I Can Still Salvage It

Shen Mian ultimately accepted the jade Guanyin because he realized that if he rejected it, Pei Zhiyi would truly become angry.

He could only calculate in his mind whether his small savings would be enough to buy a gift for his brother, while obediently allowing Pei Zhiyi to fasten the jade pendant around his neck.

His slender and graceful neck, as beautiful as a swan, was delicately wrapped with a red string, accentuating his increasingly fair skin. The emerald green Guanyin pendant rested perfectly on his collarbone.

Pei Zhiyi’s eyes were deep and he sincerely praised, “It looks good.”

Shen Mian didn’t know why, but he felt a bit flushed under Pei Zhiyi’s gaze.

He touched the jade pendant on his neck, wanting to say something, but didn’t know what to say. In the end, he could only stutter, “Thank you, brother.”

Not long after, the lights in the room dimmed, with only a small wall lamp by the bedside still glowing. Its vintage brass design emitted a warm yet gentle light.

Shen Mian lay on the bed with his eyes closed for a long time, unable to fall asleep.

Perhaps it was because it was his birthday that day, and he had been full of energy all day. Memories of the past replayed in his mind like a revolving lantern.

He turned his head to look at Pei Zhiyi and found that he had already fallen asleep.

Under the hazy light, Pei Zhiyi’s facial features appeared more defined than usual, handsome like a work of art.

Shen Mian noticed that his eyelashes were long, almost visible under the light.

He couldn’t help but smile.

He had been looking at that face for seventeen years, familiar with every inch of its changes, yet still easily captivated by it.

Shen Mian glanced at his phone. It was 11:58, only two minutes away from midnight. He didn’t feel like sleeping anymore. Propping himself up on the mattress with his elbows, he leaned out from under the blanket, gazing at Pei Zhiyi.

His gaze fell on Pei Zhiyi’s lips. Perhaps because the room was too hot, he suddenly felt a bit parched.

He softly called out to Pei Zhiyi, “Brother…”

Pei Zhiyi didn’t respond and kept his eyes closed.

Shen Mian glanced at the time on his phone again. 11:59. In another minute, his birthday would be over.

He received many gifts that day, and he liked each and every one of them.

But he was greedy. In the late night when no one else knew, he still wanted to ask for one final gift.

He steeled his heart, held his breath, and leaned closer, gently pressing his lips against Pei Zhiyi’s.

He closed his eyes, but his eyelashes trembled slightly, revealing the struggle and pain within his heart.

He secretly told himself, “I’ll just give him a kiss, I won’t do anything else.”

In the early morning as his birthday was about to end, he had no other wishes. Just a stolen and fleeting kiss would be his only solace.

He had kissed Pei Zhiyi many times before, but it was always for the sake of a mission. That was their first heartfelt kiss.

Perhaps Pei Zhiyi would never know, but at least in that moment, there was only him by Pei Zhiyi’s side.

Shen Mian was reluctant to let go of the kiss, but he didn’t dare to make any further moves.

All along, he only lightly touched Pei Zhiyi’s lips.

He kept his eyes closed, afraid that opening them would shatter everything like an illusion.

Inappropriately, he thought of the story of Sleeping Beauty.

In the forgotten tower, what was the prince’s state of mind when he kissed the princess?

Could he guarantee that his kiss would awaken the princess?

He couldn’t.

No one could.

So, that kiss was a desperate gamble, a one-sided expression of love, a once-in-a-lifetime closeness.

Just like he was now.

…

Shen Mian lightly pecked Pei Zhiyi’s lips.

“Brother, goodnight.”

He whispered in his heart.

He opened his eyes, expecting to see Pei Zhiyi’s closed eyes.

But that wasn’t the case.

Midnight had already passed, and the magic of his birthday had worn off.

Just like in the fairy tale when the prince awakened Sleeping Beauty, he saw Pei Zhiyi also opened his eyes, clear and devoid of sleepiness. He silently gazed at him.

Shen Mian felt as if his entire body had frozen.

Before going to sleep, he complained about how the floor heating in the room was too hot, making him sweat and his heart restless.

But now, from his fingertips to his spine, he felt a chilling coldness.

He remained stiff, maintaining the motion of leaning closer to Pei Zhiyi.

Outside, the night grew darker, and the room was so quiet that one could hear a pin drop. Meanwhile, the restless cold wind outside tapped on the window.

He watched as Pei Zhiyi pursed his lips, as if savoring the lingering touch on his own lips.

Then he heard Pei Zhiyi ask in a calm tone, asking the question he feared the most.

“Mian Mian, why did you kiss me?”

Those words exploded in the bedroom like thunder, shattering all the pretense of peace Shen Mian had created.

Shen Mian didn’t know how to explain.

For a brief moment, he considered pushing this kiss aside as a mission, claiming it was an accidental mistake.

He could say he had remembered wrongly, thinking that he hadn’t completed the mission for that week.

But as he looked into Pei Zhiyi’s gentle eyes, he found himself unable to say anything, no matter what.

Because that wasn’t a mission.

That was his last birthday wish that he had secretly prayed for.

He wasn’t being greedy. He didn’t dare to do anything more. He just wanted to steal a kiss, pretending that he and Pei Zhiyi had something different between them beyond their missions.

But even that small selfish desire had been shattered.

Shen Mian bit his lip, and tears welled up in his eyes, bit by bit.

Although Pei Zhiyi didn’t question him or even blame him, just seeing Pei Zhiyi’s puzzled eyes broke through his defenses.

His tears welled up uncontrollably, streaming down his face without him even realizing it.

He couldn’t find the words to defend himself, his lips trembled several times without producing any sound. Like a helpless puppy afraid of being abandoned by its owner, he couldn’t even speak and could only helplessly look at Pei Zhiyi.

But he knew that if he cried, Pei Zhiyi would feel distressed. He immediately began to panic and wiped away his tears, but it was futile. The more he wiped his tears, the more they flowed, wetting his eyelashes and cheeks.

Pei Zhiyi’s expression immediately changed. He no longer had the calm demeanor he had before and instead reached out to embrace him, gently patting his back as if soothing a child.

Shen Mian found the scene somewhat amusing. Clearly, he was the one who had done something wrong, yet now it was Pei Zhiyi trying to comfort him.

But he couldn’t find the strength to laugh because it had always been like that between them.

Even though Pei Zhiyi was only a few months older, he automatically took on the responsibility of taking care of him because of his “older brother” status. He handled all the troublesome matters for him with maturity.

Even in that awkward situation, Pei Zhiyi immediately chose to take care of his feelings.

This made him even more upset, feeling utterly useless.

But Pei Zhiyi was too gentle with him. Even at a time like this, he couldn’t help but yearn for the warmth of Pei Zhiyi’s embrace.

Pei Zhiyi was like a harbor that belonged only to him. No matter how cold and snowy it was outside, returning there made him feel safe. And because of that sense of security, he became increasingly fragile and helpless.

He heard Pei Zhiyi ask him very softly, as if afraid of disturbing him.

“Mian Mian… Do you like me?”

…

Do I like him?

Shen Mian choked, burying his head in Pei Zhiyi’s embrace, his tears wetting Pei Zhiyi’s shoulder.

Of course, he liked him.

If it wasn’t because he liked him so much, why would he be in so much pain?

But perhaps he should deny it.

Pei Zhiyi doted on him so much. If he denied his feelings, everything could be brushed aside. Pei Zhiyi would still be his older brother, childhood friend, forever pampering and indulging him.

But keeping that unrequited love hidden was too painful for him.

It was too painful to convince himself that he didn’t like Pei Zhiyi.

He had never been able to restrain himself or endure. That relationship without any hope was like a life sentence, with no visible boundaries.

If he never spoke up, he would never be judged, but he would also never receive a response.

Shen Mian cried until he could hardly make a sound.

He closed his eyes.

Softly, he admitted, “Yes, Brother, I like you.”

Even though they had no blood relation, at that moment, he felt a sense of guilt, both sinful and intoxicating.

“I’m sorry, Brother. I thought of never telling you and just remaining as your brother, but I couldn’t do it,” he apologized to Pei Zhiyi while crying, trembling all over. “I don’t want to let you go to someone else…”

It was too difficult for him.

He no longer thought about the day when they would eventually part ways. He clearly couldn’t be without Pei Zhiyi.

He used to think about being Pei Zhiyi’s best man, but now if Pei Zhiyi invited him to be the best man, he was afraid he would ruin the wedding.

He suppressed the urge to make a sound, like a shivering little animal that had fallen into the water.

Once again, he threw the dilemma at Pei Zhiyi, just like every time they did homework together. Whenever he encountered a problem he couldn’t solve, he would avoid it, knowing that Pei Zhiyi would always figure out the correct answer and teach it to him.

But he didn’t know if Pei Zhiyi would give him an answer this time.

…

The room fell into silence for quite a while.

The cold wind outside showed no signs of subsiding, and the wind chimes on the neighboring porch were still hanging, producing a dull sound in the winter, far from the crisp and pleasant sound of summer.

Pei Zhiyi gently cupped Shen Mian’s face, wiping away the tears at the corner of his eyes.

His gaze was no longer that of a gentle and lenient older brother. He was no longer the one who strictly adhered to boundaries and dared not cross them as a childhood friend.

Shen Mian cried so pitifully. If it were in the past, he would have long put on a gentle mask to comfort and soothe him.

But now, as soon as he thought about why Shen Mian was shedding tears, his possessiveness raged like a wildfire, growing out of control in the wind, ultimately leading to a catastrophe.

“Mian Mian…” he wanted to say something to comfort Shen Mian. He had thought of many romantic and beautiful words to say to him, to make that confession romantic and magnificent.

But when the day actually came, he couldn’t say anything at all.

Words seemed pale and powerless.

In the end, he just lowered his head and gave Shen Mian a deep kiss.

Unlike Shen Mian’s hesitant and faint kiss, his kiss was much more unrestrained, even savage. Without any hesitation, he invaded his lips, drawing in every inch of air from Shen Mian’s mouth.

This time, Shen Mian didn’t close his eyes.

He stared blankly, with a single tear falling from his eyelashes, landing on their pressed-together lips.

 

1

Author’s Note:

Finally, he confessed! Congratulations to Mian Mian for breaking the ice!

 

1

Author’s Note:

Finally, he confessed! Congratulations to Mian Mian for breaking the ice!