Futile Love

Chapter 17: Chapter 17

Kyosul herself was surprised to know she had made such a confession. How could she wish Ruhae was the Crown Prince?

I feel comfortable when I’m with him.

I laugh when I’m with him.

I miss him when he is not around.

She kept thinking about him more and more deeply before she knew, but she was still confused about whether it was because of Bipaan’s icy attitude or because of Ruhae’s lie that she was so sad and heartbroken now.

“Was he simply teasing me?”

She was scared. She was even worried that his words and actions she had observed so far were deceptive in nature given that he had lied about his identity.

Bipaan treated me as much of a mere child. How much did I look foolish and funny to Ruhae then?

As such thoughts came to her mind often, she was distressed all the more.

As the Crown Princess, she enjoyed spending time with another man, regarding him as a friend, and even confessed to him that she wished he was the Crown Prince.

“What a fool I am! Why didn’t I ask him about his identity?”

After blaming herself for a long time, she began to hold a grudge against Ruhae.

She felt the reason he didn’t tell her about his identity frankly was that he regarded her as an unimportant woman. Though she was confused about whether a weight on her mind was caused by Bipaan’s cold treatment or Ruhae’s ignorance. She was more and more attracted to Ruhae. It was the first time she thought about a man for so long other than her brothers.

Every day the royal doctor brew herbal medicine for Kyosul. Receiving a bowl of herbal decoction, the nanny stood before the door of her room and asked, “Your Highness, are you awake?

She didn’t reply, but when the nanny glanced at the court ladies, they opened the door. With her head lowered, she stepped into the room, put down the bowl, and looked at the bed.

She was already awake and sitting up in bed. She looked paler in her white nightgown.

“This herbal decoction is for you. The doctor asked you to have it on an empty stomach first then he will prepare another medicine after you have porridge for breakfast. ”

“… ”

She was silent. Looking at her with trembling eyes, the nanny offered the herbal decoction to her.

“Please drink it when it is warm.”

Receiving the bowl, she cautiously emptied it. It tasted bitter in her mouth.

But for now, she felt much more bitter than it.

“Let me bring your breakfast soon.”

Holding the empty bowl, the nanny bowed to her and stepped back. After a while, she brought a pill with the porridge. Kyosul didn’t say anything until she finished her breakfast.

At noon, she brought lunch. The doctor didn’t prescribe any medicine for lunch. Granted that she ate like a bird usually, she hardly ate the food today. As she had medicine but not much food, the nanny was worried. She was sitting for a while after she had lunch. Then she was about to lie on the bed when a court lady gave her a message.

***

Sunny spring days were waning, and Mother Nature was preparing to close spring. Full-petaled spring flowers began to disappear one by one, and the cool spring breeze gradually began to turn warm, heralding the arrival of summer.

Ruhae, the owner of Namchon Palace in the center of the South Palace, sat in his study with a pale face. He looked so pale that he looked like he would collapse at any moment. The reason he was so haggard was because of one woman whom he couldn’t throw her name around now. Ruhae had a friend that he enjoyed meeting until recently. She was none other than Kyosul, who came from the Hwa Kingdom for a political marriage with Bipaan, the Crown Prince of the Mok Kingdom. He used to meet her mainly in the back garden of the outer palace without any prior appointment. When he was caught being with her by chance by Bipaan, she found out that he did not reveal his identity to her.

I can’t forget how embarrassed she was…

He couldn’t forget her embarrassed eyes and the expression on her face when she came to know for the first time that he was a prince and that his name was not Uljin Yu but Yuuljin Danmok. Whenever he closed his eyes, her glittering eyes came to his mind, troubling his heart.

I’ve brought myself to this. Who can I blame?

This was a punishment he brought onto himself. He should have revealed his identity from the beginning. If he had done so, she might have taken it and given it a pass without any problem as she was simple and naive. But he was scared. He was worried that if she was the Crown Princess would be wary of him, a prince. He was scared because of the unusually fierce competition among princes to succeed the throne.

“I hid my identity because I didn’t want to lose her, but that made me lose her more quickly.”

Thinking over and over his mistake, Ruhae murmured with a deep sigh.

“Like brother Bipaan said, I might have… ”

Ruhae suddenly recalled Bipaan’s sarcastic criticism of him.

Did you feel a great pleasure when you heard the Crown Princess calling you by your given name? I think you were indulged in a sense of superiority as if you were her paramour or the Crown Prince, and didn’t think of correcting her mistake, right?

Was it because he liked it so much when Kyosul called him by his given name?

Yuuljin

Her voice and her bright smile came to his mind suddenly. Her pronunciation of his name was so cute and adorable, with a pleasant vibration.

But he could not hear her voice anymore, let alone her calling his name. After she found out about his deception, she didn’t come to the back garden anymore. Nevertheless, Ruhae continued to visit the back garden as if that were a ray of hope he could count on.

As the days went by, Ruhae became more and more skinny. When he held a brush with a tired face, the eunuch said, “Your Excellency, Prince Ruhae, the princess has arrived.”

“Let her in.”

At his short reply, the door of his study was opened and a fine woman came in. Her round and small face shaped like a finely carved chestnut was pure and white without blemishes. Her hair was shiny as it was treated with camellia oil, and half of her round forehead was covered with bangs. She had a neat and elegant impression.

She was Princess Yomin, a woman of virtue who always served him loyally with all her heart without any objection to his instruction. Princess Yomin came into his study and said hello.

“I’m honored to see Your Highness.”

She adjusted her posture and looked at his face. She came to him with a light step. A woman, who hesitated to choose for a moment between the cushion mat next to him and one before his desk, sat face to face with him.

“Your Excellency, what’s the matter with you? I hear that you haven’t had much food recently. ”

“No, I’m fine. I’ve got something that disturbs me. That’s all. Don’t worry about me.”

“Oh, Prince Ruhae.”

There was some sadness in her calling with lament. She was heartbroken at his reply. He always treated her with courtesy. She was thankful to him because he seemed to respect her, but she felt heartbroken all the time because he seemed to keep his distance from her by showing too much decorum.

Today, she asked, though she knew she would be rejected.

“Is it something you can’t share with your wife?”

Ruhae looked into her eyes. Her clear eyes were filled with her concern about him.

He seemed to hesitate for a moment, but today, too, he shook his head firmly with a smile.

“Thanks for your concern, Princess Yomin. But this is a very little private matter of mine. So, it doesn’t deserve your concern at all. ”

Though he said in a kind and soft voice, she felt it like a dagger in her heart. She wished he hadn’t smiled at all. Though he was always sweet and kind to her, she was hurt by his kindness sometimes.

Looking at his smile, her face became rather hardened. He was trying to keep his distance from her. He always treated her carefully. Though he couldn’t be more kind to her, he wounded her heart. She clenched her fists, her hands placed on her knees. Her skinny and small fists trembled suddenly.

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After all, she said something she shouldn’t have.

“I hear there is some rumor about you circulating among the court ladies.”

With a curious look, he looked at Yomin. She turned her mouth up slightly.

She smiled a long smile and continued casually.

“The rumor is that when the Crown Princess first came to the imperial palace, you greeted her kindly and had romantic feelings about her, and since then you have secretly been meeting every day and have confirmed your love.”