How Can I Get Rid of Him

I sat on the bed, turned on the iPad, and suddenly was suddenly almost blinded by the screen wallpaper.

It was a photo of me kissing Pei Hao’s face with ice cream smeared on my mouth, both of us smiling happily. I had just finished an ice cream and hurried upstairs to him before wiping my mouth. On that day, we had gone to the playground, and upon returning, I had set that photo as the wallpaper.

Feeling responsible for my actions, I opened the photo album on the iPad, preparing to delete the pictures. When Pei Hao realized my intention, he snatched the iPad from my grasp, looked at me with anger, and asked, “How many are you planning to delete? You’ve already cleared your Weibo Moments; can’t you keep at least one photo?”

I stared at him blankly. “Why blame me for not keeping your own pictures?”

Pei Hao’s numerous photos of Fu Yan on his mobile phone suddenly crossed my mind. Although it had nothing to do with me, a sudden chill still gripped my heart. I turned to face the wall, unwilling to look at him. I hoped he’d get the hell out of here and go back his white moonlight and cinnabar mole.

“Saved…” Pei Hao’s tone softened after he saw the sudden change in my expression. He put his hands on my shoulders and tried to turn me around. “They’re all saved on my phone.”

I closed my eyes and curled up in a ball, neither wanting to face him or reply to him. Ever since I glimpsed a collection of Fu Yan’s photos in Pei Hao’s album, I refrained from looking through it. I was torn between making an issue out of it or remaining silent.

How could I have been so foolish before? I was so in love that I lost my standards and dignity. Like a clown, I was begging for a shred of affection, clinging to the few scraps he offered me, and refusing to let go.

Pei Hao didn’t understand why I suddenly ignored him and said nervously, “I really kept them. I have backups of all the deleted photos.”

As he said that, Pei Hao turned on the phone and gave it to me, eager to show me. Yet, I didn’t want to look at it at all. His backups were his business. They were photos I didn’t remember at all, at least not now. Someday, when I could talk about them casually, he would be merely a distant memory my heart.

I waved my hand forcefully, and his phone fell to the ground. I couldn’t help it; I couldn’t control myself when I was angry.

Pei Hao ignored his phone. Instead, he removed his shoes and squeezed onto the hospital bed, reaching out to hug me. I felt annoyed by him—pretending to care for me when he didn’t really love me. Wasn’t he hoping that I’d never move on from him, so he could revel in my helplessness and emotional turmoil? An inexplicable surge of anger rose within me. I evaded his touch and kicked him hard twice, sending him tumbling off the bed. With frustration, I pointed at him with trembling hands and yelled, “You, right now! Get out of here!”

The little girl in the next bed looked at us in surprise, a little scared. I forced myself to calm down, taking a deep breath, and exhaling.

Pei Hao sat on the ground, stiff, his face full of surprise. I had been angry before, but this was the first time I’d seriously yelled at him to go away right in front of others. After a long time, Pei Hao slowly rose from the ground and looked at me sadly as if waiting for comforting words from me.

In the past, Xiao Xi wouldn’t have treated him like this. She would have been concerned and hesitant to see Pei Hao in such a state. But times have changed, and circumstances have changed. I turned my head, no longer looking at him. The past didn’t need to occupy my thoughts any longer.

“I’ll go buy you something to eat.” Pei Hao couldn’t wait for my consolation and walked out lonely with his head down.

The atmosphere became awkward, leaving only me and the little girl lying in the next bed. The 10-year-old girl seemed a little afraid of me, so she turned her head away and pretended to be asleep.

I smiled apologetically, “Sorry I scared you.”

“Ah, it’s ok.” The little girl breathed a sigh of relief and turned her head to look at me with curiosity. She seemed to find me less scary, so she asked me hesitantly, “Did you quarrel with that guy just now?”

“Um,” I thought for a moment, “not exactly.” We were breaking up cleanly, or not-so-cleanly.

“Are you two a couple?” The little girl blinked and asked me.

This sudden question caught me off guard, and I was a little dumbfounded. How could children nowadays be so perceptive, even about gay relationships?

I shook my head. We were no longer lovers.

“But,” the little girl was puzzled, “when you fell asleep this morning, he kept looking at you, just like my father used to look at my mother. He wanted to hug you just now.”

“That’s different,” I explained. “He was just feeling sorry for me.”

“Really?” The little girl didn’t quite believe it.

I quickly changed the topic and talked to the girl about her parents and school. Her parents were at work, so they had a nanny bring her to the hospital. Now, the nanny was nowhere to be found. As we chatted, my emotions finally calmed down. When Pei Hao returned, I still didn’t pay much attention to him.

Seeing me constantly talking to the little girl, he won her over with a piece of cake and tried to join our conversation.

The little girl pointed at me and asked Pei Hao, “Are you two lovers?”

“Yes,” Pei Hao said with a smile, giving her another piece of cake. Upon hearing this, I almost spit out a mouthful of old blood, so I glanced at Pei Hao and motioned him not to talk nonsense to the child.

“But this older brother just said no.” The little girl took the cake and continued to pursue the truth in her heart.

Pei Hao whispered in her ear, “He is angry with me.”

Hearing this, I smiled coldly. I didn’t want to participate in their conversation, so I randomly picked up a book, pretending to read it seriously.

At night, I asked Pei Hao to leave, but he refused. I couldn’t argue with him, so I let him be. As night fell, I closed my eyes and thought about what happened during the day. Honestly, I was slightly disappointed in myself for losing control over my emotions, which showed that Pei Hao’s words and deeds still affected me. I still felt angry and unwilling because of him, and I still haven’t fully come out of our past relationship.

They say falling in love is easy, but forgetting is difficult. I wondered how many days and nights those who truly loved needed to endure to forget and move on.

If there were indeed a potion for erasing emotions in this world, I would drink it without hesitation, even if it meant never being able to develop feelings for anyone ever again. Currently, I felt that falling in love with someone else was really difficult.

The next day, I was put on a drip for another two hours before the doctor discharged me from the hospital. Pei Hao helped me pack up my things, and when no one was looking, he kissed me lightly on the forehead when I went out, however, I pushed him away in disgust. The little girl on the bed caught this scene, covered her mouth in surprise, giggled a few times, and gave Pei Hao a thumbs-up.

In the eyes of the younger girl, I believed she saw Pei Hao and me as a happy couple, much like her own parents—loving and occasionally bickering. In my heart, there was a tiny glimmer of hope as well. Right now, it was just a dream I’d concocted: a dream where, upon waking, I was still with Pei Hao, but the difference was that he loved only me, and there was no one named Fu Yan around. All those suspicions and pains only existed within the realm of dreams. Then, as sunlight streamed onto the bed, I’d snuggle up to him and playfully say, “I dreamt that you loved someone else, not me, and I felt really sad.” He would comfortingly hold me, saying that those were just dreams and not to be scared by them.

However, reality was called reality precisely because it often inflicted more vivid pain than dreams. Reality cut randomly, pulled you along, and compelled you to confront life’s raw truths. But without these setbacks and failures, most lives would resemble weightless clouds, as insubstantial as a feather. Life often gained its depth and substance after the baptism of pain.

So, the ups and downs, the bittersweet moments, the countless facets of life—all relied on our own personal experiences to be understood.

Since that day, Pei Hao seemed to be under some spell. He would frequently loiter around the area beneath my apartment. During the day, he’d often buy an assortment of breakfast and afternoon tea treats and have them delivered to our office. Initially, my colleagues thought it was a farewell gift for everyone since I was leaving.

However, with time, they began to sense something wasn’t right. How could there be daily deliveries in the morning and afternoon?

So someone asked me jokingly if there was a girl chasing me.

A colleague sitting beside me said, “It doesn’t have to be a girl!”

I, “…”

[1st floor] Beaming with joy: Seeing Xiao Xi say that it’s difficult to fall in love, it’s rather sad. Why should he give his best love in life to a scumbag? (crying.jpg)

[2nd floor] Heartless sponge: Xiao Xi, don’t lose faith in love. Believe me, one day, you will meet someone who truly loves and appreciates you. You will fall in love with him and spend beautiful years together. At that time, looking back, you will feel that the pain experienced now is worth it, and Pei Hai is nothing more than that.

[3rd floor] Dish lovely: I feel sorry for Xiao Xi Xi

…

[14th floor] Mirror Master ki: Didn’t Xiao Xi say he broke up with Pei Hao over half a year ago? If Pei Hao is still chasing after him, then I believe he loves him.

[15th floor] Ba La Ba Xiao Mo Xian: What’s the point of loving or not loving? What did he do when he should have cherished him? Broken mirrors can’t be reunited. The past cannot be repeated. I support Xiao Xi to get rid of him.

…

[18th floor] Hui Se Jiu: Have you ever thought, OP, that not every workplace has people who buy breakfast and afternoon tea for everyone every day… What if you run into someone you know?