Futile Love

Chapter 133: Chapter 133

“Your Majesty, please release the prince! Don’t you know that he is not the type of man who could hurt Princess Heyjin?” She begged in a trembling voice.

“I think he will be set free.” The moment her face became bright, he said in a calm voice, “On the condition that he is really innocent.”

“Your Majesty!”

“By the way, you don’t want to behave as my official wife?”

“… Pardon?”

She asked again as she couldn’t understand his question.

No matter what he said, she was easily tricked. The more heartbroken he was, the more he found it easy to maintain his composure. As if he was indifferent, he said, “You are not expressing your official title Crown Princess when you talk to me.”

“… Oh, didn’t I?”

Even now, she didn’t mention her official name.

She urgently changed it and said, “I as the Crown Princess was so embarrassed that I made a mistake.”

“Mistake?”

He looked into the air. He put his chin on his fingers and habitually tapped his cheek with his index finger.

‘I can see even in her trifling expressions that she doesn’t want to be my wife.’

Although he felt there was nothing he could do about it, he felt frustrated the moment he confirmed her unchanged affection for Ruhae, but she didn’t know or try to know how Bipaan felt toward her all along.

Her only concern was about Ruhae, detained in prison.

“He’s your brother. You have known and watched him much longer than me, and you know his personality well. Why are you so cold-hearted?”

Bipaan looked at her again.

‘She says I’m cold-hearted. This woman, who is so mean to me, says I’m cold-hearted? Who is really cold-hearted?’

But he soon calmed down and said, “Don’t worry too much about the prince. As your husband, I’ll treat him impartially and fairly without any personal feelings. ”

It was much more than he would usually say.

***

“Crown Prince, the Crown Princess has arrived to see you.” While working in his study, Bipaan stiffened at the eunuch’s announcement. As the silence continued for a moment, the eunuch asked, “What shall I do, Your Majesty?”

“…let her in.”

After the eunuch left, Bipaan stood up from his seat and checked how long it would take for the eunuch to bring her to his study. He sat down and stood up again. He was leaning against the desk when he heard the door opening.

As she arrived a little earlier than expected, he was embarrassed and picked up any book he could reach. Soon she came near to him. He could feel her coming without checking it with his eyes. He was familiar with her thin breathing, pleasant and fresh scent. He even felt her shy gesture without seeing it. All of his senses were directed toward her.

With his eyes fixed on the book, he looked up, as if he was not interested in her.

“Long live the Crown Prince! I’m honored to see you.”

She slightly bent her knees and greeted him. He slowly closed the book and put it on the desk. Still leaning against the desk, he looked up with arms folded.

“I never knew the Crown Princess would come to see me.”

Though he barely kept calm, he couldn’t hide his nervousness. Never did he think even in his dream that she would come to see him again. He had thought he would no longer see her in the East Palace.

In surprise, his gaze soon moved to the red robe she was holding.

“What is that?”

At his asking, she approached him cautiously and offered him the red robe. He quickly looked at the robe, still with his arms folded.

Luxurious , thick red silk, with carefully embroidered flowers and butterflies– he was familiar with the robe and clearly remembered the day he wore it.

It was his wedding robe.

“It is the robe that you left behind in my room on the wedding night.”

“Why are you giving it back to me now?”

She didn’t reply.

Their wedding took place in early spring. When he thought that returning it now was unusual, he asked coldly. He could not miss it when she flinched at his asking.

“Hummm…..you must have some reason. Can’t you tell it to me?”

He touched his mouth as if to tease her. There was a wave of strange emotions stirring his mind. His excitement that he would be able to see her in his study quickly put him in a bad mood.

“Because I don’t need it anymore.”

She presented it to him, but he did not take it. So, she put it on the desk. The edges of the long red robe touched the floor.

“I don’t need it anymore…” He repeated her words with a hard voice.

“That means you needed it before.”

“… Yes. I needed something to replace you. ”

She answered smoothly. His heart froze now. He exchanged sharp words with her, which he didn’t intend at all. His charged feelings made him use more harsh words.

“Did you want me to hug you?”

“… If you wanted. ”

He couldn’t let her go. He persistently asked her. Put into a corner, she boldly spoke her mind.

“Well, it wasn’t exactly what I wanted.”

He felt something was broken.

He unwittingly turned to her. Then, he reached out and put his arms over hers.

He put his hands slowly on her small, round shoulders then her arms.

He grabbed her wrists. If he reached out and held her waist, he could hug her, but he couldn’t reach out anymore.

He just looked down at her with a little gap between them. Although she could feel his gaze, she never looked at him.

He wanted to hug her tightly right now.

‘No, this is my greed. If I can’t hug her always, I shouldn’t covet and harass her.’

He was not confident.

As a man who lived without knowing how to express feelings all his life, could he really embrace her? Could he not hurt her? Could he please her? Could he only harass her?

He already made many mistakes and made her cry.

He was not confident.

Besides, she already gave her heart to Ruhae, and he didn’t want to force her to dump Ruhae come back to him.

He wished she could be happy with somebody else.

If only she could be happy.

In a word, he overly cared for her happiness.

He was not confident about himself at all as far as she was concerned.

He just felt as long as she could live as she wished and he could watch her at this close distance, he would be okay.

He was thinking deeply. He didn’t know how much time passed after he stood awkwardly before her. He slowly dropped his fingers one by one as if he was desperate for something.

And he decided to release her.

“If that’s the case, does it mean that you have found something else to make you ‘warm’, right?”

This time she didn’t reply. In the end, he spat out words that could hurt his feelings.

“My brother cared about you so much when I saw you guys in the garden. And you went out of your way to defend him regarding the interrogation.”

“Back then, I just wanted to help the innocent.”

“So, did you meet him?”

Bipaan did not listen to her excuses.

To end his lingering affection for her, Bipaan questioned her harshly.

“Let me ask you one more time. Did you meet him?”

At last, she had tears in her eyes, and nodded slowly. His heart was pounding hard as if it would break open.

“Yes, I met him, and I’m meeting now. Yes, he treats me warmly.”

He quickly raised his hand and she closed his eyes tightly. The tears that had already filled her eyes dropped. It looked as if each of her words became a dagger, tearing apart his heart.

Cruel woman.

‘How come she is so naive?’

If she were a little clever and cunning, he could easily release her after hating and curising her. But she was not. Why did she reveal her sincere feelings about Ruhae and break his heart?

Although he heard what he wanted to hear from her, it was difficult for him to swallow his hurt feelings casually.

In some respects, it was a contradiction.

His raised hand didn’t fall. His fist stopping in the air trembled as if he tightened it.

With a blank look he shut his mouth, barely controlling his anger. Some blood came out of the palm scratched his fingernails.

He put down his hand faster than he raised it.

“Don’t call my brother Ruhaei before me. Anyway, I’m your husband. As long as the emperor doesn’t know this and you don’t hinder my way, just do as you please. ”

After all, that’s what he could say to her, as always.

After letting her out, he slowly approached and sat down in the chair with his hands on the desk. Looking at the red robe on the desk for a moment, he quickly got rid of it. It hit the bookshelf and fell under it like a shattered rugosa rose.

His face turned white when he turned..