But before I could polish my masterpiece, Fifty Stratagems to Nail an Iceberg, Yin Li, acting as an iceberg, was struck by the “Titanic”.
That day, Yin Li’s destination was in the same direction as my school so he dropped me off along the way. I was sitting in the front passenger seat, trying to think of a topic to start a conversation with, when suddenly a van appeared, haphazardly driving in a zig-zag on the wrong side of the road, and driving recklessly fast in our direction. I didn’t even have time to react before the silver van closed in on due collision course with us.
Perhaps because I had already experienced a car accident, at that time I became extraordinarily calm. I only turned my head quickly towards Yin Li. The man I liked sat next to me, yet in my mind there weren’t any thoughts along the lines of “until death do us part.” My mind was only filled with one thing: “Those whom the gods love die young!”1 Looks like we’re doomed!
1 The actual idiom used by Yan Xiao is 天妒英才, which translates to “the heavens are jealous of outstanding talent”. Can refer to either “the best die young” or “the more talented you are the more hardship you face”.
However, Yin Li’s face bore a grave expression. He wasn’t panicked, but he also didn’t spare me a single glance. Gripping the steering wheel, he furiously tried to avoid the car hurtling towards us, or at to least lessen the degree of impact.
When the van was half a meter away, I knew that Yin Li’s efforts could not overcome fate.2 At the moment of impact, he finally turned my way. His body suddenly twisted over to embrace me and he buried my head in his chest, using his upper body to shield me.
2 回天乏术: 回天 (to reverse the sky) on its own refers to succeeding in escaping a hopeless situation, 乏术 means to come just short of finding the method, thus 回天乏术 means “unable to turn around a hopeless situation”.
“Yan Xiao, close your eyes!” He stared at me.
But I couldn’t close my eyes. I knew that, in this life, I would never be able to forget his expression in that moment. It was unwaveringly firm in its resolve, as if he had just made some kind of significant decision. Yet it was also unexpectedly calm. Before the violence of the impact and its accompanying dizziness, I could only stare blankly at him.
For the first time in my life, I wished I could live on—wished I could live on alongside another person.
When I awoke, I was lying on a stretcher and the scent of disinfectants surrounded me. The medical personnel were just about to push me into the surgery room when I lifted my head and looked around. But I couldn’t see any trace of Yin Li. My head hurt painfully. I could only remember that during moment of impact, only one airbag went off. I only heard Yin Li’s muffled grunt, and then the air was filled with the smell of gasoline, grinding metal, and blood.
“Such a tragedy. Did you see the person in the driver’s seat? Before even reaching the hospital, he passed away. His face was so mangled, it was impossible to tell who he was. This is already the tenth traffic accident we’ve dealt with this week. Ai, so young. When harming others, people harm themselves.”
The conversation brought me back to reality, but to an ice-cold reality. All my strength abruptly left my body, and I could only stare hollowly at the ceiling as, too late, past memories came up again in my mind.
A man who had once sent me a hundred white lilies and clumsily peeled apart lobsters for me, stood downstairs outside my home yelling, “I love you. I’d like your hand in marriage.” In all these brief glimpses and fragments, I couldn’t make out that man’s face, but I could feel the depth of his love and the warmth of his hand.
I finally couldn’t help but begin to cry. In this accident, I finally remembered Yin Li for the first time, but under these circumstances. Yet in these past few months I had viewed Yin Li only with suspicion and distrust. In all things, I always seemed to be slow one step.
The nurses finally discovered my abnormal state and rushed to comfort me.
“Aiya, don’t move too much if you’re injured. The wound on your head is still bleeding! Luckily, its small and won’t scar.”
Sure, I wouldn’t have a scar. But what about Yin Li? His handsome face was probably already horribly mangled and mutilated.
“Miss, we hope we can make you feel better. Would you like to see the gentleman that came in with you?” The younger nurse asked me this, yet discovered that I started sobbing even more miserably. But the slightly older nurse realized what was wrong and smacked her own forehead. Annoyed, she explained, “Young lady, I’m afraid you misheard! The person we were just talking about who died, was the young driver who caused the accident! Though its true that the gentleman who was with you has more severe injuries than you, they’re nothing life-changing. The airbag that deployed in the crash protected his vital organs.”
She then smiled as she looked at my tear-stained face. “Look at the mess we’ve made. Don’t be in such a fluster, your friend’s surgery is already done and his wounds have been treated. Right now he’s already woken up. If you don’t believe me, you can see for yourself. He’s staying in the VIP Room 304, there really aren’t any problems. Jeez, we really made a mistake.”
I stared blankly for a second, and then vigorously climbed off the stretcher. Disregarding my own bleeding forehead, I rushed like a madman to Room 304, ignoring the medical staff’s shouts behind me.
Seeing Yin Li lying in bed, taking a call with a frown, the exhaustion of my wild run seemed to finally catch up to me, sapping me of my strength. I weakly lowered myself to the ground next to his bed. Quietly, I called his name, as if wanting to confirm something.
Yin Li put down his phone. He put his arms around me, but because I was sitting on the ground, he could only hug my head. He gently rubbed my head all over. “It’s all right now. Be good, everything’s okay.”
I could no longer restrain my anguished tears.
Money, Power, Talent, Looks—Yin Li possessed them all. Yet I only had him. He was my sole possession.
Weeping, I looked up and messily felt his face all over. Between my sobs, I incoherently spoke. “You’re all I have.”
My voice was so indescribably hoarse that even I couldn’t tell what I was saying, and neither would I have ever expected that I could sound so mournful. But at this moment, I no longer wanted to hide my feelings. I only wanted to cry to my heart’s content.
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