge.”

In truth, Tao Xiaodong’s anger had long since abated. How could he stay angry at a child? He just wanted Chi Ku to remember it this time.

“Next time, if you trot out this whole ‘I don’t care about my life’ attitude again,” Tao Xiaodong raised a hand and grabbed the back of his head, pulling him forward so Chi Ku couldn’t keep squatting and had to sit next to him, “we’ll have a nice long talk.”

The elder had been talked around, if you stretched the definition of being “talked around”. The troublesome little brat remained.

Tao Huainan followed behind him all day, asking “how did you come back” continuously. Chi Ku glanced at Tao Xiaodong. Tao Xiaodong was watching the drama unfold, unbothered by the trouble; leisurely, he simply watched.

When night fell, Chi Ku couldn’t stand it anymore and gave him a simple explanation.

How could Tao Huainan take it? He was so angry he gasped for breath. After fuming, he thought of the blows that Chi Ku had taken, and his heart hurt too much; he was angry and wanted to ignore him, but couldn’t resist asking whether it still hurt.

“I was wondering why you kept coughing after you got home.” Tao Huainan stroked Chi Ku’s chest. “Does it hurt?”

“No.” Chi Ku took his hand away. After a full day of clinging, he was frustrated; all he wanted to do was finish his homework and sleep.

“Why else would ge be angry at you. Ge has such a good temper, and even then he was angry at you.” Tao Huainan regretted helping them to make up now. “Who wouldn’t be angry at you?”

“Don’t join in just for the fun of it.” Chi Ku’s right hand held his pen; the left casually pinched Tao Huainan’s ear and chin.

Tao Huainan leaned his head back. “Get off.”

Chi Ku pulled his hand back and reprimanded him. “Don’t lean back.”

Tao Huainan had once leaned back and flipped the stool over—he hit his head against the floor and it hurt all day.

Back then, Tao Huainan was terrified that Chi Ku would be hit. He would rather Chi Ku not come back yet—he just wanted Chi Ku to be well. But in the end, Chi Ku deliberately let his father hit him for the sake of coming home. Tao Huainan’s heart was extremely pained. He was only angry when he first heard the news; nobody understood better than Tao Huainan why Chi Ku was in a rush to return. Instead of anger, Tao Huainan’s strongest emotion was one of hurt.

This unsettled emotion filled Tao Huainan’s entire heart.

No matter how anxious he felt, he couldn’t see. The little blind boy could only ask Chi Ku to let him feel where he had been beaten.

Chi Ku was bothered by him so much his head was about to explode. All he said was, “Get up, get away from me.”

Tao Huainan didn’t care. He reached out both hands and covered Chi Ku’s head, feeling downwards from the forehead. Near his eye sockets was a rough patch, an uneven scab. Tao Huainan touched it lightly with a thumb. “This scab is really thick.”

Chi Ku said “it’s fine”.

Tao Huainan’s palm dragged over Chi Ku’s face, his fingertips touching it bit by bit. His hand was warm, and it made Chi Ku very ticklish. Eventually, Chi Ku couldn’t put up with him; he stood and moved elsewhere to sit.

Tao Huainan followed him, shifting to the sofa. As he listened to the TV, he reached his hand into Chi Ku’s shirt, stroking his back.

“Tao Huainan.” Chi Ku grabbed his hand and tossed it out, so aggravated that he began to cough.

“What are you shouting about?” Tao Huainan creased his brow. “You’re not ticklish.”

Tao Xiaodong sat on the other side of the sofa watching TV. When he saw the two fussing there, he grew happy. These two had been like this ever since they were little, one clingy and one avoiding.

In fact, he wasn’t a very sensitive person. This older brother lacked any sense of suspicion.

This family lacked for an emotionally sensitive female; it was a household of three males, males who were insensible. In many ways, Tao Xiaodong’s method of child-rearing was very rough.

On Sunday, Chi Ku studied in his room. Tao Huainan lay on his ge’s lap as they listened to a film together.

It was a foreign film on CCTV6, showing a gun battle. Listening to the battle noises, Tao Huainan felt sleepy. He didn’t like listening to these at all. He couldn’t read the subtitles nor understand what he heard. But Chi Ku was studying and didn’t pay him any attention, so Tao Huainan could only seek his older brother.

Tao Xiaodong patted his head arrhythmically. It was too comfortable. Tao Huainan closed his eyes, almost falling asleep at once.

The TV went quiet for a rare moment. It was a man and a woman speaking, not loudly. After ages, they didn’t even manage to finish a single sentence. Later on, after the woman half-laughed with an “mhm”, the tone of the show changed.

There was the sound of clothes rustling, panting, and slow background music.

Harsh breathing mixed. Tao Huainan couldn’t understand what they were saying, but instinctively knew something was up.

Tao Huainan opened his eyes and asked, “What are they doing?”

Tao Xiaodong didn’t think much of it at all. “Kissing.”

“Kissing?” Tao Huainan blinked. Of course he knew what kissing was, but this really was his first time hearing first-hand what a kiss sounded like. What a strange sound it was…

It mysteriously made one a little uncomfortable just listening to it.

Ten seconds or so later, it quickly passed, and that whole ambiguous, sensual atmosphere disappeared from the scene. Tao Huainan closed his eyes again. The earlier sound had not left his mind; when he closed his eyes, he unwittingly imagined two people mouth-to-mouth. It made him slightly disgusted; he felt it was strangely dirty.

But there was a tiny bit of irrepressible curiosity.

After Tao Xiaodong had set off his curiosity, he turned off the TV—it was time to sleep for one and time to work for the other. The baton of this bit of curiosity could only be passed to xiao-ge, Chi Ku.

When it was only the two of them, Tao Huainan asked Chi Ku, “Have you ever kissed someone on the lips?”

Chi Ku was stunned by his sudden question. He blanked for a while, then frowned and said, “Who would I kiss?”

“The acad…” Tao Huainan hadn’t even finished the sentence before the noise of Chi Ku heavily setting down his pen interrupted. He sensibly swallowed his words and didn’t dare to continue.

“You’re trying to annoy me to death.” Chi Ku let out a low “pfft”. Tao Huainan heard baseless words from god-knows-who some time ago and managed to write and perform a whole play in his head. If Chi Ku really had developed to the point where he would kiss someone on the lips, Tao Huainan would probably blow the roof off.

“True.” Tao Huainan imagined Chi Ku kissing someone else and felt like it was slightly wrong. Everything about it was off.

The more he thought about it, the more off it felt.

He had been rather curious about this matter at first, but when it came to Chi Ku, that curiosity disappeared completely all at once; he would rather not think about it at all. Later on, his own thoughts made him disinterested in the matter. He wrapped himself in his blanket, dove under the covers, and went to sleep like a good boy.