I Don’t Want to be an Ojakgyo (54)

I approached Swan, who just happened to be laying on the grass near the pond. It was so that I could thank him for everything that had happened recently.

He had gotten me back to school after the monster subjugation, and had provided me with the highest-grade potions for nothing in return. And throughout all of this, I hadn’t thanked him because of my wariness against him.

And I also had something to ask him with my thanks. I had thought about it time and time again, but I couldn’t help but think that my disappearance and memory loss had something to do with Swan.

Swanhaden had said that we were close, but I couldn’t remember anything at all. The hole in my memory was partly in Swan’s hands, so if I asked him what had happened, maybe he could give me a clue?

I had asked Hestia about the time that I had given her the pen, but she just told me that her memory was foggy and didn’t tell me much. I still felt awkward trying to approach Swan so I hesitated before approaching him, but I mustered the courage to go.

So I tried to start a conversation with Swan, but he suddenly pretended to be asleep.

“You like me, don’t you.”

And just as I expected, Swan immediately stopped pretending and sat up.

His jacket was still covering his face, but Swan didn’t try to take it off. Instead, he pulled the arms of his jacket behind his head and tied the jacket tighter onto his face. Swan checked to see if the jacket was snug on his face before speaking.

“…………”

………Swan tried to speak but couldn’t.

“………….”

Swan kept trying to say something, but his mouth just opened and closed without a sound. Was he so stunned that he couldn’t speak? Seeing his stiffening lips, he did look like he was slightly angry.

Well, I did ask him so he could stop pretending to sleep, so it didn’t matter. I just threw the question at him after listening to the orange hair situation from earlier. Seeing his reaction made me doubt it. It’s okay if you don’t like me, stop being so cold about it. It’s enough for me that you’re not pretending to be asleep.

“I made a joke because you were pretending to sleep. I have something to tell you, that’s why.”
“………”

Swan didn’t respond and instead fiddled with his fingers. There were scars here and there on his hands too. I wondered why he had so many scars on his body as I stared at his hands.

“First, I want to say thank you.”
“……..?”

Because Swan wasn’t looking directly at me, I could say all of the embarrassing things I needed to.

At my sudden thanks, Swan turned to look at me even though his eyes were covered. That was a funny sight. I laughed as I continued.

“Not just that last time when I hurt my ankle, but I didn’t say thank you for getting me to school during the subjugation.”

Honestly, it was unusual for me to shove all of my thanks at once like this. It was normal to say thank you during each situation, but because I was so busy being wary of Swan, I didn’t have to opportunity to be grateful until now.

Swan quietly listened to what I had to say, then put his head down. He fiddled with his fingers before putting them down on the ground. I was wondering if he was going to start pulling out the grass around him, but he stayed still. I could see the tip of his ear peeking through his jacket. It was beginning to turn red.

“……….it’s nothing.”

The words coming out of his mouth were so quiet that it was almost swept away by the wind.

The wind blew, brushing through our hair. When I looked at Swan, his bangs had been swept back by the wind. It was a cute scene, so I raised my hand and fixed his bangs for me. Swan stiffened at my sudden touch, but soon sighed deeply.

He slowly lowered the jacket covering his face. His pretty face soon came into view. The color of the sunset dyed his face red, covering his blush. He continued to stare at me before burying his head in his arms.

“That, Shushu…………”

Swan stayed still for a moment before unexpectedly starting a conversation first. He sat with his knees to his chest, and turned his head away from me. He didn’t speak for a while after saying my name. He quietly watched the wildflowers sway gently with the wind before speaking again.

“I’m not someone suspicious.”
“What?”

The words that Swan uttered after setting up such a dramatic mood felt like they came out of nowhere. I tilted my head and looked at Swan, who had turned away from me.

“So don’t be too guarded against me.”

It was quiet but I heard it clearly.

Swan turned his head back to look at me. His face was still half-buried into his arms, so the only thing I could see was his jewel-like eyes. The sunset added an orange hue to the blue in his eyes.

“Because I’m completely weak against you.”

Swan looked embarrassed, but finished his sentence. The wind blew loudly, engulfing us with the noise of leaves rustling against the wind. The wind blew my hair into a mess, and I took the strands blocking my sight and put them behind my ears.

When my line of sight returned, I could see Swan pouting and staring right in front of him.

I became more suspicious of my past after Swan’s statement. I wondered if I had found Swan’s weak points like I did Hylli’s, but I couldn’t remember it at all. I didn’t have any images or videos of Swan either.

Swan seemed to be a lot more relaxed after saying everything earlier. He seemed more comfortable as he spoke again.

“I tried my best while you weren’t here. You have to praise me for that.”

This had to be a story about the past I didn’t know. I could tell that he had my forgotten memories for sure. The Swan I remembered was cold and was annoyed by human contact. I knew his taunting jewel-colored eyes, and the annoyed and exhausted attitude and expression on his face. That was Swanhaden.

It was rude of me to not be able to remember while the other person talked about their memories in excitement, but I couldn’t help but feel stranger about the whole ordeal.

“First, I want to say sorry. You said that we were close, but I honestly don’t have any memories of us being friends.”

This might sound callous to Swan. But if my assumptions were correct, he would understand my current state of surprise.

During my search for all things Blanche in the library, I found something. Apparently, white magic could not only heal physical ailments, but mental ailments as well. If they were able to treat mental ailments, didn’t that also mean that they could alter memories?

Swanhaden quietly listened to me and smiled bitterly.

“……that sounds right.”

As expected, Swan didn’t find it strange that I couldn’t remember anything about him. Swan stared at the pond, and I also watched the pond as I continued to talk to him.

The clear pond reflected the colors of the setting sun, and I watched it as I began to spoke.

“I think you know why.”

Swan just continued to look in front of him. He briefly stretched his left hand and scratched the back of his head. He had a complicated expression on his face, but his ears were still burning red.

“I want to look your way.”
“Why are you changing the subject………..”

I tilted my head at Swan’s random response, then realized that Swan wanted to change the subject and let out a sigh.

“You can look then.”
“Yeah, it’s that easy. But I’m doomed. I can’t even look at your eyes.”
“What are you even saying?”

Swan turned away and grabbed at his own hair. Even as he said that he was doomed, he seemed excited to say it. I suddenly felt all-knowing because of how I could decipher his emotions through the single expression he had on.

He said that he wanted to look my direction, but he continued to stare straight ahead or the opposite direction. Swan briefly closed his eyes and sighed deeply. He was deep in thought about something and didn’t speak for a while. I knew that he was trying to say something, so I kept silent and waited for him.

He opened his eyes again and began speaking once more.

“Even if you ask me about what happened in your past, I don’t think I can tell you this.”

At his statement, I asked him, “Why?”

“Even if you remember about what happened back then, there’s nothing that’d be useful for you. And it’s not something that you absolutely need to know.”

Swan, face still turned away from me, gently brushed my hair.

“You should just focus on the present.”

He seemed to dislike talking about our past. Swan looked sad as he said this, so I decided to stop asking. I didn’t want to force Swan to speak when he didn’t want to. After all, I had lived life comfortably without that piece of memory until now. The reason why I had asked about my past that only he knew was because I was curious.

Swan once again tousled his hair before looking my way.

“So let’s become friends from now on. Talk to me like you did today.”

Swan said, smiling beautifully. I responded bluntly.

“You talk to me first.”

At my words, Swan looked down and pouted.

“……..I can’t.”

Because I’m embarrassed.

His voice grew smaller and smaller.

Swan, his ears burning red once more, suddenly stood up from his seat before wrapping his jacket around his face once more, leaving a gap so he could see. Swan’s face seemed redder than before.

“It’s almost roll call time, so I’m going to go. You should head back before they dock points too.”

At Swan’s words, I realized that the sky had grown dark. Our conversation didn’t feel very long, but time had flown by.

When I waved goodbye at him, he haphazardly nodded before heading to the boys dorm. I couldn’t see very well, but Swan seemed to be picking fights with nearby boys with an ecstatic look on his face.

Ch. 6. Forgotten Memory

It was a dark night. Two little girls laid on a bed and shared stories with one another.

“Shushu, I can’t sleep………..”

When a little girl with pink hair and large green eyes began to whine, a short orange-haired, boy-like girl gently brushed the other child’s hair.

The girl, who looked more like a boy with a brief glance, had sharp, angry-looking eyes that emanated a warm light. The small orange-haired girl was named Shuraina West.

Shuraina hugged the pink-haired girl named Hestia. Hestia whined as she was hugged by Shuraina.

“Can you give me a piggy-back like last time? Like you promised Shushu, I fell asleep before I counted to a hundred.”

At Hestia’s words, Shuraina nodded and gave her a piggy-back.

Shuraina, who had begun sword training since she was young, was stronger and sturdier than other girls her age. Shuraina almost always accepted Hestia’s demands. The two were friends, but Shuraina thought of Hestia more like a younger sister.

“But if you’re not sleeping by the time we count to 100, I’m going to ask a big scary monster to take you away.”
“Shushu! Don’t say thaaaat! It’s really scary!”

Hestia grabbed at Shuraina’s short hair from her piggy-back position. Shuraina allowed herself to be hit by Hestia and jokingly threatened her to hit her again.

Shuraina tilted her upper body slightly downwards as she piggy-backed the small and light Hestia. She tilted her face and knees slightly as if she was an old grandma carrying something heavy on her back. Shuraina bounced up and down like a baby cradle to make Hestia more comfortable. Like that, Hestia slowly walked around the room.

Shuraina gently patted Hestia’s butt and began counting numbers. Hestia leaned on the child’s back and quietly began to listen to the girl’s heartbeat. Sleep rushed over her as she listened to the thump of the girl’s heart and the voice counting numbers.

“Oooone, twooooo, threeeeee……”

The night was quiet. The only sound in the room was Shuraina’s voice.

This is the story of when Shuraina was 8, turning 9, that she doesn’t remember.