Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Edited by Divetus

The next day, when Jing Huan woke up, his mind was still filled with the main city's night sky full of fireworks bursting and the words "like you".

He closed his eyes and turned over in his blanket.

It seemed that because of his cold a few days ago, even his nightmares were so vivid.

Just as he was about to fall asleep again, his cellphone under his pillow suddenly rang.

Jing Huan slowly took out his cellphone.

Gao Zixiang: @Xiao Jing ya, Huanhuan, I'm going to tell you something. Don't get too worked up.

Gao Zixiang: [screenshot] [screenshot]

Gao Zixiang: It's like this… Yearning For wasn't the one running his account for the past few months, so we seem to have killed the wrong person. [waning away]

Xiao Jing ya: ….

Fuck.

It wasn't a dream.

Jing Huan threw his cellphone aside, buried his whole face into his pillow, and only slowly started propping himself up when he started to feel suffocated.

The morning sun fell on his forehead through the glass window, warm but not hot.

It's fine.

The sky hadn't collapsed, the earth was still turning, and it wasn't a big deal to do something wrong occasionally, you just had to work hard to try and make up for it.

After comforting himself, Jing Huan went into the bathroom and turned on the tap to wash up. His cell phone then received another message.

Xiang: I've gathered everything up. I'll wait for you to move into the new house.

Jing Huan's face turned ashy white.

Forget it.

No matter how beautiful the world is, what does it have to do with him!!!

After Yearning For's confession last night, the team channel had gone completely silent for two minutes.

Jing Huan felt like, at that time, he was under the control of some magical creature. Only then could he have declared a phrase like, "I still want to live in my own house."

Yearning For had laughed.

He remembered the sound of his laugh very clearly. Last night, Yearning For… really seemed to like to laugh.

Then, he obediently said to him, "Okay, I'll pack everything up and move in tomorrow."

The peppermint smell of the toothpaste brought him back to his senses. Jing Huan put the burning cellphone on the shelf of the washstand and squeezed out some toothpaste.

On the way to the classroom, Jing Huan kept wanting to turn around and go home. After all, just based on his two roommates' bullshit, they would very soon probably throw him into a conversation about the matter of Yearning For.

It was a pity that this class couldn't be skipped; that old professor actually liked roll call very much. Jing Huan still stepped into and entered the classroom on time.

Unexpectedly, he wasn't alone in hell today.

Gao Zixiang sat in the middle of the two of them and looked left and right, wondering. "Can you two just stop it, people who don't know any better are going to think Laozi is going to a funeral."

The girl in front of them heard this and chuckled out loud.

Jing Huan, with his legs crossed, lazily said, "If you want to go to one, it's not impossible to do so."

Gao Zixiang retorted, "Who provoked you today?"

"I have a cold and don't feel well." Jing Huan pulled up the excuse of the previous few days, raised his chin, and pointed to Lu Wenhao. "What's wrong with that guy?"

"Got divorced from his game wife."

Jing Huan nodded, unsurprised. "That's it? Was he dumped?"

Gao Zixiang shook his head very slightly. “No, he was the one who asked for the divorce.”

Jing Huan asked puzzledly, “He was completely fine, why did he suddenly divorce his wife?”

Gao Zixiang licked his lips, and for fear of provoking Lu Wenhao, he leaned over and whispered, “His game homepage has always had game photos of him and his ex, he never deleted them. Yesterday, his current wife got angry with him and asked him to delete them. He absolutely, no matter what, refused to do it&#k2026; They kept talking, and the girl hadn’t even gotten really angry yet before he blew up and demanded a divorce.”

After hearing this, Jing Huan's face was all furrowed. After a while, he said with emotion, "He's really a slag ah…"

Lu Wenhao's voice was stuffy. "You guys don't need to deliberately whisper, I can hear all of it."

Hearing Jing Huan say that, Lu Wenhao actually wasn't angry. After all, he himself also thought he wasn't much of a man right now.

Jing Huan leaned forward and looked at him with one hand propped on his chin. "So, what exactly were you thinking?"

Lu Wenhao lamented, "I just can't forget my ex."

Jing Huan's curses were already at the tip of his tongue, when suddenly, he thought something was wrong.

For a while, his expression was complicated. "Wait, your ex… weren't they…"

Weren't they a guy?!

And a fat middle-aged guy at that!!!

Jing Huan looked at Lu Wenhao with eyes that were severely judging his mental capabilities.

"They were a guy, yes." Lu Wenhao rubbed his face impatiently. "But I just can't forget it, I've been with him for so long…"

"Only for a few months," Gao Zixiang reminded him.

"A full few months!!!" Lu Wenhao thumped his chest and said, "We originally agreed to meet next year and go for a stroll together through the streets. We even discussed the area we would like to live in, for the future. When the state opened up the two child policy, we were so happy, we set off an hour of fireworks…"

"You guys don't know, every time I'm with Ruoruo these days, my mind was filled with images of me setting off fireworks and fishing with him. Even when I go into voice chat, my ears are full of his voice when he called me husband… Why did he let me find out that he was a man? He's already so old, couldn't he be more careful when doing things?!"

Jing Huan had originally wanted to curse him out as a slag, but after hearing him say all this, he couldn't scold him anymore.

Because carefully speaking, he wasn't that much better than Lu Wenhao.

He was struck silent for awhile. "Isn't it good to find out earlier? If he waited for you to sink in even deeper… "

"I would rather he had continued to trick me!" Lu Wenhao covered his face painfully. "Waiting until I don't have warm feelings for him, then letting me know, how good that would have been ah. Then, we could just separate in a snap and go our separate merry ways! But it just had to be when I liked him most…"

Jing Huan felt like he had been stabbed in his heart.

This damn… What was this bullshit logic ah.

The scariest thing though, was that he actually thought it made sense.

Up until the end of class, Lu Wenhao couldn't manage to bestir himself.

He took his cellphone, dragged out the WeChat that he had blacklisted before, typed out and sent a punctuation mark and then received a prompt that the other party had blacklisted him.

Lu Wenhao: "…"

Lu Wenhao sighed. "I don't think it's possible for me to happily date anyone in this lifetime."

Jing Huan was already immersed in Lu Wenhao's crazy words, but when he heard this, he was given a start. "No, you can."

Jing Huan wasn't worried about Lu Wenhao.

Lu Wenhao was a nervous man, always thinking and then immediately doing something. Maybe today he's reminiscing about his ex, but tomorrow he'll go on his knees to apologize to his wife.

But what about Yearning For?

Jing Huan shook his head and dared not think about it any more.

After class, Jing Huan returned home and actually didn't open the game.

He sat cross legged on the computer chair, listlessly watching funny animated videos on the screen, holding his cellphone in his hand, and spinning around.

WeChat sounded, and Jing Huan covered the screen with his hand and carefully peeked at the sender like drawing numbers for a lottery.

Not too bad.

Little Road Little Road Certainly Wouldn't Get Lost: What are you doing, Xiao Jing. Don't you not have classes in the afternoon, why haven't you logged in? You and Xiangxiang are both not here, I'm nearly dying from boredom here. Hurry up and login so I can send you my wedding present.

Jing Huan typed out the word "Gege" by habit and then deleted it immediately.

Xiao Jing ya: He's not in?

Little Road Little Road Certainly Wouldn't Get Lost: Xiangxiang? He was called by the teacher to arrange the school sports festival.

Xiao Jing ya: …I'll get on now.

Two minutes later, the little fox fairy appeared in an ancient wooden pavilion.

Yesterday, he had logged off in Yearning For's house, so when he came online, he was still there.

There now also hung the title "Yearning For's wife" above Xiao Tianjing's name.

Jing Huan immediately felt guilty at a glance and quickly raised his hand to hide the title.

His friends' notifications kept flashing, so Jing Huan checked them one by one. They were all gift notifications sent by the system. Many friends had sent gifts to him in the game, all with the default system message of "Happy Marriage".

He flew over to the city's gift giver, and in one breath took up eight gifts.

Most of them were dyeing props and opportunity stones. Only Long Road Ahead had sent over something very expensive. He had sent a grade 14 gem.

Xiao Tianjing: Your gift is too expensive, come to the gift giver, and I'll give it back to you.

Long Road Ahead: It's not expensive ah. Originally I wanted to give each of you a gift, but Xiangxiang wanted me to send them all to you, so this counts as a gift for two.

Xiao Tianjing: ….

Long Road Ahead: I used to make him give me a lot of wedding gifts, but this is the first time for me to return the favor and give him a gift. You can rest assured that this one gift isn't enough to let him break even. [proud]

Yearning For actually really had never gotten married before.

Jing Huan was silent. Suddenly, something came to his mind, and he typed.

Xiao Tianjing: Right, before you said that Gege didn't like to make friends in the game. What's the reason ah, can you tell me about it? T▽T

Lu Hang was biting a popsicle. The coolness of it was accompanied by the cold wind blowing in from the crack of the window, it was all very cool.

He hadn't told Xiao Tianjing before because they weren't that familiar. Now that the two of them were already married, it didn't matter that much anymore.

He replied lazily.

Long Road Ahead: It's not actually a big deal. Previously, Xiangxiang had a guild. He had a very strong relationship with the deputy guild leader; he was a good bro that he had known for a year or two, and they even became sworn brothers. Who knew that dog would be so inhumane… Using Xiangxiang's name, he cheated the elders of the guild for tens of thousands of yuan.

Xiao Tianjing: ……..

Long Road Ahead: That was what year ah, tens of thousands of yuan was a large sum. Xiangxiang compensated everyone with his own money, and didn't have the heart ba, so he didn't call the police. After that, he buried himself in just playing the game and didn't socialize in the game anymore.

Long Road Ahead: But you also know, he's so famous. Many people come to him every day, and he only managed to clean up that booster situation very recently. I think it's because of this matter that he didn't want to clarify the situation, isn't it pretty stupid?

It was stupid.

However, it also showed him that the situation from a few years ago really left a mark on Yearning For.

Jing Huan put his hand on the keyboard, but before he could type, he received another reply.

Long Road Ahead: It was only after encountering you that he was a bit better, so I wasn't surprised at all that he would marry you.

Jing Huan really didn't know what to type back. He could only lifelessly stare at this line.

Fuck ah.

This whole situation seemed to be more serious than he had thought.

He had originally planned everything. He was going to admit his mistake, apologize, and if it came to it, let him beat him in real life.

But looking at this now, it seemed that however he apologized… He wouldn't be able to get Yearning For to forgive him.

It didn't actually matter if he didn't forgive him, but he was afraid that Yearning For would once again close himself off the way he had all those years ago….

No

Jing Huan thought impassively, a few years ago, it was a bro. This time, it seemed more serious.

It felt as though he had gone back to last night, and his mind was a complete mess again. When he was at his wit's end, a line of big yellow characters abruptly appeared in the prompt bar——

[Your husband Yearning For is online. ]

Jing Huan: "…"

He quickly clicked the red X in the upper right corner of the game. He was just about to quit the game, when his friend's messages popped up first——

[Couple] Yearning For: Where are you.

Not here.

System BUG.

I'm not the one playing my account.

Jing Huan's mouse lingered on "Leave the game" for more than ten seconds. Because of the long delay, Xiang Huaizhi had located his position from his friend's information and had flown over to him.

[Your husband Yearning For would like to invite you to join his team. Yes, No. ]

Jing Huan clenched his teeth and hardened his heart. He pressed hard on "Yes".

The little fox fairy, as usual, jumped briskly behind the man in black robes.

No one knew how long the little fox fairy had internally struggled for.

It was also unclear if it was heart failure or something else, but just after entering the team, Jing Huan's heart was pounding nonstop.

He pondered for a moment and then carefully opened his mouth. "That…"

"Put your title back up," Xiang Huaizhi interrupted.

Jing Huan: "…"

A few seconds later, a small thump.

Once again, the title of "Yearning For's wife" appeared on top of the little fox fairy's head.

[Current] Long Road Ahead: ???

[Current] Long Road Ahead: Why aren't you letting me into the team!

[Current] Yearning For: Newlyweds moving into a new house, and you also want to come along?

[Current] Long Road Ahead: …..

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: …………………

Yearning For wasn't like that.

Yearning For wasn't like this before!

Jing Huan stared at the word "newlyweds" and felt like, at this moment, written on the left side of his face were the words "slag man" and written on the right side was the word "scum".

—

Juurensha: Awwwww, Huanhuan feels so bad….

Divi: Slag man \ Huanhuan / Scum. Next time you should think before you act!

And we have a fanart page!

And be sure to support the raws!

Oh and btw guys, I've also started translating a novel about Huanhuan's friend Yanyan if you would like to read it here