Those five meters and all the blood, sweat and tears they represented were a badge of honor. I felt a kind of gratitude. I would surely stand up one day. No. More than that. I would run and jump like any healthy, normal person. I could do it.
However, having bottled up everything for such a long time, once the floodgates burst open it was impossible to shut them again. I didn’t know whether it was tears of joy or pain coming out of my eyes; I could only prop myself up on the floor and cry. By the time my eyes began to dry, I was wheezing for air and hiccuping.
Now feeling uncomfortable, I made an attempt to get off the ground but couldn’t summon up the strength to do so because I had already exhausted all my energy. Hiccuping, I flailed my four limbs around on the floor a couple times before giving up and deciding to just lay there a bit longer. While flopping around I had noticed the mirror, and now I tilted my head to look into it.
My reflection had puffy red eyes, a mixture of snot and tears smeared everywhere, hair tangled in a mess, and ruddy cheeks. Really hideous-looking. But staring at my appalling state, I couldn’t resist cracking a smile.
Then, I was unable to smile anymore.
In the mirror, I saw Yin Li standing in the doorway. His face was obscured by the shadows, so I couldn’t make out any expression on it, and I didn’t know how long he had been silently standing there and how much he had seen.
Noticing that I’d detected him, he finally walked out of the shadows. I couldn’t stop myself from automatically scooting into a corner. He gave off a strong, oppressive aura that always made me tense up with a faint feeling of dread. Yin Li possessed no goodwill, only good manners.
He walked right up to me, crouched down, and stared at me with a penetrating look that gave me goosebumps. Still hiccuping, I shrunk my neck back as short as possible and subconsciously shut my eyes.
Then I felt a hand very, very gently, softly and carefully, pat me on my head. And then, this hand traveled down the back of my head to my back, and lightly encouraged me to take a breath.
I hiccuped, raised my head, and looked at Yin Li with an astonished expression. He wasn’t looking into my eyes, so I only saw the bottom of his eyelashes.
He spoke: “You will be fine.”
I felt irritated for some reason, and responded in a gruff voice1: “In this situation shouldn’t you say, ‘It doesn’t matter if you’re unable to stand, because I’ll be your legs’—some dramatic lines like this? ‘You will be fine?’ Before Jing Ke left to assassinate Emperor Qin, Prince Dan also said he would be fine.”2
I only said this to keep up my false bravado, not because I hoped Yin Li would give me any meaningful response.
But unexpectedly, after a period of silence, he lifted his head and gave me a unfathomable look: “I won’t be your legs, because I know you’ll stand up again, Yan Xiao.”
A sudden feeling of resentment flooded me, which I could faintly tell was because I felt like he had somehow peeped into my innermost thoughts. Even though I had no idea how long he had stood in the doorway, I was certain that he had heard the sound of my tragic wailing.
And the thought that a man would be able to quietly stand there with no reaction to such bitter tears gave me chills all over.
Yin Li truly didn’t love me.
However, his actions right now could be interpreted as affectionate. He pulled up the hem of my pants, exposing the purple bruises and smeared blood.
That was just my lower leg; once Yin Li cut apart the trouser leg with a pair of scissors, the true spectacle was the horrible bruises on my knee and its surrounding area. As more of my leg was exposed Yin Li’s gentleness vanished, his movements instead taking on a hint of ruthlessness.
I grabbed the hand he was using to inspecting my wounds, causing him to tilt his head back up at me. In his eyes swirled some dark emotion. I had only wanted to mock him so I quickly withdrew my hand and meekly lowered my gaze: “More gently, it hurts.”
Afterwards, Yin Li and I no longer spoke. The private physician started treating my cuts and bruises, and the physical therapist, orthopedic specialist, and general practice doctor all crowded around my bed. When they’d confirmed that I had no major issues, they followed Yin Li out the door in a synchronized exodus. As I lay in bed I could hear the sounds of them passionately arguing over something outside my room, and from time to time I could hear someone shout: “Absolutely not, this program is too extreme.” Despite hearing sentences like this again and again, I couldn’t be bothered to piece together the topic of their conversation.
There wasn’t a single muscle in my body that wasn’t loudly proclaiming its distress, yet I felt satisfied and relieved. Turns out that pushing a rusty machine to its limit could eventually return it to its normal operation.
I closed my eyes, curling up the corners of my mouth.
When Yin Li stepped back into the room I vigilantly popped my eyes back open, but was unable to fully relax my facial muscles. Probably distracted by the sight of me grinning foolishly at the ceiling, he stared blankly for a second.
Then as expected, he instantly restored his aloof composure.
“Yan Xiao, I’ll give you two months. During those two months I’ll be in Europe, and if by the time I return you can stand, I’ll prepare the paperwork to enroll you in H University this fall.”
Before I could reveal my ecstatic expression, Yin Li left the room. I only caught a momentary glimpse of the side of his face. Elegant, and truly a thousand miles away.
Ai, I’ll never know what Yin Li is thinking about.
Author Note:
Weakly want to say…. Everyone, have you all forgotten, forgotten that our Yan Xiao is handicapped! Even though she’s very happy and carefree, in reality she’s a very happy and carefree handicapped person TT
Ok then, happy happy handicapped child~ this chapter is very sufficient! I’ll be more diligent, rolling around begging for praise~~persisting another day~
1 The original Chinese text used 声音瓮瓮地 (sheng yin weng weng de). I’m a bit unclear about the meaning of 瓮 when attached to sound but found on Baidu people asking about the phrase 瓮声瓮气 (weng sheng weng qi) which apparently means sounding hoarse, deep and low, and/or muffled. Therefore I’m assuming the author was referencing that…
2 Jing Ke was the famous would-be assassin of the King Ying Zheng, aka the future Qin Shi Huang, first emperor of China. Prince Dan was the one who commissioned the assassination attempt. Jing Ke not only failed to kill his guy but also died in the scuffle. You can read more about Jing Ke at this Wikipedia page.
Candle: ALSO EVERYONE, I hope you enjoyed the author note!! What a cutie hardworking author we have. I debated whether I should bother to translate it too or not but personally I love reading author notes, gives you a lil insight into their perspective on the story, so maybe I’ll continue… rolling around begging for your praise to persist another day~~
Niang Niang: we finally meet THE KING OF THE DOORWAY!
In the mirror, I saw Yin Li standing in the doorway. His face was obscured by the shadows, so I couldn’t make out any expression on it, and I didn’t know how long he had been silently standing there and how much he had seen.
Imagine Yun Li being swole af and filling up a solid 80% of the doorway and just standing there for eons. If that ain’t King of the Doorway, I don’t know what is.
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