Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Edited by Divetus

Christmas wasn't on a weekend this year, and was also close to finals. Thus, on the day before Christmas Eve, the class group chat was just filled with papers assigned by the professors.

Jing Huan glanced at them, downloaded them all into his cellphone and then pushed the closet in front of him open.

When he looked at his cellphone again, the dorm group chat had about ten messages.

Lu Wenhao: So many papers, how can I memorize them all ah?

Gao Zixiang: I don't even have enough cellphone memory for this.

Lu Wenhao: Oh, crappy junk cellphone. You should just throw it away.

Gao Zixiang: Laozi was exaggerating! Are you still in the library?

Lu Wenhao: En. Why? Don't even think about making me get spicy hot pot takeout for you. I already lined up for half an hour yesterday for you. [vomiting]

Gao Zixiang: Oh no, I want you to come back later today.

Lu Wenhao: ???

Gao Zixiang: I'm going to see my girlfriend soon. [shy]

Lu Wenhao: [vomiting] [vomiting] [vertical middle finger]

Lu Wenhao: OK, Laozi will go find Huanhuan for dinner. You just go be a starving ghost in your bedroom. @Xiao Jing ya

Jing Huan glanced at the messages and thought about it. He raised his cellphone and took a picture of himself in the mirror.

Xiao Jing ya: [picture] How's this suit ah?

Lu Wenhao: ….

Gao Zixiang: ???

Lu Wenhao: What are you doing, peacocking ah?

Xiao Jing ya: It'll be over if you just say if it's handsome or not.

Lu Wenhao: Oh, pretty normal ba, your usual standard.

Xiao Jing ya: [picture] What about this one?

Lu Wenhao: ???

Jing Huan changed into three different outfits, and his friends said they were all pretty normal.

He pondered for a moment and then went to the entrance hall to put on the most dazzling, highest priced and coolest shoes he owned.

Xiao Jing ya: [picture]

Lu Wenhao: [thumbs up] The most handsome in the universe.

Gao Zixiang: [flowers] Suggest you go debut.

Jing Huan understood, these two were just plebs.

He took off his shoes and laid down on the sofa to scroll through microblogs.

Lu Wenhao: @Xiao Jing ya, is the handsome Ge there? What should we do for Christmas this year?

Xiao Jing ya: I don't know, do you have a good suggestion?

Lu Wenhao: I heard that there's a Hello Kitty themed restaurant nearby. The theme isn't important, but the shop is good. I saw a picture, and it's quite romantic.

Gao Zixiang: Are you ok? It's not like you're going with your girlfriend, why do you need it to be romantic ah? Let's eat a whole roasted sheep ah, I'm hungry again.

Jing Huan didn't reply. He searched the themed restaurant that Lu Wenhao had mentioned with an app. The shop was really good, the decorations were fancy—one look and you could tell it was to earn money off of couples.

Okay, let's just count this as your success.

He moved his fingers and sent a reservation request to the restaurant.

Lu Wenhao: @Xiao Jing ya, Jingjing, what do you think? Speaking of it, tomorrow's Christmas Eve, so if we don't hurry up, everywhere will be booked up.

Xiao Jing ya: Speaking of what?

Lu Wenhao: Whole roasted sheep or Hello Kitty?

Xiao Jing ya: Whatever you guys want ah.

Lu Wenhao: Okay, then let's discuss it tonight

Xiao Jing ya: Either way, I won't be with you guys.

Gao Zixiang: ?

Lu Wenhao: ???

One word caused thousands of waves. By the time Jing Huan had changed his clothes back, the group chat had reached 99+ messages, and more than 20 of them were @him.

Jing Huan laughed. He didn’t reply or even look at any of them; he had just been bored and had to say something in the group chat.

But he definitely wouldn't say anything more specific, so it was easier to just pretend he wasn't there.

Tucking the clothes into the outermost shelf of the wardrobe, Jing Huan sat in front of the computer and slowly savored this long lost mood.

It was just like when he was a child at five or six years old, the thing he had always looked forward to the most during Chinese New Year was to wear new clothes to meet people.

When his cellphone rang, Jing Huan picked it up again.

Xiang: Just finished class.

Xiao Jing ya: I just woke up.

Xiang: En.

Xiang: What kind of food do you like?

Xiang: Besides golden chicken stew.

Xiao Jing ya: Anything's fine, I'm not picky about food. What's the matter?

Xiang: Want to book a restaurant in advance.

Jing Huan started to smile.

This kind of feeling, where both of them were excited to see each other, it was, how do you say it…

It was very fresh and exciting.

Xiao Jing ya: I've already booked one, but I'm regretting it a bit now.

Xiang: En?

Xiao Jing ya: The restaurant has some girly decorations, it doesn't seem suitable for two big men.

However, it was suitable for couples, Jing Huan silently added in his heart.

That night, five minutes after leaving Xiang Huaizhi, Jing Huan had understood.

He hadn't understood before. After all, for a person that has never dated before, finding out that you liked the same sex was a pretty difficult matter.

But once he had figured things out, a lot of ideas—had just appeared in his head.

For example, he wanted to be in the position to hold hands with Xiang Huaizhi, go home with him, and kiss him.

Thoughts flew through his head until his cellphone rang, and he returned to his senses.

Xiang: Okay, as long as you like it.

I like it, ah…

Jing Huan thought about it, threw the key study points document to the side and then picked up his cellphone to take a picture of the computer screen.

Xiao Jing ya: I've fed Xiangjing today. Her nutrition bar is full so don't feed her when you come back in the evening.

Xiang: And how's Xiangjing's dad?

Jing Huan's heart jumped.

Xiao Jing ya: Ah?

Xiang: Did her dad do his dailies yet?

Xiao Jing ya: …

Xiao Jing ya: No, waiting until Xiangjing's mom comes back to take me to do them.

Xiang: ?

When Xiang Huaizhi's video call came over, Jing Huan still hadn't been able to get the goofy smile off of his face.

The video connected, and Xiang Huaizhi's head was slightly lowered. Behind him were the bare tree branches with snow piled on them.

Last time, Lu Wenhao had been photographed at this angle, and Gao Zixiang had actually used it as his WeChat profile picture. At the time, the scenery was so harsh that Jing Huan almost didn't stop. .

But looking at Xiang Huaizhi's face, Jing Huan suddenly felt that he wasn't the most handsome in the universe.

"How is studying going?" Xiang Huaizhi asked.

"…" Jing Huan was still wreathed in smiles. "Why do you have to bring that up!"

Xiang Huaizhi replied, "I'm afraid that you'll fail."

"If I fail, I fail. Worst comes to worst, I'll just have to take the classes again." Jing Huan's mouth twitched. "You video called me just to say this to me ah?"

"No," Xiang Huaizhi said.

Xiang Huaizhi raised his eyes and bowed his head. After checking back and forth several times, he let out a very light laugh, "Just looking."

Looking at who?

God fucking damn it, Jing Huan wanted to giggle again.

Fortunately, this was a video call. He leaned back, left the camera range, and then reached up and covered his face.

After who knows how long, he managed to get out a sentence from beneath his fingers. "Oh."

-

It didn't snow on Christmas day.

Jing Huan stared at himself in front of the mirror for a long time. Before going out, he retied his scarf again.

The last time he looked in the mirror in such a puffed-up manner was that time in primary school, when he had to give a speech.

Although Jing Huan's parents were always busy, they still took time to celebrate important life events, such as birthdays, wedding anniversaries, engagement anniversaries… The two of them would always go out with each other. In the past 20+ years, they had never missed a year.

Jing Huan felt that he was also influenced by them.

He went into a florist's shop, which was fragrant and made his nose itch.

"Hello, what can I do for you?" The owner was a man wearing gold-rimmed glasses with an elegant temperament.

Jing Huan was a little embarrassed. He had never been to a florist before. "Hello, make a bouquet of roses for me."

Last time in the movie theater, Xiang Huaizhi seemed to like roses.

"What kind of rose do you want?" The shopkeeper listed out countless kinds of roses at once.

Jing Huan got a headache just from hearing it, so he simply said, "The kind of roses used for confessions, use the simplest kind for me, and that'll be good."

After that, he thought of something again. "Forget it, don't do a bouquet, that's too big. I want…"

Seeing him hesitate for a long time, the shopkeeper smiled. "Nine roses ba, the meaning is good, and some boys before also bought nine."

Jing Huan left the flower shop carrying a paper bag with nine roses inside.

The store owner helped him pack them very well. From the outside, no one could tell what was in it.

When passing by a Shaxian Delicacy store, Jing Huan also took a look inside the restaurant. It was still about ten minutes from the time they had agreed to meet.

He withdrew the hand he wanted to use to send Xiang Huaizhi a message with.

Before he even arrived at the appointed meeting place, Jing Huan saw Xiang Huaizhi standing at the back door in a black jacket, his head lowered and playing with his cellphone.

Xiang Huaizhi refused the Christmas invitation meetings sent by his classmates and went back to see his new messages.

Xiao Jing ya: Where are you?

Xiang: What's the matter?

Xiao Jing ya: I may arrive a bit later.

Xiang: En, it's not urgent.

Xiao Jing ya: You're not already there, are you?

Xiang Huaizhi had typed out "No", but hadn't had time to send it out before a head popped up beside him.

"How can you trick people ah?" Jing Huan asked, suppressing a laugh.

Xiang Huaizhi's fingers paused, and then he locked his cellphone screen. "Who tricked someone first?"

"Me," Jing Huan stood up straight and responded boldly and confidently.

Their reservation at the restaurant was at six o'clock sharp, but now both of them were early, so they would have to hang around for a while before entering.

"Smells good." Passing by the Shaxian Delicacy store again, Jing Huan couldn't help saying, "Want to eat it."

"Next time," Xiang Huaizhi looked down. "What are you carrying?"

"Still can't say," Jing Huan changed hands and moved the bag out of Xiang Huaizhi's sight. "Anyway, it's a good thing."

It was getting dark. A random shop put on "Jingle Bells" and there were more and more pedestrians on the street. They were in pairs, mostly couples. The festive atmosphere was very strong.

They walked in the middle of the crowd, not pushing or hurrying at all.

After walking around for a while, they saw a shop in front of them that was full of people. The shop was plastered with pink wallpaper and painted with little rabbits with different expressions. It was a newly opened claw machine shop.

When this shop was renovated last year, Lu Wenhao said that a claw machine shop opened in such a remote place would be closed in less than half a year.

Now it seemed that Lu Wenhao may not have much business sense.

Aware of his gaze, Xiang Huaizhi glanced at the shop, pondering for a moment before asking, "Do you want to play?"

Of course not.

He had just played as a catfish, he wasn't actually a real girl. He had no interest in plushies at all—crap.

Shit, there were NCH dolls in this shop!

In a machine laid a Xiao Xiangjing with two pigtails. .

Two minutes later, Jing Huan had traded 20 yuan for tokens and had lined up behind the claw machine.

The claw machine shop wasn't very big, and the people in line were all crowded together.

The girl in front hadn't managed to get anything after a few tries, so she had a depressed expression on her face and was acting cutesy and spoiled with her boyfriend.

The boy quickly pulled her into his arms. "It's okay baby, Husband will buy you 50 coins, just wait for me."

Jing Huan immediately became an old man in the subway.

Yi.

These dating couples were really lovey-dovey.

At this time, the back of his hand was wrapped by a soft and hot touch. Before he could react, his hand was held by someone.

Jing Huan turned his head to look around, and with his usual expression, Xiang Huaizhi turned to ask him, "Which doll do you want to hook?"

"Xiao Xiangjing." Jing Huan said.

The corners of Xiang Huaizhi's mouth nearly imperceptibly raised, "En."

The shop was crowded, and they took advantage of it to hold hands for a while. They talked about couple things that other people couldn't understand.

Jing Huan's ears were warm. He suspected that his palms were sweating, but he wasn't willing to let go.

Jing Huan hooked Xiao Xiangjing with only 12 coins, and gave the remaining eight coins to the girl who had been acting coquettishly with her boyfriend.

In the end, they were glared out of the claw machine shop by the girl's boyfriend.

"He didn't actually think I was trying to chat up his girlfriend, right?" Jing Huan asked after thinking about it a bit.

Xiang Huaizhi answered, "Should be that."

"I would have to be insane to do that…"

To chat up another girl in front of my future boyfriend.

Ultimately, Jing Huan didn't say anything.

After a pause, he thought that their eight characters hadn't even been written out yet, he couldn't already be so nervous.

A cool wind blew, and the sultry feeling from just now disappeared.

Jing Huan lifted Xiao Xiangjing up. He had just wanted to give it to his future boyfriend, when his cellphone in his pocket suddenly rang.

Jing Huan looked at the caller and slightly froze. The hand holding the plush unconsciously dropped a bit.

Before he could answer the phone, he heard a rush of footsteps in front of him.

A beautiful woman with long curly hair trotted towards him. She was wearing a beige windbreaker, and the skirt at the bottom of it swayed gently with her movements.

Before they could react, the woman rushed straight into Jing Huan's arms and gave him a big hug. The smell of her perfume penetrated into both of their noses.

"Huanhuan!" The woman around his neck giggled and said, "Surprise!"

The force that the woman had used to leap at him wasn't strong, but Jing Huan was still struck dumb on the spot.

He carried a bag of roses in his left hand and a small plush in his right hand. It took him a long time to react.

After a pause, Jing Huan finally found his voice. His Adam's apple rolled, and then he called out in a low voice "… Jie."

—

Juurensha: Annnnd finally, here's Jiejie! (And we'll start our mass updates next chapter because also, here starts the angst. Thank you to quivo for the ko-fis to make the mass release all happen on Monday!)

Divi: Noooooooooo I'm not prepared for this. XHZ, you can see that Huanhuan likes you!! Stay strong!!!

Fanart of the last chapter by gu:

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