Chapter 39.2

“Xiao Yan, in these years, I really missed you. At the start, I didn’t bother much. Despite the divorce I would still go to look at you. I would often bring you to buy candy fruit. But then, you would then pretend not to see me. Inside, I started to develop feelings of remorse and regret. Regretful that I divorced your mother. However, as time passed, I would start to comfort myself. That you were just like any other kids angry only for a while. Therefore, if should leave you for a while your anger should pass by. It wasn’t later until I have experienced that same feeling of being ignored that I finally understood. Xiao Yan had actually hated me deep to my bones. My heart felt like it was stabbed. Yet, I couldn’t go to find you, I was afraid that you would ignore me again.”

My heart felt as though something smashed it. It was extremely painful. “Don’t talk about these stuff anymore.” My heart would not be able to sustain the pain if he continued.

“No! Xiao Yan, I have thought about it over and over again. And I have suffered for ten years already. Just bear with me for a while, listen to my talk. I will probably never have this chance to speak with you again. Today, you have promised me to sit and talk. Even I was surprised…really. In the past, you wouldn’t even look at me in the eye. You may not know how much I have wanted to find you. It was all because of my fear to see you unhappy, so I didn’t go. Sometimes, your mother would send me pictures of you. You probably don’t know this since she never told you. To be honest, these days I have never been able to comprehend why everything is not going smoothly if the ones who divorced is me and your mother. Later, your mother told me that this is what they call ‘the deeper the love goes, the stronger the hate grows.’ You cared too much…and for this reason, I became happy for a few days.”

“These years, I would always dream of you. From every moment to every memory…such as every time when I walk you to school, you would hold only one finger out of my hands. You would cautiously treading your way and when we pass by the corner of the street, the neighboring grandpas would say I am teasing my daughter. Every time I would wake up grinning ear to ear scaring those who see me.”

“And whenever you didn’t pass your exams, you would always come find me to sign the paper behind your mother’s back. You know that no matter what I wouldn’t be able to put my heart to scold you. Haha. I still remember about how your highest score in language was only ever a 65. At that time, the teacher graded a problem wrong so actually you could’ve gotten a 67. You came home tearfully sobbing, only after buying you ice cream did I coax you.”

“And remember when you were in high school, a boy gave you a love letter? At that time, I accidentally saw it and you made me write a short reply of rejection. Embarrased, you told me to throw it away, to be honest I have still kept it until now…”

I could feel my throat burning and eyes turning sour. It is mentally tiring to withstand the tears from falling. “Enough, it has all passed.”

“Xiao Yan, the divorce happened a long time ago already, can’t you forget it? I understand that you hate me…”

I interrupted him, “I don’t hate you anymore.”

He wide eyed stares at me. “What did you say?!”
I sniffed my nose and laid my head up to beat the tears back. “I don’t hate you anymore. Honestly…it was actually me wanting to hate you but couldn’t bring myself to commit to the feeling. Everything has long passed. My mother and you are both living quite well. Nobody is hurt anymore.”

He excitedly calls out ‘Xiao Yan’ yet couldn’t mutter any other words.

I continue to speak, “In the past, I thought that if a man leaves a woman behind, it is the most disgusting thing to do. However, after what I have went through, mother seems to be living more freely than when she was with you. It appears that I have been over dramatic about everything. I believed that if she had continued to stay with you, she wouldn’t as cool as she is now. Likewise, when Yu Zi Fei left me I felt as though the world had ended. Only, as time passed I realized how happy I am without him. Every time I meet him at work, he would run off. Jiang Li said that I am too serious. Now that I think about it, it is indeed the case. To be honest, I should have let go a long time ago. It’s not like it’s a big deal. A person’s life belongs to only themselves. Whether a person’s life is happy, depends solely on his own attitude towards life. It matters not on someone else’s view of him, or whether he is loyal.”

He hurries to nod his head. “Xiao Yan, you have matured.”

I smile at him, I think I indeed did matured. Let those bastards like Jiang Li and Wang Kai go die. Only my father understands me the most!

He nervously opened his mouth, “What about…”

“Relax, you are still my father. And have always been.”

He became flustered with joy as he pulled on one hand of mine, eyes brimming with light.

“Before I didn’t let you speak was because if I did, I would start tearing up. Really. Everyday I would proclaim to myself that I have killed off all my emotions reagrding to you nor this stuff. The result is actually quite pitiful. Jiang Li later told me off saying that I can’t hate you because of one mistake and forget the past sixteen years of happiness that you gave me. It seems that he is right. My biological father will forever be my biological father. I still remember all the good things you gave and brought to me. I pity my parent’s heart. At that time, I didn’t understand letting you suffer.”

“Xiao Yan, Jiang Li changed you a lot.”

I smiled as I wiped my trickling tears. “Save it, he only have a slippery mouth.”

He smiled before carefully speaking again, “Xiao Yan, can I treat you to dinner?”

I shook my head, “Not today, I have to go home and serve Jiang Li.”

He disappointedly lowered his head, not speaking.

Thus, I encouraged. “If you don’t mind, you can join us during dinner.”

His head shot up with eyes glistening so bright.

I looked towards this old man’s various fast changing expressions. My heart no longer pained.

So it turns out, I have actually left a burden behind. I have never known that it is such a relaxing thing to do.

Wow….now that is some cliche deep stuff. What Xiao Yan said is right. A person’s life belongs to only themselves. No one is obligated in this world to make to you happy. Of course, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t help someone. These days, no one is that free to come to your rescue anytime and any day. Therefore, one needs to be strong to survive. I am still learning from mistakes and experiences. I am not much of a difference. In a way I am trying to fight through my own obstacles to get to my dream. With this, I hope all our dear readers may live a happy life. Whether you are sad or happy after reading this chapter, I bid you farewell until the next chapter. We still have a long ride ahead, so sit still and hold on tight. Adieu!

— Lychee