Flash Marriage

Chapter 3.2

He zhi who was deliriously inebriated, confusing people and things, but even then she did not forget to embarrass me. She sat on the back seat of Jiang Li’s car, leaning on my shoulder, whining: “call your BMW dude to pick up and take us home. Ah, why do you have to get married so fast….”

Jiang Li in a disagreeable tone said: “BMW dude? You introduced me to her like that?”

Scratching the back of my head, I giggled a bit: "she is self-taught.”

He Zhi continued whispering: "both of you did not fall in love at the first sight?”

Jiang Li quipped: "love at first sight?"

I continued to bluff: "It's a self-learning talent.” What else, did he honestly want me to tell her that he is gay?

He zhi’s body went limp and fell to the floor. I pulled her up, leaning on my shoulder again she very explicitly (note this word, now I was really upset) said “if he dares to be bad to you then I will castrate him!”

Jiang Li looked kind of frustrated too and ‘cheerfully’ asked “castrate me?”

I closed my eyes, shielding my brain from all the sound waves.

Finally, while He Zhi continued to ramble on, Jiang Li aptly summarized everything in a mere sentence: "birds of the same feather flock together."

Contemplated for a long time, I did not just hear him say ‘same species flock together’ phrase. I was quiet, I was angry.

Since I was really quietly angry, so I did not say anything. I leaned against the car window pretending to be deaf.
 

                                   

Eventually I summed up my own impression in Jiang Li’s eyes.

First of all, indecent? Met for the first time and instantly married.
Second, men and women take them all? Not only molesting my own friend but also eyeing his friend, this also verified the first point.
Third, pragmatic? Using term like “BMW dude” to introduce him and it can also verify the next point.
Fourth, cocky? Claiming Jiang Li fell in “love at first sight” with me.
Fifth, lust? Simply diabolic? This I couldn't say after all the word “castrate” had a really deep dark meaning…..

Inside the car the atmosphere was really awkward, He Zhi kept uttering non sense, Jiang Li and I did not talk.

When the exit to my home came, Jiang Li suddenly asked: "Do you live with her at the same place?” Thinking Jiang Li had asked me her exact address; I replied that it’s same as mine. Then his eyes became a little weird.

I shook my head explained: "No, we are neighbors." I hesitated a little before adding, "I'm not lesbian."

........

I knew that generally gays do not like to touch women, so I considerately refused Jiang Li’s help in dragging He Zhi upstairs. Fortunately, two of us lived at the second floor so it was not too hard to climb.

I dug out the house key from He Zhi’s bag, quickly opened the door, turned on the light and then brought her to the bedroom to throw her on the bed. Her parents did not live with her, in other words, the quiet life of a twenty-seven-year-old woman, living alone with no parents around, was .....well one could do whatever one wanted, drink till midnight before coming home unlike me….anyway it does not matter, I was married now old mother could not get me. She couldn't replace her in laws to discipline me? The more I thought about this, the more I felt the decision to marry was right. I thought how after the marriage Jiang Li would not interfere with my nights out, about what I do and where I go.

I gingerly crept inside my home thinking my mother must already be asleep, but I had just moved two steps inside suddenly the living room’s lights were switched on brightly.

Old mother was standing at the bedroom door, resentfully looking at me, the little flames in her eyes made my uneasy heart jump into chaos until I could not bear to stand and wanted to immediately hug my mother’s thighs and cry loudly.

My mother did not wait for me to open my mouth, cutting the development of processing (preemptively), using a plaintive voice said: “Yan Yan, why are you so heartless to let your mother stay at home alone?”

Me: "..."

Ugh, you did not see wrong, really did not see wrong! This was my beautiful great old mother, I had courageously spent more than twenty years in the battle of wits against her, it was really not easy ... ..
So this time, I swallowed my saliva, weakly responded to her question: “have I not come back now?”

In the wink of an eye, mother from her fifty-years-old body skillfully shifted into a twenty-years-old body, in front of me, pulled me down a little, sniffed around, frowned and said “went to drink?”

I very calmly denied: "No, that He Zhi was dead drunk, I just send her back." He Zhi, my friend, rest assured, this would be the last time I would sell you.

My mother rolled her eyes in a fashion that said ‘I absolutely do not believe your nonsense.’
She said: “I thought that you went on a blind date but really you were fooling around with He Zhi.”

I diligently corrected her: "Mom, I did not fool around with He Zhi, instead went out with a man to fool around.”

My mother yawned sleepily: “I wish you could go and fool around with a few men.”
I looked at my mother’s tired face and thought if I tell her now; will the damage be smaller or not?

So, I dragged my mother to sit down sofa, tactfully took out the red sheet from my bag and placed it in front of my mother’s hands “Mom, watch this.”

My mother took the marriage certificate, waved it while complaining: "young child, how can you casually take away someone else’s marriage certificate... If you also have one yourself.....” her words here abruptly stopped.