Healer

Yaba sat on the sofa in the office and scratched his forearm. This office was a sanctuary where no one was allowed to enter except by Giha and the people he allowed. But he summoned Yaba to this sanctuary and even served him tea while revealing his true intentions. Yaba curiously asked the most basic questions.

“Why me?”

Giha, who was sitting across from him, answered.

“Because I need a guy like you right now. Nothing more, nothing less, just someone like you.”

Yaba responded with a cold face.

“Send Hashish or Morphine.”

“How am I going to make them become like you in one day?”

“You said that person is sick? Then send Cocaine.”

“They said Cocaine can’t go.”

“Then send Hashish or Morphine.”

“They said no.”

“Then don’t send anyone.”

“Don’t fuss and just go.”

“No.”

“You’re really… !”

A nerve sprouted from Giha’s clenched fist. If he hit with that fist properly, his leg would buckle for a few seconds. Giha looked particularly anxious today. By this time, he would take out the remote control from the inside pocket of his suit and threaten him with it, but it was clear that he was trying to be patient. Yaba, who would usually retort back with his chin stuck out, was not in a friendly mood now, so he decided to remain silent.

At that moment, someone stood on the back of the sofa on which Yaba leaned, supporting himself with his arm. As the cool cologne scent permeated, all of his nerves gathered.

“I’ll speak, so get out of your seat.”

Yaba turned his head. Cha Yiseok’s profile was very high. Cha Yiseok, dressed in a neat suit and not drunk on drugs, made the surrounding scenery unfamiliar. He met his gaze without warning.

“Do you want to do that too?”

“No.”

Yaba replied quickly. It was good for Giha to disappear in front of his eyes, but being alone with him was a vague fear. He scratched the back of his hand in nervousness repeatedly. Giha glanced at Yaba like that.

“You better leave it to me. He’s not someone who understands when talked to nicely.”

“What if I don’t talk to him nicely?”

Cha Yiseok asked in a tone of genuine interest. Giha answered with a stiff smile.

“Hurry.”

When Yiseok blinked again, Giha got up with a suspicious face.

“If you can’t do it, just call me anytime. He’ll get around to it soon.”

Then he said to Yaba.

“Don’t make the Director uncomfortable. That would be good.”

Giha tapped his head with his index finger. His finger movements seemed to pull the skin of Yaba’s hair. As Giha closed the door and left, the iron door closed with a slam. Yaba glanced at the door and bit his lip. The blood quickly pooled, and he wrapped his upper teeth around his lips and sucked the blood. The sound was similar to when Cha Yiseok bit his lips, so he spit it out.

Cha Yiseok leaned against the back of the sofa where Yaba was sitting and bent his upper body. His angled elbows were close enough to touch Yaba’s shoulders. His breath shook the feathers on the mask as if it was closer than expected. His heart swelled up. What would his expression look like if he knew that the ball of fat in front of him was the person Cha Yiseok kissed savagely? The desire for him to be remembered and the hope that he will never be remembered intersected.

Yaba squeezed his wide thighs and tried to make him look even a little thinner. He straightened his back to hide the layered belly fat. The other person’s gaze pressed down on the silver mask. He raised his head to follow the unbearable gaze. The other person then spoke up.

“Are you always like that?”

What? Yaba asked with his eyes.

“Are you always staring at people like that?”

The smell of his cologne made Yaba’s thoughts falter. Belatedly, he pondered the meaning of the question. He had often heard the phrase “eyes you want to stab with an awl” by Giha, your nephew, and the underlings, but he wondered if that had the same meaning. For the first time he wondered what kind of eyes he had. He kept getting to know his unfamiliar self because of this man. A cheap drug that only gives you a headache if you eat it once, originally a male estrogenic drug, and unpleasant eyes… Tell me again. How do you see me in your eyes?

Then, Yaba lowered his gaze. Cha Yiseok said.

“Who are you going to meet tomorrow? You can just be ‘Cocaine’ in front of those people, and do whatever you want in front of other people.”

Yaba forgot what was pointed out a while ago and looked at him again.

“I don’t want to. I’m not Cocaine, so why do you keep wanting me to do that?”

He hated having to put up a pretense that wasn’t funny, but pretending to be Cocaine made his teeth grind even more. He’d rather sing with his lower body uncovered on the street. Yaba’s eyes met his lips.

“That person wants to see Cocaine, but I don’t want him to.”

“Who is that person?”

“The person who provided the sperm when I was created.”

With a pleasant expression on his face and a poignant voice, he exuded a strange sense of alienation. Yaba asked again.

“Why does your dad want to meet Cocaine?”

“Because his eldest son has cancer and only has a month to live.”

“Then tell him to live diligently for the rest of the time.”

“I thought so too, but that person wants to fix him.”

“Then you can send Cocaine to him.”

“I told you I didn’t want to.”

Why? Why don’t you want to do that? Yaba hid the words under his tongue. Every time he put the name of Cocaine on his lips, it felt like a blunt needle was digging into raw flesh. His elbow and the scent of cologne touched his shoulder, making him recall his memory of Hyungwook.

“If you don’t want to send him, you don’t have to send him.”

“He needs Cocaine.”

“Then send him.”

“Whew…”

Cha Yiseok took a deep breath at the conversation that went in a circle. A sharp light flashed in his eyes.

“Sure. We will do the same tomorrow.”

He stretched his torso forward like a jaguar stretched out, stepping away from Yaba’s eye level. He said, putting a cigarette to his lips.

“That’s all you have to do. There’s nothing dangerous, and if you want extra compensation, just tell me.”

“No need. It’s going to go into the Giha’s pocket anyway.”

“Then I’ll send it to your bank account without letting the boss know.”

“I don’t have a bank account.”

Cha Yiseok lowered his voice like a person trying to conspire.

“Then, is there a good way to avoid the boss’s eyes?”

“No.”

Giha’s exploits were cunning. Masks and costumes had to be entrusted only to the designers introduced by Giha, and they were forced to be replaced once a week, even if they were eye-poppingly expensive. They had to pay for the lodging, electricity bill, and toilet paper with their own money, and they had to pay the price of gas to the underlings who would drive them to the store. He had to earn a lot just to spend much more, so it was like pouring water into a bottomless pit. Just like how it was in his old town.

“There are no secrets here. Before, a kid secretly conspired with money, but was caught by the thugs and beaten for 2 nights and 3 days. The thugs were dissatisfied, so they pissed on him, and he went crazy and got kicked out of the store.”

“Oh, dear.”

Cha Yiseok’s eyebrows twitched arbitrarily. Contrary to his tone of voice, his expression did not show a single sign of compassion. If you resist, you will be trampled on, and if you become useless, you will be discarded. There would be no losses for those people who were at the top of the food chain. Yaba looked at his lips regardless of his will. His lips and skin were smooth for a weak man, and his muscles were not gnawed at. It was the colour that only the bitterness of self-control could win.

“Think about it slowly. So what is the conclusion?”

“What if I say no till the end?”

“I don’t want the other guys. All I need is you.”

The only thing Yaba needed the most was to complete this messy imitation. Nevertheless, he could see himself picking up the words he had thoughtlessly thrown away earlier. The persistent eyes licked up Yaba’s expression under the mask.

“You’re stubborn.”

He ruffled his tidy hair and murmured.

“What don’t you like? If there is a way to change your mind, let me know.”

Cha Yiseok leaned his upper body down and gazed deeply into him. Yaba wanted to meet that anticipation, but he also wanted to break it completely. He wanted to run away immediately, but he wanted to hold on to that moment forever. He was always in two minds. At first, he was only resentful because of the unintended accident. That kiss took over his head, and then his eyes kept wandering and he wanted to see him again. Once more, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and the next day…. He wanted to see him every day. Then he wanted to touch him, he wanted him to touch him… It just kept getting worse for him.

“Forget about money. If I’m going to do this, in return…”

He focused his attention. He didn’t know why he thought of that at the time or even after time passes. There were so many things he didn’t know in his lifetime.

A voice like a thread flowed from Yaba’s lips.

“What do you want me to do? Speak properly.”

Cha Yiseok leaned over and put his ear to Yaba’s lips. The clean auricles filled his eyes. The fragrance emanating from the shirt made him dizzy. Thump thump thump… The sound of his heart beating shook his head like a magic drum.

“Ki…”

Yaba opened and closed his lips, letting the rest of the words flow into his ear.

“Kiss me…”