Heart of Darkness

It took time for Rayven to get over his shock of having Skender's claws in his neck. He kept bleeding for a long while, since healing from an archdemons attack took time and even more so, a defender. Once the bleeding stopped he hurried to find Lucrezia. This was scaring him. Skender, no matter how angry he became never say harsh words that were not constructive. He didn't believe in repaying harshness. And this meant, the destroyer was there but not to destroy at once. He was still hidden somehow but he knew everything. He knew about his jealousy and he found it disgusting. 

Well, he felt the same. He just misunderstood his jealousy. It wasn't that he believed Angelica och Skender had feelings for each other. With Angelica, the mating wouldn't work, and with Skender, his demon wouldn't be so calm and let him watch the woman he loved get taken away. Especially not if a destroyer was involved with his demon. His jealousy stemmed from the respect they had for each other, which now made him worry even more. The respectable Skender was going away and he wasn't happy about it at all. 

Once he arrived at Lucrezia's cave, it spun and turned into her parlor where she sometimes liked to talk to them when she was in a better mood. And today she was definitely enjoying herself, sitting on her large white fluffy sofa, having tea and sweets served. 

"Rayven!" She cheered. "Come and sit!" 

With a sigh, he went to sit on the other sofa. "You were expecting me?" He said hating that this somehow seemed like a plan. 

"I did?" 

"So you know what he did to my neck?" He touched the holes on the sides of his neck. 

"Hmm…" She said nodding. "That looks painful." 

He was too shocked to have felt the pain. 

"I guess the destroyer will first repay all those who gave Skender a hard time." 

"So what? The destroyer is Skender's defender?" 

"Somehow. So be careful, dear. Some of you will have to walk on your toes around him." It amused her. 

"Now you approve of the destroyer?" 

"No, no." She shook her head. "That doesn't mean I can't enjoy his actions for now. I am like him. I believe things should be repaid." She chuckled. "It seems like the destroyer agrees."

Well, he could admit that he deserved it and much more. He wasn't even angry or hurt about it. 

Lucrezia smiled. "You have truly come a long way," she said looking proud."When I think of how you were only a month ago, don't you think you have done well?" 

Rayven didn't feel that way. 

"You should see redemption as progress. Not a destination. As long as we live we will make mistakes we can learn from and grow." 

For a moment Rayven felt like he was sitting with his mother. Really? He hated her and now he was comparing her to that. He shook the thought away. 

"What should we do?" 

"We?" She raised a brow. 

Rayven cleared his throat feeling uncomfortable. "I want to help." He said. 

"Just be a friend, Rayven. You could use one too. You have already gone through this. With the knowledge you have now, you can ignite hope back in him." 

He did have the knowledge which was why he knew it wouldn't be easy. There wasn't even trust between them. How was it supposed to work? 

"You build that trust and trust me, it is the hardest thing to do. You will know what I go through with all of you." She said. "You will need to practice lots of patience if you want to help him. It will be an up and down road. Change is not a straight line." 

Great. Patience was not a strong attribute of his.  It would be like dealing with himself when he wanted to die. The patience Angelica had for him with his back and forth, the patience Lucrezia had for him with all his tantrums. He was nowhere near these women. 

"No. It will be progress for you as well." She told him. 

"But how can we help him now? Tell me something practical." 

"If there was something we could do that would solve it at once, I would have already done it. There is no easy way. I am looking for a powerful witch to numb the destroyer again so I can have a little more time to train him and for him to recover. I am thinking now when he is grieving is not the best time to have the destroyer around. But we can't keep numbing the destroyer because when he comes out again, he will be angrier." 

Rayven frowned. "Is he a completely separate thing?" 

Lucrezia nodded. "For now he is. The destroyer is there to hinder the defender from appearing. Every time the defender makes an attempt to appear, the destroyer takes his place. That is why the defender can't be triggered. Yet."

"Then how do we get rid of the destroyer and make the defender appear?" He asked. 

"We can't get rid of the destroyer. Having his demon numbed for so long has made Skender become a sloth. The sloth needs the destroyer and the destroyer needs the defender." 

That sounded complicated. 

"The destroyer needs to be tamed, not removed. They are all part of him. When separate bad but together, I think they will be great."

He nodded even though he wasn't sure how they would come together. 

"What do we do with Constantine? He will not give up." 

Lucrezia waved with her hand. "Don't worry about him. You have a great weapon against him. His father is dangerous. Also, he wants the defender, not the destroyer. The destroyer doesn't seem to want revenge for Ramona or he would have been triggered before. Even now when he is here, he would have done something already but nothing has happened." She frowned, wondering why just like him.

"Then he will come after Angelica again," Rayven said. 

"Whatever he does, will be good. Skender will know he can't leave William yet when Constantine approaches him again. I am sure they will come to an agreement." 

She had seen something it seemed, about the future.

"I'll trust you on this one, but if anything happens to them it will be the first and last time I do so." 

She watched him for a while. "Life would have been much easier for you had you trusted me a long time ago. Well, I won't complain. Better late than never." 

"What about the royal marriage? I don't think Skender needs that right now." 

At least he should have a chance at love. That would help him. 

Lucrezia became thoughtful. "You are right. That could trigger the destroyer now. I will postpone it." 

Rayven sighed in relief. At least one problem was solved. For now. 

"What do I need to do right now?" 

"Go home for now. Things need to be done at the right time." She said. 

"Let me know if you need…" he froze. Where did that come from? 

Lucrezia smiled widely. "I will and it was nice to have someone to talk to." 

Even though she smiled, those words were very sad. They were all together but none of them had someone to talk to. He still had that same problem. He didn't know how he would manage to be a friend. He didn't even know what it meant. 

He stood up and gave her a nod before leaving. Once he came home, he just sat outside to clear his mind but the bond made Angelica sense him and come to him. 

"Rayven?" 

She sat beside him on the bench, putting one around his shoulder."What is wrong?" 

She noticed the holes on his neck. "What happened?" She sounded shocked. 

"I had an encounter with the destroyer." He said. 

"Oh, God! Why are you not healing?" 

"It will take longer. He is an archdemon." 

"What will happen to him now? Will they kill him?" She sounded horrified. 

"No. That won't happen. Skender is still there. The destroyer only showed himself." 

"What happened to his Majesty?" William heard their conversation as he stepped outside. 

He hurried to know, looking worried then he noticed his neck as well. "My Lord? What happened to you?"

Rayven looked at both William and Angelica. "We need to be careful and prepared. The destroyer can appear anytime but…" he gazed at William. "That is not Skender." 

To make them worry less, he told them that they would try to do their best to help him. 

"Come," Angelica said. "Let me put something on these wounds." 

She made a mix of herbs that reminded him of the small box William gave him. He had put it somewhere that he forgot completely. He would have to find it. 

Today his mood was ruined and it was already late, so he decided to make the special day tomorrow when he was free from work. For now, he just grabbed Angelica and lay with her in his arms. 

"Are we sleeping already," She asked. 

"Just for a while." He said wanting to hold on to her. 

In the calmness of her presence, he eventually fell asleep. 

When he woke up, Angelica was gone and he heard voices in the distance. Skender was here. Getting out of bed he went downstairs. Angelica was setting the table with Sara. 

"Skender is here," He told her. 

"Oh, should we invite him to have dinner with us?" She asked. 

He nodded and then walked went to call them him and William inside. He had forgotten about the destroyer, the one he met this afternoon so he wasn't worried at all until his heart skipped a beat when he found the boy grabbed by the collar of his shirt. 

"Skender!" Without thinking he rushed and pushed him away. How could he have been so careless? They had to be careful. This wasn't only Skender anymore. 

Skender fell back, his eyes as dark as he had seen them this afternoon. "I want you to leave my home now before I hurt you," Rayven told him with worry rising to his throat. There was no way he could hurt the destroyer if he decided to attack they would all be in danger. 

The darkness from his eyes disappeared as if waking up and then he looked confused. He stood up, his eyes gazing at them yet not as he stepped back. Rayven wasn't sure what was happening, but he didn't relax. He had to be ready just in case. 

Skender took another step back, his eyes displaying hurt, confusion, and shame and then he vanished. 

Rayven remained still. His heart pounding hard in his chest. 

"My Lord?" 

Rayven turned around slowly to William. "Are you alright?" He asked him. 

The boy nodded. "He wouldn't hurt me." He said. 

Rayven shook his head. "No," he glanced at Angelica who looked worried before turning to him again. "Skender would never hurt you." 

"He looked sad. He thinks we abandoned him." William said. 

Angelica came behind her brother and put her hands on his shoulder. 

"You should go find him. I am here with William." She assured him. 

Rayven felt relieved that none of them were too frightened or changed their minds about him. 

"I'll be back." He told them. 

"Will you bring him back?" William asked. 

Rayven wasn't sure if Skender would even let him talk to him let alone bring him home. "If that is what you want, I'll try."

Leaving them behind he went to find Skender. To his surprise, he didn't sever the link between them to not be found. He must be in so much distress that he forgot. Rayven found him near a river, sitting on a large rock and rubbing his hand so hard it turned red. 

"Skender!" 

He turned his head with a jerk as if he didn't sense his arrival. His eyes were red and wet with tears. 

"Rayven." He breathed. "Did you see? Did you see what I did?" He stuttered. 

"I did. It is alright." 

"No." He shook his head violently. "It is not." 

"It is. It can't be worse than me planning to rip Angelica's heart out of her chest. But here I am." 

Skender frowned. "I might not be as lucky. You have yourself to fight. I have myself and now there is someone else in my head." He stood up pointing at his head with a finger. "He talks to me. Like he is someone else. I even saw him." 

His voice became lower and lower as he spoke. Almost as if afraid the other thing in his head would hear him. 

"He… he… he takes control over my body. Even when my will to die was so strong, he…was still stronger. He stopped me." 

Oh, God! He tried to kill himself? That was not his thing? 

"Now, not even my body is mine to control." He was utterly confused and almost mad. Like he had lost his mind.

"Everything will be alright," Rayven said. "Come with me now. William is worried." 

He shook his head. "I can't go there. It is not safe." 

Rayven tried to remain calm. "Do you not care about the boy. I said he is worried. He won't be happy if I tell him you didn't want to see him because that is what I will say." 

Skender frowned. "Are you forcing me right now?" 

"Yes. Let's go." 

He teleported away, being sure that Skender would follow. He had to wait for a while but at least he showed up at their garden. Rayven gave him a nod to follow him inside.  He could already smell the food that awaited them on the table. Skender hesitated to walk in, still wearing a look of shame on his face. 

When they walked in, Angelica came with a tray in her hands. She smiled upon seeing them. "Your Majesty, I am glad you came." 

"I apologize for what…" 

"Your Majesty!" William came rushing down the stairs before Skender could finish his sentence. "Are you alright?" 

Skender blinked, not knowing what to say. Well, Rayven knew what being in that position felt like. This boy and his sister appalled him many times. 

"Ye..yes." Skender replied. "I mean, " he frowned. "I am sorry." 

"Don't worry. I know about the destroyer." William told him straight. This boy and his bluntness sometimes. He loved it more than ever now. 

"Well, let's sit down and eat," Angelica told them.

During the dinner, Skender was tense the whole time. Rayven wasn't one to start conversations so he remained quiet. 

William pushed the plate of meat near Skender. "You should eat well to recover, Your Majesty." He told him. 

Rayven could see Skender's hand tighten around the fork he was holding. He picked up the meat from the plate, his eyes getting wet. 

"Are you going to cry now?" Rayven asked telepathically. 

"I think so," Skender replied. 

"For God's sake!" Rayven cursed. 

"I can't help it," Skender croaked. "I don't want to." 

Standing up hastily, Rayven turned to Angelica. "I will be sharing a room with Skender tonight. You and William can have some time alone," he spoke fast then grabbing Skender by the arm he pulled him out of his chair. "Alright then. Good night." He then vanished with him. 

Once they arrived at the guest room where Skender had been staying while sick, Skender let the tears fall with a chuckle. "You are crazy." 

Wiping the tears away he then looked around. "Are you really going to share a room with me?" 

"Not because I want to." 

"Of course not." 

"You sleep on the floor." He pointed toward the carpet. He was a demon, he could handle it.

Skender raised a brow. "I am the guest, I am also the king." 

"And I don't care."

"Well, I don't think the destroyer will like the floor." 

"I didn't know you were manipulative," Rayven said. 

A knock on the door interrupted their banter. "Is everything alright?" Angelica called from outside. 

"Yes," Rayven replied. 

"I have a few things."

He went to open the door. Angelica had brought a mattress and an extra cover and pillow. 

"Thank you." He took them away from her. 

"Good night then." She walked away and he closed the door. 

When he turned around, Skender had already taken the bed.  Rayven placed the mattress with a good distance between them before lying down as well. 

"Why are we even sleeping?" Skender asked. 

"This is happening because you almost cried," Rayven muttered. 

Skender remained quiet, both of them staring at the ceiling. Rayven realized he smelled of a woman. He had gone to Marie. Guilt hit him strong again. At least if he couldn't apologize, "thank you." He said. 

Skender turned to him. "For what?" 

"Saving my wife, scolding me, helping me." 

Skender returned to look at the ceiling, a smile curving his lips.

"Why are you smiling?" 

"Just thinking of how you were a while ago. No matter what happens, I can be happy that at least one of us did well." 

"If I could do it, the rest of you can," Rayven said. 

Don't give up, he wanted to add. If you give up what will happen to the rest? They will lose hope. But he didn't say it. From his own experience, such things didn't help very much. He needed something more impactful. Someone who didn't scold or lecture, but showed him the way. Guided him. Made him love life. Awakened his fighting spirit. Made him smile, laugh, and believed in him blindly. Someone who challenged him, made him question things but most importantly, someone whom he could trust, because of the trust he lost. Someone who would be loyal to him. Someone who would not seek him out to use him. That part of feeling used must be the most painful. He knew it because it brought out the destroyer when he wanted to apologize. It was not something he would forgive or forget easily. 

And Ramona, whatever her intentions were, good or bad, she needed him as the defender as well. People needed him as the defender. Even William had bargained with him. Skender needed at least one person who needed and wanted him. Not the destroyer, not the defender. Only him. Or maybe all of him. 

Now he understood why the destroyer wasn't interested to avenge Ramona. 

He smiled to himself and turned to Skender who had already fallen asleep. Seeing him this tortured made him think of how cruel and hard they were toward themselves. Rayven decided he wouldn't be anymore. 

It was time to let go of this cruelness toward himself and be more kind.