Heartburn

In April, the peach blossoms of the mountain temple begin to bloom.

In the fourth year of Yanxi, in the late spring, the weather at the foot of the mountain was already warm enough to put on a light spring shirt, but the mountain still needed to wear a windproof cloak to go out...otherwise, it would be me, right?

With my clothes closed, I leaned against the vines in the small courtyard, squinted in the sun, picked up a pickled candied fruit and stuffed it into my mouth to drive away the bitter taste of Chinese medicine in my mouth, occasionally coughing lightly A few times, at least not as severe as the sudden cold a few days ago.

Unconsciously, I have been here for three years.

I still remember that when I first came here three years ago, I felt like dust and panic. I only felt that the world was big, but there was no place for me... Now that I want to come, it is ridiculously naive.

What are the hurdles in life? It just takes time.

Some people, some things, it is better to forget all of them.

The heart is like still water, the waves are calm, and naturally there is no worry-I have unprecedented peace.

At least on the surface.

"His Royal Highness! Your Highness!" Qingyue's male voice is from far to near, bluffing but full of vigor, even if it disturbs the quiet, it teaches people to not bear the harshness, "Ms. Yan's letter!"

I put my finger up, pressed it on my lips, and made a silent motion. The young man who leaped towards me with a letter paper rushed to me and stopped quickly, covering his mouth with a comprehensive heart. Nodding vigorously, his cheeks flushed and flushed after exercise.

"Careful, don't fall." I scolded him with a smile, took the letter, and sent him to have a drink on the side to rest.

"His Royal Highness, in addition to the letterhead, Mr. Yan also sent two paintings, and they were placed on the table in the study. They said they were portraits of Liang's family. I urge you to take a look at them!" The teenager opened the chatterbox again, and the action of opening the letter in my hand paused. Against the gaze he was looking at, I reluctantly opened the letterhead and quickly scanned the content, sighed in my heart, and couldn't help but shook his head and smiled bitterly.

It's been so long, why hasn't Aunt Ke still given up?

This time, I don't know which Xiaolangjun has harmed again, so I still find a good time to talk to her, and teach her to send everyone home, so I don't have to delay them.

Thinking about this, I heard him say again: "I asked the eldest sister who delivered the letter, there has been another major event in Guanlan City recently!"

"Oh?" I replied casually, but I had already pricked my ears, waiting for him to speak.

Just the three words "Guanlan City" can easily touch my heartstrings-I hate myself for still living in the shadow of that person, and still being unable to break free from this uncontrollable emotional orchestration.

I can pretend to be nonchalant, but I can't control my heart.

"The three princes of the Linzhi Kingdom who are stranded in our capital are going to be married to the palace and be your majesty!" He lowered his voice and said mysteriously, but he didn't expect his voice to be loud. Even if I pressed my throat, it sounded like a thunder in my ears, making my brain dizzy, "Auspicious day will be in half a month!"

——The third prince, what I remember, was a proud boy with a good appearance, straightforward and cheerful, and very likable.

Is she going to marry him?

Will she like him?

It should be... Yes.

However, this has nothing to do with me anymore.

Regardless of the young man who opened up again, I folded the letterhead, closed my eyes, and continued to shine in the sun.

The boy was an orphan picked up, I named him Xiaoshao, and let him follow me as a small servant serving tea and water.

For the past three years, he has served me in my daily life. Although he looks clumsy, he is very reliable in doing things. It’s just that sometimes he is too nagging, even if no one is paying attention to him, he can chat for a long time-probably because of this. Zen Master Jiao Kongxi sent it to me.

According to her original words: You always bore yourself in a place without making a sound. Sooner or later, you will be suffocated. There is a bluffing kid to relieve the boredom, so as not to be lonely and impersonal, one day you will be bored to stone!

And the place where I live is the Lingjue Zen Temple where I was offering sacrifices to the sky.

Coming here is just thinking about the relationship between Kongxi and the first emperor. She is my aunt from the blood relationship; I also want to find a quiet place to avoid the crowds. The royal monastery is indeed the best choice.

In addition to this, I did not expect to see an unexpected person here, a person who I thought would have died away a long time ago.

The moment I saw her, I thought I was dazzled.

The man was wearing a gray and coarse hemp Buddha robe, with blue silk at the waist, no long ornaments on his body, and an old scar from the corner of his right eye to the corner of his mouth, but the brows and eyes were full of dust and peace.

——That is Kuang Xiqing.

It turned out that she was not dead.

Holding a broom in her hand, she unhurriedly swept the fallen peach petals on the bluestone road, and carefully put them into the soil of the tree roots. She was familiar and meticulous, obviously not the first time she did this.

I didn't expect that a dignified emperor would fall to this point-but looking at her appearance, it was clearly willing.

Hearing the movement, she stopped the work in her hand, raised her eyes to look at me, and after a slight daze, she showed an unrelenting smile. This smile is clean and pure without a trace of dust, and it also does not carry a trace of resentment or injury. Pain, so calm as to see a...unimportant stranger.

Seeing her smile, I only felt a pain in my heart, tears came out uncontrollably, but I didn't know what I was upset about-shouldn't I be happy to see her safe and sound?

But why, my heart is a little bit, dull and dull...

"Han'er? Or, I should call you... Jian Xin, right?" In the dim eyes of tears, I saw her casually leaning the broom against the tree, walking slowly in front of me, raising her hand to help me Wiping away the tears, but at the last moment, he withdrew his hand again, patted the dust on his hands, smiled and sighed, "Don't cry, my hands are stained with dust, but I can't help you."

"You, you know?" I knew that I must be stupid now, but I didn't care about the tears on my face. I wiped my face with my sleeve indiscriminately, staring at her eyes, wanting to see something from it. Clue, trying to judge her meaning and true emotions-she said that, did she discover my identity?

Knowing that I am a ghost occupying a magpie's nest, and even causing her to lose the throne and ruin her appearance, what would she think of me? What will it do?

Rebuke, vent your dissatisfaction, or... revenge on me?

I am not sure.

"Actually, I should have discovered it a long time ago. After all, you and Han'er's temperament are too different." Seeing that I was so nervous, she couldn't say anything. She smiled slightly, with melancholy and nostalgia, but it was not what I expected. His anger and hatred, which made me secretly relieved.

"However, you will fall in love with Kuang Ximing, but I didn't expect it." Her next sentence taught me the heart that had just let go, and suddenly raised it again.

"I..." I wanted to apologize and explain, but I felt that my words were so pale and weak that they couldn't make up for the mistakes I made, nor can they make up for what she had lost, so I could only remain silent.

"Jian Xin, why do you like Kwong Ximin?" She raised her hand, brushed off a peach petal on my shoulder, and opened her mouth softly, making the hideous scars on her cheeks softer. .

"...I don't know." I haven't considered this question, but I overturned my answer after being sad and disappointed again and again.

No matter how cold, noble, gentle and considerate, it was just her feigning pretense that she played the close guard Jiang Zhuo in order to get close to me... Then all the things that happened, no matter how persistent and affection she was, she taught me how to believe her. Really?

What's the reason for her like this?

But no matter how I warned myself and restrained myself, once I touched those eyes, that smile, or even the strands of hair hanging down from the side of the man, I couldn't get out of it. There was nowhere to escape. I could only fix my sight for a long time. In her body, there is no room for others in her heart.

I think she is probably my fate.

"Don't feel embarrassed, I don't mean to blame you," Kuang Xiqing smiled clearly, then gave me a fixed look, the smile gradually faded, "Emotional matters, there is no reason at all. Just as I don’t even think about it, why is that stupid boy Han'er so fond of me?"

She looked at me as if seeking an answer, but I babbled a few times, but couldn't give her the answer she wanted.

——After all, I am not Kuang Xihan's deity, not the Ling Wang who loves her so much, nor the Han'er who she is thinking of.

"Actually, I was aware of it very early, but I didn't dare to believe it, and I didn't dare to verify it. No matter what, I hold a little hope-my Han'er is still in this world. But you rushed in front of me to block it for me. With an arrow, I realized that you are not her. The Han'er, who I love so much and loves me so much, is dead and killed by my own hands. "There is clearly a ray on her face. A faint smile, but a sadness lingers in her eyes, so heavy that she can crush the whole person, "If she doesn't like me, she will still be the proud and wanton emperor, the successor prince, and the lord of the world. ...If she is reluctant, no one can hurt her half a point."

"Unfortunately, in this world, there has never been a feeling that can be controlled, let alone-if." Thinking of the speculation about the original owner of the body, I can't help but feel the same-yes, Kuang Xihan may not be ignorant of what the emperor did, but she has always been I have endured and indulged, and in the end, even if I lost my life for it, I never regretted it at all.

There may be grievances and pain, but is it a desperate determination?

——Since you can't be together, you must remember me firmly, thinking of me day by day, thinking of me every night, bearing the love and guilt for me all your life, and you can never get rid of me.

You are my robbery, and I am your nightmare.

I think this is what Kwong Xihan had in mind when he calmly drank that bowl of poo.

"Yes, if you fall in love, you are in love. There is no reason or no reason to shrink, because there is never a if in this world." She smiled lightly, and stroked my hair half step forward, as if through me. The shadow of is chasing another person.

I knew she was thinking about Kwong Xihan, so she didn’t move, and her eyes fell on her face with nostalgia—I turned my eyes as if I saw a corner of clothing flashing past the tree in the distance, and then I looked carefully , But I can't see anything.

Xu is an illusion.

When she stared at my face looking for the trace of another person, how could I think of others through her... It's just that I don't want to admit it.

"But, Jian Xin, you don't have to blame yourself or regret--you are not Han'er, and you don't owe me anything." I am now between Kuang Xiqing's eyebrows, and she can see my eyes as long as she lowers her eyes. , I can just see my reflection in her eyes-it is a face that does not belong to me, even if I have become accustomed to the delicateness, sensitivity and weakness of this body, I will no longer be stunned and stunned when facing the mirror. Staying there for a long time, this can't obliterate the fact that I seized this body.

"Your throne was taken away by Jiang Zhuo." I lowered my head, avoiding her eyes, only feeling that under such complicated eyes, my heart was so heavy that I could barely breathe.

"This throne does not belong to me," she waved her hand indifferently, but said very seriously, "Besides, it's Jiang Zhuo's not, why should you take the fault on yourself? ?"

I didn't want to explain to her more, but insisted: "What Jiang Zhuo owes you is what I owe you."

——No matter what happens, no matter whether I broke up with Jiang Zhuo or not, in my heart, she has long been recognized as my partner and the only person I love.

"Oh, you, this is the same as Han'er," she frowned and looked at me helplessly, but at last she smiled and sighed quietly, "...all silly children."

I couldn't refute, so I had to smile wryly.

"Escape is the choice of the coward, regret is the shackles of the loser-I finally understand it after I lost my beloved one." She shook her head, turned around without hesitation, walked under the tree, and picked up the handle. The broom continued to clean up again and again. Accompanied by the sweeping sound of cleaning, the quiet and elegant voice floated, "I stay in this Lingjue Temple, not only to pray for Han'er, but also Petition in front of the Buddha every day-I wish to reincarnate forever, and meet her for the rest of my life, and be able to fall in love with her. This is my biggest wish in this life.

I watched her silently, and gradually walked away, as if gradually stepping out of my life. From then on, I no longer have to bear the identity of Kuang Xihan, and I don’t have to face her with guilt—I should be relieved. Freed, but I don't know why I feel a little more stunned.

If I didn't meet Jiang Zhuo first, would I like her?

……maybe.

But this is another story.

"This is my cause and effect." She said, "Jian Xin, I have let go of...what about you?"

The sun was warm and shining brightly in people's hearts. Thinking back to what Kwong Xiqing said to me, I finally made a decision.

Opened his eyes, stopped Xiao Shao’s chattering and whispered, handed him the letter from Yan Ke, and ordered: "Give a message back to Mr. Yan, and say that the king knows-besides, go and pack your luggage, let’s go Guanlan."

"Huh? Your Highness is going back! Come on, Mr. Yan may be so happy! Let's go and clean up!" Xiao Shao ran away happily.

Seeing his carefree figure, I couldn't help but curled up the corners of my mouth-for three years, I have been looking for an answer, but to no avail.

Will there be any difference this time in Guanlan?

I don't know, but a faint expectation arose from the bottom of my heart.

——Emperor Sister, I really still can't let it go.