Heart of Darkness

Rayven woke up early in the morning. He looked to his side where Angelica slept peacefully. His sleep wasn't as peaceful. He had nightmares about his mother again and he woke up with wet eyes and face. 

Before Angelica could wake up and see him he left to wash up and change but his hands kept trembling. He had avoided hurting himself too long that now he was hurting if he didn't do it. He couldn't stop the itching anymore, even if he didn't want to scare Angelica. 

Looking at his hands, he tried to focus on stopping the shaking but it only increased, and then like a mad man he began to look for his dagger. When he couldn't find it, his claws had already forced themselves out. His heart began to beat fast and the new sound to his ears stressed him out even more. It was like a ticking that told him he needed to do it fast. The rate increased and then he just couldn't stop himself. He ruined his face once again. 

As usual, after that, he could finally breathe and his heart slowed down. But now he was worried about what Angelica might think when she saw him. 

He cursed. 

After washing up and changing into new clothes he went back to his room. She was still sleeping and he sat beside her for a while, just listening to the calming sound of her heartbeat in the morning quietness. Finally, after telling her everything he felt much more relaxed and he couldn't understand where this woman came from. How could someone be so kind and accepting? 

If she woke up now, she would be horrified to see him. His scars looked worse when he hurt himself with his claws. Where could his dagger be? Looking for it, he went to her room. Could he have dropped it there at some point? As he looked around he took notice of the chest she brought home. It looked like she hadn't finished unpacking. Curious, he went to see what she chose to bring home with her.

He found a vase, a few pieces of jewelry. He guessed her mother's jewelry and clothes. A pair of old shoes. Must be her mother's as well. A portrait of her mother. Rayven paused and looked at it for a long while. Her mother was beautiful just like her. He could see both Angelica and William's features in her. 

Putting it aside, he picked up a book. Curious he opened it and found her handwriting. He recognized it from when she wrote him the poems. It made him remember his book which Lucrezia took. He needed to get it back. 

Getting back to reading the book in his hand he saw that she had written more poems. These ones were about the pain she went through. He felt a heaviness in his chest as he read her words. 

( I have no shoulder to cry

I have no parents who pry

I have lost all the faith and love

There's no one living above 

The God is letting me be

No place is safe for me

I am a woman in men's world

Left alone on this bed curled

The world is dark, there is no light

My wounds are fresh from last night 

To see me bleed, you don't need a sight

You need a mother's love, a father's might)

Rayven closed the book, holding it tightly in his hands. He was in pain. Not the kind that was his friend. This one was his enemy. 

He took the book with him to his room and sat at his table. He was going to write her a poem. Or maybe he would just fill every page with poems. Well, time was something he had plenty of. 

When he was done pouring his heart out he closed the book feeling satisfied. Then he put it back in the same place for her to find. 

In the midst of his emotional state, his senses told him he had a guest. His first guess was Skender but it was the noisy Lazarus. 

"What brings you this early?" Rayven asked when he went to see him. 

"Good morning to you too," Lazarus replied. 

He made himself comfortable and sat on the sofa. "Is your wife alive? I was worried."

Rayven sat down on one of the couches. "And when did you start to worry about her?" 

"Well, after I helped you marry her. I felt bad doing so knowing you planned to kill yourself. I am glad you changed your mind, but if you go back to thinking so then come to me. I will make your death slow and painful." He smiled at him. 

"You felt bad?" Rayven raised a brow in suspicion. 

"Yes. You know if I care about something it is women." 

Rayven scoffed. It was the opposite. His kind of caring was not what serious women wanted.

Both of them sensed her stirring in her sleep. "She is alive. You managed to take care of her." Lazarus said. "Rayven taking care of someone. How I would love to see that." 

"Did you come here to mock me?" 

"No, no." He chuckled. "I came here to help you."

Rayven leaned back with a sigh. Help him with that? "She doesn't like fangs and claws." 

Lazarus chuckled again. "What human would like that? For them having a demon at home is like having a tiger. No matter how tame it is, it could bite." 

A tiger? Was he comparing him to an animal now? 

"You might be wondering what is so bad about being bitten. It is like asking someone to drive a dagger or a fork into your neck. Who would want that?"

"You are being ridiculous now." 

"I am just telling you how it looks to humans." 

"Then how do demons mate with humans?" 

He shrugged. "It is a process. Building trust, working through fear. Curiosity can sometimes be stronger than fear and some seek the thrill of danger so they give in easier. The point is to not just say I have fangs and claws and expect her to be willing. You have to give her a taste of what it truly means. Ease her into it." He paused. "You never pursued or courted her before marriage? Maybe now is the time to do all the pursuing and seducing." He lifted one brow at him. 

Pursue her? Rayven had never had to pursue a woman. There were always plenty ready to throw themselves at him. He wanted to pursue Angelica. Do all the things that he would have done as a man interested in marrying her. 

"How do I do that? Persuade her?" 

"Oh Rayven!" Lazarus said throwing one leg over the other. "Well, since you asked and want to know, romance her. Compliment her. Flirt with her. Show her your best self. Make yourself appealing to her. I am sure those things will come naturally to you since you are already like this." He smirked. 

Like what? 

He shook his head. He didn't even want to know. 

*******

Angelica watched Sarah prepare a bath on Lord Rayven's orders. She was putting something in the water and Angelica wondered what it was. 

"What is that?" she asked. 

"It is herbs to help with body pain. Lord Rayven told me to use them." She smiled. 

Angelica nodded. She really needed a bath. Her body and clothes were covered in sweat. 

Sarah helped her wash her hair and then Angelica washed her body while Sarah changed the bedsheets. 

"My Lady. Shall I just bring a chemise so you can feel comfortable?" She asked. 

"That sounds good," Angelica said. 

When she was done bathing, Angelica wore her chemise and then sat in front of the dresser to comb her wet hair. For some odd reason, she remembered when she helped Lord Rayven bathe and see all of him. If she hadn't been so worried about where he would leave, she would have fainted right there. And she thought she could handle the brothel? What had she been thinking? 

What would happen now that they were getting along? He had already told her she could touch him? Would he touch her? And what about the fangs and the blood thing? She still had to ask about that part? He had scared her for a moment about the fangs and she had suddenly felt like she was the benefit. She shook her head at the horrible thought. 

Angelica touched her neck remembering the nightmare she had about being bitten. That was purely a nightmare, different from the one with Constantine that felt like a memory which made it even more frightening. Perhaps she should tell Lord Rayven that she needed to talk to Skender. 

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts and shortly after Lord Rayven entered. 

"Good morning." He smiled but she immediately noticed the two new scars on his face. 

"Good morning." She said putting the comb away and standing up. "My Lord, what did you do to your face again?" 

He awkwardly rubbed his neck. "I couldn't help it." 

"You should have woken me. I would have helped you."

He smiled. "You wouldn't have wanted to see me like that." 

"I have already seen everything about you." She said. 

Everything. She remembered his body again and her face flushed. As if knowing what she was thinking he smiled at her reaction. "I guess you have. I didn't mean to show it all at once." 

Angelica cleared her throat and sat down again. She picked up the comb to focus on something other than her loudly beating heart. 

Oh right! He could hear it. 

No!

He came to stand behind her and took the comb from her hand. "Let me help you.." He said.