I Couldn't Tell You Who It Was

At that time, my house had a total of 11 CCTV surveillance cameras. They weren’t for security. They were installed to record me so that my mom could watch me at all times. When I was at school or at home sleeping at night, she would watch and re-watch the recording. She eventually discovered the moment my uncles handed me something.

My mom combed through my room, clothes, and belongings before she finally found the piece of paper. In case I tried to dig through the waste bin and piece the scraps back together, she threw the remnants of the paper in the toilet, then flushed it.

She said to me while looking pleased with herself, “You don’t need that, since I love you so much.”

I couldn’t say anything to that at all.

She was clearly different from before. My mom didn’t beat me anymore. She didn’t swear at me, and she didn’t trip me. She didn’t whack my head with a spoon or slap my fingers with the fly swatter. I didn’t need to starve, and she gave me a lot of compliments. But something was different.

Something was different from before I got into the accident and before I started to sing.

It was too unlike those peaceful days.

I recalled my mother’s eyes when we reunited. Those eyes weren’t those of a human being. I had never seen another person with eyes like those. Even the eyes of animals had whites. So just what in the world was that?

At that moment, I was hit with a sudden feeling. I remembered that the ghosts who harassed me went in and out of my mom’s body on purpose.

“Who are you?”

My mom laughed out loud at my question. “What do you mean?”

She grinned, showing all her teeth, and I felt the hairs on the back of my neck standing.

My mom grabbed my arm. Her palms were as cold as a frog and oozing with lukewarm sweat, making her hands slippery. I pulled out of her grasp and took a few steps back. Her face crumpled slightly, yet her grin remained plastered on her face. Beads of sweat formed on her forehead, so much so that I could see it.

“Haeseo, why are you stepping back? What did I do to you?”

“Where’s my mom?”

“Haeseo, I am your mom, the mom who loves you. I don’t hit you, and I won’t hurt you. You like things like that. You like when I make you treats, whisper that I love you, sing you lullabies, and compliment you. You like when I lock eyes with you and smile.”

That was why she had no choice but to grin widely despite seeing the fear in my eyes because I was looking at her.

Her sweat rolled from her face and dropped to the floor. She sweated so much all over her body as if someone had dumped water over her. Her face had no signs of being flushed and was as pale as a corpse. She outstretched her arms toward me.

“No!” I had a feeling I would die if I was caught, so I screamed and ran away.

“Why? Why? Why?” My mom also screamed as she ran for me.

The house was already cluttered with countless children’s toys. I tripped over the toy train on the floor. My mom grabbed my ankle and pulled me toward her. I swallowed my terrified scream as I inhaled. I was so scared that I couldn’t make a sound. She pushed down both my arms and scrambled on top of me.

Her hair was cut into a bob, but the tendrils soon grew and draped over my face like the branches of a weeping willow. Her bloodless face sat in the middle of her jet-black hair. Our eyes met, and she smirked. Foamed up drool dribbled down from between her pink lips.

I closed my eyes and opened them again, feeling horrid. I could see it clearly this time. Between my narrowed eyes, I saw that her eyes had no whites and were completely black.

“Where’s my mom?” I didn’t know exactly what that meant, but tears started to leak out of my eyes. I had a feeling that my mom was already gone forever. I had a feeling she had died. I sobbed as I repeatedly mumbled, “Mom… mom… mom…”

“Haeseo, oh, Haeseo.” She looked genuinely astonished. She kissed my cheeks and my forehead. She sang me the lullaby she usually sang when I went to bed. Her grip tightened. When her tongue licked away my tears, I shuddered as I screamed incomprehensibly. I felt like her body temperature was burning and blistering my skin.

“No, no, no, I just wanted you to be happy,” she mumbled.

I replied, “I-I’m scared.”

“I just…”

“Spare me. Let me go, please.”