How to Avoid Debut

༺ How To Avoid Debut – 7 ༻

 

  “I’m sorry, Hahyun.” 

 

  Starting a refreshing morning with my uncle’s apology put me in a bit of a mood. Honestly, there was nothing I liked, from the makeup to the bright lighting. Because today was the day of the ranking announcement shooting. 

 

  “It gets a bit tiring if I keep hearing it.” 

 

  “I see. I’m sorry.” 

 

  “I said it’s tiring.” 

 

  “The main PD said that he can’t edit until the moment of the ranking announcement, so I think I have to go out there.” 

 

  “That much is fine.” 

 

  Being on TV itself didn’t matter since I had already been totally exposed. Through numerous messages from my classmates and my Facebook deactivation, I had already lost everything. 

 

  Would they laugh at me? I had cut off all contact, and suddenly appearing on TV would be amusing. My mood suddenly plummeted. 

 

  “The moment the rank is announced, your face will be caught on camera, so manage your expression just a bit… you understand?” 

 

  “Yes.” 

 

  “Even pretend to be happy. Otherwise, you might get hate. And you also have to give a comment, even if it’s hard, please give at least one line.” 

 

  My uncle hurriedly left after assuring me that he would do his best to edit well and praising his handsome nephew. Then I was alone. I tried to find Jun and Jigu among the other participants, but I couldn’t even see a hair. 

 

  I thought I would have to crawl out from the corner as much as possible when the shooting started, and while moving to find a place to rest, I found a mirror. There was a post-it note attached to the mirror hanging on the wall, saying it was a prop 

 

  This isn’t even an awards ceremony, and I have to give a comment. Even if I can make up any words, how am I supposed to manage my expression was daunting. 

 

  I’ve been known for being bad at managing my facial expressions since before. I’ve heard dozens of times in my life that whatever I’m thinking inside is written all over my face. What I’m feeling right now is directly conveyed to my face, no matter what I say with my mouth, it’s obvious that I’m lying, it’s amazing that I can act well when I’m dancing. If I ever become a celebrity in the future, I would never be able to be an actor. 

 

  “Wow, to receive such a high rank…” 

 

  I tried to make the most surprised expression I could, but suddenly felt a rush of fatigue and gave up. This was supposed to be a program about dancing and singing, not acting. Besides, it was clear that anyone watching would see this as madness in the shooting location. The rankings haven’t even been released yet. 

 

  “Hello, senior.” 

 

  …I did look for him a while ago, but I didn’t really want to be with him at this moment. As I slowly turned my head to the side, a familiar face appeared.…… 

 

  Perhaps he didn’t like wearing heavy clothes because despite the weather getting quite chilly, he was only wearing a light shirt. Without stopping there, turning my head a bit more to the side, there was one more person. A tall man, who looked bigger than Jigu, who didn’t seem small. 

 

  “Are you practicing your comments?” 

 

  His monolid eyes, thinly slit, swirled menacingly. I felt a tremendous fear from that dark eyeliner. So, I wanted to disappear from this place. 

 

 “No, I didn’t.”  

 

  “But it’s written on your face that you did.” 

 

  Now, I’ve heard this for the ninetieth time. 

 

  I tried to reply with a casual smile, and he finished me off with a poker face. Seeing the new face, I threw a glance at Jigu, indicating that I needed to explain. At that, Jigu nodded his head and stepped forward. 

 

  “He says you’re practicing your comments.” 

 

  “Is that so? I’ll believe you.” 

 

  I really wanted to die. My uncle would have edited it well regardless of how my expression looked. I had unnecessarily come forward to practice and ended up becoming a bundle of confidence that was already preparing to receive a high rank. Thinking that explaining would only make me look weirder, I just shut my mouth. 

 

  “Right before the blind processing yesterday, I saw the number of recommendations, and it seems like you will not fall.” 

 

  “Ah, yes… But, who are you?” 

 

  “I’m a participant.” 

 

  It seemed like this person also performed when I was asleep, as I had no memory of him at all. His sharp eyes left a fierce impression that was hard to forget once seen. He stretched out his right hand as if he wanted to shake hands, so I hesitantly extended my hand and shook his. He had a big hand. 

 

  “You are Jigu senior, right? Your dance was…” 

 

  “Hyung.” 

 

  “Yes, yes. You danced really well. I almost became a fan after watching your video.”

 

  Despite his serious appearance, his personality seemed jovial. Since the misunderstanding couldn’t be resolved anyway, I saw no point in staying with him, and turned to leave. However, he grabbed my arm. 

 

  “The shooting is about to start.” 

 

  “I was planning to rest somewhere before that.” 

 

  “Are you planning to sleep again?” 

 

  Whether intentional or not, he kept throwing out these facts, and I couldn’t deny them, which was infuriating. 

 

  “Yes, I don’t want to fall asleep during the shooting.” 

 

  I responded briefly and turned around. I thought he didn’t know anyone here since he was alone, but it turned out he had a close hyung. It wasn’t too uncomfortable being here alone with Jigu, but it was a bit awkward to be here with someone I didn’t know. Since I had answered, I didn’t think he would hold me back anymore, so I really tried to go to a corner, but he caught me again. 

 

  “You said you were going to sleep.” 

 

  “Did you delete your Facebook, senior?” 

 

  Just as I was about to get a bit irritated at being stopped again, it was Jigu. When I turned around, the man from earlier was standing with his arms crossed, watching the lights. And Jigu was kindly asking about my wellbeing. Wellbeing of my Facebook, not me. 

 

  “How do you know I deleted it?” 

 

  “I saw it on the internet.” 

 

  “Ah, yeah. Because of the leak, I got so many friend requests that I just deleted it.” 

 

  “You did well. Thankfully, most of your posts were set to ‘friends only.’ Your private life could have been exposed.” 

 

  This time, I heard his worried voice and words clearly. It was too precise and long to be misunderstood. 

 

  “How do you know that I set my posts to ‘friends only’?” 

 

  “I went in and saw not many posts. I figured you set them to ‘friends only’.” 

 

  He replied calmly without showing any sign of surprise, leaving me without a response. I simply said, “I see,” and left it at that. 

 

  Whenever we talked, I felt he knew a lot about me. He was a junior from high school, but we had no connection, which made me wonder if we knew each other. However, no matter how much I thought about it, I had never been close with my juniors or anyone from school. 

 

  “We should start getting ready for shooting soon.” 

 

  “Right.” 

 

  I’ve always thought it’s better not to voice questions that feel pointless even to myself. So, I just swallowed the question and stepped onto the set for filming. 

 

  The set was larger than the one where we shot the first and second episodes, which had a large stage. Seeing name tags on the chairs, I quickly found mine and sat down. For easier editing, it seemed, my chair was at the far right in the back row. I felt utterly out of place. 

 

  “What if I get eliminated? This is my last chance.” 

 

  “Don’t think like that. The results might have been changed after the blind reviews.” 

 

  “Honestly, I was at a disadvantage for not being on TV. Who is going to search for all the videos? They just watch the broadcast and hit like for the ones they think are good. If I get eliminated here, my mom says she’s going to make me quit being an entertainer. Shit…” 

 

  The person sitting on my left was despairing, his face cupped in his hands. Despite my lack of interest in his words, his loud cursing reached my ears. His diction was on par with a rapper. His words about this being his last chance honestly tugged at my heart. I even had a frightening thought – what if I fall to the 27th place? It felt like it might be because of me. 

 

  “We’re going to start the countdown.” 

 

  The MC, dressed in a full suit, cheerfully said, “Relax!” attempting to change the mood. He held a cue card with rankings on it, but the thought of him saying to relax while holding it seemed rather absurd. 

 

  “Did you all get a good look at the stage featuring 33 contestants?” 

 

  The MC read the script while looking at the camera with a calm expression. He had stuttered a bit during the last broadcast but it seemed he practiced a lot. I sat evaluating the MC’s hosting skills unnecessarily for about 10 minutes, until finally, the ranks started to be announced. When the 26th rank was called, a very excited person got up suddenly from the front. 

 

  “Really, I’m so grateful. I thought I was going to get eliminated, but you saved me. It makes me think I should try even harder.” 

 

  He spoke as if on the verge of tears, but his words were tightly packed. He repeatedly expressed his gratitude, to the point where, if I were a viewer, I would want to press the like button for him. 

 

  As the ranks continued to be called, those who returned to their seats with a survival sticker looked as if they had all let out a sigh of relief. There were some delays in between, but the ranks were announced quickly, and soon we entered the top 10. 

 

  Watching the ranks being called, my facial muscles gradually tensed. The higher the rank, the higher the quality of the reactions became. Saying ‘thank you’ about six times was a given, and the expressions became more intense. 

 

  By now, about half of the people had survival stickers. As soon as we entered the single digits, the first person called was Jun. It was strange, I thought he was missing until just before filming, but thankfully, it seemed he did come. 

 

  Jun, smiling cutely, jumped down and naturally greeted the camera. Since he was young, laughter flowed amongst the contestants. I had heard he got a good response in the first episode, and indeed, his ranking was high. 

 

  After Jun shared his feelings and received applause, the man who had been standing next to Jigu earlier came out. His name was Yejun. He walked down doing a model walk, thanked everyone coolly, and went back. It was so simple that I wanted to imitate it when it was my turn to express my feelings. 

 

  I had that thought when I realized something. According to what my uncle said, my survival was certain this time, but my name had not been called yet. After that, 7th and 6th place were called, and they were other contestants. Those who were called at higher ranks all expressed their feelings with happy smiles and went back. 

 

  “Now I’ll announce the 4th place. The number of recommendations is becoming more and more impressive. Ah, this video was really legendary. It drew a line in the dance.” 

 

  While listening to the MC’s introduction, I thought for a moment that it might be my turn, but the fact that this comment was for the 4th place was serious. The faces of the fans, who had demonstrated high fighting power and united under the slogan “Let’s promote!”, and the face of the MC overlapped dramatically. 

 

  “Park Hahyun!” 

 

  It really was my turn. As I clumsily rose, I felt the gaze of the person next to me who had been hanging his head. Surrounded by piercing gazes, I felt so burdened that I wanted to evaporate. 

 

  “Congratulations on your 4th place, Hahyun. I watched your video several times even when I went home because I couldn’t get it out of my mind. I unconsciously pressed the recommendation button.” 

 

  I forced a smile in response to the MC’s casual laughter. He was one of the people who had brought me to this spot. 

 

  “4th place out of 33 is a very high rank, how do you feel right now?” 

 

  The MC’s smile, which was known to have once set my sister’s fans’ hearts on fire, was seared into my eyes. I couldn’t smile at all, despite his warm smile. I forced the corners of my mouth as high as they would go, but my eyes might have been crying. 

 

  A large camera in front of me zoomed in on my face, ready to capture my feelings. My uncle, visible beyond the camera, had a big grin on his face. 

 

  Smile! His mouth seemed to be saying that, so I squinted as much as I could, like crying while eating mustard. 

 

  “Well, I’m so honored to receive such a high ranking, I feel a bit overwhelmed.”  

 

  It seemed I had said something grammatically incorrect, but it was too late to regret the alien words that had already slipped out of my mouth. I internally screamed while struggling to maintain eye contact with the camera lens. As if hypnotizing myself that I hadn’t uttered the previous words, I prepared a new, simple feeling statement. 

 

  “Since you’ve given me such a high ranking, I will work harder.” 

 

  I want to step down. 

 

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