Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Edited by Divetus and Rega

The slight noise of the elevator door closing covered up Jing Huan's words. Xiang Huaizhi wasn't exactly sure of what he had just said. He frowned and asked, "What?"

The wine's effect was getting stronger and stronger, and Jing Huan already felt like he was floating. He closed his eyes, and only the voice of Yearning For was left in his mind.

"…Next time you have to wait for me, Gege," Jing Huan said.

Xiang Huaizhi heard him clearly this time.

Jing Huan was calling him Gege, and the boy had deliberately lowered his voice, making it sound very soft.

Xiang Huaizhi took a deep breath and asked again, "What did you call me?"

Jing Huan frowned, a little impatient, but he was still very obedient and called him again, "Gege."

After being stuck with Xiao Tianjing, Xiang Huaizhi knew that "Ge" and "Gege" were two very different ways of calling someone.

"…Why are you calling me that. "

Jing Huan said inexplicably, "I… haven't I always called you that?"

Saying that, he gave a small hiccup.

"…"

No.

Jing Huan had never called him Gege before.

Xiang Huaizhi frowned. "Just now, you wanted me to wait for you?"

Jing Huan weakly nodded his head twice, then realized that Yearning For wouldn't be able to see him nodding.

So he opened his mouth and murmured, "You didn't take me to do instances… I could only play with a random team, I… I don't like random teams, and I also don't want to do instances with Qiufeng's team."

Xiang Huaizhi was struck silent for a bit and could only dumbly repeat, "…Qiufeng? "

"He already told me," Jing Huan said. "You… In the afternoon, you went and did the Chaos in Heaven instance. You didn't call me."

Xiang Huaizhi slowly lowered his head and looked down at the head leaning on his shoulder.

This was too much information for him to even react to.

"Jing…" Xiang Huaizhi wanted to call his name, but finally he held back, "Who am I?"

"Ah?" Jing Huan questioned.

"Who am I."

"You," Jing Huan was drunk, but he still didn't forget to flatter Yearning For, "You are electricity, you are light, you are my superstar."

Xiang Huaizhi felt that he could stop asking.

But subconsciously, he still thought it was impossible. "I meant, what's my name."

What the hell is this slag man doing?

He had a splitting headache, could you stop asking him such childish questions?!

"You are my No. 1, you are—" Jing Huan drawled, and he struck a heavy blow against Xiang Huaizhi. "You're Yearning For… you're Gege."

The elevator door opened and closed twice, but the people inside still hadn't come out yet.

The guest who lived in room 2012 walked out of the room and saw that the elevator door had just opened. She stepped forward, wanting to enter. She was shocked by the two people standing inside.

The tall boy's face was puzzled and dazed, and he was looking down at the boy who was leaning against him. The boy who was leaning against him was already sleeping with his eyes closed, without a care in the world.

Handsome is handsome, but getting a shock was also very frightening. Before she walked over, she caught a glimpse of some kind of warm light coming out of the elevator. She thought it was her mistake, but now it seemed that it should have been the light when the elevator door opened.

The woman just stood outside the door, unable to enter or speak and she was even breathing cautiously.

She didn't know that one of the people inside was just as frightened as her.

Xiang Huaizhi turned around and used a bit of effort to support the person lying against him up, walking out of the elevator without saying a word.

Arriving at the door, Xiang Huaizhi whispered, "Where's the room card?"

The person lying against his body didn't even twitch.

Xiang Huaizhi sighed. He bent down, found the room card in Jing Huan's pocket, and then swiped the card to open the door.

As soon as he entered the room, Jing Huan opened his eyes.

His mouth was dry, and his tongue felt like sandpaper. After drinking the wine, his whole body felt hot. Taking advantage of the time when Xiang Huaizhi was preoccupied with closing the door, he fell to the side and went into the bathroom.

Xiang Huaizhi grabbed him. “What are you doing?”

“Don’t feel good.” Jing Huan felt extremely miserable. “I want to drink some water and wash my face&#k2026;”

Xiang Huaizhi’s mind was also in a state of disarray, so he let him go, only to see Jing Huan completely bypass the sink and walk straight into the shower.

By the time Xiang Huaizhi had rushed in, it was already too late. Water was gushing out of the shower head, and Jing Huan's pants were half wet and turned dark.

"…"

After this mess, Xiang Huaizhi carried him out of the bathroom and threw him directly onto the bed.

Jing Huan groaned a few times, feeling that he wasn't comfortable with his pants glued to his body and began to wriggle left and right.

Xiang Huaizhi was trying to maintain a straight face and used a paper towel to wipe off all the water that had sprayed onto him when suddenly, he heard the crisp sound of a zipper behind him.

In a daze, he turned around to see Jing Huan kicking his pants off, dumping them under the bed and then tugging the quilt over himself. Afterward, he didn't move at all.

Jing Huan was now sleeping comfortably, but Xiang Huaizhi was completely distracted by his previous words. His head was a mess of confusing thoughts.

Really, all the facts were already there in front of him, but Xiang Huaizhi still… he still couldn't believe it.

How could the girl who chased after and confessed to him every day suddenly become the drunk boy in front of him?

Not mentioning anything else, the gender didn't even match up!

Xiang Huaizhi reflexively glanced at the quilt covering Jing Huan.

His throat bobbed up and down, and an idea appeared in his mind.

No, that wasn't appropriate.

If the genders were swapped, the person lying on the bed would be justified in accusing him of sexual harassment and being a peeping tom.

Xiang Huaizhi was thinking about all of this, but his hand was already on the quilt.

He then gently pulled up a corner and looked inside—

Under the quilt, Jing Huan's long white legs were randomly thrown about. His legs had very little hair, and there wasn't a single blemish on them. Yet from the lines of his legs, he could still recognize that these legs belonged to a man. In short, they were not as thin as those legs he had seen in that photo.

But this didn't make Xiang Huaizhi feel fortunate.

Because on the outside of Jing Huan's thigh, Xiang Huaizhi saw a tiny, tiny mole.

He stared at the mole for a long time without moving at all, until Jing Huan started to feel cold and flopped around twice.

"Ding—"

Xiang Huaizhi heard the computer on the sofa ring gently.

Jing Huan hadn't turned off his computer.

At this point, Xiang Huaizhi didn't care about respecting anyone's privacy. He went to the sofa and opened the computer.

The computer wasn't only not turned off, but there were also programs still running on it. One of those programs was a client called "Nine Chivalrous Heroes".

Xiang Huaizhi opened up the game and just stared at the little fox fairy that had been pestering him all this time. She was gracefully sitting in Fairyland, her tail randomly scattered across the ground beside the green trees and red flowers, where Xiang Huaizhi most commonly afk-ed.

At this point, Xiang Huaizhi had to admit——

Jing Huan was Xiao Tianjing.

On second thought, even the name was right…

Xiang Huaizhi had just solved one problem, when another one immediately sprung up after.

Why did Jing Huan pretend to be a girl in front of him?

Even chasing after him?

Did Jing Huan know that he was Yearning For? After all, they sounded the same… or did Jing Huan figure out his account a long time ago, so he deliberately opened a female account to find him?

Xiang Huaizhi had always firmly separated the game from his reality. For the past few years, no one except Lu Hang knew his game ID.

He got up and picked up his cell phone, going into the bathroom to call Lu Hang.

His call was quickly picked up. There was no background noise, so he should be back in his room.

"What's the matter?" Lu Hang had drunk a lot, and now his head was spinning.

Xiang Huaizhi lowered his voice. "Have you ever told anyone about my game ID?"

Lu Hang was stunned. "No ah, didn't you say that you didn't like mixing games with reality… What's the matter? "

"Nothing." Xiang Huaizhi crossed out the second possibility in his mind. "Going to sleep."

"Ah, wait a minute…"

Before Lu Hang could finish speaking, Xiang Huaizhi had already hung up.

He walked out of the bathroom. The man on the bed was still in the same position. He breathed steadily and didn't even snore.

Xiang Huaizhi suddenly calmed down.

Little liars all sleep really well. What other worries did he have? And Xiang Huaizhi couldn't really wake him up to clear up the situation.

Moreover, if the one Jing Huan liked was actually the in-game Yearning For… did it mean that Jing Huan liked guys?

The more he thought about it, the more his thoughts wandered. Xiang Huaizhi curbed his train of thought, hesitated for a bit, but then put the computer back on the desk, in its original place.

——

Jing Huan woke up with a dull pain throbbing in his head.

He had a habit of sitting in a daze for awhile before getting up from bed, and it was still the same today. He laid on his side, staring at the lamp at the head of the bed, very bored.

For some reason, he had been dreaming all night.

What was terrible was that he had dreamed of Yearning For. This slag man had suddenly changed, always wanting Jing Huan to call him Gege.

Who knew how long it took for him to suddenly realize that there was another man in the room.

Jing Huan carefully turned his head, afraid of waking him up, but unexpectedly, he looked directly into the other party's open eyes.

Xiang Huaizhi was laying on his side with his chin propped up, quietly looking at Jing Huan. It was unknown how long he had been awake. Xiang Huaizhi didn't know if he was just imagining it, but he always felt that Jing Huan's eyes… were very emotional.

Jing Huan also realized that it seemed like there was a line that divided rival territories between them. The extra space between them was enough to let Lu Wenhao sleep there.

"Then…" Jing Huan pondered and asked, "Last night… did I go crazy drunk? "

Xiang Huaizhi replied, "No."

Jing Huan asked, "Then was it sleepwalking? Sleep talking? Did I grind my teeth? "

"No."

Then why are you so far away from me?

It would be a little strange to ask that question though, so Jing Huan thought about it, and didn't ask in the end. He sat up and rubbed his hair. "I'm sorry, senior. I drank a little too much last night."

He never really kept track of how much he drank. In retrospect, he even forgot when he actually became drunk.

Xiang Huaizhi had on a complicated gaze. "You… forgot what you said yesterday? "

Jing Huan tried to remember. "What did I say?"

Xiang Huaizhi swallowed a few times before finally saying, "Nothing."

Jing Huan glanced at his mobile phone, and saw that it was almost time to check out. Lu Wenhao had left a message for him, saying that they should go to the hot spring before checking out.

He opened the quilt and felt a sudden coolness. It was only then that he found out he was only wearing a pair of underpants.

He turned over and got out of bed, picked up his pants, halfheartedly covered himself, and turned around unconcernedly. "Senior, I'll use the bathroom first?"

Xiang Huaizhi replied, " …En."

Looking at Jing Huang walk nonchalantly into the bathroom with bare legs, Xiang Huaizhi couldn't help but wonder, are all gays so open now? He thought they would also feel shy in front of the same sex.

Jing Huan felt like he was alive again after he finished washing up.

As he was packing, he asked, "Senior, they're soaking in the hot springs. Would you like to take a dip too? It's very nice."

"No." Xiang Huaizhi sat on the sofa and pretended to ask carelessly, "I remember they said that you played NCH before?"

Jing Huan nodded. "Yes, for five or six years."

"Why did you stop playing?" he asked.

"My family was pretty strict. My mother said that if I kept playing, I could only be a garbage collector after graduating from high school." Jing Huan said casually, "She said she didn't want to be the garbage king's mother, so she took away my internet."

"…" Remembering Xiao Tianjing's miserable life experiences, Xiang Huaizhi didn't try to delve deeper into this unhappy topic. "Now that you have time, you haven't thought about playing it again?"

"I've thought about it, I'll play it again in a bit." Jing Huan hesitated and then suddenly looked up and asked him, "Senior, which NCH server are you in?"

Which server I'm in, don't you know best.

Xiang Huaizhi replied, "Moon in Full Bloom."

Jing Huan grinned. "NCH programmers are really unsophisticated. If the name of the server doesn't have flower in it, then there's always a moon."

The boy's expression was very natural, and he didn't show any surprise or doubt over the false server name.

Xiang Huaizhi nodded and agreed, "It's quite unsophisticated."

After packing, they went downstairs to check out. Jing Huan suddenly thought of something and took out his cell phone from his pocket.

"Senior, let's add each other on WeChat." Jing Huan laughed. "We can play basketball together later."

Xiang Huaizhi hesitated, then took out his cell phone.

Jing Huan quickly opened his QR Code. "You scan me?"

Looking at the familiar pink profile picture, Xiang Huaizhi expressionlessly opened his WeChat account and added him.

The rain had already stopped. After the heavy downpour, even the air seemed fresh.

Lu Wenhao and others had already checked out and were waiting for them in the lobby.

"Huanhuan, how about it, I told you that you couldn't outdrink me ba?" Seeing them, Lu Wenhao heh-ed.

Jing Huan sneered, "So proud my ass, next time we'll battle it out again."

After checking out, Lu Hang said, "Thank you for your hospitality last night. When we get back, senior will treat you all to delicious food."

"No problem." Gao Zixiang clapped his shoulder. "There must be alcohol though!"

Lu Hang blinked. "Already done."

The group of people walked to the parking lot together, only to see Lu Hang walk over to a Land Rover and open the door to get in.

Starting the car, Lu Hang lowered the window. "How did you guys get here? Shall I take you guys back? "

"No need, no need." Lu Wenhao shook his head. "We also came by car."

"Alright then." Luhang waved to them. "We're going, bye bye."

Xiang Huaizhi had spent the entire journey in silence, only reacting when they were about to leave. He only raised his hand at the people outside the window, which could kind of count as a farewell of sorts.

When the Land Rover drove out of the parking lot, Lu Wenhao stared at the back of the car, shook his head, and sighed, "Other people's vehicles are Land Rovers, while mine is a Volkswagen."

"Be content. Neither Huanhuan or I have a car we can just use," Gao Zixiang said.

Lu Wenhao retorted, "That's because you're both lazy, making Laozi always run around and be your chauffeur."

The three of them talked and laughed as they got in the car and headed back to school.

On the way, Gao Zixiang suddenly thought of something. He turned to the person in the back seat and asked, "Huanhuan, did you get crazy drunk last night?"

Jing Huan covered his mouth and yawned, "No ba?"

"Why did it seem like Xiang Huaizhi looked really tired, he even had black circles under his eyes."

"I saw it too." Lu Wenhao glanced at Jing Huan from the rearview mirror. "On the other hand, you look lively and energetic. When you two came down to the lobby, I even doubted whether my memory last night was wrong… Did you secretly suck out all the energy of Xiang Huaizhi last night?"

"Scram," Jing Huan laughed and scolded, "I, your father, doesn't 'suck out energy,' I only kill people."

Xiang Huaizhi was still sitting in the front seat and closed his eyes to pretend to sleep.

"What's the matter with you?" Lu Hang sensed his fatigue. "Did you not sleep well last night?"

Not only didn't sleep well, he didn't sleep much at all.

An air of early morning tiredness surrounded Xiang Huaizhi, and he said lightly, "En."

Lu Hang didn't dare to bother him and didn't say a word.

The mobile phone in his pocket suddenly vibrated, and Xiang Huaizhi frowned and slowly opened his eyes.

Xiao Jing: Gege~good~morning~

Xiao Jing: Today is another day to like Gege! \*^0^*/

Xiang: …

—

Juurensha: My goddddd, I loved Huanhuan's drunk antics. And poor XHZ going out of his mind trying to figure out what was going on.

Here's the video of the S.H.E. song Huanhuan was singing here

Divi: XHZ: *quarterlife crisis*