Ferocious Dog of Old

After growing up with their families around them, suddenly having to leave home and live within this community required a long period of time for them all to adjust. The eyes were the first window to interaction and information feedback on the outside world, so without this connection, everything was much more difficult.

At night, they all had to be comforted before being put to bed; the next morning, they all woke up crying again.

Waking up to discover they weren’t at home, that they couldn’t hear Mum and Dad’s voices—it sent them all into despair.

Tao Huainan was much tougher than the rest of them. In the morning of that second day, he merely wiped his tears away lightly, then didn’t cry again. After all, compared to the other kids, he had been apart from his brother more frequently, for days at a time; his brother’s longest trip away was over half a month long, and he went to Tian Yi-ge’s place to stay with Auntie Tian and Shi Yeye.

Hence, compared with everyone else, he wasn’t exactly in the pits of despair, though he did miss his brother.

At any rate, he still had Chi Ku.

–

Yesterday, he clung to Chi Ku all day, even holding his hand when they went to sleep at night. At some unknown point in their sleep, they each withdrew their hands.

Tao Huainan woke early. When he woke up and realised that he was at school, he lowered his head and cried soundlessly for a moment, then jumped down from his bunk, feeling his way to Chi Ku’s bed and walking over with his bare feet. When he reached it, he quietly climbed up and sat on the edge.

Chi Ku woke up too; he had always been a light sleeper. He opened his eyes to find Tao Huainan’s back facing him as he wiped his tears. Chi Ku shifted in a little.

Tao Huainan heard him moving. He cocked his head to listen, thinking to speak; he opened his mouth, then closed it again.

Their relationship was rather delicate at the moment, and children found it hard to alleviate such delicacy. The relationship wasn’t great to begin with, as they barely spoke to each other. But they spent all of yesterday together, even holding hands. Tao Huainan no longer hated him.

But nor did he want to be the first to speak. This feeling, in its adult form, would be termed awkwardness; for a child, it was simply discomfort. They weren’t even good friends, yet he held the other boy and never let him go, constantly sticking by his side—it was quite embarrassing.

–

The nanny came in, nimble and light-footed, with four sets of clothing in her hands. When she saw the two of them up without a fuss, she chuckled and praised them in a low voice. “Wow, what good children you are.”

Tao Huainan heard her voice. He pursed his lips and moved his bum backward till he reached Chi Ku.

The nanny reached out and stroked his head. “As scared as a kitten,” she said softly, mirth in her voice.

–

There were many things they had to learn in school; getting washed and dressed independently all had to be carefully taught. The little children were led by their respective nannies in rows of four, each with their hand holding the clothes of the person in front of them, heading to the washroom in little trains.

Chi Ku didn’t need to be taught anything. Before the blind children had even assembled, Chi Ku had already washed his face and brushed his teeth. Tao Huainan let go of him for the moment, feeling about as the nanny instructed them to.

The letting go was only temporary. Emerging from the washroom, the chain of four formed again and the little train departed for their room. Tao Huainan held on to Chi Ku’s clothes; he held on very tightly.

–

That was how they lived at school.

It definitely could not be said that a school for the blind was the same as a normal one; there were differences, but they were far from major. The first thing they began learning was braille, their first step in engaging with culture. Along with this foundational course, they learnt a number of things also taught at regular schools; apart from Chinese, maths, and English, they had music, P.E., and art classes.

Aside from his timidity, Tao Huainan was adapting fairly well. Fewer and fewer children in their class were crying, too. For the first two days, their teachers would comfort them gently, but starting the third day their tempers grew shorter; they began to firmly enforce the rules on the children, becoming steadily stricter.

Tao Huainan and Chi Ku’s tables, originally put together, were now pulled apart. Nevertheless, they now sat one behind the other; just by turning around, Tao Huainan could touch Chi Ku’s table.

–

From Monday to Friday, the children felt the five days to be far too long.

On Thursday night, Tao Huainan lay in bed, his hand clutching the pillow cloth that had been bunched into a long strip as he quietly missed his brother.

The pillow cloth was tied together by the nanny, who thought that the two of them reaching across the bed rails to hold hands looked far too tiring. She found them a pillow cloth to pass through the railings, for each of them to hold one end of.

Tao Huainan always held one end in his hand before sleeping every night. If he didn’t hear any sound, he would move it a little; if Chi Ku was still up, he would move it too.

They could go home tomorrow. His brother was coming to pick them up in the afternoon.

Tao Huainan felt a little like crying again. He held the pillow cloth and gently tugged it twice.

Chi Ku moved. Tao Huainan called out softly, “Chi Ku.”

The voice seemed to carry a tearful tone. At his end, Chi Ku said, “Don’t cry.”

When he spoke, he always sounded so fierce. Tao Huainan pouted. “I miss ge.”

Chi Ku ignored him. Tao Huainan was used to this; he gave up, unbothered. Tao Huainan let go of the cloth and turned over.

In the other bed, Chi Ku closed his eyes. He was far too sleepy. He pressed a corner of the cloth under his head, so he could feel it if Tao Huainan moved it.

Tao Huainan flipped over and closed his eyes for a moment, then turned back again, holding the cloth once more in a timid grasp.

–

The moment school let out on Friday, Tao Xiaodong came to pick them up. The first year kids came out, holding each other in their little train. Though Tao Huainan was perfectly aware that he couldn’t see, he kept turning to the main gate, his heart too anxious to take much more.

They were sent out one by one. When Tao Huainan’s turn came, Tao Xiaodong picked him up by the waist with one hand and spun him in a circle. Tao Huainan wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. He placed his hand on his brother’s arm and ran his fingers over it, as if to show how much he missed him.

Tao Xiaodong put him around his neck. Tao Huainan sat on his shoulders, his two hands holding his brother’s head and pulling at his brother’s ears. Tao Xiaodong grabbed his legs with one hand, putting the other on Chi Ku’s shoulder.

Tao Huainan called out “gege” in a fit of wild delight.

Tao Xiaodong turned and gave his small arm a light nibble, then pinched Chi Ku’s neck and asked whether the annoying little imp had irritated him.

“I didn’t,” Tao Huainan said in a small voice above his head.

Below, Chi Ku shook his head.

–

Children were the strangest of creatures, sensitive and delicate; it was often said that their thoughts were easy to guess, but sometimes grown-ups really couldn’t understand them.

After coming home from school, these two kids ignored each other again. Chi Ku always stayed far away; when Tao Huainan spoke to him, he kept his distance without making a sound. Later, Tao Huainan stopped talking to him at all.

Now that they were home, they behaved the same way they had before they started their schooling, as if the five days that they had held hands in school had never happened at all. Tao Huainan only played with Shi Yeye; occasionally, when he heard Chi Ku pass, he would turn, but once he realised that Chi Ku had no intention of stopping he would turn back.

Tao Xiaodong didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Adults didn’t have to interfere deliberately in the matters of children; they had their own methods of resolution. Tao Xiaodong gave himself the weekend off to spend time with his younger brothers; when Tian Yi asked them out for a meal, Tao Xiaodong brought the two of them along.

–

Tian Yi-ge was his older brother’s good friend. He was still a student.

Tao Huainan liked Tian Yi-ge’s voice very much. He would chuckle with a “hehe” whenever he spoke, and children liked people who laughed frequently.

He pulled Tao Huainan up and swung him around in circles, then told him he had grown heavy.

“This is even thinner than before,” Tao Xiaodong said, looking at Tao Huainan. “He lost so much weight worrying about starting school.”

“It’ll be fine after a while. Lots of people get sick when they first start school.” Tian Yi pinched the flesh on Tao Huainan’s arm and played with it.

Even his big cup of milk every day was reduced; the teachers didn’t let him drink that much. The milk at school was a bit thin and bland, not nearly as nice.

Tao Huainan didn’t eat much breakfast, nor did he like eggs. He was used to drinking milk. Now that he drank less milk, he would always feel hungry in the morning.

After complaining and whining to his brother for ages, Auntie Tian quickly gave them two glasses of milk. “Let our Xiao Nan refuel, quick,” she said, smiling.

Tao Xiaodong turned back and yelled for Chi Ku, asking him to come drink milk.

Chi Ku came over, raised his head, and drank it in one gulp. He went to the kitchen to rinse the glass out himself. Auntie Tian was in the kitchen; she told him that he didn’t have to wash the glass and tried to hand him fruits to eat. He only shook his head before going outside to stand around.

“What’s with that kid?” Tian Yi lowered his voice as he asked Tao Xiaodong, “Has he always been like this?”

Tao Xiaodong mhm-ed, adding, “He doesn’t like to speak.”

“Seems a bit too unlikable.” Even Tian Yi found it odd.

Tao Xiaodong didn’t say anything more. Chi Ku had always been that way, they were all used to it. Tian Yi had only seen the child a few times, but every time he saw him, he behaved the same way. He felt uneasy.

“He’d better not take after his family.” Tian Yi’s head hurt at just the thought of Chi Ku’s family. When Tao Xiaodong first brought him back, Tian Yi had said after a glance that it wouldn’t work; the boy wasn’t friendly, it was in his eyes.

“He won’t,” said Tao Xiaodong.

Tian Yi and Tao Xiaodong had been as close as brothers for many years now, and he shared many of Tao Xiaodong’s concerns. In a low voice, he said, “I hope you’re not raising a wolf cub.”

Tao Xiaodong replied that he wasn’t.

Since Tao Huainan was there, Tian Yi couldn’t say too much. Adult considerations weren’t fit for children’s ears; children were meant to be kept clean and innocent.

Tao Xiaodong looked at Chi Ku as he stood outside. “He’s just more guarded than most,” he said. “He didn’t have normal interactions with people before. Give it time.”

Tian Yi looked out too, and didn’t continue the conversation.

Tao Huainan had heard them talk about Chi Ku for a while. Whatever he was thinking, his large eyes didn’t move; he seemed to be listening intently.

“The two of them aren’t close. They don’t even play together,” Tao Xiaodong said deliberately.

“I can tell,” said Tian Yi.

Tao Xiaodong gave him a look; Tian Yi understood instantly; the two bright-eyed adults began to tease the little blind child. “Well, we’ll see,” said Tian Yi. “If Xiao Nan doesn’t like him, we’ll send him away.”

Tao Huainan visibly straightened up and blinked.

“What…” Tao Huainan pinched the flower patterns of the sofa cover. “But Chi Ku didn’t do anything…”

The two mischievous adults met each other’s eyes and laughed. Tian Yi added, “He doesn’t talk and you two don’t get along, let’s just swap him out for another.”

Tao Huainan pouted unhappily. “It’s not like we don’t get along.”

After listening in on them up till they talked about sending him away, Tao Huainan leapt down from Tian Yi’s lap. His mouth opened and closed, as if he was trying to say something. He stood there for a long time before finally uttering, “We get along fine.”