How to Avoid Debut

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༺ How To Avoid Debut – 34 ༻

 

  Ding-dong. As I lay there motionless, it wasn’t long before the doorbell rang. Wondering if the building’s chairwoman had come, I slowly rose to my feet. In front of the entrance, the boy named Jigu, who had left earlier, was still in his school uniform, holding his backpack. The only difference from before was the porridge he held in his hand.

 

  “I thought you might go to bed without dinner, so I bought this. It’s good to have something when taking medicine.”

 

  Seeing his labored breathing, it was clear he had hurried back. I was startled and was about to decline, but Jigu handed me the paper bag containing the porridge.

 

  “I didn’t know your preferences, so I got a simple vegetable porridge.”

 

  “Hey, wait a moment. Let me at least give you money.”

 

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  “Senior.”

 

  Not sure if I had any cash, I started to search, but Jigu gently stopped me. Holding onto my arm, he took a few breaths before speaking.

 

  “You know, I’ve always struggled with dancing. But seeing you dance… it stayed with me all day. I thought, ‘So there are people who can dance like that.’ I always followed whenever you competed and cheered for you from the background.”

 

  Without giving me a moment to process his words, another stream of thoughts flowed.

 

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  “I’ve never prepared for college entrance exams, so I might not know everything, but our school pushes all the burdens onto its students. I wouldn’t have been able to bear it either. It’s not that you’re weak, but perhaps it’s the environment around you that was.”

 

  His words felt hand-picked, as if he copied them from a list of things I wanted to hear.

 

  “You’re the first person I’ve ever admired, aside from my brother. To me, you’re incredible. I hope you don’t feel too down.”

 

  I wondered if that was his last sentence as Jigu quickly bowed his head and rushed down the stairs. His bag must have been heavy. Why didn’t he take the elevator? And why was he in such a hurry? Earlier, he had said something that made me feel pitied, and now he seemed to have inadvertently comforted me.

 

  “I’m not that down…”

 

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  With the door still open, I laughed for a while. My weak laughter echoed in the hallway for what seemed like forever. Afraid that people might think I’d lost my mind, I closed the door a moment later.

 

  Sitting at the dining table, I took the porridge out of the bag I was still holding. Accustomed to the strong flavor of MSG in instant foods, my taste buds found the porridge to be the complete opposite. Furthermore, it being vegetable porridge made it even less appealing. Yet, without thinking, I opened the lid and took a bite. It was warm.

 

  After finishing the heartfelt porridge, I took my medicine. Following a deep sleep, I woke up feeling considerably lighter. I wasn’t sure how long I had slept, but it was night again. Checking my phone in the quiet, there was a new message.

 

  [Jeonghan said he saw you, so I’m reaching out.]

 

  [If you’re not keen, you can drop by to see the kids and me.]

 

  [Sending the address.]

 

  The location mentioned in the text from Jeon Daehwan was a chicken place about 10 minutes from the university. The place was relatively large for a chicken joint, with a clean interior, making it a favorite gathering spot for college students.

 

  It was just past midnight, and the restaurant’s website was teasingly releasing teaser videos. Considering it said they started from 11, they’d likely be bustling. I got up from my bed, washed up, and dressed.

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  Upon my arrival and opening the door of the chicken joint, the paper bells attached made a noisy jingle. Tables filled with familiar faces deep into their conversations didn’t pay attention to the newcomer. Looking around, I spotted familiar faces in the far corner. The number of tables pushed together indicated a large group, all of them engrossed in their drinks.

 

  “Whoa? Hey, Park Hahyun is here!”

 

  Banjang, whose eyes met mine first, exclaimed loudly, shaking the people beside him. All eyes turned to me, showcasing various reactions. Someone spilled their drink in surprise, another dropped a chicken leg.

 

  Faces I had tried to forget quickly came to mind. They hadn’t changed since last year, making them easy to recognize. Amidst those stunned gazes, I offered a slightly awkward smile. I wanted to show the people, who last remembered me looking miserable, that I wasn’t like that anymore.

 

  “Hey, you disappeared without a trace!”

 

  “After appearing on that program, you even deactivated your Facebook. We were worried!”

 

  My friends naturally pulled me to the center of the table. My coat, which I had carefully chosen and wore, got wrinkled due to the hands grabbing at it from every direction. I didn’t plan to stay long, but for now, I took a seat where they guided me. The ones who endlessly criticized and belittled me gathered at the far-left end of the table.

 

  “You seem to be quite popular these days. When I tell our college peers that I was in the same class as you, they’re all over it.”

 

  “Are you planning on debuting? Give me an autograph before you leave.”

 

  “Heard you collapsed the day before. Seriously, working too hard, huh?” Eyes that once looked down on me had now changed as if they never had such disdain. As I declined the offered drink, it wasn’t long before a familiar voice echoed from the other side.

 

  “You decided to become an idol after failing to get into college? Isn’t that a bit impulsive?”

 

  “But you don’t need to retake entrance exams for becoming an idol. Seems like it worked out well for you, huh.”

 

  “Congratulations.”

  

  Here we go again. Jeon Daehwan, who was seated next to me and had been bombarding me with questions in a weird tone, snapped at them to tone it down. If they were so easily shut up, they wouldn’t have given me so much stress back then.

 

  “Inchul was really upset that he couldn’t attend college with you.”

 

  “Hey, don’t bring that up.”

 

  Knowing how sensitive the topic of college was, the others hurriedly tried to shut the clueless Banjang up. The mood turned sour, but I no longer let things like that bother me. A lot had changed in the half year that I had spent trying to find myself.

 

  “But honestly, I was shocked when I heard you were becoming an idol. I thought you would go into something more specialized.”

 

  I was no longer the nineteen-year-old who failed his college entrance exams, nor was I ten years old. I had no reason to just sit and listen.

 

  “It’s still about dancing, after all.”

 

  Regardless of what they thought, I could say what I wanted to say and simply go home.

 

  “After appearing on that program, I realized that college isn’t the be-all and end-all of life. There are plenty of other paths. I don’t understand now why I was so obsessed back then. Success through dance doesn’t necessarily mean having to enter an arts college.”

 

  I met the eyes of Jung Inchul, who still held onto such outdated beliefs, and stood up from my seat. Some who had been quietly listening to me tried to hold me back, asking where I was going, but I felt that was enough for now. I should go home and double-check the teaser.

 

  “There’s no need for pointless worries. I’m enjoying myself plenty.”

 

  “Why are you leaving so soon? Stay for a drink.”

 

  “I didn’t even pay, so why? I just came to see your face.”

 

  It seemed everyone was doing well. Without hesitation, I moved towards the door and stepped out into the cold night. As soon as I felt the chilly air, Jeon Daehwan grabbed my arm. I looked into his slightly matured face compared to a year ago, pulled my hand away, and continued on my path. I intended to end all old ties then and there.

 

  I did well. I kept praising myself as the journey home felt unusually long.

  

  * * *

 

  Today was a significant day in many ways. The results for the 3rd mission were about to be announced, separating those who’d continue from those who wouldn’t. In about an hour, the details of the final 4th mission would be revealed.

 

  The teaser votes, which took place over just three days, had produced even more astounding results than expected. I couldn’t see the actual vote count due to it being blind, but the overall view count and the number of comments made it clear just how much buzz the program had garnered.

 

  “Yejun, how on earth did you create such a teaser?”

 

  After abruptly leaving the reunion and arriving home, I had immediately checked the released teasers. Among them, Yejun’s stood out with an exceptionally high view count. It was said to be so captivating that once you clicked on it, you had to watch it at least five times. Out of curiosity, I clicked and ended up spending almost five minutes watching.

 

  “He’s always been good at such things.”

 

  I had asked Yejun, but the reply came from a different voice. Sitting beside me, having stealthily taken a seat without me noticing, was Jigu.

 

   “Jigu.”

 

   “Oh, hello.”

 

  I merely called his name, but he flinched excessively and stammered in his response. It was clear he still felt embarrassed about the overly heartfelt consolation he had blurted out and then ran away from before.

 

  For a while, he avoided my gaze and conversed with Yejun. Then, as if making up his mind, he turned his round eyes, which no longer looked sheepish, towards me.

 

  “Are you feeling okay?”

 

  “Yeah. Oh, and I enjoyed the soup you sent.”

 

  These days, the porridge sold has a bit of MSG added, yet how could it taste so healthy? Judging by the writing on the paper bag, it seemed to be from a new place near the school. I doubted I’d buy it again. Still, thanks to Jigu, I had consumed something healthy for the first time in six months.

 

  “Did it suit your taste?”

 

  “Yeah, it was good.”

 

  There was no need to admit that if it wasn’t convenience store food, instant meals, or ready-made meals, I wouldn’t even try it. In reality, being picky at this age was a bit embarrassing. Perhaps I should start trying to eat healthily. I couldn’t avoid vegetables forever.

 

  “Why the porridge?”

 

  “I bought it for my senior since he was unwell.”

 

  “Really? Were you sick?”

 

  “Just a slight cold.”

 

  “Oh, it’s the transitional season, so colds seem to be common. I’m glad you’re better now. This is the final hurdle before debut. It’s crucial to take care of yourself.”

 

  Yejun’s words weighed heavier than I expected. Hearing about this final step toward debut from someone else made it feel even more real. The 12 of us who survived today’s announcement would be fiercely competing for the imminent debut.

 

  I can do this, right? The words ‘last’ and ‘imminent’ weren’t reassuring. They reminded me of the stressful entrance exams.

 

  “By the way, do that for me too.”

 

  “Do what?”

 

  “You tell me to go to the hospital when I’m sick, but then you buy porridge for someone else. I feel left out.”

 

  “Hyung.”

 

“This earth doesn’t recognize the favors it owes me. Give back all the skills I taught you.”

 

  The slight unease I felt faded quickly. Watching Yejun jokingly choke Jigu and hearing the burst of laughter, I couldn’t stay tense. If the environment had felt dry then, it wasn’t so now. There were no schools pressuring me to succeed, nor teachers with arbitrary expectations and subsequent disappointments. This time, the path was entirely my choice.

 

  The heartwarming moment was fleeting as the ranking announcement and survivors’ testimonies soon began. Normally, I would have been absent-mindedly staring into space, but now, my gaze was fixed straight ahead. The camera moved busily in front. It felt like ages ago when I was anxious, hoping my name wouldn’t be called out for elimination. Now, my mind was clear.

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TL/N: A popular seasoning and flavor enhancer, MSG, or monosodium glutamate, is the purest form of umami, the fifth taste. MSG (monosodium glutamate) is widely used to intensify and enhance umami flavors in sauces, broths, soups and many more foods.

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