Healer

Several beams of light came out of the blinds and streamed into the room. Yaba blinked his tired eyes. He licked his lips and then stuck out his tongue with a ‘ah, ah’ sound. The rim of his eyes got hot. He closed his eyes and the events of last night passed by in his mind. There was a gangbang on board where everyone was mingling like beasts, and when he came to his senses, his lips were already being sucked by Cha Yiseok.

He was not sober because of the drugs. The movement of his tongue was too slow and gloomy. His unfocused eyes sank to the point where the light could not reach. It was like a space of death that swallowed up everything from beyond the universe and was called out. He licked Yaba’s neck. The moment his erect thing touched his thigh, his mind went blank. And heated embrace of each other’s mucous membranes.

“Ahh…”

Yaba bit his pillow and let out a strange groan. Yesterday wasn’t the first time they kissed each other. It was about a month ago. He found him on drugs and collapsed in the Paradiso bathroom, and it was the first time he talked to him. After the man asked for his name and told him the meaning, he engraved the seal of his first kiss on Yaba. Just like the previous day. At the first contact between the two, he smacked him with fear, but he stubbornly clung to his lips.

‘L-let me go! Mhm… Hmph… !’

‘Still, stay still. Wait a minute…’

The soothing voice was like a viscous liquid. Intertwining his tongue, taking saliva, Cha Yiseok seemed like a man trying to take over his body temperature in the act. In Paradiso, the customer was a god. However, he had the eyes of a destitute man. Rather than a thousand words, he shook Yaba’s heart. It was terrible for anyone to touch his body. But Cha Yiseok was an exception. He held his lips stiffly until his tongue tingled, then when his hand reached the bottom of Yaba’s pants, he ran away.

Cha Yiseok, who returned to Paradiso, had no memory of that day at all. It was a shock equivalent to the shock of being robbed of his first kiss. It was from then. Only Cha Yiseok caught Yaba’s eyes, and wherever he went, he found only that person. Sometimes his only joy was to pick up the indifferent kindness and words he shedded and hide secretly. When he came to his senses, he smashed the door to Yaba’s heart and walked in and settled deep.

It was inevitable that Cha Yiseok could not remember what happened that day. Even if he remembered it, nothing would change. It was the same last night. If Yaba imagined the expression on his face when he found out that the person he had kissed was an ugly man in a lump of fat, it would have been better for him to have erased that in his head. Yaba bit the flesh that had been occupied by the touch of the other person’s lips. He could still remember his tongue, which had moved in his mouth back then.

Then, Cocaine entered the room with light steps. He had been sick yesterday but now had regained energy.

“Why don’t you eat breakfast? They don’t even send you to the hospital on time, but you know that if you get sick, you’re only hurting yourself.”

“If you’re that worried, lend me your doctor. Don’t pretend to be thoughtful with your mouth.”

Yaba replied coldly and looked at Cocaine. It was dispicable. He seduced Cha Yiseok like that and showed him his face. Cha Yiseok, who had imagined the colour of his nipples by looking at Cocaine’s lips, now that he found out what he looked like, what was he imagining? Yaba’s body temperature plummeted, but his head soared with heat. Maybe he had been doing bad things behind his back. Cocaine frowned and said.

“Why are you looking at me like that again?”

“Are you asking because you don’t know why I’m looking at you like this?”

“I’m asking because I don’t know.”

“If you don’t know, then good.”

Yaba jeered and walked to the bathroom. His heels were itching because he wanted to run to Giha right away and let him know Cocaine broke the rules last night. But in front of Cocaine, who was the center of Paradiso, a key source of income, and even had a doctor attached to him, the rules were useless. Except for an attempt to escape, everything was forgiven for Cocaine. Nevertheless, Cocaine was willing to follow the rules and monopolised the favour of Giha. The world seems to be divided into people who were bound to be loved and those who were not.

Just when he grabbed the bathroom door handle and twisted it, there was a loud noise outside.

“Since when did you lose sight of him?!”

“Just now… since I woke up in the morning to go to the bathroom.”

“But why are you telling me now?!”

“I thought he was only gone for a while.”

“Fuck. Eunuch son of a bitch! Where had he gone to?! Call to block the entrance! Hurry!”

Cocaine looked out the door. Two underlings scoured the dormitory while swearing, and the rest ran out the front door. Morphine was standing in the middle of the living room, looking stunned. Each of the young men came out of their rooms and trembled.

“Crazy! He’s crazy! Perhaps Marijuana was the one who accessed the police station’s website?”

Cocaine asked as Hashish walked this way.

“What happened?”

“Marijuana ran away.”

Cocaine’s face hardened. Marijuana was Morphine’s roommate. Originally, there were more eunuch singers than there were now. A few months ago, two people escaped, and they were doubtlessly considered ‘out’, and they died instantly right before leaving the country. The reason was a brain rupture.

An escape attempt was an ‘out’. If all the demerit points were collected, it was an ‘out’ too. The horror of this simple word was second to that of nuclear weapons. Because everyone dreamt of escaping, no one gave a reason to Marijuana’s behaviour. Yaba was tearing off the edge of the pillow without realising it. Suddenly, from beyond the door, Hashish threw a strange smile at Yaba.

“Did you have fun yesterday?”

Hashish left only vague words and he turned around. He calmed the eunuch singers and let them into the room. Even as the atmosphere outside evolved, Cocaine tossed and turned in bed for a long time. Yaba got up to take a shower again when Cocaine asked abruptly.

“You look alright.”

Yaba returned the question with only his foot through the doorway.

“What do you want to say?”

“Do you not want to get out of here?”

“Not really.”

Yaba replied without hesitation and asked, “And you?”. Cocaine looked around the small room.

“It’s frustrating and difficult sometimes, but it’s not as bad as I thought. It is also worthwhile to heal sick people here. The pay is good.”

And he added,

“Hey, don’t you want to meet your brother? Have you been in touch since that day? Your brother was very nice…”

Yaba stopped at the unexpected question. Just as his older brother had pushed his younger brother out of his world, Yaba decided to erase his older brother from his mind too. That promise was made 10 years ago. That Christmas night, the place his brother went to must have been Chaewoo’s house. It was the only place where the older brother, who was obsessed with Chaewoo’s songs, could throw his younger brother away and go there. Yaba managed to answer, leaning on the cold doorknob.

“He must be living somewhere. Or dead.”

He wondered how touching it would be to see the older brother and the eunuch younger brother meet at this point in time. It was the same with his father. It was better to think of each other dead. This time it was Yaba’s turn to ask a question. He wrecked his brain hard. Just like Cocaine did, with a question that pierces his lungs and gives him pain as an added bonus.

Oh, he remembered.

“You’re different from me, so you’d be better off here. It’s much better than being tormented by a mother like that.”

Cocaine’s lips grew cold. His fair complexion vanished, and if he held a knife in his hand, he looked like he would mutilate his opponent. Or, if Yaba had an ice pick in his hand, his eyes looked like he wanted to stab him. Yaba’s question was the same as Cocaine’s question, and it’s weight was not lacking even 1g but also not too much. But he couldn’t understand why he made such a face. Yaba stood there, holding his breath, waiting for his answer. His heart was pounding. As Cocaine’s faded complexion returned to its original colour, he said.

“That’s why I’m always thankful to you.”