Futile Love

Chapter 11: Chapter 11

Noticing her depressed voice, Bipaan also felt heavy. He felt that after all, it was thanks to her friend Ruhae that she could show him her cheerful disposition, though it was fleeting. She was like a little and weak baby animal before a wild beast when she looked at him.

I was right when I decided to keep my distance from her.

Bippan already kept his distance from her. And she obediently followed his order, but she didn’t act like other women, perhaps because she was young and came from a foreign country. She didn’t act exactly as instructed by him. And that now disturbed his prudent disposition.

Yeah, let me give it a pass this time.

Saying that, he found his glittering eyes trembling, so he took pains to control it. Seeing him, she was now in low spirits. She felt she could get familiar with him only now, but closed her lips after she was scared again. Her thick and small lips were closed and never opened again.

“Your Highness, you look gloomy,” said the nanny, approaching her who just came out of Bipaan’s study after offering him morning greetings.

The nanny was always worried that Kyosul might be hurt by the Crown Prince’s icy attitude. Coming out with an unusually gloomy look today, she complained to her in a tearful voice, “He has told me not to do anything.”

She became depressed all the more.

***

Under the big tree in the central hill in the back garden of the outer palace was Kyosul sitting alone. Ruhae recognized her.

Muffling his steps, he approached her quietly and said with greetings, “Long live the….”

He was about to greet her gladly with a smile but stopped. When she turned around, he found her face was a mess. Though she cried less than she did on the day of her arrival here, he could notice a deep sorrow in her face though she put on makeup meticulously.

“Your Highness Crown Princess, what’s the matter with you?”

He hurriedly ran to her. Though he felt so sorry for her, he couldn’t hug or touch her with his hands. She was squatting on the ground and barely leaning against a tree, and leaned forward.

It was a light and instant touch as if a garden balsam bore buds. Her forehead touched his lower shoulder. He grew stiff. He couldn’t reach his hand.

While he was agonized with complicated feelings, she opened her mouth, “I go to the Crown Prince’s palace every morning.”

“Every morning?”

“Yes. Though I hear there is no such etiquette in the Mok Kingdom, we are supposed to go and see the king and the queen every morning to offer morning greetings in my motherland. So, I wanted to carry out my duty as the Crown Princess…”

While she was explaining to him slowly, her voice was subdued. Her voice was now choked with sorrow, he thought. Her shoulders trembled slightly. When he saw her trembling sadly, he couldn’t hesitate any more. He patted her on the back subtly like the gentle touch of a mother who was trying to settle her baby to sleep.

“I just wanted to be good for him as his official wife for the sake of him and my motherland. I just tried my best not to cause any trouble…”

“So what?”

“The Crown Prince told me not to loiter around in the back garden unnecessarily. He told me I should be prudent in my conduct because my behavior might bring about terrible consequences. All I’m doing all day is to take a stroll in the back garden and stay at my residence in the East Palace. I just wonder if he wants me to stay inside all day long. I just can’t control my tears as I’m so upset and frustrated about his warning.”

Now, with a hiccup she stopped and then spoke her mind clearly.

I understand my brother is pretty sensitive to the line of succession of the throne and power struggle, but I just don’t know why he feels this little crown princess might cause trouble to him…

Hearing her explanation, Ruhae was also upset. How could he scold this little and tender-hearted woman severely enough to make her sob like this? He just thought of the Crown Prince Bipaan as his elder brother as well as a member of the imperial royal family, but he began to think about him differently now. His priority was Kyosul before his eyes.

“Maybe he told you so because he was worried about you.”

“Was he worried about me?”

“Yes. As you are so innocent, he might have been worried about your safety in this dangerous palace. By nature, the Crown Prince is brusque, so he could not have expressed his concern to you softly.”

“Do you really think he did so?”

Teardrops began to drop from her eyes at the moment.

Wiping her tears casually with the back of his hand, he said, “Yes, I think so. Is there any man here in the palace who doesn’t care about you?”

He reassured her about that, but she was still in doubt. Fortunately, she stopped shedding tears.

“If you are not worried about somebody, you are not supposed to scold him or her,” he said.

“Oh I see…”

Only then did she realize what he meant. She quickly wiped tears and smudged the makeup on her face. When she vented her frustration, she pulled herself together and said, “Thanks.”

Then she made a broad smile once again, which made him laugh, too. After that, he continued to comfort her, making excuses for Bipaan, so she could keep smiling.

“How come you’re so kind-hearted to me?” she asked.

She knew many kind people, but they were far away from her. The only ones who were kind to her were the nanny playing the role of her mother and Ruhae. He pulled his hands off her shoulders when she gazed at him. She felt empty on the shoulders.

“Well, I’m especially kind to you, Crown Princess,” Ruhae answered.

Her eyes were opened wide with surprise, but when he smiled at her quickly, she also followed suit, smiling mischievously.

“Yea, especially kind to you. Thanks.”

Though his reply was short, it was more than enough to comfort her.

***

“If it’s true that the Crown Prince was really worried about me…”

The most terrific response in human relations was indifference. If Bipaan gave her such a warning as he was worried about her safety like Ruhae said, she didn’t have to care at all. Rather she would gladly accept his order.

Pulling herself together again, she headed for Dongchon Palace.

“Her Highness Crown Princess wants to offer morning greetings to you, Crown Prince.”

When she arrived, the eunuch and court ladies conveyed her arrival to Bipaan.

Soon, the eunuch came back with an embarrassed look and bowed to her.

While she was preparing to take off her shoes on the stepping stone, she got cold feet when the eunuch said, “The Crown Prince told me not to let you in and ask her to go back.”

“What are you talking about?”

With a surprised look, she looked at the eunuch. Startled at her glittering eyes, the old eunuch was at a loss for words. She stepped back, struggling. A couple of court ladies came running to support her. She could hardly believe her ears.

“Did he really expel me?”

Her precipitous shouting resonated throughout the quiet yard of Dongchon Palace.

For the past several days, Kyosul was told to go back when she arrived at Dongchon Palace. Though she visited there at the same time every day, he didn’t let her in.

“He told me not to do anything, and now he doesn’t want me not to offer morning greetings?”

Gazing at the locked gate ruefully, she turned back.

She felt bitter. Actually, she was optimistic that she could get adjusted to her new life in the imperial palace. As if to scorn her, he was so mean and cruel to her.

“It’s so difficult for me to see his face…” she grumbled.

“Your Highness,” said the nanny turning ghastly pale.

“There are many people here who might overhear you. Be careful all the time,” the nanny said.

“I know that. As a weak Crown Princess from a small kingdom, I should be prudent in my words and actions. Even the Crown Prince won’t protect me.”

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“Your Highness.”

“I know, nanny.”

Pouting her lower lips, she closed her mouth. Deep inside, however, she was still complaining about him.

I have never seen a person so mean like him. Does he feel uncomfortable about my greetings? I wish he had said that to me. I’m just so frustrated and feel tight as I’ve been kicked out like this.

She was confident that if she did something wrong, Bipaan would never take her side. On the wedding night, he already told her not to stand in the way of his career. The matter of succeeding the throne seemed more important to him than a strange woman from a small and weak country. He didn’t show any generosity in this little lady.