I Couldn't Tell You Who It Was

I felt like that woman’s giant body would rise from the bottom of the river at any moment, clutching at the bridge with her fingers the width of street lamps… I grabbed Yeonseon’s arm tightly and stared at the riverbed while trembling.

“Haeseo.” Just then, something covered my eyes. I ended up making a short yelp as my vision instantly darkened.

“It’s all right. It’s just my hand,” he said as his soft skin covered my eyelids. Then Yeonseon asked, “Do you still see it?”

“N-No.”

Yeonseon chuckled at my reply. “Then let’s go like this.”

“Huh?”

Yeonseon’s other arm wrapped around my shoulders. As I leaned into Yeonseon’s embrace, I ended up going on the bridge, step by step. The sweat from my forehead moistened Yeonseon’s palms. I was sure that the slippery feeling must have felt bad, yet Yeonseon didn’t take his hands off.

Instead, he asked me, who was still frightened, “Do you hear something as well?”

Rumble.

“Yeah.”

“Then I’ll sing something for you.”

Rumble.

Rumble…

The moment Yeonseon opened his mouth, the surroundings grew quiet.

That wasn’t to say that all the sound disappeared. I could finally sense that we were walking over the bridge crossing the river. I could hear the sweet and soft trickling sound of water and the breeze that occasionally brushed by the nearby grasses. The cry of a bird from afar was clear and sharp.

And I heard Yeonseon’s singing. “Arirang, arirang, ara-ri-yo. Going over through the Arirang Pass” 

“…Don’t you have a better song to sing?” I remarked reproachfully.

Yeonseon chuckled. “Looks like you’re fine now.”

We must have crossed the bridge completely because Yeonseon lowered his hand.

Even now, I don’t know how I managed to cross that bridge safely.

Maybe that thing was the type that was fine as long as I didn’t look at it, or the woman on the bridge simply let us pass. I had no idea what condition the woman’s body was in. I couldn’t bring myself to turn around, so I looked at Yeonseon. Yeonseon was still beaming at me.

He squeezed my hand and raised it. “It’s fine, right?”

“Yeah.” I nodded.

“Good.” Then Yeonseon continued to walk, his hand still holding mine. I was going to thank him, but I could only make dumb noises. Hyehyun and our other companions yelled at us for being slow. Yeonseon said, “Yep, we’re going!” and started to quicken his pace. Even so, he didn’t let my hand go.

“My hand…” I wanted him to let go of my hand and walk, but Yeonseon looked at me with a puzzled face.

He squeezed my hand tighter. “You said it was fine.”

“Huh?”

“I asked you if it was all right and you said yes. I’m holding your hand with permission, you know?” He said as he raised our clasped hands again. I was speechless. When he asked just now, wasn’t he asking if I felt fine after crossing the bridge? Such childish wordplay. I even felt drained. Yeonseon, who saw my expression, made an apologetic smile.

They surely were brothers, all right—it was the same face that Hyehyun made after glancing at me to read my mood. But the atmosphere about it was completely different. Instead of a twisted gaze, Yeonseon looked straight at me and said, “Let’s hold hands for a bit longer, just like this.”

Just as he promised, in a few steps, Yeonson let my hand go. I quietly watched Yeonseon’s back as he waved at our companions who were waiting for us and walked toward them. I looked down at the hand that Yeonseon had held. I felt sweat that didn’t belong to me in my palms.

I balled my hands in a fist as if clutching to the other’s body heat that was rapidly dissipating. It was too late by the time I regretted it—even more so after I realized that the brief contact made the other party more disappointed and more nervous than me.

* * *

I don’t remember exactly when I started liking Yeonseon, but I probably started to chase Yeonseon with my eyes since then. After that, I started to frequently meet eyes with Yeonseon, who was also always following me with his gaze. And so, our feelings started to ripen just like grapes under the summer sun.

Now, there were two people who sincerely listened to my somniloquy amidst a nightmare—my grandmother and Yeonseon.