Futile Love

Chapter 31: Chapter 31

Squatting between the bookshelves of the library, Kyosul looked funny, cute and lovely. As if she was consumed with longing, her eyes seemed full of tears. Ruhae wanted to touch her small forehead out of sympathy. He wanted to take off the ornamental wig and stroke her hair, but he didn’t. He just smiled at her, waiting for her to open her eyes.

He held back the strong urge to comfort her.

“Your Highness, Crown Princess.”

He almost touched her hair. As if responding to his trembling voice, she opened her eyes in surprise before closing them again.

Kyosul disappeared into the air like a mirage without any trace of her scent. It had been a hallucination that Ruhae conjured out of longing. His hand hung awkwardly in the air.

He lowered his hand as his gentle smile faded.

“I know she isn’t here…”

He shook his head. Leaving the library, he felt more tired than he had when he entered.

When he tripped over the grass on the road, he realized that he arrived at the back garden of the outer palace.

“Oh my god!”

Ruhae was embarrassed. He felt it was okay to go to the library because he used to go there often even before he met Kyosul, but he intentionally avoided the back garden of the outer palace after Bipaan had caught them together. It seemed that his longing had led him there. Whenever the wind blew, his heart ached. When time passed, the clouds passed by, and the sun set, he felt depressed and heartbroken.

Leaning against the big tree, he watched the sun setting. Its red spirit sank into his heart.

The red energy of the sun cut his tender heart.

“I’m so heartbroken…”

Ruhae shook his head wildly. Even when he closed his eyes, he vividly conjured up her lovely face. He couldn’t understand how her image was so clearly etched in his mind. Maybe his longing for her became deeper as he kept thinking about her every day.

“Is it because I miss you so much?”

There was no one to answer him. There was no trace of her voice, her presence or her smell anywhere. What was left at all was emptiness in his heart.

Let me stop.

Ruhae steeled his heart. In terms of common sense, humanitarian customs and legality, he could not take her. He also had his own official wife. Kyosul was his elder brother’s wife.

Ruhae left the place. He vowed that he would never think of her. He vowed that he would regard the library, the back garden and any other place in the outer palace as just another place.

With that resolution, he left the outer palace.

Peonies shined red in the crimson light of the sunset. Their large petals looked burdensome. The stamen inside the shy white petals shined more brightly than gold and lured the bees with a sweet scent. Ruhae stopped walking and looked at the peonies for a long time.

The moment he looked at the peonies, he thought of her again.

“It looks like you’re very late today.”

The shy posture of the peony reminded him of Kyosul.

“I just don’t know how I could miss somebody so much.”

In the end, he had to give up his vows. His longing for her was already too deep for him to control. He spent his days in a standard, boring manner. Tied up by the customs of the imperial palace as a successor of the throne, he was busy playing three roles: a prince, a husband and a son.

He had no time to figure out what he really wanted or what he really liked to do. The only things that had guided him since he was born were the customs and laws of the imperial palace.

However, the scent of a woman’s tears interrupted that. From the moment the door of her sedan chair opened, he saw Kyosul, as shy as a peony, shedding tears.

He couldn’t forget it, and now he understood why.

“This is the first time I felt temptation….”

Ruhae reached out to touch the round petals of a little peony and found them soft beneath his long finger.

Gently stroking it, he was careful not to damage it.

“This is the first time I felt the temptation to have you.”

He always lived a life as given and instructed by the emperor. He was the son of the woman favored by the emperor, so he became the prince and got married to a woman arranged by the emperor. Over the past twenty-one years, he was never moved by any person around him until he was captivated by Kyosul.

“This time I’m really determined to do what I want to do.”

Ruhae’s soft eyes became sharp.

***

“Thanks, Kyoyoung.”

“You’re welcome. Please ask for my help anytime when you need it,” said Kyoyoung with a gentle smile.

Much relieved by her kindness, Kyosul held her hands tightly, “Please allow me to take off first.”

“Are you leaving already?”

“I think I spent too much time while I was having such a pleasant talk with you.”

Kyosul wished she would stay longer, but Kyoyoung stood up right away. After she offered courtesy farewells, Kyoyoung left her room. Crossing the yard to her residence, Kyoyoung slowed down now.

As she walked further away from her residence, her smile slowly disappeared.

“It looks like you have….” A cold look replaced her smile, “You must have underestimated me.”

Her cheeks trembled. In the end, she stopped walking when she began to sneer at Kyosul. Kyoyoung turned her head quickly and stared at her residence sharply. Her eyes were cold. When she recalled what just happened between her and Kyosul, she was filled with rage and shivered with resentment.

***

An hour prior, Kyosul sat face to face with Kyoyoung in her room in Dongbi Palace. The two women exchanged visits frequently. Regardless of the difference in their titles as the Crown Princess and the second wife of the Crown Prince, they seemed to be on close terms because Kyosul trusted too easily and Kyoyoung was very skilled in dealing with women.

“As you are in the imperial palace, I think I am now more comfortable around you.”

“I’m glad to hear that. As you felt so lonely, I was really worried about you.”

“Really? I am embarrassed to hear that.”

“That’s why we have tea and cookies like this so often. I just hope you can get accustomed to the palace life and feel more comfortable and at ease.”

While saying so, Kyoyoung held a cup of tea with a gentle smile. When she sat face to face with Kyosul, Kyoyoung always had the same expression on her face, which made Kyosul feel comfortable all the time. They kept chattering in a good mood for a while.

“By the way, Kyoyoung. As for me…” Kyosul said shyly, with a blush. “I’ve only got brothers in my motherland.”

“Oh, I see. I know you are the only princess in the blessed Hwa Kingdom.”

“You’re right. I’ve got four older brothers and four younger brothers. Though I had no sisters, I didn’t envy anyone because I had several brothers.”

Kyoyoung got curious why she suddenly talked about her brothers and sisters.

So, she quietly waited for Kyosul’s next words, smiling at her.

“As I have a great time with you like this, I think I know how good and pleasant it is to have a sister. If I had an older sister, I would guess she would be like Kyoyoung.”

“Did you say older sister?”

“Yes, older sister. I feel like you’re my older sister.”

Having said that, Kyosul nodded cheerfully. Kyoyoung seemed surprised at her remarks but concealed her genuine feelings.

“How can I be your old sister?” said Kyoyoung, smiling rather stiffly.

Expressing thanks out of courtesy, Kyoyoung gently refused her request, but Kyosul came closer to her and held her hands all of a sudden. Kyoyoung flinched and almost pulled her hands away. Barely smiling, she let her put Kyosul’s little hands into hers.

“I really feel you’re my older sister from the bottom of my heart. I am just grateful to you in many ways, and I would like to take my cues from you.”

“Me?”

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Genuinely startled, Kyoyoung looked at Kyosul. Kyosul’s innocent and glittering eyes showed that she was really looking up to her.

“When I got here, you reached out to me first and shared your shameful secret with me, and I really appreciate that. I pulled myself together thanks to your help.”

Kyoyoung blinked. The reason that she revealed her shameful secret to Kyosul was because a wild rumor about her already spread throughout the palace. As Kyosul would certainly hear it someday, Kyoyoung felt it would be much better for her to meet and tell her about it in person so as to keep her pride, but the innocent Crown Princess misunderstood her motivations.

“Besides, even if you are only one year older than me, I feel some sort of mystic aura around you, which is beyond description. It’s something I can feel from an adult woman. I want to be an adult woman like you.”

“An adult….”