I Couldn't Tell You Who It Was

He called me by my real name. Then, he looked at me and gave me a slightly mischievous smile. It was reminiscent of Woorim’s face back at the mansion—the face he made when he looked back at me after plotting and executing Seohang’s bizarre reactions, Seogeung’s rampage, and shaking everyone else up.

“What should we do now, Haeseo-sunbae?”

He said in a similar voice to that time, “That’s not right. There’s nothing wrong with your wish.”

Finally, I came to a realization. If I responded to this conversation, I would be dragged along as he desired. However, my exhausted brain made my mouth move contrary to my wishes. My head made me actively partake in the conversation. “I’m wrong?”

Rebelling against myself that only hurt itself, I actively responded to the other’s seduction with everything I had, so that I could believe whatever words were said. Whatever expression was made would lure me in, and every action would enamor me further. He knew that was my mental state, so Yeonseon, Woorim, and Haeseo grinned broadly and kissed me on the lips.

It was what he did all along as he had s*x with me. ‘It’s all right. This isn’t bad. You’ll feel way better. I love you, I love you. Nobody will point their fingers at us.’ Even if he fondled my heart instead of my body, he enticed me, feeling not a single ounce of reluctance.

“Of course. If your wish was wrong, then God would have sent you someone else instead of me. So that you would forever beg for warmth and kindness. But I met you, and you met me.”

I knew his whispers had ulterior motives, but they still genuinely moved me.

“You’re not evil. You are but a miracle that the love of God achieved.”

Hope, love, and miracles.

Tears dropped from my eyes.

“I love you. I love you.” His soft voice melted in my ears and accumulated in the pit of my stomach. How could this be possible? The other’s words and actions were insanely endearing. The love that this beautiful and unique being was giving me was so unbelievably endearing.

No, no. I couldn’t let this happen. Even so, I kept being pulled by the man next to me. No, I couldn’t forget my past deeds. How was I going to handle the consequences? But he said that my wish was the miracle of God. No, stop. I shouldn’t fall for it.

Eventually, I covered my face with my hands, shielding myself from reality. I was met with darkness. It was the small box that I existed in alone. But no matter how hard I tried to stop my thoughts… ‘Oh.’

‘Oh.’

God up in heaven wouldn’t be able to make me feel this full.

How could someone be this kind? Because it was Yeonseon? No, I already knew—it was because it was “him.” Whoever the person before my eyes may be, it was because it was him. If it wasn’t him—if it wasn’t Haeseo, nobody else would love me like this. I could finally understand when he told me that he could love me, whoever I may be.

“I love you,” he repeated.

It was because I could understand.

“I love you.”

…To the point it was desperate.

Deeper.

Deeper… I fell.

“Your fan song,” I said after I covered his lips that repeatedly professed his love for me. As I looked at his slightly dumbfounded face, I grinned with a contorted face. I didn’t frown because my head or my heart hurt. It was because the person before me was just too lovable. The bigger my feelings, the bigger I felt like I was committing a sin.

This guilt would probably combust and vanish not long after. He would never let me remain feeling guilty.

I knew this, but I couldn’t escape. I was Haeseo, as was he. The two of us nurtured and developed each other. We were the only ones for each other. We could only express our love, hate, joy, happiness, sadness, and anger to one another.

“The song for your fans. To be honest, I was envious of your fans, so…”

‘Haeseo, that was why I sent that text.’

“Haeseo Nam” recalled that old memory and laughed.

“Oh, so that was why you said that you felt like melting inside. Were you jealous? Sorry. I’ll only show it to you next time.” Then he continued to lean into me and whispered, “Right now… You’re in love with me, right?”

I replied with a short affirmation.

He was right.

“I know the moment when you fall in love,” he had said.

Everything he said was right…