I Don’t Want to Be Loved

Chapter 114: The Time She Wants

Hearing Ataraxia’s words, Igor’s heart broke into a million pieces. This heavenly being granted him a chance to fulfill his lifelong desire in the form of a wish, yet it could not work out as he hoped it to be.

“…Do you not have any other wish? This is your only chance.”

This heavenly being was merciless.

Igor looked up.

Ataraxia’s large pool of golden eyes bore no emotions. None at all. It looked at Igor with blank, quiet eyes. After a while, it shook its head and floated away.

Ataraxia was leaving.

Igor gritted his teeth and spoke, “Then turn back time…! I’ll be the one to change her feelings for me.”

 

“Time… yes. That is possible. What time do you want?”

“…The time she wants.”

Whether it be the moment she drank the poison or the time she had never known his existence, it mattered not to him. As long as she was alive… as long… then… he’d be ready to chase her through the ends of the earth to change her broken and caged heart.

He’ll make sure of it.

“I understand. I’ll grant this wish of yours.”

And with that, the illusory dream came to an end and he woke up.

His eyes fluttered open and he noticed his body was much smaller than he recalled. On the bedside table was the golden feather resting quietly. After realizing the current date, he quickly journeyed to Count Allesin’s territory.

He was nervous.

 

What would he say to her? How would he introduce himself? Would she remember her cruel past? But maybe she might not know anything of their past life…

Questions after questions pervaded his mind. He had yet to sleep nor had he eaten properly. The only thoughts rummaging through his head was Rihannan. She kept his hope alive.

He rode the horse to where she resided as fast as he could hoping that she knew nothing at all… that way… she’d look at him without resentment.

However, this hope of his shattered when he received news of her leaving for Chrichton. It suddenly dawned on him that she, too, retained the memories of their past.

He quickly ran towards the port, but he was a second too late.

At that moment, he blamed himself greatly. He had missed his only chance. If only he moved a bit quicker, maybe he’d have caught her.

But now… when he thought of it again, it was a good thing that she left for Chrichton. Had he met her then with her memory intact, their current relationship now would not be possible for he was sure that she’d resent him more and probably up until her death.

Flashback end…

“Nnghh…”

Rihannan’s eye squinted slightly. Her breathing was soft and relaxed, but every so often, it quickened and grew harsher only to relax once more.

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Igor leaned over and rubbed his thumb over her cheek and over her forehead and temples. She had trouble sleeping. Even when she fell asleep, she continued tossing and turning heavily.

“It seems to me that Her Majesty is afraid of falling asleep.”

The court doctor assigned to Rihannan’s case explained to Arundell’s king the reason for her chronic inability to sleep.

After she stopped taking the medicine she received from the doctor in Chrichton, Arundell’s court doctor prescribed her medications.

Igor made sure the doctor watched over her health as closely as he could. As a result, the doctor reported that she had no problems in terms of physical health, but that she had a mental blockage causing her to develop insomnia since she was young.