The Governor is Sick Chapter 137 (Extra): Locked Fish and Jade Hourglass

A month after Xiahou Lian regained consciousness, the congratulatory gift Shen Wenxing had sent finally crossed the long canal and arrived at Jinling. The servants formed a long line to lift ginseng and pilose antlers one by one into the manor, placing them in the yard to wait for Xie Jinglan to examine them. Xiahou Lian randomly lifted open a box to look it over and discovered that it was full of bull pizzles. The jet-black, thick, and long objects were stacked neatly inside, and Yu-jie’er and Miaozhen who had followed him to join in on the fun even wanted to reach in to hold them. Xiahou Lian hastily swatted their hands and closed the box, saying, “Children, step aside and be careful, the young master will come soon and ask for your homework.”

The children had been scratching their heads about the poems Xie Jinglan had recently assigned to them, so whenever they caught a glimpse of Xie Jinglan they would wish they could dig a hole and sneak away. The two of them stuck out their tongues and bounced away.

Xiahou Lian kicked the box and inwardly cursed Shen Wenxing for being improper. That guy didn’t know that Xie Jinglan was a fake eunuch, so could he be hoping that his godfather would eat the bull pizzles and grow one? Thinking about it another way, could it be for himself to eat? What was this guy worrying about? He, Xiahou Lian, was very mighty, and he could overturn a bull with one hand, why would he need to eat this kind of thing?

After a while, Xie Jinglan came, and the servants showed him the list of gifts that was so long it dragged on the ground. Xiahou Lian stood for a while and felt bored, so he carried a parrot cage outside to walk the bird. He went to Zhuiyue Building to find people to drink with, then went to Shuixi Gate to watch other people play with crickets, dawdling all the way until night before returning home. He randomly ate a few bites, bathed, and went back to his room to rest. Xie Jinglan was already inside, and he was leaning against the bedframe and reading a book.

“You’re back?” Xie Jinglan lifted his eyes to look at him.

Xiahou Lian took off his clothes and walked over half-naked to hug him from behind, tearing his collar open and revealing a side of his fair shoulders. He was a person made of ice muscles and jade skin, and pressing just slightly harder with his finger could create a red mark. Xiahou Lian buried his face down and kissed him, then sniffed. Even though he didn’t wear a fragrance anymore, he seemed to always be able to detect a faint scent of dipterocarp. His crotch area slowly grew, and Xiahou Lian nudged Xie Jinglan, saying hoarsely, “Young Master, do you want to try being on the bottom, my abilities are definitely stronger than yours.”

Xie Jinglan squinted his eyes. “What? Are you not satisfied with my abilities?”

Xiahou Lian laughed dryly. “I’m speaking honestly, just that thing being big isn’t enough, your bedroom techniques indeed need some practice.”

Xie Jinglan glared at him and stood up, his shirt sliding down his arms and revealing his entire jade-white upper body. Xiahou Lian watched fixedly and moaned, holding his waist in his arms and burying his face into his firm abdomen.

“Fairy-like Young Master, you’re going to kill me with your beauty.”

“Don’t die from impatience yet, we’ll play a little today.” Xie Jinglan pushed him down onto the bed and took out a length of hemp rope from underneath the bed, tying Xiahou Lian’s hands to the curl-patterned bedframe.

Xiahou Lian grumbled in frustration, “Young Master, is this the only thing you like? Are you going to lash me with a whip?”

Xie Jinglan glanced at him with the shadow of a smile, his eyes glittering like spring in the candlelight. “That’s a good idea, I’ll make a note of it and whip you another day.”

Xie Jinglan crawled to the end of the bed and took off Xiahou Lian’s trousers, and now that that hard thing was no longer restrained, it sprang out from his crotch. Xie Jinglan glanced at Xiahou Lian in ridicule, and Xiahou Lian raised an eyebrow at him. “Does it look good? Do you like it?”

“Get lost.” Xie Jinglan ignored him and continue to tie his ankles to the left and right sides respectively of the bedframe. After making sure he had tied a dead knot so he couldn’t get out no matter how he struggled, he dragged out a sandalwood box from underneath the bed, placed it on the footstool, and opened it. 

“Exactly how many treasures do you have hidden underneath the bed?” Xiahou Lian was sweating a little from embarrassment. He would have to properly check underneath the bed another day, or else he’d be defenseless.

“These are the gifts Shen Wenxing sent over today, congratulating you on your health and recovery.” Xie Jinglan took out a thick thing carved out of jade and put it in front of Xiahou Lian’s eyes for him to look at. It was as thick as three entire fingers, its head was round, and intricate spiral patterns were carved on its body. Xiahou Lian was instantly stunned. 

“What the hell is this?!”

Xie Jinglan used it to poke Xiahou Lian’s face, his eyebrows curving as he smiled. “A dildo.”

He lowered his head again and took another one out from the box. This one was carved from ivory, entirely white with a faint luster. Xie Jinglan said, “You pick, which one do you want? Ivory, jade, porcelain, silver, or pottery?”

“I don’t want any!” Xiahou Lian widened his eyes in fear. “Don’t even think about it!”

“There are others.” Xie Jinglan picked up a string of small bells and shook his hand, making a jingling sound. “These are pleasure beads, it’s said that they come from Mengyang, look, they can even make sounds. I really want to make you keep them inside you on a daily basis, it must be very amusing.”

When Xiahou Lian heard this he practically wanted to collapse. “I’ll keep your fucking uncle 1 inside!”

Xie Jinglan glanced sideways at him and said, “I don’t have an uncle for you to keep inside.” He put the pleasure beads back and took something else out. Two thick and long ends stretched out from the middle, with both ends rounded, and they were carved into the shape of a man’s member. Xie Jinglan’s expression darkened upon seeing it.

Xiahou Lian was dumbfounded. “What kind of son did you raise, he even offered you a double-headed toy, is this so we can have fun together?”

“That guy has excessive filial piety.” Xie Jinglan put the double-headed toy back and only took out the dildo, unscrewing the cap. It was empty inside, so he poured a cup of cold water inside. Grasping it, he felt it wasn’t icy enough, so he put on his clothes and went outside to shovel some bits of ice inside. 

It was icy enough now, so he carried it in his sleeve back to the room. Xiahou Lian was still naked and laying spread-eagle on the bed. The thing at his crotch was already soft, and it was crooked among clumps of hair, revealing its tip. When Xiahou Lian saw him coming, his face was green. “Young Master, have a heart, spare me. To tell you the truth, I’m feeling ill today, let’s go to bed earlier.”

Xie Jinglan leaned down and looked at him. “What illness do you have?”

“I’m manstruating.”

“What?” Xie Jinglan was confused.

“Women menstruate, I manstruate 2, so today it’s unsuitable for me to serve you in bed.”

Xie Jinglan: “…”

Xiahou Lian looked at him pitifully. 

Xie Jinglan wasn’t swayed at all, and he merely kissed him on the brow, saying, “I don’t care about menstruation or manstruation, I’m in the mood, so you have to help me.”

He was used to being peremptory, and everything had to be how he wanted, so it was useless no matter how much Xiahou Lian pleaded. He calmly took off his clothes and flipped over to lie on top of Xiahou Lian’s body. Their two bare bodies were firmly stuck together, and they could feel each other’s burning hot bodies. Xiahou Lian gasped, and his member became hard again, so swollen it was uncomfortable. Xie Jinglan lowered his head and kissed him, leaving dense kisses down along his collarbone, and shivers rose in every area he passed. At his chest, he used his tongue to outline those dark halos, and the colors there slowly brightened, like wet rouge. He held the soft fruits in his mouth, and it was as if they were blooming inside his mouth.

Xiahou Lian’s entire body was numb, turning into a puddle of water, yet there seemed to be a fire burning below. Blood surged in his veins, and if he weren’t bound by the rope, he would’ve already turned into a wolf, tearing the person on top of him into pieces.

“Y-Young Master, hurry up.”

Xie Jinglan ignored him, and his lips continued to go lower, finally arriving at the tip of that shaft. The veins in Little Xiahou were already bulging, their sharp ridges fully displayed. Xie Jinglan kissed him carefully, his soft lips on it like a provocation. Xiahou Lian couldn’t help but let out a low moan, his entire body trembling.

Seeing that he was ready, Xie Jinglan took out some ointment and rubbed it on his backside, then smeared it on the dildo so it was smooth and shiny. His eyes wandered to Xiahou Lian, who was gritting his teeth and sweating profusely from enduring it. Xie Jinglan didn’t delay any longer; he spread him with his fingers and stuffed the dildo inside.

An icy feeling instantly filled his body, as if an icy snake was slithering throughout his entire body from below, and Xiahou Lian’s mind became blank.

“Fuck!” That feeling was too stimulating, as if he was being held on the point of a saber. Xiahou Lian raised his neck and wailed, “Get it out, out!”

Xie Jinglan was unmoved as he twisted the dildo, and the spiral patterns rubbed inside him, causing dense itches and numbness. Xiahou Lian tried to close his legs, but he was bound by the rope so he was helpless, and the bedframe creaked from being shaken.

“I don’t want it! Young Master, I’m begging you!”

“You don’t want what?” Xie Jinglan let go and leaned down to whisper into his ear.

“I don’t want that!” Xiahou Lian was panting, and it took him a long time to find a pitch.

“Then what do you want? I have to put something inside, which do you choose?” asked Xie Jinglan. In the hazy light, his pupils were deep, with a faint and thin red covering the tips of his eyes, indescribably bewitching. 

Xiahou Lian tilted his head to look at his face and gritted his teeth as he shouted, “I want you! Fuck, I want you, okay?!”

“What do you want from me? I don’t understand.” Xie Jinglan reached his hand back down, thrusting the dildo.

The icy porcelain walls entered and exited, like an icy snake squeezing inside the corridor, and Xiahou Lian practically wanted to cry out.

Xiahou Lian couldn’t care about so much anymore and closed his eyes as he yelled, “I want your penis! Fuck, put it in me!”

“Who wants it? Wants who?” Xie Jinglan smiled insidiously. “A-Lian, say you want Jinglan-gege, and I’ll let you go.”

Heavens, have mercy! Xiahou Lian wanted to cry but had no tears. That thing twisted in and out of him, every ridge causing him to shudder. The chill was like a saber stabbing into his heart that was inserted from the back, and he was like a fish impaled on chopsticks, a painful pleasure.

He gritted his teeth and endured it for a while, but he finally could no longer stand it and howled, “Jinglan-gege, I’m begging you, let me go.”

“Say it completely.”

“I want Jinglan-gege!” Xiahou Lian completely threw caution to the wind, his veins bulging as he shouted, “Xiahou Lian wants Jinglan-gege!”

“As you wish.”

Xie Jinglan pulled the dildo out, held his shaft that was burning hot like iron, and plunged in all the way at once.

A familiar warmth filled his behind, and Xiahou Lian sighed, closing his eyes. Xie Jinglan had held back for a while, so he was also on the brink of climax now. This was a dizzying battle, and with every thrust he reached his deepest parts. Xiahou Lian was thrown into an insurmountable wave, and he sank and float along with the tidewater. A sensual dark blush covered his wheat-colored body, like dense flowers blooming on him.

Xie Jinglan’s white cheeks were also drenched with sweat, making them seem transparent from across the hazy candlelight, breathtakingly beautiful like a lotus emerging from water. He lowered his head and kissed Xiahou Lian, impatiently saying his name into his ear, “A-Lian, Lianlian, moan for me.”

“Fuck,” cursed Xiahou Lian, but he finally unclenched his teeth and started to moan out loud.

Now, he had completely lost his senses, and the world shook violently as if the skies and earth were collapsing.

The light flickered and jumped, and the candle was shortened by another inch. Xie Jinglan blew the candle out, and the room instantly darkened. After the messy battle, they panted heavily, and the two of them laid facing each other in the dark. Xie Jinglan reached his hand out and rubbed his chest. “How was it, did my abilities today satisfy you?”

“Fuck,” Xiahou Lian gritted his teeth, “next time if I let you tie me up again then I’m a pig.”

Xie Jinglan leisurely patted his back to help him calm down. “Lianlian darling, there are still a ton of secret devices in the chest that we haven’t used yet, we have a long time ahead of us, let’s enjoy them slowly.”

“…”

Xiahou Lian gripped the blanket covers tightly, his gaze resentful.

Shen Wenxing, remember this for me, one day I’ll return to the capital to kill you!——

Capital.

Shen Wenxing shuddered and was startled awake from his dreams.

Immediately, a young eunuch walked inside barefoot and poured a cup of tea from the table, handing it to him. “Godfather, what’s wrong? Did you have a nightmare?”

Shen Wenxing trembled as he took the cup of tea. “I dreamed that my godmother was cutting me with a saber.”

“Nightmare, nightmare, you sent them so many gifts, how could he cut you?” The young eunuch held his back as he smiled.

Shen Wenxing took a sip of tea and shook his head. “I don’t know if my godmother likes them, but it’s okay as long as my godfather likes them. All right, go to sleep, I reckon they’re having fun right now.”

Translator Notes:

A common way of swearing.天葵 (lit. sky sunflower) is an ancient way to refer to menstruation, and Xiahou Lian said 地葵 (lit. ground sunflower) as a pun. I just tried to come up with a pun on my own so it’s man-struate lol.