Heaven Tastes Like Peaches
Chapter 20:Boys Don’t Cry
Konrads mother always endured contemptuous looks of her husband, his quarrels, and his mistresses that could already be counted in dozens. She always forgave him without a word of opposition or defense. She was gentle and kind - too good for this man chasing life's pleasures and money. Did this mean that this is the first time a mother wants to take a stand against her husband? And it was because of the son of a friend she didn't even know was dead?
But if so, if she confront his father, will there not be a terrible row in the house? He never raised a hand to her, but what if he mentally abused her again? The mother should not agree to everything, but the father is so used to it that if the wife intervenes in something, it may end badly.
What if now he raises not only his voice but also his hand?
Konrad felt torn. He wanted his mother to stand up to his father, and at the same time he was afraid something bad would come out of it. Something irreversible.
"Mom, don't do anything rash," he asked. "At least until I come back."
"Be calm. I can deal with your father" she assured.
Though there was confidence in her voice, he somehow didn't believe her.
"Konrad, you are already a grown man. Well, almost." She giggled.
"Mom!"
"You are an adult, so you know that the adult world is complicated. I've lived with your father for over twenty years and I really know how to deal with him. Do not worry about me. Julia was our… she was my dear friend. Hope you get along well with her son."
"Uhm, yes," he admitted vaguely.
She laughed, embarrassing him.
"That's good. If you need anything, such as money ... Can you pay by card there?"
"Yes, I can. Do not worry about me. Everything is ok. And mom ..."
"Yes?"
"Thank you."
He was really, sincerely grateful to her. Perhaps it is right that teenagers were not very close to their mothers, believing that it was not appropriate or simply going through a phase of rebellion, but unpleasant experiences with their father brought them closer so that Konrad did not think that their ties should look different. It was simply impossible, if only because his mother was the most wonderful person in the world.
Sławek rested his head on his hand looking at Konrad sitting outside the window. He didn't think, just looked at his profile, at his neck, shoulders ... Although they were close in height, Skalski was better built - not massive, but not as terribly thin as Sławek was. He presented himself very aesthetically and the sun, penetrating through the leaves of fruit trees, played with bright spots on his sitting figure, giving it an additional, subtle charm. Konrad was just beautiful at that moment.
Sławek slowly and resignedly looked away.
Today, when he fell off the ladder, when Konrad saved him from falling, when their bodies were so close together ... What exactly happened then?
Domejczuk was eighteen years old, but had no experience with girls. It's not that he wasn't interested in them, he was just very shy and the girls acted strange around him. He wasn't rich, he lived in the countryside, to which the last bus ran at 7:40 p.m., so he couldn't even make an appointment with either of them, unless he wanted to stay overnight on the street because he couldn't afford a hotel. Anyway, he hadn't thought too hard about these matters so far. And despite what he carved, he really didn't think about being with a man. So why did his body react in this way for a while, while he was lying on top of Konrad?
It was because of the shock and physical stimulation, he explained to himself. He was falling, so his adrenaline rushed up. Then he hit the boy's hip with his penis. It was enough. Yes, it certainly was. Only then, why was it so strange to look at Konrad later or to be next to him? And why did he react so strangely when he wanted to touch his struck hand?
How is this why? It's obvious! Sławek's body reacted naturally, but the physical symptoms could have caused strange associations, so he was afraid that Skalski would notice something and a foolish comment. Or he will imagine whatever. That's why.
Sławek got up to approach his pieta and felt pain in his forearm. No big deal, just discomfort. He looked at his hand and saw the first signs of a bruise emerging. He had worse. He rubbed his sore forearm and walked over to his sculpture. He looked at the mother hugging her dead son.
Konrad reminded him of his own mother and Sławek saw in his mind her skinny, sallow face, which she had had for several months before her death. Instead of her hair, she wore a shawl, which she always wore whenever he came to visit her. He didn't do this very often. His mother forbade him and his grandfather, at her request, made sure that the teenager did not spend all his free time at the dying person's bedside. Back then, Sławek did not care. He was not fully aware of the significance of the events that were happening. From the fact that the mother dies. That she would be gone from his world forever, just like his father did. She and his grandfather both lied to him that he didn't have to worry that everything would be okay. They were persuasive, so he believed them, or at least he wanted to believe them. Experimental, expensive treatment was supposed to help. The mother was due to come home soon and then he could spend more time with her. However, this did not happen. His mother died and only his grandfather remained.
Now he wasn't there either.
Ashamed, he wiped the tears that fell into his eyes. He felt stupid in front of himself that he was crying. It's normal for people to die. Father, mother, grandfather… all of them. Everyone who is born will die one day. There is no life without death, so why?
More tears blurred his vision. He rubbed them too, but it didn't help, because after a while more came. And next. They turned into a stream he couldn't stop. His heart ached so badly that he could hardly breathe. He didn't want to cry, but he couldn't control himself. He was a grown man, there was his peer outside the window, who would laugh at him if he saw him now, but the emotions were too much and the dam was broken and tears flowed without resistance, tearing heavy sobs from his chest.
Why is it so painful to be alone in the world? Why is it so hard when everyone's gone?
Why is there no one left for him?
He was wiping his eyes and sniffling. He felt stupid, but eventually he ceased to care. It hurt too much to continue to choke his emotions. He let them get out, flow out of his body along with the tears.
***
Konrad knew that he was witnessing something very private, but he couldn't move. He was standing behind the door of the studio, from which he heard the sounds of Sławek crying - stunned, numb, not knowing what he should do now.
If he were his mother or a a girl from the same class in school, he would have come inside and hugged Sławek. But he wasn't. It is women who hug, stroke the head, comfort. A man must hide his tears. Be tough. It was a matter of pride and image. The boys don't cry, no matter how much it hurts. Only it hurts really bad sometimes, beyond the limits of endurance.
If he were a girl… If one of them, either of them, were a woman, he would have walked inside without hesitating. A girl is allowed to cry, she is allowed to comfort her friend and be comforted by her. But the guy ...
Damn it all, he thought, and reached for the doorknob, but didn't dare to push it. He just felt a rush of heat on his cheeks.
But if so, if she confront his father, will there not be a terrible row in the house? He never raised a hand to her, but what if he mentally abused her again? The mother should not agree to everything, but the father is so used to it that if the wife intervenes in something, it may end badly.
What if now he raises not only his voice but also his hand?
Konrad felt torn. He wanted his mother to stand up to his father, and at the same time he was afraid something bad would come out of it. Something irreversible.
"Mom, don't do anything rash," he asked. "At least until I come back."
"Be calm. I can deal with your father" she assured.
Though there was confidence in her voice, he somehow didn't believe her.
"Konrad, you are already a grown man. Well, almost." She giggled.
"Mom!"
"You are an adult, so you know that the adult world is complicated. I've lived with your father for over twenty years and I really know how to deal with him. Do not worry about me. Julia was our… she was my dear friend. Hope you get along well with her son."
"Uhm, yes," he admitted vaguely.
She laughed, embarrassing him.
"That's good. If you need anything, such as money ... Can you pay by card there?"
"Yes, I can. Do not worry about me. Everything is ok. And mom ..."
"Yes?"
"Thank you."
He was really, sincerely grateful to her. Perhaps it is right that teenagers were not very close to their mothers, believing that it was not appropriate or simply going through a phase of rebellion, but unpleasant experiences with their father brought them closer so that Konrad did not think that their ties should look different. It was simply impossible, if only because his mother was the most wonderful person in the world.
Sławek rested his head on his hand looking at Konrad sitting outside the window. He didn't think, just looked at his profile, at his neck, shoulders ... Although they were close in height, Skalski was better built - not massive, but not as terribly thin as Sławek was. He presented himself very aesthetically and the sun, penetrating through the leaves of fruit trees, played with bright spots on his sitting figure, giving it an additional, subtle charm. Konrad was just beautiful at that moment.
Sławek slowly and resignedly looked away.
Today, when he fell off the ladder, when Konrad saved him from falling, when their bodies were so close together ... What exactly happened then?
Domejczuk was eighteen years old, but had no experience with girls. It's not that he wasn't interested in them, he was just very shy and the girls acted strange around him. He wasn't rich, he lived in the countryside, to which the last bus ran at 7:40 p.m., so he couldn't even make an appointment with either of them, unless he wanted to stay overnight on the street because he couldn't afford a hotel. Anyway, he hadn't thought too hard about these matters so far. And despite what he carved, he really didn't think about being with a man. So why did his body react in this way for a while, while he was lying on top of Konrad?
It was because of the shock and physical stimulation, he explained to himself. He was falling, so his adrenaline rushed up. Then he hit the boy's hip with his penis. It was enough. Yes, it certainly was. Only then, why was it so strange to look at Konrad later or to be next to him? And why did he react so strangely when he wanted to touch his struck hand?
How is this why? It's obvious! Sławek's body reacted naturally, but the physical symptoms could have caused strange associations, so he was afraid that Skalski would notice something and a foolish comment. Or he will imagine whatever. That's why.
Sławek got up to approach his pieta and felt pain in his forearm. No big deal, just discomfort. He looked at his hand and saw the first signs of a bruise emerging. He had worse. He rubbed his sore forearm and walked over to his sculpture. He looked at the mother hugging her dead son.
Konrad reminded him of his own mother and Sławek saw in his mind her skinny, sallow face, which she had had for several months before her death. Instead of her hair, she wore a shawl, which she always wore whenever he came to visit her. He didn't do this very often. His mother forbade him and his grandfather, at her request, made sure that the teenager did not spend all his free time at the dying person's bedside. Back then, Sławek did not care. He was not fully aware of the significance of the events that were happening. From the fact that the mother dies. That she would be gone from his world forever, just like his father did. She and his grandfather both lied to him that he didn't have to worry that everything would be okay. They were persuasive, so he believed them, or at least he wanted to believe them. Experimental, expensive treatment was supposed to help. The mother was due to come home soon and then he could spend more time with her. However, this did not happen. His mother died and only his grandfather remained.
Now he wasn't there either.
Ashamed, he wiped the tears that fell into his eyes. He felt stupid in front of himself that he was crying. It's normal for people to die. Father, mother, grandfather… all of them. Everyone who is born will die one day. There is no life without death, so why?
More tears blurred his vision. He rubbed them too, but it didn't help, because after a while more came. And next. They turned into a stream he couldn't stop. His heart ached so badly that he could hardly breathe. He didn't want to cry, but he couldn't control himself. He was a grown man, there was his peer outside the window, who would laugh at him if he saw him now, but the emotions were too much and the dam was broken and tears flowed without resistance, tearing heavy sobs from his chest.
Why is it so painful to be alone in the world? Why is it so hard when everyone's gone?
Why is there no one left for him?
He was wiping his eyes and sniffling. He felt stupid, but eventually he ceased to care. It hurt too much to continue to choke his emotions. He let them get out, flow out of his body along with the tears.
***
Konrad knew that he was witnessing something very private, but he couldn't move. He was standing behind the door of the studio, from which he heard the sounds of Sławek crying - stunned, numb, not knowing what he should do now.
If he were his mother or a a girl from the same class in school, he would have come inside and hugged Sławek. But he wasn't. It is women who hug, stroke the head, comfort. A man must hide his tears. Be tough. It was a matter of pride and image. The boys don't cry, no matter how much it hurts. Only it hurts really bad sometimes, beyond the limits of endurance.
If he were a girl… If one of them, either of them, were a woman, he would have walked inside without hesitating. A girl is allowed to cry, she is allowed to comfort her friend and be comforted by her. But the guy ...
Damn it all, he thought, and reached for the doorknob, but didn't dare to push it. He just felt a rush of heat on his cheeks.
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