Heart of Darkness

Angelica opened her eyes, feeling welcomed by the daylight and the warmth of fresh-smelling bedsheets. For a moment she thought she was having a good dream but she was only awake. Awake and still in Lord Rayven's home. Panicking she sat up. What happened? 

She remembered him carrying her up after she fell ill. How embarrassing. At least, he didn't throw her out, she realized as she sighed. She felt like she still had a chance and considered pretending to be unwell until she could gather the courage to tell him about her offer. 

Yes. That sounded like a good idea even though she wasn't good at pretending. Well, she wouldn't be pretending really. She was still feeling a bit weak. 

Wait! Suddenly she noticed what she was wearing and that her arms and hands were clean. She was wearing a new white dress, her hair was dry and smelled good and her feet... she removed the sheets. Her feet had clean bandages wrapped around them. 

What did this mean? Her arms slowly went up to cover her body as if protecting herself. Did he…? 

Her heart stopped. No! 

No! No! No!

While being in denial and shrinking in shame and horror she saw the door handle move. No! He was here.

Hide!

Where? 

No! Throw her pillow at him. Yell at him to leave. 

Angelica didn't know whether to go forward and slap him or hide. She watched the door open with dread but to her surprise, a woman stepped inside. A maid from the way she was dressed. 

"Ah, you are awake." She smiled. 

Angelica stared confused.

The woman came with a tray that she placed on the bedstand beside her. "You looked better today. I made some tea for you." The old woman picked up the cup of tea from the tray and handed it to her. 

Angelica took it from her. "Who are you?" 

"I am Jada, Lord Rayven's house maid." She introduced herself. 

So he did have a maid? Was she not scared of him?

"Did you change my clothes?" Angelica asked. 

"Yes, My Lady." 

Angelica sighed in relief. Of course, that man wouldn't touch her. She didn't even know if it was a good thing anymore. She felt safe with him because of that but she also knew she wouldn't be safe for too long because of that. If he wanted to touch her, even a little she would have a higher chance of convincing him. 

"Where is Lord Rayven?" 

"He left for work," Jada replied. 

Angelica sighed in relief. She had time to think and prepare herself. Getting out of bed she decided to move a little. She was still weak and her feet were still hurting. She also had a sore throat and a mild headache. 

Taking her tea she went to sit near the window and drink while watching the backyard. Jada began to make the bed in silence but Angelica could feel the maid's eyes on her from time to time. Did she recognize her as the traitor's daughter?

"The plants are dead. Don't you take care of them?" Angelica asked. 

"Lord Rayven likes dead things." She replied. 

Of course. His attitude said it all.

"Does he treat you well?" 

Jada paused and became thoughtful. "I don't know." She replied with a frown. 

Don't know? How could she not know? 

Looking disturbed she went back to making the bed. 

"What is he like?" 

Jada looked up with eyes that displayed horror. "I haven't known him for too long." 

Angelica found the made strange as if she was hiding something or was confused about something. 

"What does he like to do in his free time? What does he like to eat and drink?" 

Jada had that look of confusion again but then chuckled nervously. "I have a bad memory, my lady. I don't remember." 

How odd. Why would Lord Rayven have someone with a bad memory work for him? He didn't seem like a man who had the patience for that. 

As she took another sip of her tea Angelica saw the mark on her wrist and almost choked on her tea. 

Did the maid see it? Did she tell Lord Rayven? Did Lord Rayven see it himself? 

At first, she panicked but then thought that perhaps it was for the better. She didn't have to see the disgust on his face when he found out. She didn't have to utter the word herself. But he let her stay despite everything. Maybe her instinct about him wasn't wrong. 

There was something about him that made her seek him out and she didn't know what it was. Why could she tolerate him despite his awful behavior? She was disturbed with herself. 

But again, it didn't matter. Someone in her position would have to tolerate any behavior in exchange for safety. That was her reality. 

Angelica decided to not waste time resting despite still feeling ill. She went to look around the house and find out more about Lord Rayven on her own. 

During her tour of the castle, she realized that everything was old and dreary. Many places had dust covering them and the thick curtains that were everywhere made her think that Lord Rayven liked the darkness. Could this be the reason he was called 'the dark Lord'? 

Suitable, she thought. 

There wasn't much to see or find out about him. It was almost as if no one lived in the castle. Angelica guessed that he didn't spend most of his time here. How could he be so mysterious? 

Her mind wandered back to the scars on his face. What happened? Who did that to him? 

Her wanderings brought her to a large room that was made into a library. The tall walls of the library were lined with bookcases that reached the roof. Despite the lack of space left to place new books, it already seemed like this room had all the books in the world. 

There was at least one new thing Angelica learned about Lord Rayven. He enjoyed reading a lot. One thing they had in common. 

Before returning, she took a book from the shelf. If she was going to die, at least she would read one more book before dying. 

Jada served her lunch and Angelica forced herself to eat despite losing her sense of taste. Everything tasted the same. She then went back to bed and read the book before going to sleep again. It was obvious to her that she was procrastinating, but she couldn't fight the exhaustion she was experiencing. 

Angelica woke up to a dark world. Leaving her room, she noticed the halls were dark. Now when Jada was here, didn't she put some lights around the hall? Or was this how Lord Rayven liked it? 

As usual, she tried to find her way through the darkness, and at the end of the hall, she saw light. Lord Rayven must be at home. 

Tonight she had more courage or maybe her sickness was making her irrational. She made her way toward the light and came to the same hall where Lord Rayven sat last night near the fire. 

Tonight he did the same. He kept looking into the fire as she neared. Angelica waited for a while to see if he would notice her presence. 

"Good evening, My Lord." She greeted him when he didn't notice her, but she realized he was only ignoring her. He kept staring into the fire. 

"Thank you for letting me stay and taking care of me," she said. 

He remained silent. 

Did he now think that she wasn't even worth talking to? 

Angelica rubbed her hands together nervously. "I apologize for coming uninvited and disturbing you. That wasn't my intention. I was only escaping to save myself." 

"You came to the wrong place." He replied. 

"I am still alive." She said. 

Now he turned to her, his dark eyes darker than the shadows in the room. "You are not dead. Yet." Then he turned away from her. "Even though death is better than many things." He muttered to himself. 

Was he telling her she was better off dead than being what she was? He really knew how to be cruel. 

She felt her eyes sting. Maybe she was better off dead. Right now she was tired. Even breathing was difficult and she began to feel hot. The corset of the dress felt tight against her ribs, making it even more difficult. 

"I can't even wish for my death." She said feeling a lump in her throat. Her heart felt heavy thinking of William. How she missed him. She had never been without him for so long. 

She placed a hand on her stomach, unable to breathe properly. As to not fall she stumbled to the armchair in front of him and sat down. He looked at her baffled. 

"I am sorry. I am not feeling well." She breathed. 

He narrowed his eyes but then looked away quickly. She could see a muscle tick in his jaw on the unscarred side of his face. 

"What happened to your face?" She asked. 

"It is scarred." He simply said. 

"I know. I mean how did you get the scars? Who did it to you?" She asked unable to help herself. She had been curious for too long and knowing that he was honest unless he avoided her question perhaps she would get answers today. 

"Who would dare do it to me? I did it to myself." He said. 

Angelica blinked surprised a few times. To himself? That wasn't the answer she expected. 

He looked at her. "And how, you wonder?" He reached inside his pocket and pulled out a small dagger. He removed the sheet and then looked at it. "I took this, placed it against my skin, and then dragged it down. It is not that difficult." He said explaining it as if he was talking about cutting vegetables rather than his face. 

Angelica grimaced feeling sicker. How could someone do that to themselves? 

"When I don't have a dagger, I just use my nails or twigs or stones. All work well." 

Stones? No wonder his scars looked horrible. Angelica felt her stomach turn. Why did he do this to himself? The man couldn't be sane. 

"Why?" She couldn't understand. "Why do you do it to yourself? Does it not hurt?" She asked. 

"It hurts when I look at myself in the mirror." 

That was when it hurt? 

"Don't do it." She blurted.